Haydn Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 As some posters know, i am a non believer. My daughter has been attending a Sunday type school thing under the permission of her mother. They sit around in groups and discuss big J and other less harmful subjects the bible. I met the priest and the organisers and they are very nice chaps but this is something that runs counter to my being. Me and her mother have a very strict agreement that we can do whatever we want when either of us has our daughter but i am at a loss as i do not want my daughter indoctrinated. Advice or anything would be useful. And no i do not tell my daughter it is wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 When it really comes down to it, your daughter is going to have the freedom to choose whether or not she wishes to believe. If she ever asks you what you believe, go ahead and tell her. But remember that a non believer is just as capable of indoctrination as a religious person. Just let her have the free will to decide whether or not that's actually something to be a part of. In my experience, and every friend my age that I have, religion at a young age has backfired. I went to Catholic school from 1st to 6th grade. Now I'm an atheist. My best friend was forced to go to Sunday school and before school sessions ( Mormon ) now he is an atheist. Just let it ride. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
carrie_o Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 You could teach her a bit about other religions. That way she can make her own choice. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haydn Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 Thank you Keenly, Carrie 0. I can she how much she enjoys it. Keenly my experience was the same as yours., forced to attend. Saw the light so to speak. Carrie O, i would always let her chose even if i disagreed. (Which i do) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 When it really comes down to it, your daughter is going to have the freedom to choose whether or not she wishes to believe. If she ever asks you what you believe, go ahead and tell her. But remember that a non believer is just as capable of indoctrination as a religious person. Just let her have the free will to decide whether or not that's actually something to be a part of. In my experience, and every friend my age that I have, religion at a young age has backfired. I went to Catholic school from 1st to 6th grade. Now I'm an atheist. My best friend was forced to go to Sunday school and before school sessions ( Mormon ) now he is an atheist. Just let it ride. I agree with Keenly. My dad always says, there's nothing like a good cathilic education to make a good atheist. Both me and my brother went to catholic school from 1st to 9th grade. This included Sunday school and 1st communion and confirmation and all that. I now don't believe in anything. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with finding out about religion. Let it ride, and when she does ask you, just let her know what your beliefs are! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Discuss things with her in an age appropriate manner. I was raised strict Roman Catholic. As a small child based on where we live all of my friends were Southern Baptist. When they were all going to Vacation Bible School, I wanted to go too. I went so far as to ask the Catholic priest why we didn't have Baptist Bible school at our Parrish. After some discussions with my friends' parents, the pastor at thier Church, the school instructors & our Parrish Priest my parents' decided that because the age appropriate aspects of the school were things common to both faiths: coloring in scenes from the Bible coloring books & playing Noah's Ark with stuff animals combined with regular camp activities: kick ball, swimming etc. it would be OK for me to attend because they weren't covering the differences between the two religions (not age appropriate for kids) It did me no harm. I developed a better understanding of the Protestant religion over all. Your situation is different because you are a non-believer. If you can use the opportunity to teach your child tolerance, it may be a wonderful experience for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Haydn, I was raised a Christian and because it was forced upon me, I rebelled and started investigating other religions (and ultimately became an occultist). Now that I have recently married a Christian (at the tender age of 50), we are dealing with the fact that his children know he is a convert and I am an unbeliever. And how we have chosen to present religion in general to his children is as CarrieO has suggested; we take my husband's teenage kids to all sorts of various religious ceremonies so they can learn - and chose - on their own. They have been to a Passover Seder (their grandmother is Jewish), a Catholic Mass, a Baptist sing-along, a Buddhist Temple, and a Mormon church. This summer I will take them to a Pagan festival and as we find others that are open to non-believers, we will take them there. The less you fret about it and just show her options, the more content you will be when/if she makes her own decision. Walk the path with her for a while and when she has decided the direction, let her walk it on her own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 As a child i was told by my mother to choose what religion i knew was right......i was not forced to believe my mother was a sunday school teacher my grandfather a god fearing soldier my ancestors devout christians at school i would go to different scripture classes till i got booted and would stay in the ones i was accepted in......my daughters made the choice to be baptised mormon.......i sat in on their lessons and was baptised...because the mormon faith is in direct line with my hearts knowledge...most of my friends are non believers......they accept me i accept them......i will not force my daughters to go to church.......i will not force anyone to do anything they dont want to...i will however continue to ask them every sunday to come with me......sometimes they do some times they dont...... i could not sit in a church i didnt believe in and would not expect anyone else to either....... ultimately yoru daughter will make her choice and as a loving parent whatever that choice is you will support her my ex is a non church goer...he believes in god ....we are both humanitarians i have a faith addition....we are in line with how we bring our daughters up separately.......... he supports my faith ...he knows it makes me happy where before i was lost.........he would prefer the girls went to church ......and stayed away from things like drugs and alcohol...so in that respect church beliefs are in line with his beliefs..he was happy they were baptised and is supportive of his daughters and he supports my wishes and hopes for their future...which first adn foremost is happiness and eventually meeting a guy who would treat them the way god intended a man should treat a woman......my daughters .will however make their own choices....i just pray for them to have peace and happiness always.............i wish you well....deb 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mondmellonw Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Hey, Haydn. I too am being forced to be a catholic. My parents already know I don't really believe in their religion, but they still want me to be respectful towards it, and to attend church with them (every Sunday) at least until I am responsible for myself (when I get my own place). It is kind of a rule I have to follow. I do believe in God, but not on those terms. "Every head is a universe", I think that phrase applies in here. I have known a lot of people who are agnostics, pantheists, Buddhists, etc. But the main idea was basically the same... You should just let her be. I sometimes wish my parents will do that too, especially in terms of religion. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 (edited) As some posters know, i am a non believer. My daughter has been attending a Sunday type school thing under the permission of her mother. They sit around in groups and discuss big J and other less harmful subjects the bible. I met the priest and the organisers and they are very nice chaps but this is something that runs counter to my being. Me and her mother have a very strict agreement that we can do whatever we want when either of us has our daughter but i am at a loss as i do not want my daughter indoctrinated. Advice or anything would be useful. And no i do not tell my daughter it is wrong. Let your daughter choose her own path. My dad is an athiest. My mom's side of the family believes in creationism with catholic roots. I am in the middle. I am not religious, nor do I practice religion, but I am spiritual. I chose what was right for me. Edited July 1, 2014 by pink_sugar Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 I had one believer/one nonbeliever in my parents, plus a community of cultish Baptist fundies. Here's all you have to do because your daughter will go through many changes and end up making up her own mind OR being a follower of something. All you have to do is tell her that there are many different religions in the world as well as many people who don't claim a particular sect and that it's good to learn about different ones if she has any interest. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Both my parents are non-believers, I decided for myself to attend sunday school when I was about 8 or 9 and have been an eratic church attendee ever since. My own children had the option to go or not. One is a believer and one isn't. Let her make up her own mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Probably a lot less harmful than a trip to some third world dump to indulge in their culture for a while. At least she won't get the runs. I went to Sunday School and it's been useful in certain situations. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 You can teach her that there are other religions that she can study as well. You can visit some Buddhist or Sikh temples, read up on Confucianism or Hinduism so she can see and hopefully understand that there are so many around and that in the end, whichever one she chooses to live by, religions teach us to be good people. Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 My H and I have the same dilemma, but our child isn't born yet!! We were both raised Christian, my mother's side is Mormon. Before we became pregnant we said we'd let our children decide for themselves what to believe. My H has recently had a renewed interest in Christianity, so we attend church on Sunday. It's helping him be a better person, not to mention a better husband and soon-to-be father. He knows that I'll support him by attending church and understanding he needs to follow this path, but at the same time I am not a Christian, nor do I want our children to be forced into religion. Ideally I would like our children to follow whatever they want. And take as many paths as is necessary for their own personal growth. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 A church is a community and is something that you become a part of. Surely there are worse groups to join than one that teaches us about treating our neighbors kindly, respecting our planet, everyone suffers to help alleviate our own suffering and that in this world we are never alone? Is that a bad thing to a non-believer? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 A church is a community and is something that you become a part of. Surely there are worse groups to join than one that teaches us about treating our neighbors kindly, respecting our planet, everyone suffers to help alleviate our own suffering and that in this world we are never alone? Is that a bad thing to a non-believer? Only most of the teachings aren't that lovey dovey. And I know that from a young age I had certain doubts about what was being said. Specially when it came to sex, contraception, gays and abortion. Also, the whole "if you don't behave you'll go to hell" thing is not really that nice! (This is obviously about the Catholic church, which is the only one I have hands on experience with, but I'm sure it applies to most Christian churches as well) Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Only most of the teachings aren't that lovey dovey. And I know that from a young age I had certain doubts about what was being said. Specially when it came to sex, contraception, gays and abortion. Also, the whole "if you don't behave you'll go to hell" thing is not really that nice! (This is obviously about the Catholic church, which is the only one I have hands on experience with, but I'm sure it applies to most Christian churches as well) I'm glad my message was lovey dovey because I'm a CCD teacher of ten year olds. Those are the very things I stress to them. The Church has evolved a lot since you were ten years old, I'm sure. I do wish the same could be said for everyone... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haydn Posted July 2, 2014 Author Share Posted July 2, 2014 Thank you everyone for the advice. I will let her choose her own way. I have certainly no intention of barring her from this or telling her it is a load of rubbish,that can wait until she is much older and able to give me money. And like i said the people running it seem rather splendid and did not try to push anything on me. I was raised a catholic and it did not sit well, Terrible as i recall but CarrieT i am not sure what an occultist does, will look that up. Thank you Gauis as usual for making me grateful i have a passport! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Being exposed to something in a healthy balanced way won't undermine your hope for her to be open minded. She will get the information and process it and if they aren't cult like, it can only help her to see different sides of things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 Thank you Gauis as usual for making me grateful i have a passport! Just make sure the kid knows the risks of using one, especially if she ends up on a pilgrimage to Mecca or something along those lines. Travelers? Diarrhea - Chapter 2 - 2014 Yellow Book | Travelers' Health | CDC 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliKatherine Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 There are many thoughtful responses here. The only thing I have to add, as someone who went to a very homogenous, lily-white, mostly Protestant Christian high school is....have you considered the possibility that your daughter participates primarily to fit in with her peers? Where I attended high school, you basically had to be either Mormon or some other flavor of Protestant to fit in. If you didn't attend a youth group during the week and Sunday school, you kinda stuck out. This was a public school spanning a large rural collection of towns. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haydn Posted July 4, 2014 Author Share Posted July 4, 2014 Completely true, social proof and all that. As a kid i did it. Not so much with religion. I fought tooth and nail not to go church and spend time with Irish priests. I wanted to hang out with so called bad kids. But where my daughter goes is very sedate and she does have friends that attend with her. Everything is learning even if we don`t agree with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts