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Miscarriage


unluckyinlove4

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unluckyinlove4

Anyone had one? I had one about 6 months ago and I still think about it all the time--especially since the "father" has decided he would rather be with a trashy girl than me. I've definitely tried to move on....but it's hard. Not sure where this should go....I still feel sad about it but if I mention it to family especially, it gets minimized (i.e. "This would have been an awful time for a baby." or "He would have been a terrible father.") Those things may be true, but they don't make it hurt less.

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My sympathy for your loss. It is hard for a mother to carry a child inside of her even if for a couple of months, and lose it. Dreams are crashed and hopes are dashed. The life that you have begun has ended, and you do not get to see the baby born.

 

I am a guy (obviously), but we did lose one early on. We have four other children, but I too still after a number of years wonder who that baby might have been. Sometimes I feel that we are missing one at the table even though there was never another child. It seems we should be a family of five children.

 

Your emotions are real, and it is okay to grieve. You are not alone in your grief. There are many others who have lost children before they were born, and they would understand too what you are coping with. Perhaps there is a support group nearby that you could attend. Perhaps there is a friend or acquaintance who would understand. You may need to reach out.

 

I know why those around you minimize it. The baby was never born, so they will not have the connection that you had. Even the birth father won't feel the same as you. Some men can connect prior to birth. Some cannot. But usually it takes a few moths and the feel of the kick or two in the belly.

 

I hope that you get the support you need in real life. Please hang in there and don't try to bury your emotions.

 

Again, my sympathy for the pain and your loss.

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Anyone had one? I had one about 6 months ago and I still think about it all the time--especially since the "father" has decided he would rather be with a trashy girl than me. I've definitely tried to move on....but it's hard. Not sure where this should go....I still feel sad about it but if I mention it to family especially, it gets minimized (i.e. "This would have been an awful time for a baby." or "He would have been a terrible father.") Those things may be true, but they don't make it hurt less.

 

Don't, in the slightest sense, equate yourself to trash. You are a valuable person, with lots of good to offer, regardless of the fact that your ex left. This has no bearing on your worth.

 

I'm very sorry for your loss. I hope you will look into some counseling or perhaps a support group.

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frozensprouts

I'm very sorry for your loss, and also that it seems like people don't understand...that doesn't make things any easier...

 

sometimes people mean well when they say things like that. losing a child, even if you never got the chance to hold him or her in your arms is one of the most diffuclt things a person can go through...even if you never got to meet them, you bonded with and loved your baby...sometime people are trying to be helpful, but they just don't know what to say...

 

even if the timing wasn't right, you still loved your baby, and that's what you need to remember. try and focus on the good parts of the short time you had together...did you feel a rush of excitement and jy when you found out you wee pregnant and did you smile when you wondered what your babies might look like? did everything seem happier? if so, then hold on to those things...don't let anyone try and take that away from you...let go of the sadness but remember the joy

 

one more thing to remember...you're still a mom, even if you never got to actually hold your babies...it sounds like you have lot of love to give, and, hopefully, one day you'll be able to share it with your child

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Anyone had one? I had one about 6 months ago and I still think about it all the time--especially since the "father" has decided he would rather be with a trashy girl than me. I've definitely tried to move on....but it's hard. Not sure where this should go....I still feel sad about it but if I mention it to family especially, it gets minimized (i.e. "This would have been an awful time for a baby." or "He would have been a terrible father.") Those things may be true, but they don't make it hurt less.

 

While I have never had a miscarriage or been pregnant, I have so much sympathy for what you are going through. *hug*

 

My beloved sister in law and my bestie have each had more than one miscarriage. It ripped my heart out to watch two ladies I love lose their babies.

 

People minimize because they don't understand the situation or they want you to move on from your pain. I think your family means well, but they are not being supportive.

 

My family of origin is the same way. I have learned where I can seek comfort if I need it.

 

Have you thought of looking into some grief counseling? If that is not an option for you, I'm sure there are forums online for this issue.

 

Sorry for your loss and the fact that your ex was a tool. He will get what he deserves as I believe that is what happens to everyone who is terrible to others.

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Anyone had one? I had one about 6 months ago and I still think about it all the time--especially since the "father" has decided he would rather be with a trashy girl than me. I've definitely tried to move on....but it's hard. Not sure where this should go....I still feel sad about it but if I mention it to family especially, it gets minimized (i.e. "This would have been an awful time for a baby." or "He would have been a terrible father.") Those things may be true, but they don't make it hurt less.

 

Sorry for your loss. Lots of hugs to you.. No advice really, just rely on those whom you can trust to help you through this tough time.. Be good to yourself and please, if need be, do grief counseling to help you cope.

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I have had 3! The most recent in May of 2012 and sadly enough the reason Im here. Well my crazy actions around having my miscarriage are why my marriage is on the rocks.

 

Its devastating! This one was the worst for me because I felt pregnant. I had crazy mood swings and cravings and then it was over!! I still felt pregnant a month later and was at the beach and everytime i saw a happy family with a baby i lost it! Luckily for me I have a beautiful 12 year old already. But I would love to have a child with my husband!

 

Its so hard! I hope your doing ok and please know your not alone

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Miscarriage or spontaneous abortion is the spontaneous end of a pregnancy at a stage where the embryo or fetus is incapable of surviving independently. Miscarriage is the most common complication of early pregnancy.

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todreaminblue
Anyone had one? I had one about 6 months ago and I still think about it all the time--especially since the "father" has decided he would rather be with a trashy girl than me. I've definitely tried to move on....but it's hard. Not sure where this should go....I still feel sad about it but if I mention it to family especially, it gets minimized (i.e. "This would have been an awful time for a baby." or "He would have been a terrible father.") Those things may be true, but they don't make it hurt less.

 

I have had a few miscarriages,two of them were really rough to go through,I didn't have support around at the time and they were really hard to deal with by myself.....i am not going to go into it here, one of them was extremely confronting....

 

 

i just froze at the computer then .fingers wouldnt move..i cant go into it....i am sorry i was going to write about it ...i just cant..never really talked about that one i just thought of...

 

 

 

i know how you struggle.......my only offer of advice is to say , dont dwell there, take all the time you need to heal, i never sought therapy after my miscarriages, i tried to deal with it myself, that was over eighteen years ago ....two consecutive miscarriages.....threat of a third.....and i got down on my knees and prayed my heart out begged and grovelled fro god to not take that one from me.....i was bleeding and the cramps had started....my daughter is eighteen now....a gift.......went on to have two more daughters both risky pregnancies with complications, one daughter born completely in the bag in record time the other emergency c section...complications for both me and my youngest....

 

 

i pray that one day you will meet the right guy who will be good to you,who will cherish you and your spirit and that you have that child you long for,with no complications and a pregnancy filled with joy and hope..... not that any baby will take away what baby you didnt get to hold...... emotions dont go away , they fade and dont hurt as much , and some remain vivid when you think of them directly,and it still will hurt... whatever you feel and think...is right....and never wrong....

 

 

think about some therapy, talk therapy or group..I never got therapy, if i could go back ...i probably would..big hugs to ya.....deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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