When is the best time to have children?

[Sugarkane]

The media always goes on about women should think about having children earlier. Instead of leaving it too late in your 40s. I feel like you can't win either way though. I wouldn't want to have children too late because the older people are, the more set in their ways they seem to be. I also would want to have enough energy to look after them and see them finish school. I also don't want people asking me, if I'm the grandmother, instead of the mother.

But on the other hand I also want a career and be financially secure. My family puts alot of pressure on me having a good career first. I'm also not financially secure yet. I also haven't found the right person, its not easy! Men in their twenties never think about these things, as they don't have a biological clock, like women do. And with more celebrities having children in their 40s, people think its easier having them later. But it acn take several trials of IVF.

[threebyfate]

Best time will vary per individual and/or couple.

 

I do strongly suggest that women or couples be financially secure and solvent, prior to having children. Of course many aren't and end up in untenable situations.

[Tayla]

If using the "media" to determine the average age of child rearing you are on the wrong track. Its when and if "BOTH" persons are committed to 18 or more years of loving sometimes down right trying moments that can and will change you in ways you never thought possible!

 

I am a Lady and it befuddles me when I hear other ladies speak of the Biological clock.

 

My head spins when I hear folks "plan" for a kid. Almost like they are at a restaurant deciding on which meal will suit them.

[Flgirl44]

Biologically speaking? 18-mid thirties at the latest.

 

It is smart to wait until you are financially stable but when I asked those around me I was told I would be waiting forever as that is nearly impossible to do.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I can tell you that I had our children at 23 and 32. I have LOVED being a mother but comparing the two experiences I've enjoyed the last one immensely! We always came up with the money to do what we needed for the first one. Nope, she didn't ride in as nice of a car or live in a big house but we managed private schools and any lessons her heart desired. The second one though, different things were important, money never a worry, but we have more time and attention and wisdom to give. I can't wait to be a grandmother (no time soon though) and I want to be young enough to enjoy and spoil them rotten. I've told my own daughter (who is 23 now) that I hope she waits until late 20's to marry and has kids in her early 30's. I cannot imagine dealing with my own teenagers in my 60's. I have a friend in her late 40's who had to adopt 2 toddler grandchildren, I don't have a clue where she gets her energy and patience, especially after raising 4 of her own!

[Eve]

The media always goes on about women should think about having children earlier. Instead of leaving it too late in your 40s. I feel like you can't win either way though. I wouldn't want to have children too late because the older people are, the more set in their ways they seem to be. I also would want to have enough energy to look after them and see them finish school. I also don't want people asking me, if I'm the grandmother, instead of the mother.

But on the other hand I also want a career and be financially secure. My family puts alot of pressure on me having a good career first. I'm also not financially secure yet. I also haven't found the right person, its not easy! Men in their twenties never think about these things, as they don't have a biological clock, like women do. And with more celebrities having children in their 40s, people think its easier having them later. But it acn take several trials of IVF.

 

I could not openly advise to have children too young as I did but it worked out well in the end for me.

 

There are good points and bad points at whatever age methinks.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[sb129]

I had my daughter when I was 32 and we are trying for no 2 now.

 

The pros:

-More financially secure and established in our careers.

-Older and have had more life experience so I think I am a more relaxed parent than I would have been if I had done it younger

- More life experience means not feeling like I am missing out of life- BTDT, happy to devote time to being a parent.

-most of my friends doing it at same time so have instant support network and daughter has lots of little friends her age.

 

The cons:

I had to work HARD to get back into shape after the birth although not all of that was age related...

Children will leave home later than we did.

[playsmartcasino]

I strongly believe that the best time for having children is the when we are capable mentally and economically that the best time for the children.

[oldguy]

The media always goes on about women should think about having children earlier. Instead of leaving it too late in your 40s. I feel like you can't win either way though. I wouldn't want to have children too late because the older people are, the more set in their ways they seem to be. I also would want to have enough energy to look after them and see them finish school. I also don't want people asking me, if I'm the grandmother, instead of the mother.

But on the other hand I also want a career and be financially secure. My family puts alot of pressure on me having a good career first. I'm also not financially secure yet. I also haven't found the right person, its not easy! Men in their twenties never think about these things, as they don't have a biological clock, like women do. And with more celebrities having children in their 40s, people think its easier having them later. But it acn take several trials of IVF.

 

It sounds like your looking to the media, your parents, this sight, all to tell you when you should have children. (my personal thoughts on looking to the media as any sort of role model is not a good choice).

 

Your comment about having children too late because older people are too set in their ways doesn’t hold water for quite a few reasons which I won’t bore you with this time.

 

As far as having “enough” energy, you will never have enough energy but no matter how young or old you will always seem to get through the day.

 

My parents started having children when they where younger and continued having us until they where, “older”. My father would say that as he got older he became more patient, and that having children as a young man made him feel older but having them as an older man kept him young.

You’re quite welcome for me clarifying this subject for you, lol. I would tell you to have kids when YOU WANT to have them, or…. Don’t have them. I’ve known perfectly happy people, couples, who never had kids, by choice.

 

And if you family, the media, this sight, or my brilliant advice hasn’t helped you, you could alway’s try a psychic or just flip a coin.

 

In fact the coin flip isn’t a bad thought; Flip a coin, heads; you will have children before a certain age, tails, after. But before looking at the results imagine how you will feel either way and that is YOUR choice.

[oldguy]

Just one more thought; I'm almost certain that if you wait for the best time you probably wont have children.

[shadowofman]

If you must, as early as possible. Your parents will do most of the raising. Your breasts and ass will fill out like whoa, and the rest of you will bounce back like a rubber band. Then when the kid is 18, you're still young enough to party with a sexy milf body.

[skirt swoosh]

Before he pulls out.

[MistyBryant]

Just one more thought; I'm almost certain that if you wait for the best time you probably wont have children.

 

Sometime that happens, when women are ready to have kids they just can't get pregnant. Then they start freaking out thinking something is wrong with their body. In my opinion, it's never the "right time" to have kids. If you feel you are ready now then have fun trying to make kids now. I had my first child at 21 and I'm going through the same problems like my sister who had her child at 26. So no matter age you are you will deal with the same things as any other mother. You definetly need the love and support from people and it will make your life so much easier after having a baby.

 

Good luck!!

[srcolema]

I have three an I feel like I should of waited till I was 30, because I'm one of the youngest mothers at my kids schools, I'm poor, I didn't finish college, i hate depending on the state to help me out and when I was trying to find my identity I was raising kids.

[stillafool]

The media always goes on about women should think about having children earlier. Instead of leaving it too late in your 40s. I feel like you can't win either way though. I wouldn't want to have children too late because the older people are, the more set in their ways they seem to be. I also would want to have enough energy to look after them and see them finish school. I also don't want people asking me, if I'm the grandmother, instead of the mother.

But on the other hand I also want a career and be financially secure. My family puts alot of pressure on me having a good career first. I'm also not financially secure yet. I also haven't found the right person, its not easy! Men in their twenties never think about these things, as they don't have a biological clock, like women do. And with more celebrities having children in their 40s, people think its easier having them later. But it acn take several trials of IVF.

 

I certainly do not blame you for not wanting to wait until you are older (over 35) to start having kids. Trust me, the old energy bank does start to wane as you age. I see alot of kids whose moms I mistake for their grandmas. I think if you are in a position to have them young, then do. You can't go by celebrities, they have money to have 2 or 3 nannies, a cook and a housekeeper to help.

[namedposter13]

You know what's funny? I often feel the opposite pressure...we shouldn't have kids too young. Obviously, I'm not talking about age 16 here. I'm 22. My husband and I have been married for 2 years, we dated for 3 before that. I'm going into my second year of grad school (2 out of 3) and we're starting to talk about kids. The biggest thing that's holding us back is finances (my husband works, so we're a one income family, but to be fair, lots of people do that), which is obviously VERY important. We definitely have it in the budget, though it would be tight. My concern is what if I have a really complicated pregnancy or we have a sick child?

