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Double-Barrelled surnames and twins?????


Shepp

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Okay so this forums seen me good for all my other questions in the past so I figured, i'd enlist you kind peoples help again on the slightly different topic of babies and names!

 

So firstly my gf is now 5 1/2 months pregnant with twin boys...fraternal!

So I guess firstly any tips for people expecting twins??

 

But on to the main point of my post:

We've decided on first names for the boys... Ronnie Casper & Fraser Barclay (note my gf is a fan of slightly more...edgy...boys names than me *cough* Casper & Barclay *cough* and then there was me like 'yeah.....but lets give them solid first names' :laugh: )

 

But its actually, unusually, the surname where we're not clear. If you've read any of my other threads you'll know im not married, and im not the dad, if you haven't then you do now , but note that she has no idea who the biological father is he's completely off the scene and that we've not been dating that long but I have been in her life a very long time - she's just had her demons up till now!

 

Me and her are living together and she'll make me the boys godfather...hopefully at some point down the road i'll adopt them, id like to, but I tends to be easier if your married and we're not getting married yet so yeah, down the road.

 

She wants to double-barrel our surnames so the boys carry my name as I'll be every bit as much in there life as she is.

 

So whats the general feel on double-barrelled names? Got them? given them to your kids?

You here a lot of different things - like it makes forms harder but it makes other things easier than them having a different name to me or her.

 

Obviously her being there biological parent I think the general practice is her surname goes last so "Shepherd-Jett'. Is that how things are done? This is purely based on the words of my mum and nan :laugh::o

Whereas my gf thinks Jett-Shepherd rolls of the tongue better and thats all that matters.

 

Do you think how it sounds is all that matters? or would you try and be more traditional?

 

I've rambled again now...I don't know why I always end up doing that - I thought this would be a fairly short question! :o

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You really ready to raise some one else's kids? Potentially be on the hook legally to support them should you break up?

 

If you are... maybe try to get her to be more open about the names........

 

 

I mean seriously parents, stop being selfish with the names because that kid has to live with that name forever.

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I don't know your situation, but from your present description i'd say you are a fool and are setting yourself up for some serious hurtin' while she looks out for #1, herself [you are there to make her life easier].

So welcome to Enablerville, population you.

 

To answer your question, i would not give them my name.

This may come back to haunt you.

 

The reason she wants this, is because she needs someone to take responsability for her horrible life choices, so right now she is using her backup card, and that's you.

I'd look up hysterical bonding and future faking, to understand exactly how you are being suckered in.

 

I'll say it again, do not give them your name.

You can always do that later, and it can be used as leverage in your 'relationship' with her.

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I would not give them your name unless and until she wants to marry you and/or have you adopt the boys. Giving them your name makes them YOURS in your heart, but you will have no legal claim to them should she decide to run off with them. You are just setting yourself up for some incredible pain.

 

If she wants to give them your name, then your name needs to be on the birth certificate as their father. Period.

 

If you do decide to move forward with this, another option is to get rid of Casper and Barclay (which honestly sound like dog names, not people names) and make Sheppard both of their middle names.

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You really ready to raise some one else's kids? Potentially be on the hook legally to support them should you break up?

Yeah is the short answer.

For me, personally, and I know some people would feel different, but for me, being a biological father and a dad are very different things and to be the latter is by far harder to be and by far more important.

Maybe there are some other dudes babies but there'll be my 4 year olds to teach to ride a bike, my 12 year old lads to take to footie practice, my 18 year to help tinker with his car when it conks out, y'know?

And I love her...ive loved her since I was 15, theres no one else that I want be with for the rest of my life, and yeah walk down the aisle one day, and yeah check the biological father box with one day.

I've tailed into being a bit soppy now so I think i'll leave it there! ;)

 

If you are... maybe try to get her to be more open about the names........

I mean seriously parents, stop being selfish with the names because that kid has to live with that name forever.

 

Ah no I love there names - there middle names aren't my style but she likes them and there not that bad (and y'know how important is your middle name anyway :laugh: )

I won out with the first names :D do you not like them, haha?

Ronnie's after my great granddad - he was a bit of a WW11 hero and Fraser, Fraser I just like. I think we did alright - there different enough for her to like them and normal enough for me to! :laugh:

 

Its the surname thing im kinda to and fro on!

