forzanapoli Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 hi all, I am in a bit of a conundrum. I have a nephew who is like a son to me, I have always been there for him. So this morning i was looking at his search history. he was searching stuff typical for his age, bit of porn, and then message forums about vaginas and female fingering. all ok, he was just being curious. then i saw something that made me throw up. apparently he's been fantasizing about his sister. She is 10 (too young!) and they've always been close. his google searches were "finger sister" which gave some lewd forums and testimonies. most of the comments told stories about teens sneaking into their older sisters room while they slept and fingering them. then he searched "is it ok to...." which gave results that warned against such incest. but then he searched "sneak fingering sister" which gave the same results as before. I was speechless. I was shaking. While i wasn't too shocked since he does look at lots of porn and is very close to his sister, i was disgusted that he might actually do this. I feel I'm in such a bad situation and I need to do something, whether I give him advice about fantasies and controlling them, or if I give him advice about why incest is wrong. The question that is driving me mad is: did he act on it? will he? He is a shy kid, I know he'd really hesitate to get the courage to do something like this, but hormones may be making him do it. He must be so conflicted right now, either way. I could confront him and ask, we are close enough that I could ask. Would be best to do it face-to-face maybe. But he lives in another state, my next trip isn't until next month, but i would consider traveling immediately if there is danger he'll do anything. I can call on the phone but I don't think I could ever talk about that over the phone, but maybe I could talk about general stuff like porn and how he thinks about it. I believe he has started masturbating, considering the porn, but on the off chance he hasn't learned, surely the hormones are driving him insane, so I should ask if he's learned, and if not tell him how, to kill his hormones that way. Later that night he searched google about panties and sniffing them, he was probably curious since that's what people always talk about. maybe this defused the situation a bit. It's been a week since he searched it, there has been nothing like it since, just some regular porn on one occasion. His silence about fingering, does that suggest he did it or is he blanking it out? I feel like I need to talk to him today, but honestly don't know how to go about it! Is this just a hormonal stage? is it a fantasy he'd never act on, but searched on google since he assumed google is safe? [and in case he finds this message on the google search... bro I love you, there's nothing wrong with you, thoughts are normal but just never act them out! .....and if you did, never again! I don't mind. call me.] Link to post Share on other sites
MonsterMash Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 hi all, I am in a bit of a conundrum. I have a nephew who is like a son to me, I have always been there for him. So this morning i was looking at his search history. he was searching stuff typical for his age, bit of porn, and then message forums about vaginas and female fingering. all ok, he was just being curious. then i saw something that made me throw up. apparently he's been fantasizing about his sister. She is 10 (too young!) and they've always been close. his google searches were "finger sister" which gave some lewd forums and testimonies. most of the comments told stories about teens sneaking into their older sisters room while they slept and fingering them. then he searched "is it ok to...." which gave results that warned against such incest. but then he searched "sneak fingering sister" which gave the same results as before. I was speechless. I was shaking. While i wasn't too shocked since he does look at lots of porn and is very close to his sister, i was disgusted that he might actually do this. I feel I'm in such a bad situation and I need to do something, whether I give him advice about fantasies and controlling them, or if I give him advice about why incest is wrong. The question that is driving me mad is: did he act on it? will he? He is a shy kid, I know he'd really hesitate to get the courage to do something like this, but hormones may be making him do it. He must be so conflicted right now, either way. I could confront him and ask, we are close enough that I could ask. Would be best to do it face-to-face maybe. But he lives in another state, my next trip isn't until next month, but i would consider traveling immediately if there is danger he'll do anything. I can call on the phone but I don't think I could ever talk about that over the phone, but maybe I could talk about general stuff like porn and how he thinks about it. I believe he has started masturbating, considering the porn, but on the off chance he hasn't learned, surely the hormones are driving him insane, so I should ask if he's learned, and if not tell him how, to kill his hormones that way. Later that night he searched google about panties and sniffing them, he was probably curious since that's what people always talk about. maybe this defused the situation a bit. It's been a week since he searched it, there has been nothing like it since, just some regular porn on one occasion. His silence about fingering, does that suggest he did it or is he blanking it out? I feel like I need to talk to him today, but honestly don't know how to go about it! Is this just a hormonal stage? is it a fantasy he'd never act on, but searched on google since he assumed google is safe? [and in case he finds this message on the google search... bro I love you, there's nothing wrong with you, thoughts are normal but just never act them out! .....and if you did, never again! I don't mind. call me.] Why the hell are you allowing a thirteen year old access to porn and incest sites? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 Why the hell are you allowing a thirteen year old access to porn and incest sites? That was my first thought as well. The second is, how close is the OP to the child's parents? Talk to them immediately and hire a child psychologist to intervene ASAP. Get "NetNanny" for the computer to stop his access to these sites and get professional help. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author forzanapoli Posted October 6, 2012 Author Share Posted October 6, 2012 Why the hell are you allowing a thirteen year old access to porn and incest sites? Thanks for the replies people. It really is a nightmare, I've been stressing all day. Need to prevent this. The whole porn issue, well, I talked to him about that before, trust me I did a lot of research because it was stressing me out alot, seems somewhat typical for that age, I accept. I'd rather he didn't look at it, but at least its not often. I will talk to him, but probably won't see him until halloween, hope thats not too late. he's my sister's son, i know how she will react, i really don't want to betray his trust since I'd be the one who'd normally talk to him about things like this. It's just I won't be there for a while. Wondering if this warrants booking a flight and taking a couple days off work... probably does. but i keep telling myself it's just thoughts and fantasies, that he'd never act! we have all searched for outrageous things on google when we think nobody is watching. i am telling myself that's what happened... I really don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyCharm Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 I think this is one of those cases were you NEED to tell your sister! it's normal to be curious at his age but it's not normal to want to finger your 10 y/o sister!! If you think anything could possibly happen you need to tell your sister before a little girl becomes a victim and you didn't tell This is not about your nephews trust anymore but about the safety of your niece, this boy sounds like he needs professional help. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 Lucky has it right. What are you going to do? Are you going to stand by while this sick little f**** violates his little sister? You need to protect her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author forzanapoli Posted October 7, 2012 Author Share Posted October 7, 2012 So this afternoon I had a chat with my nephew on the phone. talked about sports and his hockey team, before gently steering the conversation. Asked how he's dealing with hormones and moods recently. And then asked has he been looking at porn - he was pretty open about it, and it lined up with what i've seen in the google history, so he was fully honest. the rest of the chat was delicate.. i told him about how porn is all fake and not like real life, and i told him how fantasies etc are normal, while i made no mention of what i saw in his search history. i kept talking about fantasies and how perverse they can be, but to not be afraid, eg thinking about your own mother, that kinda thing. and my nephew actually said to me, that he sometimes had thoughts about his sister! he said the thoughts were killing him, he felt he was a bad person, but he would never do anything to harm her! i explained how bad it really was, but that thoughts are just thoughts and can be controlled. And he was so glad for me to tell him to ignore thoughts, that actions are the only thing that makes you a bad person. Man was i relieved after that chat. So so glad. I was so paranoid yesterday, had trouble eating even! So the moral of the story is, keep an eye on your kid's history, and talk to them no matter what! Link to post Share on other sites
AlexC Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 What the hell are you doing, letting ur 13 year old nephew watch porn????? Yes, it's normal for a thirteen year old boy to start thinking about these things, to wonder about them, especially if his friends are talking about it, but that DOES NOT mean it's ok for him to watch that stuff! Why would you want his mind poisoned at that age? I for one, and I'm sure many others, would never let my daughter or son (If i had a son) watch that stuff. Really. Put a site blocker up or something! And tell his mum about it. Seriously. He probably got the idea of touching his sister from the porn websites - I'm sure he has. Stop him from watching the porn, stop him from acting upon these feelings of his. Trust me, kill the roots and this phase of his will pass. I know what I'm talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii50 Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 Did anyone else read that he's on the other side of the state?! Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 Just because porn is prevalent in this day and age does not mean it's normal for a 13 yo to have access to it!!!! If he is having fantasies about his sister he needs to see a psych. This kind of thing falls into childhood traumas and can have dire repercussions in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii50 Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 Just because porn is prevalent in this day and age does not mean it's normal for a 13 yo to have access to it!!!! If he is having fantasies about his sister he needs to see a psych. This kind of thing falls into childhood traumas and can have dire repercussions in the future. If the OP was busy being an over bearing uncle or authoritative person in this kid's life, there is no way he would have been able to have the conversation he did. I think he did a damn good job, catching--->accessing----> clarifying for this kid. Everything he got his mind in to was relatively natural, looking at the big picture. And I'm sure you think it's all sick, well, yeah, it's not totally normal i don't think. But, then again, I don't know either. It's almost impossible for this kid not to have access to it. Times are a changin' Most of us who grew up at the advent of the internet had to be precise when looking for porn at this kids age, as it would take 10 minutes for a titty to load. Now every-THING is at every-ONE's, fingertips. Before the internet, when I was 10-11, me and my brother would re-configure our cable box to get the "spice" channel after