My three year old rocks in her sleep and my boyfriend keeps waking her to stop.

[SweetD]

My daughter has been rocking in her sleep since she was about nine months old. She murmurs and mumbles while she does it, it never really bothered me, I have always just shut the door and let her be. She is dead asleep when she does it. Everything I have read on the subject said rocking is a common soothing method in kids and usually subsides on its own around five years old.

 

I have been with my boyfriend since my daughter was around 13 months old. We recently moved in together. He has never heard of a kid doing this before and thinks something is "wrong" with it. I tell him that its just like a kid sucking their thumb for comfort but he doesn't like it and says it wakes him up. Also, his four year old daughter shares a room with her and he doesn't want her waking up either.

 

Anyways, he keeps telling her to stop. Multiple times a night. But she still seems to keep doing it. He is very mad about it but I don't know how to get him to chill on the subject. In general, his parenting style is that of the "fixer." He is always correcting our girls, sometimes for very minor infractions. It bothers me from time to time but I love and respect him and just let it be. Our kids are generally very good kids.

 

My question is, should I keep trying to change his mind that this is "ok" behavior? Or should I let him try to keep stopping her (and get very frustrated in the process)?? I feel bad for both her and him.

[sally4sara]

He may have been around a while now but its you that your daughter looks to as her guide and protector. If you don't like the tone or actions your BF takes with your daughter - put a stop to it. If you don't, your daughter will stop trusting you and begin to fear him. Kids have an immense amount of trust in their parents but they struggle to trust adults that are not their parent for a long while. If you let someone move in that she doesn't trust and then turn the reigns over to that new person, it can be terrifying. And the rocking will continue, if it is a soothing thing to her, even longer because she will need soothed from the stress of her mother bowing out to this other, pushier person.

 

I don't like the sound of him - sorry. Who looks at something a kid is doing to comfort themselves and decides hassling them about it is going to have a good result? He just moved in for petes sake, she needs to adjust.

[bentnotbroken]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your daughter or the way she soothes herself. But there is something wrong with a grown man who will stay up and wake up a sleeping 3 year old child because he doesn't like what she is doing. Tell him to read some child psychology books on development. She isn't the one doing anything wrong in this situation...he is. Protect you child.

[TaraMaiden]

Completely agree with the two above posters.

And as for your comment,

 

his parenting style is that of the "fixer." He is always correcting our girls, sometimes for very minor infractions. It bothers me from time to time but I love and respect him and just let it be.

 

And what's your role?

If it conflicts or opposes his, then this will cause more and more friction.

If on the other hand, you tacitly support him, you are doing your daughter a disservice. You are abdicating ultimate control and responsibility for her well-being -for the quiet life, and to please him.

 

Simply because she's young, it doesn't mean she's not impressionable.

And depriving her of sleep is unhealthy and unproductive.

Depriving himself of sleep isn't much good for him either, but that's his choice.

 

You Love and Respect him.

Fine.

people come and go, our daughters are our daughters all our lives.

 

Have MORE love and respect for her, she's your flesh and blood.

partners are replaceable.

Daughters are not.

 

Tell him you will NOT have him doing this any more, to leave your daughter alone, and when it comes to discipline, he will have to take your lead on it, as far as she's concerned.

 

Does he smack her?

Please tell me, he doesn't smack her.

[whichwayisup]

He has control issues. She's asleep and rocking, not doing it on purpose. It just IS!! And he has to accept that and leave it alone. If she was talking in her sleep, or moving alot (many kids flip flop here and there while sleeping) I bet he'd still wake her up to stop. He needs to stop and lighten up.

 

He needs to pick his battles! If he's nit picky over little things, I'd hate to see him when big stuff goes on when your kids are older!

 

Talk to him and let him know that he needs to back off.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Make an appointment with your pediatrician and have your pediatrician explain it to him. Sometimes a person just won't listen until they are told something by someone they can't really argue with.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

I think this situation says a lot more about your boyfriend than it does about your daughter.

[tinktronik]

OP your BF is disrupting your child's sleep. This is not healthy for her and shows a very controlling side of him. You need to step up and make him STOP doing this and leave your child alone.

[Tayla]

I agree with the posters so far, hope the OP stops back to absorb some of the responses! I am just disturbed that the Gentleman of the house is so controlling...red flag....

Loved the pediatrician suggestion! THey sometimes can educate the nieve.

[SweetD]

I really like the suggestion about going to a pediatrician. As for child development, I am in school to be a teacher so I do know quite a bit about the subject. Like I said, I have done my research on the rocking and it all points to "normal" but nowhere do I see any follow up on whether or not a parent should or should not intervene. I believe I (and all of you fine folks out there) know the answer to that, but hearing it from a doctor or reading it in print would certainly help give him hear the facts straight, and not just from a concerned parents mouth.

 

And just to clarify, I know he may have some "control" issues but generally my boyfriend IS a good guy. He does not hit, does not spank, rarely raises his voice. He is goofy, playful, loving. The girls love him. But he does nitpick. I'd say its the equivalent of a nagging wife.

 

From the research I've done I know what nitpicking can do. Many kids who have life lessons forced on them often do not know how to react to situations on their own when they get older. It can rob them of their independence.

 

Now it is my belief that every parent messes their kid up somehow. Its what we do. Nobodys perfect and Lord knows I'll play my hand in it too. But I think where my bf and I differ is that I am willing to see my wrongs and try and improve. He is a stone wall. That is my biggest hurdle with him is showing he has some improving to do. Maybe I should sign us up for some parenting class under the guise that he learns a thing or two

[Tayla]

Thanks for reading some of the responses and your decisions are ultimately yours to make. Here is my research as a non professional, parent. Providing the rocking is not harmful to the child or a nervous condition going medically undiagnosed then its absolutely okay to place it under the "smoothing" category for the child to move on from as they progress. Sleepwalking, teeth nashing, and even talking in ones sleep is normal along with the nitemare stages they encounter from time to time. Its part of the brain growing.....

Parenting courses are geared to age stages so make sure you get them for your daughters age group as it will help moving forward as she grows....

I did it when my sons were between 7-10 and boy did I learn alot of different techniques to listen to them and guide them appropriately! No one is perfect but it never hurts to get some learning tools!

[sb129]

Parenting classes are a great idea. You can always benefit from hearing other opinions on the subject, even if it is only to confirm that some of what you are doing is right!

 

I know in my area they have ones especially for blended families.

[Spark1111]

My daughter has been rocking in her sleep since she was about nine months old. She murmurs and mumbles while she does it, it never really bothered me, I have always just shut the door and let her be. She is dead asleep when she does it. Everything I have read on the subject said rocking is a common soothing method in kids and usually subsides on its own around five years old.

 

I have been with my boyfriend since my daughter was around 13 months old. We recently moved in together. He has never heard of a kid doing this before and thinks something is "wrong" with it. I tell him that its just like a kid sucking their thumb for comfort but he doesn't like it and says it wakes him up. Also, his four year old daughter shares a room with her and he doesn't want her waking up either.

 

Anyways, he keeps telling her to stop. Multiple times a night. But she still seems to keep doing it. He is very mad about it but I don't know how to get him to chill on the subject. In general, his parenting style is that of the "fixer." He is always correcting our girls, sometimes for very minor infractions. It bothers me from time to time but I love and respect him and just let it be. Our kids are generally very good kids.

 

My question is, should I keep trying to change his mind that this is "ok" behavior? Or should I let him try to keep stopping her (and get very frustrated in the process)?? I feel bad for both her and him.

 

Rocking in her sleep is fine as a self-soothing device. It is more a concern in pre-verbal children, but since she is a talker, no problem there.

 

As for Daddy being a nit-picking correcting nag, well, not good.

 

If he is always finding fault with them, then they may feel inadequate and grow up someday to marry a man who does the same. Not good.

 

You be the disciplinarian. Have him be the cheerleader. A father teaches a daughter what type of man she deserves, the type of man she feels worthy of.

 

He should treat these girls with kindness, appreciation and above all respect, so they know it when they see it and run, run away when they do not.