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I would not give them your name unless and until she wants to marry you and/or have you adopt the boys. Giving them your name makes them YOURS in your heart, but you will have no legal claim to them should she decide to run off with them. You are just setting yourself up for some incredible pain.

I totally agree, I do. I do really want to adopt them because as long as there my sons in everyway I absolutely want equal parental rights and the security that brings, totally!

Saying that - I know, I know what shes like and shes not perfect but really cant see her ever doing that. She wants me to just put my name on the certificate and have done with it - but its the err illegalness of that that puts me off :laugh::o tough obviously it would be easier, cheaper, quicker.

 

She better than most people knows what its like not to grow up in a stable family. Her mum died, that was obviously tragic and unavoidable but I know how much it hurt her, she wouldn't take her kids away from me...me being the only dad they have.

But saying that I still think your completely right, I do want equal rights for a whole host of reasons, its just complicated if I don't put my name on the certificate I have to apply to adopt which we can do without being married but the process is confusing. I think I probably need to get someone with some legal knowledge to have a look into it for me.

 

If you do decide to move forward with this, another option is to get rid of Casper and Barclay (which honestly sound like dog names, not people names)

I know they do a tad, haha, see I compromised on them so I could give them nice sensible first names, haha - see, these boys are lucky to have me already :p

 

and make Sheppard both of their middle names.

Yeah that I did think about. But if when we get married down the line and she either takes my name or double-barrels it then it would be there middle name and surname and we'd have to change it all, y'know?

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She wants me to just put my name on the certificate and have done with it - but its the err illegalness of that that puts me off :laugh::o tough obviously it would be easier, cheaper, quicker.

 

Why not call a local attorney and find out what your options are legally? If she is open to having you listed as their father, I am sure there is a way to do that.

 

I know how much it hurt her, she wouldn't take her kids away from me...me being the only dad they have.

 

You never really know what someone else might do. She may have a mental breakdown, or get fooled by some player guy who talks her into running away with him, or get into drugs, or have a stroke and become someone different. Are the odds of any of this stuff high? No. But the fact remains that you need to protect yourself LEGALLY, not just with verbal agreement.

 

But saying that I still think your completely right, I do want equal rights for a whole host of reasons, its just complicated if I don't put my name on the certificate I have to apply to adopt which we can do without being married but the process is confusing. I think I probably need to get someone with some legal knowledge to have a look into it for me.

 

Good idea.

 

Yeah that I did think about. But if when we get married down the line and she either takes my name or double-barrels it then it would be there middle name and surname and we'd have to change it all, y'know?

 

True.

 

I think Shepherd-Jett sounds better than vice versa, but just Shepherd would be nicer. Have you guys talked about marriage?

 

I am happy she is your gf now, because I know how much you have cared about her. I just hope that she feels the same for you and isn't just using you because she has two babies coming.

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Shep, the problem is not what you feel for her, but what she feels for you and the ammount of respect she has for you.

 

Women [and men] need to respect someone in order to love them; in this case it means as a man to be a rock, to stand by your convinctions, to be strong, not easily swayed, to be a good provider, to not beat her ... etc. But beside all of this she also has to see you as not a patsy, a backup, the guy on the bench, the orbiter in her life.

 

And right now, we don't know if she does this or not.

 

I'll add one more thing.

Fraternal twin boys ?

Do you know how those come about ?

Sperm is generally divided into male and female sperm, male one is quicker swimming but has less of a lifespan; female one swims slower but lasts longer.

Now let's look at the fact that they are fraternal. This means that 2 eggs were released either one after the other, or both at once.

Barring medication, it is more likely for ovulation to happen when a girl is in love with a guy, sex becomes sooooo much better.

There is a chance, that the sex she had with this guy was the best in her life ... do you honestly believe that she is over it in a few months ???

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Why not call a local attorney and find out what your options are legally? If she is open to having you listed as their father, I am sure there is a way to do that.

 

 

I'm not in England, but i have an idea on what that means.

 

Society works on the idea that someone has to take care of the kid, and this is one of the reasons why DNA testing will never be mandated at birth, to spot the cases where a woman tries to commit paternity fraud [up to 10% of births overall].

So in general, the guy who signs the birth certificate is considered the father.

