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I am SO irritated right now!


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So H gave into his 16 year old daughter not wanting to be here the entire month of August and she is now going to be here for a week in June, a week in July and 2 weeks in August. They hashed it out this past Saturday and she is coming next Sunday and staying until the following Sunday. She wanted to do Sunday to Saturday but H said that he may have to work on that Saturday and that he'd rather she went back on Sunday so he would be able to take her instead of me. Yeah, I would hope so seeing as you you fought tooth and nail with a lawyer to get a parenting plan where you'd see her on a regular basis! Well he wasn't aware that the weekend she is here is motorcycle race weekend, but I knew it all along and was hoping that he was going to miss this one since she'd be visiting. Nope! So while I am out running errands yesterday afternoon he calls her and tells her this, which I'm sure she was just ecstatic about seeing as how last time she was bored out of her mind. I get home and he goes to me "So the weekend she is here is a race weekend so since she wants to go back home that Sunday I'll need YOU to to take her to the train station from the track that day because I'll be in the middle of racing." Are you f'n kidding me?! You JUST got done telling her mom that you want her to go back on Sunday so you could take her and then find out it's race weekend and that whole plan goes out the window! We will be 2 hours away from home and the closest station is 45 minutes away AND it's on our way home. So I have to travel 45 minutes towards home and drop her off and then travel 45 minutes back, wasting gas in the process, and then have the joy of trying to help you pack up at the end of the day and no doubt get yelled at because I'm not doing it right. Last time she asked me why he wants her at the track when he doesn't pay any attention to her anyways and I told him this. So he now tells me "Well she can't complain this time that I'm not spending any time with her because she'll be here the entire week before the race". Oh yeah and I'm sure you'll be spending every possible minute with her then right? Lets see, you just got this video game to work on your computer and as it is now you can't sit and spend 10 minutes at a time with me because you have to get back to playing your game and I'm sure it will be the same with her. You'll be spending time in the garage getting your bike ready to race and then all afternoon and evening that Thursday before we leave packing up the trailer while I end up sitting on the couch with her listening to her complain as to how bored she is and wants to go do something. You'll be at work all week until 2PM while SD sits in front of the tv all day and then get home and need to sit and play your game. I don't get home until 5PM and I sure as hell don't want to take her anywhere when I get home. We can't bring this up to him because he'll go "I cooked you guys dinner and sat and ate it with you and I hung out with you while I was in and out of the garage. You guys know I can't sit still very long". No really WHY do you INSIST that she be here? You won't be doing anything special with her and she'll be bored out of her mind! As much as she hated the track last time you think it's just a great idea to take her again!

 

Oh and then during her 2 week visit in August it's yet ANOTHER track weekend! This time it is 5 hours away in the middle of NOWHERE. It will be a case of her coming with and then us dropping her off that Sunday on our way home. Once again I will be stuck sitting around with her listening to her complain while H is off hanging with the guys just thinking she is having the time of her life sitting out in the middle of nowhere reading a book! It's boring for me and it's sure as hell boring for her! And staying home is NOT an option because I am EXPECTED to go with him. He used to give me the option but now says he really needs me to be there in case he gets hurt and I need to drive the truck home or something.

 

I am just super irritated that both these race weekends are weekends where she has to be there. We have yet to go to one this year where she isn't there. I get to see how upset she is being there and feel that I am expected to keep her entertained. I can't enjoy myself by just doing what I want because she is there moping around and telling me how she hates it yet doing a 180 when H comes around and asks how she's doing and she smiles and says everything is fine...only to turn around and roll her eyes at me and start complaining again when he leaves. HE doesn't ever see how absolutely miserable she is but I get to see every bit of it so when I tell him that she doesn't enjoy it he doesn't really believe me.

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When you calm down can you try to talk him out of participating in the August race weekends? It's probably too soon to get the entrance fees back for June.

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No they don't charge you until you actually participate, but asking him to not go racing is like asking him to cut off his right arm! He wasn't able to do it at all last year because we bought a house and he was still recuperating from all the lawyer fees to get a parenting plan in place. He was so upset that he wasn't able to go at all that this year that he said he is NOT missing ANY of the races. So basically he just spent a ton of money to see his daughter and now would rather race than spend time with her!

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There is no calmly with him. He will immediately get upset that I'm asking him not to do something he is very passionate about.

 

And yes, I get very irritated that I am the one who ALWAYS ends up spending time with her when she comes to visit. He's so busy doing his own stuff that he tells us to go do girl stuff. I was the one who always had to go pick her up at the ferry terminal Friday nights when he worked 2nd shift because he'd rather have that extra time with her rather than going to get her on a Saturday even though he didn't get home until 11PM Friday nights. I was the one who had to take her back to the ferry because he was busy or was a little hungover from the night before. Now I am the one who has to take her to the train station because he's busy racing. How would it work if I WAS NOT here? I am not the babysitter. YOU wanted her to visit regularly, YOU paid money for a lawyer and now you just seem like if she's present in the house you've done your job!

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Mapper, after reading your last 3 threads [that are one under the other on this page] and remembering past threads with the same theme, i have to ask ask a few questions :

- do you have kids with this man ?

- what posessed you to marry this man ?

- how long have you been married to this man ?

- why did this man procreate ?; seriously ... needed a hamster is cheaper

- do you realize that coupled with your shyness, this paints a picture of someone who needs an emotional tampon to get through situations ?

 

 

PS: Don't take the above as a personal attack, as it's not meant to be one.

But i would like to know if despite writing this, you have taken it a bit like that.

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Mapper, after reading your last 3 threads [that are one under the other on this page] and remembering past threads with the same theme, i have to ask ask a few questions :

- do you have kids with this man ?

- what posessed you to marry this man ?

- how long have you been married to this man ?

- why did this man procreate ?; seriously ... needed a hamster is cheaper

- do you realize that coupled with your shyness, this paints a picture of someone who needs an emotional tampon to get through situations ?

 

 

PS: Don't take the above as a personal attack, as it's not meant to be one.

But i would like to know if despite writing this, you have taken it a bit like that.

Sorry, but I had a crappy weekend!

 

-No I do not have kids with this man. I have never wanted kids.

-I met him when I was 32 years old and he was the first guy to really treat me well and WANT to be with me. No BS about anything.

-This was an unexpected pregnancy on her mom's part. They were never married and she almost had an abortion before he stopped her because he really wanted a kid.

-Yes I do want to be with someone. And yes he was the first one to treat me decently.

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Mapper

 

I'm sorry you had a crappy weekend. That's no fun.

 

I can completely understand your frustration but without starting a fight (between you & me), could you resent this girl because she is your husband's daughter & you never wanted kids?

 

Your husband is wrong for fighting so hard to get this kid to spend time with him then dumping her on you but it's not her fault. Can you do something to foster your relationship with her? Perhaps if you like each other more it will be less of an imposition when she is around & her father effectively abandons her on you so he can have his (selfish) fun without thinking about how his actions effect her & make her not want spend time with him because his actions are saying he doesn't want to spend time with her.

 

All I'm suggesting to you is that you find a way to bond with her because neither of you is going any where & she needs somebody in her corner.

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Mapper

 

I'm sorry you had a crappy weekend. That's no fun.

 

I can completely understand your frustration but without starting a fight (between you & me), could you resent this girl because she is your husband's daughter & you never wanted kids?

 

Your husband is wrong for fighting so hard to get this kid to spend time with him then dumping her on you but it's not her fault. Can you do something to foster your relationship with her? Perhaps if you like each other more it will be less of an imposition when she is around & her father effectively abandons her on you so he can have his (selfish) fun without thinking about how his actions effect her & make her not want spend time with him because his actions are saying he doesn't want to spend time with her.

 

All I'm suggesting to you is that you find a way to bond with her because neither of you is going any where & she needs somebody in her corner.

 

Oh we bond just fine. Sometimes she is okay to hang out with but mostly I see it as a burden but she would rather hang out with me than him. She thinks I just adore her when really I just tolerate her. My big problem is that I can't go do anything without hearing "Oh where are you going? Can I come too?" I put on my coat to take the trash out and she shot up off the couch and asked where I was going. I feel bad if I tell her I just want to go out alone so I always give in. I want to get my hair cut and colored when she's here but put it off until the next week because I don't want to have to deal with her wanting to come and have her hair colored too!

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Bittersweetie

Mapper, are you in counseling? Either individual or marriage?

 

Because your posts...I can feel your anger, resentment. The way you describe the conversations between you and your H...they seem critical, contemptuous. All those are unhealthy things in a marriage. Then you say this:

 

-Yes I do want to be with someone. And yes he was the first one to treat me decently.

 

So why are you with your husband NOW? Considering how he treats you NOW, how he treats his daughter NOW?

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That is so sad. That kid is Screaming for acceptance & affection. Take her with you. You are the adult If you do these little things for her & include her you have the ability to have a positive impact on her life. No it's not your responsibility; it's her parents' job but they do not appear to be up to the task.

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whichwayisup
Oh we bond just fine. Sometimes she is okay to hang out with but mostly I see it as a burden but she would rather hang out with me than him. She thinks I just adore her when really I just tolerate her. My big problem is that I can't go do anything without hearing "Oh where are you going? Can I come too?" I put on my coat to take the trash out and she shot up off the couch and asked where I was going. I feel bad if I tell her I just want to go out alone so I always give in. I want to get my hair cut and colored when she's here but put it off until the next week because I don't want to have to deal with her wanting to come and have her hair colored too!

 

See you are part of the problem here. You've not really accepted her, you 'tolerate' her. She isn't with you two that often so you don't have to run off and do stuff, get your hair done. SPEND time with her. Go take her to a movie, go shopping and have girl talk, get to know her better.

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See you are part of the problem here. You've not really accepted her, you 'tolerate' her. She isn't with you two that often so you don't have to run off and do stuff, get your hair done. SPEND time with her. Go take her to a movie, go shopping and have girl talk, get to know her better.

 

I know her plenty well. Well I don't know what is real and what isn't since she lies so much about everything. Hard to want to be around someone when you don't know how much is real and how much isn't.

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I know her plenty well. Well I don't know what is real and what isn't since she lies so much about everything. Hard to want to be around someone when you don't know how much is real and how much isn't.

Why don't you just divorce him and move on? You obviously want nothing to do with his family, he takes you for granted, and everyone's life revolves around him. Sounds like your bar was set so low you didn't realize it was on the ground.

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Why don't you just divorce him and move on? You obviously want nothing to do with his family, he takes you for granted, and everyone's life revolves around him. Sounds like your bar was set so low you didn't realize it was on the ground.

 

Oh, double snap! I gotta use this one, 'bar set so low it was on the ground'.

 

^^I second this post. OP, just divorce him and be done with it. You're obviously unable to assert yourself in a healthy way, and your disdain for stepdaughter is apparent.

 

I mean, you COULD try to get to know her better, but there's nothing in any of your posts that suggest you're open to this. You said you didn't want to have kids. You did know he had a daughter when you married him, right? She was about 6? What would be so awful about taking her along and getting her hair colored too? It sounds like you despise her.

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whichwayisup
I know her plenty well. Well I don't know what is real and what isn't since she lies so much about everything. Hard to want to be around someone when you don't know how much is real and how much isn't.

 

She's 16 and a child of divorce. Sounds like she's had a tough childhood and has dealt with a lot.

 

Just be a friend and remember what it was like when you were 16, so young and trying to find out who you were back then.

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Sorry, but I had a crappy weekend!

 

-No I do not have kids with this man. I have never wanted kids.

-I met him when I was 32 years old and he was the first guy to really treat me well and WANT to be with me. No BS about anything.

-This was an unexpected pregnancy on her mom's part. They were never married and she almost had an abortion before he stopped her because he really wanted a kid.

-Yes I do want to be with someone. And yes he was the first one to treat me decently.

 

Ok, well that answers that.

 

I mentioned a hamster above, the guy should not even be given that to raise.

What kind of a man will this girl grow up to look for, when her own father takes his racing [probably amateur] more seriously than the few days he gets to spend with her every yr ?

The above, coupled with how hard he fought for her, makes her look like an asset to be split down the middle, and not a beloved child.

 

Please post if you think i'm wrong about this narcissistic prick [and no, i'm not suggesting he has NPD].

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Oh, double snap! I gotta use this one, 'bar set so low it was on the ground'.

 

^^I second this post. OP, just divorce him and be done with it. You're obviously unable to assert yourself in a healthy way, and your disdain for stepdaughter is apparent.

 

I mean, you COULD try to get to know her better, but there's nothing in any of your posts that suggest you're open to this. You said you didn't want to have kids. You did know he had a daughter when you married him, right? She was about 6? What would be so awful about taking her along and getting her hair colored too? It sounds like you despise her.

 

Ding ding ding! Winner winner, chicken dinner!!

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Ding ding ding! Winner winner, chicken dinner!!

 

 

If a divorce is what you really want, why are you on here instead of talking to a lawyer? I thought you wanted help trying to fix this. If you are at your wit's end, just end it already.

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If a divorce is what you really want, why are you on here instead of talking to a lawyer? I thought you wanted help trying to fix this. If you are at your wit's end, just end it already.

 

Emotional tampon ...

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I am soaking it up....REALLY soaking it up!

 

 

 

I think it works the other way. WE'RE the tampons. :sick:

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