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Mom gave me grief for trying to discipline her kid.


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So I'm sitting in the waiting room for an appointment, mom comes in with her adolescent kids who obviously had a boatload of sugar at breakfast. Kids were running around, touching everything, jumping on chairs, and just making undue noise.

 

One kid comes close to tripping on his feet, almost fell over and hit another lady with a stroller. So I tell the kid to behave himself and slow down. Next thing mom tells me her kids are none of my business and I'm not the parent so don't interfere. So I politely told mom that this is not a playground and she should be more responsible.

 

I guess these days you can't discipline another persons kid without getting grief from the parent. This does not stop me from doing what I think is right. Agree or disagree?

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Well, it really isn't your responsibility to say anything unless you work there or something and in that case, the company could be liable if the child gets hurt or the mom could sue. In that case, you have the right to ask him to slow down. But as another patient in the room, unfortunately, it really isn't your call to lecture him or tell his mother to be more responsible...as annoying as the kid may be.

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Totally disagree with how you handled it, the child was not your responsibility to discipline, that is the parents job and if the child is out of hand then you should have gone to the parent rather than the child.

 

Since you went to the child first, when you went to the parent you scolded her too rather than discussing it with them so it went over like a lead balloon.

 

If you are in charge of a child such as maybe a Baseball coach or sitter then you can discipline the child without the parent being the go between.

 

We all hate out of hand kids but if we all disciplined their kids every time rather than talking to the parents there would be nothing but fights each time.

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lollipopspot
So I'm sitting in the waiting room for an appointment, mom comes in with her adolescent kids who obviously had a boatload of sugar at breakfast. Kids were running around, touching everything, jumping on chairs, and just making undue noise.

 

Since they were older "kids" - if you're meaning about age 14-15, I hardly even consider them "kids," rather "young adults" - then I think it's o.k. to address them directly.

 

I'm of two minds. I know some parents (not all) get irritated when a stranger corrects their child. But you are also living in the world with that child and have a right to address another being who does something to invade or disturb your space too.

 

So I don't know. I'm not sure that parents should be so touchy if someone speaks to their child when they're acting out. I don't know the limit to that. If they were endangering others in some way - like almost falling over a lady with a stroller - then probably they did need to be corrected and the mom wasn't doing it.

Edited by lollipopspot
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Smilecharmer

If their parent is with them, just assume their parents are irresponsible with discipline so they won't take kindly to suggestions or you talking directly to their kid. Go directly to the desk and let them handle it. That is their job as it is their waiting room.

P.s. I don't think you did the wrong thing, you were actually right, just that parents don't know how to be parents instead of besties 4 life these days.

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I probably would have said something to the parent or the nurse in charge of the waiting room rather than speaking to the child directly.

 

 

But I would really want to do what you did.

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littleplanet
So I'm sitting in the waiting room for an appointment, mom comes in with her adolescent kids who obviously had a boatload of sugar at breakfast. Kids were running around, touching everything, jumping on chairs, and just making undue noise.

 

One kid comes close to tripping on his feet, almost fell over and hit another lady with a stroller. So I tell the kid to behave himself and slow down. Next thing mom tells me her kids are none of my business and I'm not the parent so don't interfere. So I politely told mom that this is not a playground and she should be more responsible.

 

I guess these days you can't discipline another persons kid without getting grief from the parent. This does not stop me from doing what I think is right. Agree or disagree?

 

I'm assuming these children were quite young?

And was it a medical waiting room?

 

If yes to both: totally inappropriate behavior on the part of the mom.

It is her responsibility to keep her kids in line.

This is how I was raised, and how I raised my own kids.

It's not rocket science. It's just good common sense, and adult responsibility within the public realm.

 

I've seen far too many kids running wild while the parent is.....texting.

Privatising the public space, expecting other people (or lord knows what! - security cameras?) to mind the kids while they're otherwise "engaged."

Nonsense.

 

Unfortunately, too often when a concerned and sensible adult raises a polite objection - they get shot down by said parent (who no doubt has become well-versed in snappy rebuttals.)

 

I love kids. They're the light of the world.

But when they're allowed to run amuck, they are done a large disservice by the one in charge of them.

 

I do what you did, OP, all the time.

But often, with a smile and a shake of the head. Not a word spoken.

Still, if needs be, I would not be shy in voicing disapproval.

We sit and suffer in silence, not wishing to stir the beast.....but knowing it is not a right thing - it is a very wrong thing.

Until enough patience is lost (and that's a lot of patience to lose!)