 

But anyway, I get so frustrated when people look at me like I'm nuts to be married so young. They say, "don't you want to live first?" I think that's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Yes, of course I want to live, but my husband and I are best friends (in fact, we were best friends long before we dated) and we have always done everything together. Yes, I wanted to travel...and I did...WITH my husband. And I did that because I wouldn't have wanted to do it with anyone else.

 

As for kids, I get the feeling that having kids young is like a social stigma. People assume when you have kids young that you're trashy and are going to be poor and will have to give up on your dreams. That is just crazy talk. My husband and I both have bachelor's degrees from a top 20 school and I'm at a top tier law school. My dad (and he was the one who raised me) had me in undergrad, still went to law school and graduated in the top 20% of his class. He never even hired a babysitter, but took me to all his classes with him. I'm not saying that everyone who has kids young does well, but I think it's just as bad to critisize people for having kids young as it is for having kids later in life. TO EACH HIS OWN and you shouldn't be judged for that.

 

ALL that (sorry) being said, here is my pros and cons list for having kids younger versus older.

 

PROS: 1. If you're in school (and yes this is a PLUS for me), you'll get to spend more time with your kid. If I waited until I was out of law school, I'd be working 60-80 hours a week and only get a 6 week maternity leave with my baby. Having it in school (if you can manage financially) means only spending a few hours away a day from my baby.

2. Less health risks for both mommy and baby (these are medically documented, look them up).

3. Your body will recover faster.

4. You will have more energy to play with your kids and ultimately grandkids. My 1 of my great grandparents is still alive. I knew 4 of them before 3 passed away. I loved that...one of my favorite family pictures is of the five generations (an older kid in my gen has a newborn). One of my grandfathers recently passed away and I'm saddened that my kids will never even get to meet him once.

5. You get to be the young, cool mom. I had a young, cool mom, and I LOVED it. I love the relationship we have, which I believe is because we are only 21 years apart.

6. If you decide you LOVE kids and want more, it's not too late. What if you wait until 35, have one and then realize you want 3 more? You might not have time for that (but to be fair, some will, it just depends).

 

CONS: 1. Finances will be tighter, maybe even impossible for some. Bringing a child into the world is a HUGE responsibility and it is costly.

2. You get less time to be young (either single or just having fun just you and your partner).

3. This goes along with finances, but I think it deserves a seperate mention. You might not be able to give your kids everything you wish you could. Maybe you won't be happy with hand-me-down cribs and car seats. Maybe you'll wish you could pay for their college, etc.

4. You and/or your partner might not be emotionally ready. This is really important...no kid should have to be born to parents who don't truly want and adore it.

5. It will change your life...maybe you view this as a con, maybe a pro, but know that it will happen.

 

Sorry for the long post, but as someone struggling with whether or not to start trying, I just wanted to give you the benefit of my hours of agonizing thoughts.

[Glinda]

The media always goes on about women should think about having children earlier. Instead of leaving it too late in your 40s. I feel like you can't win either way though. I wouldn't want to have children too late because the older people are, the more set in their ways they seem to be. I also would want to have enough energy to look after them and see them finish school. I also don't want people asking me, if I'm the grandmother, instead of the mother.

But on the other hand I also want a career and be financially secure. My family puts alot of pressure on me having a good career first. I'm also not financially secure yet. I also haven't found the right person, its not easy! Men in their twenties never think about these things, as they don't have a biological clock, like women do. And with more celebrities having children in their 40s, people think its easier having them later. But it acn take several trials of IVF.

The best time is when you are married and can both accept the responsibility.

[analystfromhell]

I'm talking with my wife about this. We're currently having some issues but one of the things which has come up is kids. She's 38 and on the back end of baby making time. I'm 49 with two kids in their 20s.

 

SO, I'd be concerned about raising any more. Having a baby sucks (sorry to those who enjoy this period) and it's financially tough to get them through school as well. I do love kids, particularly my own but well, I'm hesitant primarily because of my age and some other circumstances.