He has in general a period of time to fight this, and ask for a DNA test in order to establish paternity.

After a while, this option generally does not apply anymore; meaning that he can still prove he is not the biological father, but the law considers he accepted the responsability of raising and caring for these kids.

In the case he finds hints he may not be the father when the child is older, he has a period of time from finding out to challenge his paternity.

 

If she is indeed pushing for him to sign the Birth Certificate, in the eyes of the society, he is admitting he is the father ... and with that come rights but also responsabilities.

 

Bottom line, this girl got screwed over and is trying to make sure she has help.

The OP has not even been with the girl when she got knocked up, and he is already a cuckold.

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Why not call a local attorney and find out what your options are legally? If she is open to having you listed as their father, I am sure there is a way to do that.

I don't know, its all so confusing, and it varies place to place - so places seem to require you to be married and others don't, from what I can tell they have to do assessments and everything, its so complicated.......I need a lawyer basically! I wish it was as easy as just signing my name. Its a crazy world.

 

You never really know what someone else might do. She may have a mental breakdown, or get fooled by some player guy who talks her into running away with him, or get into drugs, or have a stroke and become someone different. Are the odds of any of this stuff high? No. But the fact remains that you need to protect yourself LEGALLY, not just with verbal agreement.

Yeah its true. I do want that legal protection. I couldn't treat those boys like, and love those boys like my sons and lose them, so I do want to sort legal protection.

Though she does as much, it was her saying like if anything god forbid happened to her she wouldn't want me to have a fight on my hands to keep the boys which I guess I would.

I agree, I do, you never know whats round the corner, you need to protect yourself.

 

I think Shepherd-Jett sounds better than vice versa, but just Shepherd would be nicer. Have you guys talked about marriage?

Yeah just Shepherd does seem, well just cleaner, I do want to get married but I don't want to rush getting married just cause shes pregnant. I want to do that after we're settled into having the boys, until ive got our own house sorted, and until y'know we can plan and do it properly. I only want to get married once, I want to do it properly.

 

I am happy she is your gf now, because I know how much you have cared about her.

Ahh thank you :) Yeah im a happy boy! :D

 

I just hope that she feels the same for you and isn't just using you because she has two babies coming.

Thanks ;)

Shes good actually, shes chilled out a lot over the last few months, doing her counselling, getting her career on track, we're good :)

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Being from a culture where everyone has at least 2 surnames, I see no issue with having middle names and 2 surnames. In my country, it goes mom's name dad's name, not double barreled, just one after the other.

 

But in other countries if goes the other way around, dad's name, mom's name. So it really is up to you guys.

 

I won't even touch the rest of it, as pteromom has already highlighted all the other issues :)

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Women [and men] need to respect someone in order to love them; in this case it means as a man to be a rock, to stand by your convinctions, to be strong, not easily swayed, to be a good provider, to not beat her ... etc. But beside all of this she also has to see you as not a patsy, a backup, the guy on the bench, the orbiter in her life.

And right now, we don't know if she does this or not.

ah relationship is good. I'm a lot of things and I'll hold my hands up to that but a guy who sits on the bench isn't one of them!

 

Barring medication, it is more likely for ovulation to happen when a girl is in love with a guy, sex becomes sooooo much better.

There is a chance, that the sex she had with this guy was the best in her life ... do you honestly believe that she is over it in a few months ???

Well she hadn't slept with me up till then! ;)

 

AS for our relationship and this guy etc, ive spoke about this before - her lifes been hard and she has in the past been a bit self destructive...well at points very self destructive and part of that for her was one night stands.

The bloke she thinks is the father was some bloke she met in a bar on a stag do from up north - she doesn't even know his name.

I get that a lot of guys would have a problem with that, maybe I would as well, except that I've been there since I was 14/15, ive grown up with her, she aint perfect no where near, but neither am I, but we work together...anyway im getting soppy again now and I don't want to be doing that :o:p haha!

 

If she is indeed pushing for him to sign the Birth Certificate, in the eyes of the society, he is admitting he is the father ... and with that come rights but also responsabilities.

That's what I want, the rights and responsibilities. But I've been advised that that's some form of fraud hence the long winded adoption thing.

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We are not telling you it's a bad idea because you want to sign on the dotted line.

We are telling you it's a bad idea because you are willing to salvage the situation without much work from her [once she has been an active mommy 5yrs for her kids, then we can talk about her doing some work].

 

Wanna be there for her, help her out, maybe even marry her some day and adopt ... fine do that, but you're doing it all at once ?

You are literally salvaging the situation for her ... where is her 'punishment' for her actions ?

How can one learn from their mistakes if someone is there to save them ?

 

After you sign the BC, or adopt them ... she will find another and call it 'love'.

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You are literally salvaging the situation for her ... where is her 'punishment' for her actions ?

 

Why does she need to be punished?

 

I do want to get married but I don't want to rush getting married just cause shes pregnant.

 

Don't rush into any part of it. There's no good reason to give the kids your name at this time, or to sign the birth certificate. A few years down the road, maybe like when the kids are starting school, if things are going well, then you can legally adopt them.

 

Though she does as much, it was her saying like if anything god forbid happened to her she wouldn't want me to have a fight on my hands to keep the boys which I guess I would.

 

She can appoint you as their guardian in her will.

 

I've caught up with your previous threads, and you seem like an exceptional person. Your optimism is admirable. But please don't get carried away. I know you're excited that you're finally dating her now, and that it looks like you might have the happy little family that you've always wanted, but don't make any rash decisions based on a relationship that started a little over a month ago. Yes, you've been friends for years, but that does not guarantee anything.

 

It's very likely that she's not in the right place emotionally to be committing to major life decisions. She's hormonal, she's nervous and scared. People in situations like that often tend to choose comfort and safety over everything else. So don't make any binding "contracts" with her, for her sake. As the more stable one, and as her friend, you shouldn't enable her to make any rash decisions. I'd say the same if this were about her dating any guy for just over a month and then considering giving the kids his name. I think it would be unwise and irresponsible of her.

 

Also, I'm just curious because I've read so much of your history with her: How's the relationship going? I know you're happy. Is she? Has she wavered at all about being your girlfriend? Hope everything is going great.

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don't make any rash decisions based on a relationship that started a little over a month ago. Yes, you've been friends for years, but that does not guarantee anything.

 

It's very likely that she's not in the right place emotionally to be committing to major life decisions. She's hormonal, she's nervous and scared.

 

This is good advice above. You've only been a couple for less than two months. That's nothing. I know you've been friends for a long time, but that is not at all the same as being in a committed, exclusive, romantic relationship. Please don't make any major decisions at this point. There is no rush for you to make a commitment at this time. You can always adopt them in the future if you decide to make your relationship legal, but at this point, tying yourself legally to her or her children is not wise, IMO, under the circumstances.

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Why does she need to be punished?

 

I meant it metaphorically, i tried at least to make it sound metaphorically.

 

Bottom line is, she won't learn a damn thing if others bail her out.

The OP is being setup for being a white knight.

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We are telling you it's a bad idea because you are willing to salvage the situation without much work from her [once she has been an active mommy 5yrs for her kids, then we can talk about her doing some work].

 

Wanna be there for her, help her out, maybe even marry her some day and adopt ... fine do that, but you're doing it all at once ?

You are literally salvaging the situation for her ... where is her 'punishment' for her actions ?

How can one learn from their mistakes if someone is there to save them ?

I don't see why she should be "punished" for one thing and for a second Im not trying to 'do everything at once' - I have waited near on 5 years for this girl, shes not just some lass I met in a pub a month ago and now wanna play house with, y'know?

 

I get that from the outside looking in to our relationship it appears like im im taking a risk on her, which I guess would be right, I am. But unless you knew her, like really knew her, I don't think people would see that just by being in a committed relationship with me and by putting herself out there to be hurt shes actually taking a massive risk on me.

 

Im not trying to do everything at once... but she is pregnant and that's not something that I can just ignore - I guess the kinda guy I am I like to sort things out and plan what I'm going to do, I don't like to leave things up in the air. That's just a personality trait - if it was Alex she'd of left picking there names till like her due day its only cause of me that its all sorted by 5 1/2 months :laugh:

 

After you sign the BC, or adopt them ... she will find another and call it 'love'.

I don't see it happening, not knowing her like I do...im the only serious relationship shes ever been in but rolling with your point for now...

