6yr old acting like a teenager!

[perfectlyunique]

Hi,

well i have a 6 yr old and im 26 and i split with my ex about 4 and a half yrs ago. We split because basically we where totally different people and where into such different things.Well my little boy sees his dad every weekend and once a week for tea which i think is quite fair and in holidays hes sees him a little more. My ex is married now and has a little girl to her. Also i have a new bf who i have been with 3 years. (thought id fill you in with the situation).

 

Well basically my lovely little boy has turned in to well a monster. He can be sweet and cute but the other day hes screamed in my face in the street because i said i wouldnt listen because he was having attitude with me ( he has major attitude at the min). He told me that he only screamed in my face because his daddies wife did it to him and he busrt out crying. So naturally as a mum i txt asking why she was treating him like that they both denied it to only find out the next morning that my little boy told me he was lying. Oh god ...i apologised to my exes wife and told her i thought he was being genuine. I mean we all get on mostly. I just thought she was upsetting him. Also the other day my little boy had a watch and asked me to carry it, i said no because i had my hands full and he said if you dont i will tell daddy and his wife a lie. I was shocked, he calmed down and said sorry but i dont know where all this is coming from!

 

He has hit me a few times but hasnt just lately, its his temper its awful. He wants to be the best at everything and gets angry if he doesnt get what he wants. I try and explain that he cant have everything but he just gets angry. What can i do? Tbh maybe some of its my fault because i dont feel like ive been the best of mums regarding being strict and punishments..Maybe he knows im a pushover. But he does the same to his dad and wife now. Hes told me he hates daddys wife and then he likes her a week later, shes quite strict with him, not nasty shes not like that. I hate him being like this he used to be such an angel. I keep worrying that theres something wrong, or if hes upset about something. i dont know really, is it his age? or me? pls help

 

i tried not to mention any names in the post as i dont think its fair ...sorry for the long post x

[SweetD]

I've been having trouble with my daughter lately and this article helped me snap out of it. Spoiling doesn't necessary mean showering your child with every gift he or she wants like most people think. It can also mean not enforcing enough discipline that he or she is testing the limits all the time.

 

I know you said you have been a bit of a pushover. I can lean towards this side too. You just have to remember that being your childs friend is not doing him any favors. The fact that he doesn't like his stepmom is actually a good thing. Our children will love us no matter what, but they don't have to like us all the time. Our job is to show them right from wrong and that is not always fun.

 

 

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/are-your-children-spoiled

[perfectlyunique]

I've been having trouble with my daughter lately and this article helped me snap out of it. Spoiling doesn't necessary mean showering your child with every gift he or she wants like most people think. It can also mean not enforcing enough discipline that he or she is testing the limits all the time.

 

I know you said you have been a bit of a pushover. I can lean towards this side too. You just have to remember that being your childs friend is not doing him any favors. The fact that he doesn't like his stepmom is actually a good thing. Our children will love us no matter what, but they don't have to like us all the time. Our job is to show them right from wrong and that is not always fun.

 

 

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/are-your-children-spoiled

 

thanks for replying ..it seemed like no one was going to lol .. im trying to be stricter with him. He is quite clever (kids always seem to be!) he knows that i dont like to punish him and he will cry and say things to make me feel bad. I was brought up with not having very much and now i appreciate things more.

 

My son has been spoiled with stuff by his dad mainly. I understand why but its not doing him any favours. I try and make him understand but he always says i get what i want, like if i want a cigarrette i get one, if i want some chocolate i get it...how can i explain that? not that i eat chocolate was just an example lol i understand where he is coming from but i dont want him to be a spoiled brat. Ultimatley i worry that he will turn out like my brother (hes got mental probs) im so scared im doing something wrong!

[linwood]

I would say that you should show him these actions are unacceptable.

 

When he does these things give him some type of punishment.

Things like "Time Out" don`t work with some kids.

 

The best discipline I found for my boys was to literally remove something they loved...permanently.

 

I never had the tantrum problem but when I`d ask them to do something (such as clean their room for instance) I`d get ignored and they wouldn`t move to do it.

I`d ask again and told them they didn`t want me to have to clean it, the third time I didn`t ask I simply grabbed a trash can went in their room and began picking everything up off the floor and tossing it in the can.

Clothes, electronics, games, toys...everything.

This got their attention quickly, they ran in and began pulling stuff out of the can.