 

The public realm was never the babysitter of my children. I was.

(and proud to be so.)

But then....one must step up and perform the chore....gladly, willingly, and with firm resolve.

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littleplanet
The OP said they were adolescents children...not toddlers.

 

 

Adolescents? Seriously?

So OP did.....(how did I miss that?)

wow.

 

I'm speechless in Seattle. :eek:

 

The plot thickens......into something more slippery than primordial goop.

But I have to wonder - if mom still ties their shoelaces, and will one day write their college essays for them (should they preserve enough brains to even pretend at such activities) and attend job interviews (should anybody happen to desire their....services.) :D

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Totally disagree with how you handled it, the child was not your responsibility to discipline, that is the parents job and if the child is out of hand then you should have gone to the parent rather than the child.

 

Since you went to the child first, when you went to the parent you scolded her too rather than discussing it with them so it went over like a lead balloon.

 

If you are in charge of a child such as maybe a Baseball coach or sitter then you can discipline the child without the parent being the go between.

 

We all hate out of hand kids but if we all disciplined their kids every time rather than talking to the parents there would be nothing but fights each time.

 

15 to 20 years ago before the advent of all this "time out" nonsense and BS, it was commonplace for another parent who cares about all the children in a public environment to speak up when they misbehaved.

 

This kid almost tripped on my feet and nearly spilled my drink all over me. I had to stop and say something after this stuff was carrying on for about 15 - 20 minutes. The impression I got was that everyone else in the waiting room was scared to speak up which is totally wrong IMO.

 

Yeah, you can totally disagree with the way I handled it. You have your opinion, I'll keep mine. I didn't put my hands on the child or grab him either. When the kid picked himself up off the floor right in front of me and started bouncing around dangerously like "Tigger" from Winnie the Pooh, I had to intervene so I told him to stop.

 

BTW, two different parents said "good job" to me for speaking my peace. I WOULD do it again in a heartbeat! I've seen enough kids do stupid things and hurt themselves, all with absent minded parents not having a care in the world until the blood starts flowing from the deep, deep, gash!

 

My father always said "there is a time, a place and a space for everything."

A waiting room is not a playground for kids to fool around and potentially injure others in the process.

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todreaminblue

i think if kids are unruly including adolescents then they need to be pulled up....i havent had my kids do this not even when they were young they would hold doors open for people ....still do..if they are taking a seat and an older person walks in and i mean adult not just elderly they offer their seat......same on buses trains whatever....and it hasnt really been me who has enforced this behavior in them they have picked it up i assume from seeing me do it and my exes.........but if my kids were misbehaving it wouldnt be necessary for anyone to pull them up because i would......sugar at breakfast is not an excuse to run riot.

 

In saying that if i wasnt doing my job and zoning out i would not take it out on someone who pulled them up, i would take it out on a person if they were over zealous and clipped my kids around the head or something i would not allow physical reprimands on any child or adolescent ....i dont do it so why should they......i think prompts are what is needed certainly by the mother of said children i find it curious she reprimanded you and not her kids......if a partner of mine were to do something i didnt like in regards to my children i would wait until we were in private where we could discuss such behavior and it would be a discussion not accusations....but thats me....i dont feel you did anything wrong.....

 

 

once my ex had grounded my son when he was fifteen he was being unruly in the sense he was hanging around the wrong crowd and getting into trouble....my son came to me and asked me to over ride what my ex had done with grounding because my ex would listen to me and respected my views on parenting...this was the start of causing problems in our relationship in particular with differing opinions on how to deal with my son...........i spoke to my ex in private and asked for the grounding to be lifted in all honesty and hind sight my ex was right, he deserved the grounding and my son later ended up in a fair amount of trouble.juvenile detention and i fought logn and hard to get him leniency when i shouldnt have, he needed to learn a lesson ....i did him no favors....and i made myself very sick trying to get him a reduction in his sentence...the person who learned the hardest lesson was me....my relationship took back seat to my son and gettign him out and it failed.......the judge i feel ended up feeling sorry for me not for him she basically told him that....it was me she trusted she also said that she felt he was not rehabilitated.....he was on a short road to pain......i am too soft and my son exploited my softness......discipline and teenagers is needed......and i think as adults we have to show discipline in how we communicate with each other and not show children dissention or fissures and breaking points because they then use it to their advantage.....its war...i tell ya....war...

 

 

 

..you did the right thing in my mind and nothing over the top, the woman you were with should have supported you in what you tried to do....a united front in regards to respectful behavior in public.........deb

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lollipopspot
This kid almost tripped on my feet and nearly spilled my drink all over me.

 

If someone is directly in my personal space or threatening to fall onto me, then I would feel free to say something regardless of the propriety of talking to other peoples' offspring.

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I don't think you did anything wrong. I was a single mom for many years and if my son did something while I wasn't looking for a second, especially when he was in public and acting badly, or nearly hurting someone and being disruptive, I wouldn't care at all if someone said something to him. I would simply say something like, "See what happens when you act that way?"

 

The whole concept of 'it takes a village' is just that -- kids need to know that there are other people in this world besides them. It's good for them to know the thoughts and feelings of others. And the biggest thing here is that there are a lot of out-of-control people who don't have a clue about what it means to be a parent. I get really sick of the entitled and unbridled brats that I see out there. I almost never step in and say anything but there has been perhaps a couple of times when I have. I've never made a parent angry but I honestly wouldn't care if I did. This is why we're losing the neighborhood connection, that village concept, because people are too easily offended, and they don't want to be held accountable.

 

I say, good for you for speaking up. The kid needed to be told and the mom needs to wake up and learn some manners so that she can actually teach her kids something of value.

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Intersting the opinions here...I tend to side with human caution when uttering any words to a young person. Actions seem to speak so much better.

 

Most times a Look can do wonders to get their eye contact attention and then a slight look of disapproval. If I do speak to them its in a tone that is still respectful of the public area I am in. I am baffled at the way folks misuse the word discipline. Its discipline to guide and direct, its degrading if its humiliating and shaming. I encourage and re-direct the culprits in such a way as to alleviate the disruption. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Had a kid once slam his tractor into my foot, I immediately yelped. The mother saw this behavior and came over to apologize ...I told her he is a handful and has good farm skills but I dont have corns on my toes! We both laughed and considered the matter resolved.

 

I think the OP did what she felt necessary to resolve matters. Its socially deplorable to sit and say or do nothing. Silence breeds consent.

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So I'm sitting in the waiting room for an appointment, mom comes in with her adolescent kids who obviously had a boatload of sugar at breakfast. Kids were running around, touching everything, jumping on chairs, and just making undue noise.

 

One kid comes close to tripping on his feet, almost fell over and hit another lady with a stroller. So I tell the kid to behave himself and slow down. Next thing mom tells me her kids are none of my business and I'm not the parent so don't interfere. So I politely told mom that this is not a playground and she should be more responsible.

 

I guess these days you can't discipline another persons kid without getting grief from the parent. This does not stop me from doing what I think is right. Agree or disagree?

 

I think the way you handled it was pretty rude. You can't really fight rudeness with more rudeness and still claim the moral high ground.

 

If people are being disruptive, I think it's okay to politely ask them to stop. "Please stop being so loud" is fine. Telling a stranger, "behave yourself" or "you should be more responsible" is not your place, and it resulted in them (kind of understandably) becoming offended by your chastisement, instead of just shutting the **** up because someone asked them nicely to.

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So I'm sitting in the waiting room for an appointment, mom comes in with her adolescent kids who obviously had a boatload of sugar at breakfast. Kids were running around, touching everything, jumping on chairs, and just making undue noise.

 

Busting the Sugar-Hyperactivity Myth

 

Sugar isn't a proven cause and in fact, many medical authorities now hotly dispute that sugar causes behavioural problems in kids. In fact, it has more of an effect on the parents....

 

BBC - Future - Does sugar make children hyperactive?

 

The effect of sugar on behavior or cognition ... [JAMA. 1995 Nov 22-29] - PubMed - NCBI

 

But I agree with what you did. And frankly, those in charge of the clinic need also to take more responsibility and request that those in the waiting room behave properly. It shouldn't BE up to a member of the public to do that for them. And if it's a medical appointment, there may be some people in the waiting room who are far from well and deserve consideration.

Edited by Tbisb74
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I guess these days you can't discipline another persons kid without getting grief from the parent.

 

Well no, of course you can't.

It's not even a 'these days' thing, it's just the way it is.

 

If they were bothering you, you should have moved away. End of story.

Or, I dunno, lighten up a little? You were a kid once too remember...

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Bittersweetie

I worked at a preschool for a number of years. And technically, once the parent was present, we teachers were no longer "in charge" of their children. So, a lot of times, the parent would arrive and the kid would go bonkers...like they thought they had a free pass to do anything in our classroom.

