Comparison Parenting

[AnneT1985]

Hi y'all!

 

 

How are you doing today?

 

 

I have a question regarding parenting and a family member. She does not directly attack my parenting, but I feel does so in a roundabout way. If you had an epidural she'll say "I'd never do that to MY kid" (I'm not even sure what that means). One time my husband and I went on a little trip alone and left the kids in good hands and she found out about this and said "how could you leave them? I could never do that to my kids". As if we left them to their own devices at home alone or something. Another time I attended a wedding shower and she brought her son and asked why I didn't. I said he's with his dad and her response was "wow I'd never do that. My son comes everywhere with me".

 

 

What's up with this? Any thoughts?

Thanks so much y'all! xx

[Haydn]

She sounds a bit sad and frankly boring. I never judge how someone brings up their children. Everyone has their own way. I need time away from mine as long as they are safe, no worries. I've had remarks from other parents that I am too free and easy but their kids always love coming over to our house. Ignore or see how forlorn their kids look shackled to mummy or daddies leg.

[Notsure_9]

Yeah I get that a lot too. "Why don't you take her with you" or " why don't you let her do this or that" don't you just love that! I do what I think is best for my child and as long as she is safe taken care of and happy we are all good.

[Cynicalme]

She sounds like one of those obsessive helicopter parents whose kid won't grow up to do a thing on his own without his mother (including job interviews).

 

Don't let it bother you... feel sorry for the kid.

[AnneT1985]

thanks so much y'all xx

[still_an_Angel]

I get how you feel, it does feel like a criticism about your parenting, just in a reverse of some sorts. I've had this said to me too ("you don't allow your child to do that!") like they're reprimanding me for not telling my child off. So I smile back as sweetly as I can and tell them "well you're not me, so you don't get to tell me what to do. My baby is fine and is happy, have you had a look at yours?"

 

 

Don't let them bother you, put them in their place, they have no right to tell you off or criticize your parenting skills.

[turnera]

Those kinds of people make me feel sorry for them - but it also picks up the stubborn in me. I'd find a way to turn it around - every time she did it. When she says she'd never do that, just smile and say 'Maybe so, but look at how much my kids love me' or 'how great my kid turned out' or 'how much everyone admires what my kid did' or...you get the idea.

[Tayla]

Fight fire with water, its that simple.

 

the goal is to show mutual regard. which she is temporarily lacking in her comments to you. Tell her you would like to see her grow in her communication style, that perhaps she can be more supportive in her comments and less slighting. its direct and suggest a more congenial way to be spoken to.

[littleplanet]

Is this an in-law?

(sounds like an outlaw)

 

For a fun time, try Lenore Skenazy's Free Range Kids forum sometime.

It's a howl.

What's up with it is that she's a busybody and trying to shame you into believing you're a bad parent, plain and simple.

 

She sounds absolutely convinced that she's God's gift to motherhood.

So she feels justified in judging your shortcomings. From birth onward, no less.

You're bound to run into them.

Only thing you can do is stick to your own conscience like glue.

 

There is no one perfect way of parenting. Everyone does it different.

That's what happens in a free society.