[fooled once]

My daughter has been rocking in her sleep since she was about nine months old. She murmurs and mumbles while she does it, it never really bothered me, I have always just shut the door and let her be. She is dead asleep when she does it. Everything I have read on the subject said rocking is a common soothing method in kids and usually subsides on its own around five years old.

 

I have been with my boyfriend since my daughter was around 13 months old. We recently moved in together. He has never heard of a kid doing this before and thinks something is "wrong" with it. I tell him that its just like a kid sucking their thumb for comfort but he doesn't like it and says it wakes him up. Also, his four year old daughter shares a room with her and he doesn't want her waking up either.

 

Anyways, he keeps telling her to stop. Multiple times a night. But she still seems to keep doing it. He is very mad about it but I don't know how to get him to chill on the subject. In general, his parenting style is that of the "fixer." He is always correcting our girls, sometimes for very minor infractions. It bothers me from time to time but I love and respect him and just let it be. Our kids are generally very good kids.

 

My question is, should I keep trying to change his mind that this is "ok" behavior? Or should I let him try to keep stopping her (and get very frustrated in the process)?? I feel bad for both her and him.

 

Tell your boyfriend to pound sand. She isn't hurting anyone. STOP allowing him to wake her up and STOP allowing him to tell you she isn't normal. YOU are her mother - he is a BOYFRIEND. Stop giving him power over YOUR child. When are you going to start protecting HER from him and his views? Why have you given him the power to 'change' your child?

[mariakiriaust]

This is really painful for your boyfriends, as being a parent you need to take care of your kids, but during the initial years many kids used to sleep in day time and used to cry in night which can be a huge problem for many parents

[Angelina Nisse]

I am grown-up and I rock myself.

 

A friend of mine told me she rocks, too. I've always done it.

[alwaysagoodgirl]

My daughter has been rocking in her sleep since she was about nine months old. She murmurs and mumbles while she does it, it never really bothered me, I have always just shut the door and let her be. She is dead asleep when she does it. Everything I have read on the subject said rocking is a common soothing method in kids and usually subsides on its own around five years old.

 

I have been with my boyfriend since my daughter was around 13 months old. We recently moved in together. He has never heard of a kid doing this before and thinks something is "wrong" with it. I tell him that its just like a kid sucking their thumb for comfort but he doesn't like it and says it wakes him up. Also, his four year old daughter shares a room with her and he doesn't want her waking up either.

 

Anyways, he keeps telling her to stop. Multiple times a night. But she still seems to keep doing it. He is very mad about it but I don't know how to get him to chill on the subject. In general, his parenting style is that of the "fixer." He is always correcting our girls, sometimes for very minor infractions. It bothers me from time to time but I love and respect him and just let it be. Our kids are generally very good kids.

 

My question is, should I keep trying to change his mind that this is "ok" behavior? Or should I let him try to keep stopping her (and get very frustrated in the process)?? I feel bad for both her and him.

 

My baby sis did this also, she rocked herself to sleep and made the cutest lil baby noises. She is now 40(smile)And loves her rocking chair:love: I cared for her alot when we were young and are still VERY close. It is a form of self comforting (ime) Let her be.

As for the boyfriend ?? Well I am about to be very blunt so stop reading if you are easily offended.... ready? He needs to leave this child ALONE, stop disturbing her sleep!! Stay in his own room at night!! If he keeps disturbing this poor child she will never get any rest!! I feel this is an abusive behavior on his part. Mild but still abusive. Fixer? Passive aggressive control issues may be more exact.

So why is he watching this baby sleep so often?? Kinda creepy.. He is the boyfriend, he is to support you and your parenting of this child. She can develop some serious sleep issues if he keeps this up.

Honey, if he won't stop move him out. He may be a better date than mate.... No man should ever put himself between a mother and her child. If he fights you on this, show him the door.

Unless she cries during her sleep, let her be. And keep him out of her bedroom at night. How would he like it if people were watching him sleep and woke him each time he made a noise or moved in a way that the lurker disapproved of????

I have a question for you, does she startle easily?

 

Remember this, YOU are her mother and protector. Your word is law regarding this precious little life. Now let this little angel get a nights rest... please.