 

I stopped them, told them that anything in the can could be considered history.

I then asked them if they`d clean their room or if they`d like me to continue.

They cleaned the room.

 

I had to do this once and only once.

 

I did have to repeat it at times with other things/chores/problems but never more than once.

 

It didn`t take long until they realized they shouldn`t screw with me.

 

This tactic could be altered for your situation.

You would have to get your Ex and his wife onboard though.

 

Just an idea.

[perfectlyunique]

I would say that you should show him these actions are unacceptable.

 

When he does these things give him some type of punishment.

Things like "Time Out" don`t work with some kids.

 

The best discipline I found for my boys was to literally remove something they loved...permanently.

 

I never had the tantrum problem but when I`d ask them to do something (such as clean their room for instance) I`d get ignored and they wouldn`t move to do it.

I`d ask again and told them they didn`t want me to have to clean it, the third time I didn`t ask I simply grabbed a trash can went in their room and began picking everything up off the floor and tossing it in the can.

Clothes, electronics, games, toys...everything.

This got their attention quickly, they ran in and began pulling stuff out of the can.

 

I stopped them, told them that anything in the can could be considered history.

I then asked them if they`d clean their room or if they`d like me to continue.

They cleaned the room.

 

I had to do this once and only once.

 

I did have to repeat it at times with other things/chores/problems but never more than once.

 

It didn`t take long until they realized they shouldn`t screw with me.

 

This tactic could be altered for your situation.

You would have to get your Ex and his wife onboard though.

 

Just an idea.

 

hi thanks the thing is ive tried removing stuff like his tv, games toys it didnt seem to work kids ay lol

 

time out doesnt work, explaining things doesnt work, putting him in bed doesnt. i dont know what to do maybe i need to stick to my word abit more like say he has 3 chances n then bed and he stays there or if he messes about 3 chances and his cartoons go off.. god knows there must be something that stops him lol

[Lucky_One]

His TV? Why does a 6 year old need a TV? NO CHILD needs a television, especially if it is in his room.

 

Children who watch more than the recommended 2 hours or less are far more likely to be fat, more likely to smoke, more likely to engage in risky behaviors as teens and adults, more likely to be violent and not know how to deal with their emotions in appropriate manners, are less likely to read or interact with other family members doing normal, everyday actions (puzzles, reading, playing games, coloring, playing on the swingset), have shortened attention spans, possibly have a higher risk of Alzheimer's, have lowered educational skills because of decreased blood flow to some portions of the brain, have sleeping issues due (especially if you let him watch tv in his room at night with the lights off) etc etc etc

 

(hmmmm does this sound like your child??)

 

Priority - remove the television from his room. Don't make the removal a punishment; just re-arrange his room and take the tv out and tell him that there wasn't room for it. Make television a reward, not a right. If he behaves well, then he can watch a half-hour of a high-quality, educational program. If he cleans his room, he can watch a DVD movie on Friday night. Watch and discuss the programs with him - don't park him in front of Spongebob Squarepants (unless you want him to grow up and be rude like SB!), and god forbid, don't let him watch adult cartoons like South Park or Family Guy.

 

Next.

 

3 chances? Why does a child need 3 chances? How about one warning after a transgression, and then implement punishment. 1 minute of time-out for every year of a child's age. Make a designated area/chair, and use a timer. If he leaves the chair, then give him one more minute. (And give him a hug when he is done.)

 

If he has a tantrum or a fit, then hold him tightly in your arms until he calms down, unless he is thrashing so badly that you can't control him and you are in danger of being hurt by a flailing elbow. He can not scream so long that he hurts himself permanently; he WILL eventually stop.

 

Take away his possessions. (Not his lovey - that is cruel). But things like GameBoys, Lego's, his football, treats. And remove them for a real length of time - at least a day, and extend to a week or so for really big or repeated transgressions. Explain that privileges come to those who are responsible and well-behaved and take care of their things.

 

Ground him from playing with friends, or attending parties. This is VERY hard to do, but this will teach a swift and sure lesson.

 

Redirect poor behavior by giving him another task to do, or by focusing his attention elsewhere. "Honey, we are cutting the TV off because you have already watched Dora today, so come help Mommy make the meatloaf for dinner?"

 

Give positive reinforcement. Kids his age love charts and stickers. Making his bed 7 days in a row rates a Happy Meal. Brushing his teeth without complaint 7 days gets ice cream. Bringing home a good behavior report all week at school gets a trip to the park.

