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I Don't like my husband's son


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5 years ago my husband cheated on me with some tramp he met, she ended up getting pregnant. We almost got divorced, but we were able to work through it.

 

This girl is in her final year of law school and has had to study for a lot of tests lately. I'm not sure if I believe that, but my husband says it's true. She's been leaving him with us when she studies and he's been here for what seems like forever.

 

When he talks to me I don't even want to respond, I can't stand him. He cries constantly, makes a mess of my house, and just plain gets on my nerves.

 

Yesterday I was reading a book on my couch in our living room while my husband was running errands, he left his son here with me and he played in the next room. All the sudden he ran into the room and put his head in my lap. I told him to sit up and never do it again. Why did he do that? I'm not his mother.

 

My husband keeps telling me it's not his fault, but for some reason I can't get over it.

 

What should I do?

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you are angry at your lying cheating husband and taking it out on the kid.

 

clearly you have resentment for the product of his cheating to be shoved in your face.

 

what can you do?

 

you can either suck it up and do you best to be kind to the child or divorce your husband. go to some counseling.

 

being mean to the kid really isn't an option

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I agree, I totally understand your situation. When I first read the title, I always thought it was a dealbreaker not to love your spouse's kid as your own. But given the situation, this is tough. This is something you will both have to live with for the rest of your lives. It's not just an affair and moving forward, a child was created. Try to remember it's not the child's fault, he didn't choose to be a product of this mess. I would try marriage counseling, if you cannot eventually accept him as your own (which you would need to do to make the marriage work) I would suggest divorce and I wouldn't blame you if you did. This is a very, very difficult situation for you emotionally having to be reminded of the affair and help take care of this child.

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threebyfate

I'm torn about this one. The child's innocent. But why are you caring for him? Tell your husband that the boy's his child and he should be the one to care for him. Asking you to do it is like lacing a wound with acid. Your husband's a selfish jerk.

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MuscleCarFan

Don't take your anger out on this poor innocent child. He has done absolutely nothing to you. If you feel so much anger about it, divorce your husband. Just don't take out on a child who is unaware of how his cheating father conceived him.

 

This reminds me of my step-father who merely tolerates me despite being with my mother for so long. I think he's a total douchebag. Do your self a favor and get out of the situation.

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I'm torn about this one. The child's innocent. But why are you caring for him? Tell your husband that the boy's his child and he should be the one to care for him. Asking you to do it is like lacing a wound with acid. Your husband's a selfish jerk.

 

My husband usually does watch him, but this time he had to go get some work done on his truck so he left it with me. He knows I'm not the babysitter.

 

I hate this kid and I don't even feel bad about it, just weird. He ruined my life.

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All the sudden he ran into the room and put his head in my lap. I told him to sit up and never do it again.

 

Why are you so mean to a four-year-old? :( He was being sweet to you.

 

Instead of spending the next few sentences telling you how big of a ****heel I think you are for getting mad at a four-year-old for acting like a four-year-old, I'll just say that you aren't cut out for the position you have found yourself in. It would be best for that kid and his dad (and you) if you removed yourself from that situation completely, like through divorce. You're very bitter and angry. Spend some time alone until you can learn how to not inflict your emotions on others who don't deserve it.

 

Seriously, you can't truly believe that your feelings toward this kid are healthy or fair to him. If you can't be nice to him, don't be around him at all. Please.

 

 

 

P.S. Maybe he cries "constantly" and makes messes because he senses that you "can't stand him" and he's expressing his discontent the only way he knows how. Because he's four. How old are you?

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My husband usually does watch him, but this time he had to go get some work done on his truck so he left it with me. He knows I'm not the babysitter.

 

lol. "It."

 

You're delightful, OP.

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Don't worry after I had my two wonderful children my tubes were tied.

 

I'm 39 why does it matter?

 

I don't want to leave my husband, he's mine I love him more than anything. If it weren't for this child our lives would be perfect.

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I'm 39 why does it matter?

 

Because your behavior is not much better than the four-year-old's, who cries and makes messes to prove a point.

 

I don't want to leave my husband, he's mine I love him more than anything.

 

Hm. Well, sure, I can see how "he's mine" would be true in your own self-absorbed world. But in the reality in which that little boy lives, your husband has more responsibility to his son than he does to you. Agree/disagree?

 

If it weren't for this child our lives would be perfect.

 

For sure. Yeah. Absolutely perfect. Except for that whole cheating on you thing, which you totally forgave him for. Oh wait you didn't forgive him for it, which is why you're taking your idiot anger out on a little kid.

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Don't worry after I had my two wonderful children my tubes were tied.

So why are your children wonderful, but this poor little kid gets the full measure of your wrath?

How old are your children?

Do they know how nasty, spiteful, vindictive and mean their mother can be to a tiny child?

 

I'm 39 why does it matter?

Because you don't sound either mature or capable of any kind of responsibility.

 

I don't want to leave my husband,

He obviously didn't share your attachment if he chose to put his wanger between the thighs of another woman, enjoy sex with her and create as new life with her, behind your back.

 

he's mine I love him more than anything.