If it happened it a year down the line she walked away and id somehow got legal rights, to be there dad. Id be devastated and angry, it would be awful of course. But I wouldn't feel conned - those boys would be my sons in all but blood and I would try my hardest to be the best dad I could to them.

To then weight that against pteromom's hypothetical...

A year from now she walks, but I have no legal responsibility or rights to those boys.

Id raised them totally as my own, in my heart they were my sons in all but blood but in the eyes of the law I had no right to ever see them again - I would just be heartbroken, shattered and id be fighting mad as well.

 

I mean these are completely hypothetical - knowing Alex as well as I do, walking away just isn't her not at all. and removing a parent from kids is definitely not her cause she knows first hand how much that sucks. But if we are talking hypotheticals obviously id be devastated in either scenario but undoubtedly to me, and maybe differently to other guys, but to me the second one hurts more!

 

But shes a great girl, were happy, and im not going to live my life planning in case something go wrong or she leaves me - im far to an optimistic kinda guy for that.

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Don't rush into any part of it. There's no good reason to give the kids your name at this time, or to sign the birth certificate. A few years down the road, maybe like when the kids are starting school, if things are going well, then you can legally adopt them.

Yeah I definitely see that angle, I do agree. What I was thinking starting this thread was do the god father thing and go from there, do everything properly...and legally :o:laugh: and maybe give them my name, that was a gesture that she wanted to make but just Ronnie & Fraser Jett would equally be fine for now.

But it is true that IF, in my mind very very very unlikely but if, something went wrong somewhere, and I had raised those boys as my own, loved them as my own, and then I lost them and had no rights whatsoever - that would break my heart!

But y'know stressing I even if me and Alex had problems down the line I really really cant see her ever doing that, shes a lot of things, but shes not cruel, she wouldn't do that to me or her sons but as a hypothetical situation it would break my heart!!

 

 

I've caught up with your previous threads, and you seem like an exceptional person. Your optimism is admirable.

Thank you :D

 

But please don't get carried away. I know you're excited that you're finally dating her now, and that it looks like you might have the happy little family that you've always wanted, but don't make any rash decisions based on a relationship that started a little over a month ago. Yes, you've been friends for years, but that does not guarantee anything.

Yeah I know it doesn't, I know. We've still got another almost 4 months before the boys will be born, obviously I wont set anything in stone before that.

I like to look at big decisions from every angle because once I make up my mind theres no changing it...like ever! :laugh: that's why im looking at my options now, that's probably why I like this forum - people agreeing with you is always nice, but I think its when people challenge your point of view that you really find out how you feel on a matter deep down.

That's probably one of the things that always attracted me to Alex as apposed to girls who've asked us out in the past - she never ever tells me, or anyone, something just cause its what id like to hear, I value you that, not that its something I can do myself - you know like if she messed up dinner i'd take a deep breath clean my plate and tell her it was great, visevisa she'd tell me straight up, which I respect...and is probably the right thing cause then you can learn from your mistakes.....jesus I don't even know what im typing about now I've drifted so far off topic :laugh: What I was trying to say was I wouldn't do anything, family & relationship wise, without thinking it through because its not fair on her or the boys or me or my family or anyone.

 

It's very likely that she's not in the right place emotionally to be committing to major life decisions. She's hormonal, she's nervous and scared. People in situations like that often tend to choose comfort and safety over everything else. So don't make any binding "contracts" with her, for her sake.

As the more stable one, and as her friend, you shouldn't enable her to make any rash decisions. I'd say the same if this were about her dating any guy for just over a month and then considering giving the kids his name. I think it would be unwise and irresponsible of her.

Yeah, yeah I do understand!

 

Also, I'm just curious because I've read so much of your history with her: How's the relationship going? I know you're happy. Is she? Has she wavered at all about being your girlfriend? Hope everything is going great.

hahah, aww thank you!!

Yeah we're good, we're really good actually! :D

She's been going counselling which is good for her, and shes not living with her dad anymore which is really good for her.

I thought that, like if you've read my threads you'll know its always been me steering us, I guess I thought that even if I got her to say yes it'd still be a lot of work - I thought it would be quite a high maintenance relationship but not so! shes been very chilled! Shes even taken up baking which just makes me laugh cause its so so un-alex, she reckons its her new vice to replace smoking! :laugh:

But no we're good, we are, we have a laugh and when its just the two of us and theres no chnce whatsoever anyone else could hear she can be a bit of a softy - though she'd crucify me for reveling that! :laugh: haha, nah im a happy boy :love::o

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Then all i can say is that Shepperd-Jett sounds better, and gl.