 

You are raising a terror, and one who sounds as though he will be a bully, too. Make rules - repeat them over and over - children NEED and WANT boundaries. Enforce the rules, enforce the boundaries, enforce the consequences, hug the offender often!

[Titania22]

Well all I know is what I did with my son, who I used to describe as out of control, no kind of discipline worked he only got worse.

 

At my wits end, I decided to ignore all bad behaviour, and focus on ful on communiacting my love for him. It meant telling him I love you multiple times a day, and kissing and hugging him even though he acted like he hated it. Over time I guess it sunk in, and he started to calm down. Then we could start communicating, but I was always careful to reassure him, that although i didn't like some of the things he did, I still loved him.

 

Now he is 12 and our relationship is better then ever, he is really well behaved, and he seems really confident and well adjusted.

[unravelliottaty]

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[perfectlyunique]

thankyou for your advice everyone , tbh he is a very loving little boy he just seemed to push things abit...just recently his behaviour has calmed down and hes being quite good although we will see how long that lasts. to be honest i think most kids go through stuff like this at some point just hopefully i can stick to my guns more i tell him multiple times a day i love him and i also explained that just because hes naughty and gets punished that it doesnt mean i dont love him... i so hope he keeps being good

[Irishlove]

My children are 11,10,10. I've tried it all. Taking thier stuff away hahaha They could care less.

I make them do half mast. They stand against a wall with thier hands straight out. They have to squat with the back of their heels against the bottom of the door and squat down to wear thier knees are keeping legs and hands straight at all times. At first he may only be able to do ten or twenty. He will HATE it. You can make them do it in public, in a restroom, all day at your house.

He needs to know you are NOT his buddy or his pal. You are his parent and he WILL respect you.

If you believe, taking him to church is not a bad thing at this age because they get a conscience.

[perfectlyunique]

My children are 11,10,10. I've tried it all. Taking thier stuff away hahaha They could care less.

I make them do half mast. They stand against a wall with thier hands straight out. They have to squat with the back of their heels against the bottom of the door and squat down to wear thier knees are keeping legs and hands straight at all times. At first he may only be able to do ten or twenty. He will HATE it. You can make them do it in public, in a restroom, all day at your house.

He needs to know you are NOT his buddy or his pal. You are his parent and he WILL respect you.

If you believe, taking him to church is not a bad thing at this age because they get a conscience.

 

thanks , i think sumtimes with my little boy its boredom, i dont belive in god so i dont think that would work , i mean if he wants to believe so be it but me i never have. i have looked into scouts because its similar to brownies and that helped me alot when i was younger , also i made loads of friends and did loads of things plus it has things to aim for like badges etc...

[perfectlyunique]

just thought id update this as i found something interesting out in an article. i found out the way my son is acting is actually normal for his age you just have to deal with it appropriatley. apparently at 6 years old they will argue back and believe there right about everything as they become more independant. Im just glad that my son isnt the only one

[Steermbeelp]

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[bigmomma1974]

My 13 yr old daughter use to do this with my ex and I. I am remarried and so is my ex. My 13 now 8 at the time i meet new hubby use to come to me say all kinds of horrible things about the step mom, I flipped the script and went off. This went on for a few years until finally my ex and i started talking. Not only was my daughter telling me stories she was telling my ex stories as well. Bizarre stories. ALot of kids do this because they want mom and dad back together. I also would suggest you have hime see a counsler it could help alot. it has helped my child and my ex and I and our spouses. Good luck hun.

[perfectlyunique]

My 13 yr old daughter use to do this with my ex and I. I am remarried and so is my ex. My 13 now 8 at the time i meet new hubby use to come to me say all kinds of horrible things about the step mom, I flipped the script and went off. This went on for a few years until finally my ex and i started talking. Not only was my daughter telling me stories she was telling my ex stories as well. Bizarre stories. ALot of kids do this because they want mom and dad back together. I also would suggest you have hime see a counsler it could help alot. it has helped my child and my ex and I and our spouses. Good luck hun.

 

thanks my little boy seems to go through stages he can be a little angel but then he can star lying and arguing with me. i read an article and it said that it is usual for 6 year old to do this so im just trying to keep disciplining him. I dont think he needs conselling just yet but will defo consider it if things get worse thanks x