TurtlePower Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Hello all, Looking for some insight and or advice here. How should I handle uptight parenting? To provide some background... I have developed quite the bond with my 5 year old nephew. Over the years I have taken him to a variety of places to amusement parks, carnivals, museums, toys r us, you name it, we probably have been there. My entire week and a half vacation this past summer was centered around activities we could do together. Now, I am sure you're probably wondering where his father is in all of this? Well, to put it mildly, he doesn't do anything with his son by choice (He rather spend the weekends doing what he rather do). It also dosen't help that so uptight. For example: He constantly is yelling at his son for "Stop running, stop jumping up and down, dont touch that, dont climb there, stop this, stop that!" He does not let his son act like a normal 5 year old at all. It's almost got to the point, that my nephew cant do anything without getting scolded. I dont butt in, because he isn't my son, but it pains me seeing the look on his face when he gets yelled at. In my nephew's short life, i think i am the only positive male influence in his life. How should i handle this going forward? Let it go, or step in knowing all too well, I'll get the "Well, im his father, you're not!" response. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Unless you see something that looks like prosecutable offense type of abuse(which this doesnt sound like), then just stay out of it.... Everyone doesnt parent the same...Not saying that the guy is right.. Just be as good to him as you can be when you are around him...Outside of that there is nothing you can do, and all it will do is escalate into another problem.. TFY 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Turtlepower, first of all, you are an awesome uncle. Secondly I agree with the above poster. Unless the dad is actually abusing his son there is little you can do other than just continuing to be a positive influence in your nephew's life. Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Unfortunately, he is still the father so please carry on being a positive influence in his young life. His dad will reap the seeds he has sown in his son when the child has grown and is at odds with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 How should i handle this going forward? Let it go, or step in knowing all too well, I'll get the "Well, im his father, you're not!" response. TurtlePower, You have to do what is in your own heart to do. Some people are driven with a purpose of at least trying to limit or stop injustice and harm. If that is you, then that is what you must honour. You'll never know if or when or how you can make a difference, if you do not at least try (have the courage) to make a difference. The 'pain' of hearing "Well, I'm his father and you're not!" -- you need to decide for yourself if that 'pain' might be worth it for you to feel, if it is necessary, and with the desire and intention, for your nephew to feel/experience less pain. You might consider having a private word, "Hey Dad...do you realize that your habitual way of communicating with Nephew is to yell at him and stop him from his natural expression as a 5-year old boy?" If Dad starts getting defensive and emotionally reactive, keep your own cool. "Nah...it's fine. I just didn't know if you were aware of it, is all." And then just keep on doing what you've been doing, with your nephew. Time will tell if you have or have not been able to make an impact, a positive difference to BOTH of them. Without your intervening on your nephew's behalf, though, there's not likely much that will change. Hugs, and good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGypsy Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Most of the time, criticisms about parenting aren't well relieved. My worry would be that saying something could backfire and I'd be cut out of my nephews life. I'd keep doing what you are doing. Spend as much time with him as you can and continue to be a positive and influential person in his life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Ronnie W seemed to generate an "active" response as opposed to the Defeatist attitude emulated. Bringing something to the attention of the perpetrator plants the seed. Some get it , some don't. Parents may get defensive and its with all due (hopefullness) that most are trying the best they can. Negative commands are rarely welcomed by any humans. When the Child is older, perhaps you can discuss ways to turn the conversation around. Since you are a relative you do in a sense have a duty to be an advocate for the child and speak your perspective. I for one have rarely interceded with strangers yet let it be a family member and we openly provide ways to improve the parenting skills. My Niece is a drill Sargent and over compensator all in one....It sends a mixed message. She will "Demand" he stop something then give him a candy whilst saying it...Its insanity as its finest. Link to post Share on other sites
juicygirl Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 I'd leave it alone. I use to be fun auntie too, and would often be concerned when I saw people nagging their kids, stop that, get down, don't jump etc. Then I became a mum myself and if someone tried to criticise my parents, even if they thought they where being helpful, it probably wouldn't go down too will. Useless you see something really harmful, just continue being cool uncle. Link to post Share on other sites
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