 

haha thanks mate,

 

don't think I don't appreciate what your saying, I totally do, im just, following my gut, y'know?

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This is good advice above. You've only been a couple for less than two months. That's nothing. I know you've been friends for a long time, but that is not at all the same as being in a committed, exclusive, romantic relationship. Please don't make any major decisions at this point. There is no rush for you to make a commitment at this time. You can always adopt them in the future if you decide to make your relationship legal, but at this point, tying yourself legally to her or her children is not wise, IMO, under the circumstances.

 

I totally hear you! We haven't been dating that long and if you took he friends thing out of it then yeah, its madness.

But i think our situation counts for something (nothing like a long term romantic relationship, but something) We've been very close for a very long time, she's staying with my nan and granddad for the moment, all of which i think does make things a little different - i mean i would of been involved as her friend or her boyfriend, id of taken her to scans either way, she'd of given me a big say in there names either way, you know things like that.

I totally agree - i wouldn't rush marriage in our relationship, i certainly wouldn't rush marriage in order to make adoption more simple, i just wouldn't do it...i want my wedding vows to mean more than that.

 

Where the lines blur i think is...im building my own house - without going into loads of detail my great-uncle left his house in our village to me and my brother, my bro has a wife, kids, he lives in the house and being a builder hes helping me build a second house on the land that is attached to house, though its taken ages but whatever, i haven't been in a rush, - i am hoping it will be mostly liveable with a few bits i want to do or add in time by kinda April 14, at which point (providing our relationship is still solid and everything) she'll live with me, cause that makes sense, so then your (and maybe im thinking to far ahead but i like to plan into the future) then your saying we'll be living together with the boys, and of course i'll do my share so im going be feeding them, getting up in the night for them all of that - I don't think I'd be able to play dad to them like that and not love them like a son.

 

which is fine currently that is our plan - i'll be god dad they may or may not have my name, whatever but obviously i wont legal rights which is okay...but nags me ever so slightly.

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Twins ay?

I've got twin boys...well actually like you there not biologically mine, they were 3 when I met my fiancé. I actaully would of liked to adopt them after our wedding but her ex is on the birth certificate and we don't want to bring him back into our lives by contacting him.

According to by fiancé the hands down best book she's ever read was Juggling twins by Meghan Regan-Loomis, maybe have a read or get your gf too.

 

As for surnames, I don't know: Shepherd or Jett sound nice tbh otherwise I think, controversially aparently, lol, that Jett-Shepherd is IMO easier to say.

Shepherd-Jett seem to me to kind of roll into one word 'shepherdjett' whereas the other way round it's more clearly two seperate names.

 

Good luck

 

Ryan

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According to by fiancé the hands down best book she's ever read was Juggling twins by Meghan Regan-Loomis, maybe have a read or get your gf too.

Thanks mate, i'll def check it out!

 

As for surnames, I don't know: Shepherd or Jett sound nice tbh otherwise I think, controversially aparently, lol, that Jett-Shepherd is IMO easier to say.

Shepherd-Jett seem to me to kind of roll into one word 'shepherdjett' whereas the other way round it's more clearly two seperate names.

Yeah I do think shepherd or jett probably sound better on there own, I agree - I dunno, I guess its a pretty unusual situation.

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Hey, OP. Sorry this thread turned into you having to defend what sounds to me like very mature decisions on your part. Good for you and I hope you're happy with what's to come.

 

Now, I am a parent of identical twin girls, though from what you haven't said, it seems like your gf is already having a much easier time with her pregnancy than we did. I do like that the names are not rhyming or too similar... that's a good start. I could give a couple of tips just from experience alone, keeping in mind that my experience will not be the same as yours. So, with twins:

 

There will very likely be a dominance play going on for a while. Let it happen. Just like a wolfpack, the kids will need to learn for themselves who is the dominant one. It will fluctuate too over time until they settle into their own routine. Try not to manipulate the control, but DO set limits to how far you will let that control go. We learned to let bossy be bossy and let mild physical interactions occur. Once they get to hair-pulling, shoving, or hitting (or biting in our case), they go on lockdown. Gotta teach limits.

