Homework

[krh]

I have a 9 year old daughter in the 3rd grade. She's a smart girl. However, she does not want to do her homework. She behaves well in class and, according to her teachers, is very compliant. At home, she back talks, is argumentative and lazy.

 

Homework has been an issue all year and has gotten worse the past month. Her homework is in an assigment book and she has to read at least 20 minutes a night. She would rush through the homework. Now, she doesn't want to do it all. I had signed her up for softball on the condition she does her homework. After four practices, she stopped doing her homework so I ended her involvement in softball.

 

Tonight, it is the same routine of not doing her homework. Her reason is that she did not feel like doing it. I have reasoned with her, yelled at her, taken things away. I'm at my wits' end!

 

Any suggestions on how to make the last month of school bearable? I feel like this is a power struggle that will rise again in some other manner.

[sb129]

I have just been having this discussion with my H, he is a secondary school teacher.

I asked him some advice on how he gets teenagers to do stuff as I need some help with that in my job. (Our daughter is only a toddler).

 

Teachers have it easier than parents, as there isn't the same emotional investment and they have lots of support and "protocols" when it comes to discipline, but he definitely finds it easier when teachers and parents are on the same page.

 

He also recommends confiscating stuff that matters to kids these days, like cellphones and internet time- and make it your daughters choice- she knows what she has to do to get her stuff back. If she chooses not to do her homework, she is choosing not to have whatever it is you have decided to take away.

 

Talk to your daughters teacher for some back up, and start revoking privileges for every day she doesn't do her homework- no internet, no tv, no cellphone, stuff like that. Stick with it- following through with consequences and having support from another significant adult (teacher/your daughters father etc) is essential too.

 

Good luck!

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[supermom33]

Do you have a homework routine that is the same daily? My older kids (8 & 9) have to come home from school and start right away on their homework. I don't like dealing with dinner, toddler meltdowns and homework all night long. I found it was easier with having the same routine. I have a bit of trouble w/ my 8 year old step son doing his homework but he knows I will check it and make him redo it and I mean business when it comes to school work (unlike his mom - we often make him redo the work he does at her house too because its all wrong and unchecked). Once she knows you mean business maybe she will give in. No 9 year old wants to sit at the kitchen table all night staring at a paper. Maybe tell her that if she can't do her homework right and w/out issue for the last month of school then you will print out "homework" packets for her over the summer so she can practice doing homework during summer break and be prepared for the homework for the next school year. If she doesn't comply - stick with the threat. She will know you mean business. No kid wants to do homework every night over summer break hahaha!

[srcolema]

My son was always the good student coming home and doing his homework. Now he doesn't really care, he does the homework but it's a rush job, it's sloppy, and wrong. So I make him do it over until it's right and if he needs help I'm there to help. I get so mad knowing that he is capable of doing a good job but he just got lazy.

[Lucky_One]

Sports can be a very good incentive, so I don't know if I would "punish" her by taking her out of them

 

Once she gets into jr high or high school, she will have to perform scholastically to be able to even play on a school team. I know lots of guys on my son's teams in HS who buckle down for their school work ONLY because they are off the team if they don't maintain a certain CPA and pass a certain number of classes.

 

As well, I believe personally that it makes his mind more active, so that he just plain DOES better thinking. Something about activity and oxygen and physical movement. If he isn't involved in a sports season, his brain turns to mush and he just vegetates.

 

I like the suggestions about doing the homework that you have gotten. I just wanted to add that in about supporting her softball. (Tennis, soccer, and basketball are great, too)

[stillafool]

No one gets an option whether they want to do homework or not. Homework is done when given and that's that. Maybe you could sit with her while she does her homework. If you let her get away with not doing her homework now, what if later when she becomes a teen; she thinks it is her decision whether she can quit school or not?

[tinktronik]

Sports can be a very good incentive, so I don't know if I would "punish" her by taking her out of them

 

I agree. With my 10 year old I found having something he could achieve short term, like a weekend tip to do something fun, gets him a lot more motivated than removing something from him like sports. When you take away and take away from a child then you end up with an embittered child with no process of achieving goals. Not the best idea.

 

Try a short term goal like a trip to the beach or new t-shirt or ice cream just to two of you, be willing to help with homework and discuss what your child is learning. AND be sure to keep it fairly short term so that it is easily reachable.

 

Honestly, homework sucks. Kids go to school 8 hours a day on average. If you add into that the getting ready and transport time you have 10-11 hours. Then tack on an hour or two of homework and your up to 11-14 hours 5 days a week. That's a 70 hour "work week". Overkill. It can be easy to get burnt out. I'm honestly of the opinion that homework is bull**** but they still have to do it.

[tinktronik]

Oh, and BTW OP 3rd grade homework is the worst. Every one of my kids had way too much homework in the 3rd grade and every one of them staged a coup at some point over it. It gets better in 4th grade.

[Eve]

Make a reward chart with your daughter and pin it up on the fridge. Kids like ticking things off or sticking stars on charts. They also LOVE rewards! I would do that before taking things away. Even when I have had major problems with mine I have still encouraged them to continue with things they love socially or what have you.

 

A goggle search will come up with really good tips for reward charts.

 

Have fun with it!

 

Hope it works out.

 

Take care,

Eve x