my parents went to bed. We'd sneak down stairs like we were on a mission, and configure it back to normal. These are 5 boys, 14 through 10, and we got what we wanted. Kids nowadays are even smarter and can circumvent anything they put their mind too. I applaud the OP for acting the way he has, and helping this kid work through his fantasies/issues regarding how he felt. Most parents wouldn't come close to this sort of correction/nurturing. All in my humble opinion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author forzanapoli Posted October 8, 2012 Author Share Posted October 8, 2012 Thanks for the reply Hawaii50. I'm so relieved with how it worked out. As for the porn thing, I'm not that happy with how easy it is available. But he has seen it, he can't un-see it, and i'm very glad i got the chance to explain to him how it is all unrealistic and belongs in fantasy. When I was a teenager all those websites used have big warnings "Enter if you are 18 or over" which guilted me to stay out. Nowadays lots of those website pop up with really hardcore videos the minute you type porn into google. It's such a different world and I'm trying to get my head around it. I feel like i should close this thread since I consider the issue solved, luckily! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I didn't have internet at 13 but I watched porn! Either on TV (there was an open late night channel on weekends that everyone knew about) or from my parents stash that they thought was hidden. Kids will be curious and will find ways. No point in trying to avoid it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 Wow, if you were my sister and didn't tell me that my son was thinking about molesting my daughter, then I'd disown your butt. Your nephew needs counseling STAT and you are actively denying him that by trusting that a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD BOY can control legitimately deviant behavior without professional help. Your nephew needs HELP and your niece needs HELP and their Mother is being left completely in the dark. Some sister/aunt you are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 Is there a reason his mom can't know? Does she parent badly or something? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 Thanks for the replies people. It really is a nightmare, I've been stressing all day. Need to prevent this. The whole porn issue, well, I talked to him about that before, trust me I did a lot of research because it was stressing me out alot, seems somewhat typical for that age, I accept. I'd rather he didn't look at it, but at least its not often. I will talk to him, but probably won't see him until halloween, hope thats not too late. he's my sister's son, i know how she will react, i really don't want to betray his trust since I'd be the one who'd normally talk to him about things like this. It's just I won't be there for a while. Wondering if this warrants booking a flight and taking a couple days off work... probably does. but i keep telling myself it's just thoughts and fantasies, that he'd never act! we have all searched for outrageous things on google when we think nobody is watching. i am telling myself that's what happened... I really don't know. I know you love your nephew and are close to him but this really is something that needs to be handled and dealt with by your sister or brother (not sure which parent is your sibling). This matter is HUGE and his own parents should talk be the ones to him, take him to a Dr (psychologist) to figure this out and fix it. You're a wonderful aunt and you care a lot, but it's not your place to talk to your nephew about this, that's his parents job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 Thanks for the reply Hawaii50. I'm so relieved with how it worked out. As for the porn thing, I'm not that happy with how easy it is available. But he has seen it, he can't un-see it, and i'm very glad i got the chance to explain to him how it is all unrealistic and belongs in fantasy. When I was a teenager all those websites used have big warnings "Enter if you are 18 or over" which guilted me to stay out. Nowadays lots of those website pop up with really hardcore videos the minute you type porn into google. It's such a different world and I'm trying to get my head around it. I feel like i should close this thread since I consider the issue solved, luckily! But you are not his parent! You cannot be there 24/7. Remember kids lie! Sure he told you he gets it and all, but a 13 year old will do what he's going to do. TELL HIS PARENTS. They need to know and it's wrong of you NOT to tell them. hat kinda thing. and my nephew actually said to me, that he sometimes had thoughts about his sister! he said the thoughts were killing him, he felt he was a bad person, but he would never do anything to harm her! i explained how bad it really was, but that thoughts are just thoughts and can be controlled. And he was so glad for me to tell him to ignore thoughts, that actions are the only thing that makes you a bad person. Man was i relieved after that chat. So so glad. I was so paranoid yesterday, had trouble eating even! So the moral of the story is, keep an eye on your kid's history, and talk to them no matter what! How can you keep an eye on his internet history when you aren't there? You say he's been thinking about it for a while..He admitted it all. The poor kid needs professional help. You telling him it's wrong etc., is fine, but if he has issues and acts upon this and his parents find out you didn't tell them, let them deal with this, they're going to be pissed at you. For your own sake and his sister's sake, TELL your sister/bro what is going on today. Please. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 One more point to make. Say this was happening and it was your son who was peeping at porn and googling the stuff your nephew is googling. And your sibling knew all about it, how bad and awful the stuff he was looking up online and even admitted to thinking and wanting his little sister and they did not tell you!! I'm sure you'd be pissed off and feel betrayed, let alone feeling like your sibling has NO right to get involved and take over. You aren't the mother. Being an aunt is great, but it isn't up to you to decide how this all is/was handled. That's his parents job. Please give this some thought. And pray to God that your nephew doesn't make a move on his little sister. Not saying anything is a huge mistake! Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 Well, I would be concerned about these images/searches now being on your computer. Lewd sites are monitored.. Hope you tell someone, as he may already be abusing his sister. His sister is the priority here. She needs to be spoken to to ensure this has not happened. I hope that LS can make sure to pass on all relevant information to the correct services so they can investigate matters further. I would also advise that a disclaimer be put on the site detailing that safeguarding concerns will be reported to appropriate agencies. This should not be a matter for public discussion. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
Caryopteris Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 This is what safe search mode and administrative privileges are for on a computer. Wowza. Of course he is curious and his sister is the only female around that is convenient. He is most likely interested in learning about female anatomy in general, not his sister. It has always been tempting for boys to see what their female relatives or neighbor girls looked like. But the computer shows stuff that is way beyond their level, and it's hard to go backward, so you are causing him to be promiscuous by letting him jump ahead to stuff he wasn't even planning on seeing. Why the hell are you allowing a thirteen year old access to porn and incest sites? Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 By stopping him from looking at porn, isn't there a danger of it making it more likely that he would do something to his sister, or that he'll fantasize about her even more, since he could end up feeling more sexually frustrated? I mean porn is a sexual outlet for some guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 My first thoughts were what's up with this kid's parents? I don't remember having to be told that incest is wrong but my moms somewhat austere morality jut made it pretty clear that sex was private and something that adults do. Having seven younger siblings, four of them girls, made for a lot of conflict and a desperate want for some privacy (coming from a row house in NYC). This kid needs to be seriously be counselled and asked in no uncertain terms if he's doing anything like that. I think my two youngest sibs--a boy and girl--did something they didn't know was incest but I straightened him out. They called is "licking tongues". Duh? Anyway, my bother seemed to be reasonable, but my sister was another story. She was pregnant by 16. She had no "off switch" and was very reckless and a thief. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forzanapoli Posted October 8, 2012 Author Share Posted October 8, 2012 These responses are certainly eye opening. Initially I wasn't going to tell my sister about her son, since i had thought i solved the problem, and i trust my nephew that he did nothing more than a few google searches. My sister and him don't have the greatest relationship, he's very withdrawn from his parents. BUT, they are the ones living with him 24/7 and the only ones who can monitor him. I am reluctant, but the replies on this thread are very strong points. I've never had to deal with anything like this before. So I think the best thing is to bring it up with his parents. You are right, it's my responsibilty. I am visiting my sister and brother-in-law in three weeks so will have a chance to do it then. I was able to monitor his internet history even from a different state. there is a thing on your google account called "web history" that saves every single google search, and what results you click. I know his google password so that's how I can check. Pretty powerful tool, it overrides incognito mode even. Eve, don't worry, he didn't use my computer to search! Also what do you mean by LS passing on the information to the authorities? I care about my nephew and niece and am taking this entire matter so seriously, and am making sure this gets dealt with. I don't need social services at my door! I will be able to call them myself, but if that's the route I need to take, it will be my sister's job to call the psychiatrist for her son. But thank you all for your replies, yesterday I was so glad I could just forget this whole episode, but now this evening I realise I need to follow up and tell his parents. Will definitely be having a few more sleepless nights in the meantime. Been having major anxiety these past few days. Will be a relief to pass the burden on to my sister, it's her job. But three weeks is a long wait, i'm seriously considering booking a flight for this weekend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TwinkletOes26 Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 To me the issue isnt just looking porn....come on people i know there are some of you who are my age and remember using the old school search engines (askjeeves anyone) to look to for porn. I dont see why people get all shocked that a 13 year old boy is looking at porn thats a common thing its been that way since the days of playboy and husler lol...... Anywho yes he needs to get some help thinking about doing things to your lil sister is gross. I use to live in a small town where some class mates were products of brother sister relations lets just say they mad mental and physical issues. I am glad you told your sister because who knows how long before the fantasy turns into a reality. I hope your sister closely monitors your nephew and his sister.... Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) Why aren't his parents monitoring his internet history? Why are you doing it? How come you're waiting three weeks to tell them? That's a long time to wait, who knows what could be happening during that time. Edited October 9, 2012 by SpiralOut 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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