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Ex back in my life, but an old issue remains.


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I have two children (ages 4 and 5) with someone, who I broke it off with 4 years ago. Recently, for my children's sake, I have reconnected with him. Things are going great, and my children are happier with him back in their lives.

 

After breaking off the relationship years ago, I found out he had another child who is the same age as my youngest. My children do not know this, because their father wasn't a part of their lives, I decided the other child didn't have meaning.

 

Now that we are all connected again, he and I having grown and matured, we realize how much we missed being a family. As he and I try to form a new relationship, the one thing left to work out, is this other child. I cannot deny my children their father, and I wish to build something with him again, I don't know how this other child should play into the situation. A side note, is that he did not continue a relationship with the other woman, but is involved in the child's life.

 

He and I want our second chance, but I am afraid this other child will prevent me from truly becoming close with him again. Has anyone had experiences with anything similar?? It is quite a confusing and unique situation, and I need advice on how best to proceed..

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ThisGirlNameKD

Why would the other child prevent you from being close to him again? What could the child do that could prevent that? Realistically, though it may be painful to accept, the other child will not disappear. Just as you don't want to deny your children their father, that child should not be denied his father also, especially if the father still wants to be in that child's life. If the child brings up painful memories, then it's not the situation that has to be worked out, it your feelings to that child and the situation your in that has to be worked out. Simply put, the problem lies with you. So does the solution. Don't hold anything against that child, and don't resent it. That child did not do anything wrong, did not ask to be here, and that child did not ask to be brought into a sticky situation. The child is innocent, and should be treated as such. An innocent party. Since your children don't remember their father very much, I doubt it very seriously that learning he has another child aside from them would break their hearts.

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PurpleAngel

[color=violet][font=arial]I agree with ThisGirlNameKD!

 

I have had first hand experience at this and I know it is very important that the child has a part in his fathers life. He should not pay for our errors. Having said that I do not feel that he will keep you both from getting close. In fact I feel the opposite, I feel he will bring you closer together, acknowledging what has happened, welcoming him into your lives will start to rebuild trust, and you will also create new ‘allies’ in each other.

 

Stop calling it an ‘ISSUE’… Its not! You will and already have the loving family you desire. If welcoming this child into your life is done with love and not fear it will became a very rewarding and loving situation.

 

GOOD LUCK!

Love and Light!

~PurpleAngel~

:bunny: [/font][/color]

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • Author

Thank you for the previous responses, it helped smack some sense into me. I have come to accept this situation, and this child, but now there is an even bigger situation to deal with...

 

I now have to figure out a way to discuss this with my children, and let them know they have this brother. My children are 4 and 6, and I have to deal with it on their level. My oldest is very intelligent, and I think may ask a lot of questions that I cannot answer. I am not going to lie to them, but I do not want to avoid any of their questions or concerns. The infidelity that resulted in this child, is something I do not want my children to know. With revealing how old the other child is, (the same as my youngest), my children will know something doesn't match up right.

 

Also, do you think it would be easiest for my children to hear this situation from me, him, or both of us?? They are still getting to know their father again, and I am afraid that hearing it from him will be too harsh, but that hearing it from me will make it seem like he was avoiding it.

 

Any help, advice, suggestions are really appreciated. We are trying to get this taken care of today, so there is a possibility all three boys can meet and spend time together this weekend.

 

Thanks.

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