 

My dad STARTED having kids when he was 42 and had six of them. I don't think it was a good idea although he seemed to have plenty of energy, etc.

ANyone here had kids in their late 40s and lived to tell about it? There are lots of older parents in my urban area so it wouldn't stand out in that way and my wife's father remarried and has a young kid through he's pushing 60.

[kismicallychal]

I'm in the boat of feeling silly having kids too early!

 

My partner and I, both 26, have been together 8yrs, currently engaged with our own house (well mortgage ) and the topic of having kids has come up. My partner wants to wait a few more yrs, 3-4, whereas I'd be happy to start now. Meanwhile my family/friends all think, 'Why have kids already?' Though I tend to think that is the current mind-set in Australia, enjoy life before kids come along

 

All up I'd say the best time is when you AND your partner are ready, or meet half-way, taking into consideration that getting pregnant becomes harder and more dangerous after 32/35!

[madjac74]

The best time is when you are married and can both accept the responsibility.

 

Why do you have to be married? just curious

[madjac74]

I think it's really sad when people who have kids say they should have waited or should have done it earlier. Weren't your amazing kids concieved at the right time and shouldn't you just be lucky you have them.

 

There is no perfect time. I had my daughter and knew nothing about kids and we were not financially secure and just buying our first home. I'm pretty sure they have taught me more about life than I have taught them. If we went by all the guidelines and ideals of when is the optimum time to have kids then I wouldn't have two of my best friends here today. It was and is never easy but I give thanks everyday for them.

[Tayla]

madjac- Its not that the parent "regrets" having the children, its that when looking in restrospect which is 20/20, sometimes the "timing" was off. I cannot say that I ever REGRET having the wonderful kids I have, I DO Regret that when the time came, I did not have ALL the skills, finances or education in life to steer them right. We are dealt the hand given sometimes, but it doesnt MEAN as a parent we dont' also carry the hindsight to know that given a second chance we would have been "better" in laying the foundation for their arrival. By better foundation it can be in the adult relations , career, homestead, taking parenting courses, being mentally ready....and above all finding the TIME to really dedicate to them. I was a single parent and TIME was tossed into providing for a home yet NOT giving him the TIME to be home. So try to be easy on the parents who do wish they could do it again and do it better, its not meant as an insult to the kids so much as an improvement to the parent.

[madjac74]

madjac- Its not that the parent "regrets" having the children, its that when looking in restrospect which is 20/20, sometimes the "timing" was off. I cannot say that I ever REGRET having the wonderful kids I have, I DO Regret that when the time came, I did not have ALL the skills, finances or education in life to steer them right. We are dealt the hand given sometimes, but it doesnt MEAN as a parent we dont' also carry the hindsight to know that given a second chance we would have been "better" in laying the foundation for their arrival. By better foundation it can be in the adult relations , career, homestead, taking parenting courses, being mentally ready....and above all finding the TIME to really dedicate to them. I was a single parent and TIME was tossed into providing for a home yet NOT giving him the TIME to be home. So try to be easy on the parents who do wish they could do it again and do it better, its not meant as an insult to the kids so much as an improvement to the parent.

 

Well I didn't mean to be harsh but I'm in a stressful situation regarding my kids. As a divorced dad I always made enough money to get by and support them but I could never afford the finer things I feel they deserved (for example I always wanted to take them to Disney) but I was always blessed with time for them. I went to all sports practices and games, school events, parent/teacher conferences, etc... NOW I have taken a new position which will better provide for them at the cost of precious time with them.

 

So my attempt was not to put any parents down but only to keep things in perspective. That there is no perfect time in my opinion. I suppose there is plenty I would change but even if I had it to do all over again I imagine I'd still make a million mistakes

[Eve]

I have been thinking lately that it would be interesting to have the experience of motherhood without the financial pressures I had first time around.

 

I wouldn't mind having twins.. fraternal of course. One boy, one girl. That would be an interesting way to celebrate turning 40 next year, lol.

 

H'mm..

 

Take care,

Eve x

[wolfess]

50 years ago (referring to time period not age)