 

At first, I felt intimidated to discipline the children in front of their parents. But I soon realized, if I didn't do it, no one would. We had rules in our classroom, we treated each other and our things with respect. I would gently enforce this when necessary, whether the parent was present our not.

 

It amazed me how lax some parents would be...one time after his mom arrived, this boy started running around the room, knocking all kinds of things over, finally breaking something. I looked at the mother...and she just looked at me. So I handled it.

 

My theory is that kids actually want discipline. It means you care, you're teaching them boundaries and respect. The kids that I'd be toe to toe with, those were the ones that would give me a big hug at the end of the day. Because I showed them I cared for them (which I did). I feel some parents think that discipling makes them the "bad guy" when in reality it's the opposite.

 

All that being said...if I witnessed a child acting inappropriately, and the parent not doing anything, I would gently say something. And if my son was acting crazy I would have no problem with an adult saying something to him...as long as it was not rude. How is a child supposed to learn how to treat others and things with respect if no one models that behavior?

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You're right about children needing boundaries; I believe some time ago, in the UK Psychologists from a certain University or research body conducted an experiment where a group of young kids were left in a house and basically had to self-govern. Of course, there were cameras, and contact with adults happened, but only to deliver food, and keep an eye on the kids in case of medical purposes; but to all intents and purposes, adults had total zero input as to discipline, control and supervision. It was a disaster. The children at first found this freedom exhilarating and liberating - how exciting! No adults to tell them what to do, when, why and how! But within a short space of time - much shorter than that calculated predicted or anticipated by the research team - the kids went to pieces, and began to feel very out of their depth; some became bullies, and intimidated the others, while in general, without boundaries, it became impossible for the children to find any level of peace, contentment or enjoyment of their experience. Needless to say, the experiment was terminated much sooner than planned.

 

Even this experiment, conducted way back, long before, in 1967, shows the behaviour of children went outside the expected norms...

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I think the way you handled it was pretty rude. You can't really fight rudeness with more rudeness and still claim the moral high ground.

 

If people are being disruptive, I think it's okay to politely ask them to stop. "Please stop being so loud" is fine. Telling a stranger, "behave yourself" or "you should be more responsible" is not your place, and it resulted in them (kind of understandably) becoming offended by your chastisement, instead of just shutting the **** up because someone asked them nicely to.

 

Very rude? Really? Nah, really rude is calling the kid a name such as idiot, or stupid or telling the kid to stop being a jerk. That is rude and I've never done that to any kid. I see no problem telling a kid who's being a nuisance with an absent minded parent to BEHAVE HIMSELF/HERSELF and I would do it again in the fraction of a heartbeat.

 

I was raised in an environment such that everybody's parent cared about everyone else's kid out of respect. It wasn't out of the ordinary to get a dosage of verbal discipline from an adult who's not your mom or dad and then get a butt-whipping when you got home.

 

I'm guessing you must be a "time out" parent of the modern age who's kids are just perfect right?

 

Again, 15 to 20 years ago, it was commonplace for a mum, dad, grandmum, granddad, aunty, uncle, anyone with age and respect of authority to tell another kid to "behave themselves," in a polite non-condescending tone. Numerous times I've witnessed it, and what made me happy was the kid getting a second dosage of discipline from the parent who didn't see the misbehaving kid but entrusted in the knowledge of the other parent in the room who saw what went on.

 

This is what is lacking in society because too many people are scared.

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Well no, of course you can't.

It's not even a 'these days' thing, it's just the way it is.

 

If they were bothering you, you should have moved away. End of story.

Or, I dunno, lighten up a little? You were a kid once too remember...

 

Lighten up eh? Right! OK!:eek:

 

Why should I have to compromise myself on the account of misbehaving kids? Yeah, I was a kid once who wouldn't even dare act like the way these kids acted because I knew I would get an a$$whipping if I did.

 

Next time something like this happens, I'll just leave, let the kid smash his head open on the chair, table, or concrete floor, sing "I've got rhythm" and hope someone else takes responsibility.

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If I were you I would do the same but I did not experience that here as far kids got a play corner in the medical centers and also at GP. There are some mothers lot childish than the kids. My daughter knows very well where she has freedom where is not...

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Bittersweetie

This is what is lacking in society because too many people are scared.

 

I've been thinking about this thread, and I do think the above is somewhat true. However, I do believe that sometimes the behavior can be related to a syndrome or diagnosis, which may be why some people are reluctant to speak up. Similar to asking a woman when she's due, only to find out she's not pregnant. One doesn't want to discipline a child only to find out that child is, say, autistic.

 

Just a thought.

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