 

Manage them as a team but try to treat them as individuals. It's tough to do. Very tough to do. Don't feel like bad parents if you can't give them enough individual time. It's a great thing to want to do, but parenting survival can get in the way of that. They won't be scarred, honest.

 

Try your best to get them on the same schedule ASAP... even if they don't want to be. You don't want to have to address their needs on a rotation. You will go nuts. When one wakes up, wake them both up. When one goes to bed, the other goes to bed. Eating, pooping, everything. Trust me.

 

Introduce the concept of sharing, but don't really expect it to happen until at least 2, for boys probably more like 4 or 5.

 

Go get a lot of onesies. Put them in a convenient place. Then, go get about 24 more. Onesies and sleep sacks. You CANNOT have too many.

 

If your gf plans to breastfeed, then please tell her now to start getting her affairs in order. She will essentially be dead to the world for about a year. Try to make humor out of the situation because she will feel like a cow... quite literally. It's nonstop but worth it.

 

If you are a gamer, get all of your games to a nice, comfortable save point. When the kids are born, place the gaming console in a cool dry place away from the sunlight. That way, it will be in good working order in 5 years when you might possibly have a chance to use it again.

 

When you are a father, you NEVER babysit. It is not babysitting when you're a parent... it's called parenting.

 

And if you really want to draw from our experience, go online and download all 8 seasons of Dexter. You'll have plenty of time for marathons when she is too tired and in too much pain to do anything but sit down and not move once she develops a belly big enough for another zip code.

 

As for names, I would personally say just to let her name them with her surname. If and when you adopt them, you can worry about it then. People change, especially after you become parents. Things that seemed really important before drop completely off the radar.

 

There. Stop, breathe, and rest. It's gonna be quite a ride.

 

OH, and twins freaking rock! They will never stop amazing you. Together, they are more than simply a sum of their parts. They are capable of way more than twice as much as one.

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Hey, OP. Sorry this thread turned into you having to defend whatsounds to me like very mature decisions on your part. Good for you and I hopeyou're happy with what's to come.

hey, thanks - Idunno, I dunno whats mature and whats not but it feels right!

thanks - yeah whoneeds to sleep at night anyway, right? :lmao:

 

I dolike that the names are not rhyming or too similar... that's a goodstart.

haha yeah, im notdown with all this Jake & Blake business that people do

...though not gonnalie I was a little gutted that my gf vetoed Ben & Jerry :laugh:

 

There willvery likely be a dominance play going on for a while...Gotta teachlimits.

sure....lifes acompetition I guess..

 

Manage themas a team but try to treat them as individuals. It's tough to do. Very tough to do.Don't feel like bad parents if you can't give them enough individual time.It's a great thing to want to do, but parenting survival can get in the way ofthat. They won't be scarred, honest.

 

Try your best to getthem on the same schedule ASAP... even if they don't

want to be. Youdon't want to have to address their needs on a rotation. You will go nuts. Whenone wakes up, wake them both up. When one goes to bed, the other goes to bed.Eating, pooping, everything. Trust me.

 

That's really greatstuff, thanks!

 

Introduce theconcept of sharing, but don't really expect it to happen until at least 2, forboys probably more like 4 or 5.

haha or 24 or 25,right? :laugh:

 

Go get a lotof onesies. Put them in a convenient place. Then, go get about 24 more. Onesiesand sleep sacks. You CANNOT have too many.

is that so? Betterstart stock piling then!

 

If you are a gamer, get all of your games to a nice, comfortable save point.

When the kids are born, place the gaming console in a cool dry place away from

the sunlight. That way, it will be in good working order in 5 years when you

might possibly have a chance to use it again.

hahah

 

And if you really want to draw from our experience, go online and download all 8 seasons of Dexter. You'll have plenty of time for marathons when she is too tired and in too much pain to do anything but sit down and not move once she develops a belly big enough for another zip code.

yeah? ive never watched it, maybe that will be a good time to start!

 

OH, and twinsfreaking rock! They will never stop amazing you. Together, they are more thansimply a sum of their parts. They are capable of way more than twice as much asone.

Yeah, I don't doubt it!! exciting times :)

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