Really?

More than, say, your wonderful children?

You've chosen a life with a confirmed cheater over giving them a life which teaches them how NOT to behave?

Yes, you certainly do have some odd priorities...

 

If it weren't for this child our lives would be perfect.

If he chose to have wonderful, passionate, and fulfilling sex with another woman (and it must have been good, because if it hadn't been, one, there would have been no orgasm, and two, no erection either, because if guys are put off sex, they don't stay erect) and chose to have sex without any form of adequate protection, and chose to come inside her, and chose to take the risk of creating a human being - then take it out on him, not the poor little innocent who never asked to be a 'mistake' and be here as a consequence of your husband's stupidity and inability to keep it in his pants.

If it wasn't for the fact that your husband looked for sex with someone else instead of you - your lives would be perfect.

But he did.

Deal with him, not the little son.

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Because your behavior is not much better than the four-year-old's, who cries and makes messes to prove a point.

 

 

 

Hm. Well, sure, I can see how "he's mine" would be true in your own self-absorbed world. But in the reality in which that little boy lives, your husband has more responsibility to his son than he does to you. Agree/disagree?

 

 

 

For sure. Yeah. Absolutely perfect. Except for that whole cheating on you thing, which you totally forgave him for. Oh wait you didn't forgive him for it, which is why you're taking your idiot anger out on a little kid.

 

He might have more responsibility to his son, but he made a promise to me. Long before that little brat came along.

 

Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if his mother had a little respect. (if you want any info on that go read my other post)

Maybe I wouldnt be so angry if there wasn't a screaming kid running around my house breaking my things.

Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if I didn't have to explain to people who he is.

Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if he wasn't a spitting image of my husband, that reminds me of the fact he cheated on me everyday.

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He might have more responsibility to his son, but he made a promise to me. Long before that little brat came along.

 

Brat? Bite your tongue.

 

His promise to you is not more important than his responsibility to be a father.

 

 

 

Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if...etc

 

You choose to be angry, Shelly. You have the power to stop being angry whenever you want. If you don't have that capability right now, remove yourself and fix it.

 

Or just be a terrible human being forever. Up to you.

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I hate this kid and I don't even feel bad about it, just weird. He ruined my life.

 

He absolutely did not ruin your life. Your husband cheated on you and it hurt - a lot - and the lad is a constant reminder. He may not be likeable but he has done nothing to hurt you.

 

He's probably not overly enamoured with the situation either. It's hard for kids who aren't welcome. Really hard. Have you and your husband talked things over with a counsellor so you can do better by the boy and your husband can do better by both of you?

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todreaminblue
He might have more responsibility to his son, but he made a promise to me. Long before that little brat came along.

 

Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if his mother had a little respect. (if you want any info on that go read my other post)

Maybe I wouldnt be so angry if there wasn't a screaming kid running around my house breaking my things.

Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if I didn't have to explain to people who he is.

Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if he wasn't a spitting image of my husband, that reminds me of the fact he cheated on me everyday.

 

You need to say exactly what you have said on this site to your husband tell him everything dont hold back.tell him every vile feeling you have towards the child you will feel better for he made a promise to you first so your relationship with your husband will benefit from the honesty. he will surely respect your unwavering love that should set things right in your world......for he didnt leave you did he when the child was born so why would he now.....he is probably waiting for you to say how you really feel.....make sure the child is with the mother when you do tell him....just a thought......may you find happiness in honesty....i always do.....

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He might have more responsibility to his son, but he made a promise to me. Long before that little brat came along.

Yeah. A promise he obviously had no intention of keeping, long before this all happened. Long before this child was conceived.

long before this child was born.

He broke it, waaaay before.

so tell me - Why is this the child's fault??

 

Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if his mother had a little respect. (if you want any info on that go read my other post)

why should she have any respect for you now?

She didn't have, when she slept with your husband, and there's no reason why she would owe you any respect.

Again - this has nothing to do with the child!!

 

Maybe I wouldnt be so angry if there wasn't a screaming kid running around my house breaking my things.

You've had kids - young kids - before. You know what children are like.

Don't leave things around he can break. As a point of Law, as the present adult, it is incumbent upon you to prevent any harm befalling the child. You have a duty of care - and frankly, I don't give a flying fart whether you wanted to look after him or not - that is between you and his father. The buck stops with you.

 

Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if I didn't have to explain to people who he is.

Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if he wasn't a spitting image of my husband, that reminds me of the fact he cheated on me everyday.

Ah yes, I can hear the 'I love my husband more than anything' really coming out here.

You are still way more madder than you should be.

But you're deflecting all that anger and resentment towards the one person who cannot defend himself, has no power to speak for himself and who is defenceless and completely innocent in all of this.

in other words - you are a coward and a bully.

 

You look out of your front window at your garden, and some guy is standing there with a leash in his hand, and letting his dog dig a hole and crap on your lawn.

do you go out and scream at the dog to stop it and get off your property?

No.

the dog isn't at fault, he's just a dog.

He doesn't understand, he's just doing what a dog does.

 

You take it out on the owner.

The owner is completely to blame and should be responsible.

