Is this inappropriate?

[ThursdayChild]

Hi everyone

 

 

I was wondering if it is inappropriate to comment or suggest to someone how many kids they should have ie) saying "don't you want your child to have a sibling"? to parents of only children?

 

 

Why do so many people do this IF it is inappropriate?

 

 

I am just curious. Thanks so much.

[AnneT1985]

Yes, it is incredibly inappropriate and no one's business. It's especially hurtful because sometimes people can't have more children. In my opinion, people who say things like this are either bitter about their own childhood or their own parenting choices.

[Trimmer]

Yeah, I find it inappropriate, too. I think there's a tendency for the general public to think they have some kind of stake in couple's reproduction. I see an almost instinctive societal function for this tendency - it tends to promote and encourage reproduction, and in the big picture that is necessary for the propagation of the species. (So there's a possible "why" answer for you...)

 

But on the individual basis, I really object to people feeling like they can put their hands on a pregnant woman's belly, proselytize about how many children you should have (including berating people who have decided not to have any children) and generally insert themselves individually as stakeholders in others' reproductive processes.

[Notsure_9]

Yes I think it's very inappropriate. I have 1 child and I get it a lot and it really bothers me. I can't have another child but get asked bad when I say no the response is usually "oh, well you can't just have one she needs a brother or sister" and that really annoys me. And someone's choice about how many children is no ones business or concern IMO.

[preraph]

It's totally inappropriate and I'd just give them a bad look and walk away if they did it or say, I think I can handle my own reproductive choices.

 

No matter whether you have one kid, two kids, 10 kids or no kids, seems like a certain percentage of parents have something to say about it. They all want you to do exactly what they did and they wouldn't be seeking that kind of validation if they weren't a little unhappy with their lives. They wouldn't be meddling with others if theirs was in order.

[leavesonautumn]

It's completely inappropriate.

 

What if the first child was very hard to have and having another would be dangerous? What about the simple fact of choice? Then there will be the people who say the opposite and think you're overpopulating or can't afford another child if you do end up having a second one.

 

There are a lot of people in this world who think everyone wants their opinion whether it was asked for or not.

[Keenly]

90% of conversations directed towards parents are inappropriate.

 

Unless an opinion on the following is not specifically asked for, I consider the following to be inappropriate:

 

Parenting styles.

Discipline styles.

This is how I would do it conversations.

Don't you think you should do it this way conversations.

This is how many kids you should have

This is where you should take you kid to school

This is what you should feed your kid.

 

 

How about people shut the hell up and leave parents alone.

[pink_sugar]

Yep...how many kids someone has is no one elses business.

[aussietigerwolf]

hell yeah its not appropriate. Its bordering on child abuse to only have one (according to some anyway) but if you have 3 or more then you just couldn't keep your legs shut. But apparently if you're a parent (and gods forbid they think you're a single one) then its ok for strangers to display the lack of manners that they would be horrified if someones kid had.

[AnneT1985]

Exactly. I have a friend with an only child and someone did mention to her how "mean" and "cruel" it was and how spoiled this kid is. Basically child abuse or something. This kid is perfectly happy and gets to do tons of things and it upsets my friend but I see it differently- I see it as people who aren't able to devote the same resources being very bitter and resentful.

[littleplanet]

A lot of what gets thrown at parents these days is inappropriate meddling.

The nanny state now has the power to really give parents the bad day from hell.

And unfortunately, this has filtered through society.

Ironically, the only adults who are free from this, are childless.

(and I hear more and more from young people, that it's just not worth it)

....which is sad.

 

A family with only one child is still a family. In every sense of the word. It is not a failure.

Kids used to arrive in the world in the usual way, for the usual reasons.

I'd like to think this is still the case - but sometimes, I wonder.

Now everything has to be perfect (according to whom?)

As if a family has to be micromanaged like a corporation. Maximum productivity. Impeccable credentials and supreme results.

And everyone's an expert.

 

There are endless reasons why a child might be a one and only. Many of them good reasons.

(often not discussed at all with anyone, let alone casual conversationists.)

 

And still.....one kid is a million miles away from no kids at all.

[Lisey9]

I don't know why, but people generally have very strong opinions on children/families and think that it is OK to thrust their opinions on others. Perhaps it makes them feel validated in their own choices to pass judgment on others?