GET MY DRIFT = !?

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Stellar Wench

This is partly why Dr. Harley recommends that reconciling couples have nothing to do with a child born of infidelity.

 

Either your husband should abandon the child so you can have your life back, or you will have to realise that this child is the flesh and blood of someone you love, and you will learn tolerance and compassion. Good luck.

Edited by Stellar Wench
Missing word
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5 years ago my husband cheated on me with some tramp he met, she ended up getting pregnant. We almost got divorced, but we were able to work through it.

 

This girl is in her final year of law school and has had to study for a lot of tests lately. I'm not sure if I believe that, but my husband says it's true. She's been leaving him with us when she studies and he's been here for what seems like forever.

 

When he talks to me I don't even want to respond, I can't stand him. He cries constantly, makes a mess of my house, and just plain gets on my nerves.

 

Yesterday I was reading a book on my couch in our living room while my husband was running errands, he left his son here with me and he played in the next room. All the sudden he ran into the room and put his head in my lap. I told him to sit up and never do it again. Why did he do that? I'm not his mother.

 

My husband keeps telling me it's not his fault, but for some reason I can't get over it.

 

What should I do?

 

I don't think you will ever like your husband's son, because it will remind you of his adultery. I don't honestly know why you decided to work through it. I wouldn't have.

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This is partly why Dr. Harley recommends that reconciling couples have nothing to do with a child born of infidelity.

 

Either your husband should abandon the child so you can have your life back, or you will have to realise that this child is the flesh and blood of someone you love, and you will learn tolerance and compassion. Good luck.

 

The husband should not abandon his child under any circumstances. It's a question of whether the OP should leave the husband. She will either have to learn to somehow accept that situation (which I could not) or she will have to get closure and move on.

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Again - this has nothing to do with the child!!

 

Oh, but it does; it has to do with a child that is not hers, and a child that is an everyday reminder of the fact that her husband cheated on her and that it has had permanent consequences. I wholeheartedly agree that children come first, and that this is not the child's fault; but it's not the OP's fault either. The child has parents. It's their responsibility to take care of him.

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My children are 14 and 16, they are the most beautiful, smartest, sweetest, most respectful kids I've ever met. Our son seems to tolerate my husbands child, but our daughter feels the same way I do. We've never had the problems with them that we do with him. The only person who likes him is my husband who spoils him, never disciplines him, and lets him get away with everything.

 

I love my husband and children equally, and have always prided myself on being a fantastic wife and mother. Who would do anything for her family.

 

I'd never would leave this woman alone with my man, who knows what she might try to get him to do.

 

 

He knows exactly how I feel about this kid.

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Oh so she chained him to the bed and forced him to have sex with her, and he of course had absolutely no choice in the matter....takes two to tango, sweetie.

 

Put the blame where it needs to be. On Mr spineless cheater.

 

Quit using this child as a whipping post for your frustration and anger.

And if you don't want him in the house, or to look after him, or have him around - then say so.

and if you're seconded as a babysitter - make sure you're out when they need you.

If you have the tolerance to accept your husband's cheating and infidelity and parenting of this son - and yes, guess what, it does come as a package - then don't pick and choose your favours.

but if this is as painful for you even now, as it sounds - you have a lot of stuff to work on.

 

And this child doesn't deserve your malice.

If he's a spoilt brat, again - that isn't his fault.

 

And if your husband is showing favouritism - really, he sounds like an absolutely marvellous catch, you must be so proud of the things he's done to you.

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Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if his mother had a little respect. (if you want any info on that go read my other post)...

 

Yeah i read that.

 

Two things:

Firstly, not one single person thinks you should still be with this man, because it's obviously not her who lacks respect for you.

 

Two 'soulmate' is a misnomer. There is no such thing.

'Doormat' however, is what springs to mind here.

and it's not her.... and it's not him... so I guess that must leave....?

 

 

 

she's studying Law?

Watch her graduate, then see him move in with her and take you for everything you've got.

 

And if you think that couldn't possibly happen, how about your husband having an affair with a woman 10 years younger than you, having a baby with her, then landing you with the babysitting job...?

 

I know, completely unbelievable huh?

couldn't happen.... :rolleyes:

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Stellar Wench

The child is born of infidelity, and the child is also not disciplined in a way that you approve of by either biological parent. Family blending is difficult enough when infidelity in not involved, but your feelings toward the child might be tempered if he behaved better in your home. Part of your resentment is displaced anger, and part is resentment of the child's behaviour.

 

You must learn to separate and recognise the resentments.

 

You are within your rights to demand that the child not be brought into your home at all. If you must have the child in your home, it is not unreasonable for you to expect him to behave. He should not be allowed to act 'like a brat' without discipline or manners because his father feels guilty. You must make it clear that while he may act like a hooligan in his mother's home, he will not act that way in your home. When the child begins to act appropriately, you shouldn't resent him for his behaviour. Do what you can to get past that resentment so that you can focus on your real resentment, which is your husband's infidelity.

 

It's easier to blame the child though, isn't it? You don't have to face the real problem that way. Unfortunately, your attitude helps no one, including yourself.

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