Jump to content

difficult baby-going insane


Recommended Posts

I hope someone can offer me advice or at least some words of encouragement.

 

I have a seven week old son. I love him very much, but it has been rough. He is what you might call a "high needs baby." I had a totally normal pregnancy and an easy birth.The first few weeks were pure hell. I really wanted to breast and kept trying but I didn't ahve enough milk and finally supplemented with formula when he was clearly not doing well, not gaining weight, was obviously very exhausted. Then he started refusing to breastfeed entirely, so I pumped milk for a while but stopped b/c I had to put him down every time I did it and he would scream until he turned purple. I still feel kind of guilty that I am not breastfeeding but there is nothing I can do now.

 

So now he is totally on formula which is supposed to keep babies satiated for longer periods since it i sharder to digest, but I am really not seeing this. He still eats every two hours or less,including at night. He only eats 2 ounces at every feeding even though by now he is supposed to be taking in 4-5. When I try giving more he just wont drink it or spits it all back up. He is gaining weight fine now, but he just "snacks" all day, I can't get him to take in more milk less frequently.

 

He hates being put down. the only time I can get him to lie in his crib is at night, and even tehn, with lots of difficulty. During the day I just carry him in a baby sling on me. I know this probably isn't the best way to get him used to not being held, but if I tried to put him in his crib for his naps everytime I would constantly be picking him back up and rocking back to sleep and I think i would go crazy. So he just takes his naps in the sling. I don't mind having him in the sling all day, it's pretty convenient, but it also means I get zero time with just my husband. I feel like I will never have sex again because my son is always attached to me and my husband and I are so tired and we are always mad at each other now because we are so frustrated. I also feel like I am going to go insane from sleep deprivation. I thought I was going to apply for a masters program and start in the fall, but now I don't think thats going to happen because I can't even remember my address sometimes, let alone apply for a masters program.

 

The worst part is that nobody else i know has this problem with their babies. My baby just dfoesn't seem normal. My neighbor has a daughter two months older than my son and she said she has been eating every three hours from birth, started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. I just went to a party where the person throwing it has a baby a week older than my son. She was so suprised my son wasn't sleeping all night yet. Other babies just seem to eat and be content just staring into space. They love being itheir carriers and go to sleep on car rides. Mine screams through every car ride I take him on.

 

i don't think he has any developmental problems, he has hit every milestone way ahead of time, started smiling at 3 weeks. Other people are suprised he is only seven weeks because he is so alert and active and smiles a lot. When we visit people he behaves much better when there is lots of noise, lots of stuff going on. He seems to like all the stimulation. So I don't think it's colic or any physical condition because he is only like this at home when no one is around exept me and my husband. People say "Wow you ahve such great baby, he never seems to cry. But when we are at home, especially if I try to put him down, he screams until he turns purple. Even when I hold him he will be screaming.

 

i love my baby and he is such a cutie, but I am about to go insane. I feel so pathetic because other people have babies and just go on with their lives and go to work and school wile taking care of them at the same time. I am staying at home and I can't seem to do anything anymore. Our apartment is such a mess. My husband helps with the chores, but the baby screams even more when he is with my husband, so my husband has adopted this idea that the baby hates him therefore he can't be left with thim for long periods of time. I barely every get out now by myslelf. I didn 't have good friends where I live now to begin with, just aquaintenances, but now I have no one.

 

Has anyone had a baby like mine who needs constant attention, can't be put down? Any suggestions? please don't tell me to get a babysitter because both mine and my husbands' families are far away and I don't have the money for a babysitter. Also, I am afraid that if I did leave him with someone they would just leave him to cry or harm him out of frustration because he is so hard to take care of. I am just wondering if anyone has been in this situation. Does it get better and if so, when? Is my son going to be a hyperactive kid who screams all the time becuase he is like this as a baby? Will he not like his father forever. Any encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My wife and I have a 5 week old baby that would scream for up to 6 hours and only eat .5 an ounce to 2 ounces at a time and was losing weight and not gaining weight..

 

He was miserable.. legs straight out and beat red in the face screaming...

 

The pediatrician diagnosed him with Acid Reflux.

 

He put him on a prescription medicine that is a histamine that controls reflux.

and also maalox...

 

I would suggest that you contact your Dr and tell them the hell you are in with your newborn and mention Reflux...

 

Google Reflux newborns

 

We also raised the elevation of his crib mattress to almost 30 degrees..

 

He sleeps on a huge slope now..We couldn't get it to 30 degrees.. but I was able to get it up to about 24 degrees with a 12 inch wood block under the mattress and a wedge for the mattress.

 

within 1 week our son was normal...and he is happy.. of course we have to give him the reflux medicine 4 times a day and he is kinda gassy.. but there are no more crying matches and his typical feeding is now 4 ounces every 3-4 hours..

Edited by Art_Critic
Link to post
Share on other sites

Art Critic is right to suggest you go see your pediatrician about a possible problem. If none is found it can be a couple other things.

 

I learned many years back that somewhere between the 6th to 12th week, babies can go through a crying jag. The timing can be off due to premature birth/late birth. They just cry and are inconsolable for a few weeks and it stinks till it passes. It should always be check out though.

Also, carrying him in a sling doesn't allow him to adjust to not hearing your heartbeat 24/7 like he did in the womb. You also won't get a negligence charge if you let him cry a little longer before you come to his rescue.

Does he have a mobile? Or that bear that makes the lub-a-dub heartbeat rhythm?

Another tip I've heard is if you wear a certain perfume or lotion, you need to stop. It can sometimes be too irritating to put some on his blankets even if it would be more calming to him. If you stop wearing it, it won't be his way of identifying your nearness anymore.

Check out something else that can give clues to this....will the baby stop crying if ANYONE picks him up or just you?

Link to post
Share on other sites

My advice: first of all.. get him checked by a pediatrician....

 

My grand-daughter is almost 5 months.. and she is only starting to sleep all though the night.. and taking her nap 'alone'..

 

My daughter carried her in a sling 'kangouroo'... so she could do a little bit of stuff... reading. etc.

 

She didn't mind.. she would rather carry the baby all day than listen to her cry... although she never cried a lot since she was always on either the mom or the dad.

 

I say.. be patient.. study your baby, get some book.. my daughter could recognize the 'cry' very early.. she knew why she was crying, hunger, diaper change, bored, tired...

 

There was a program on Oprah once about this... and it's sooo true... amazing.

 

It's not always easy.. he's only 7 weeks... I say give him a few more months.. carry him around.. try to start a routine..

 

Babies love routine.. get a routine for the feeding.. then a routine for the bed at night.. etc.. it works. It worked with my little treasure...

 

Patience and love.. this is ALL you need... trust me on that one!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sally was right.. being in a 'kangouroo' allows the baby to be very 'tight' on your stomach... hearing your heartbeat.. and being warm... it does imitate the womb... a lot.

 

She was in that kangouroo for the first 4 months... only the last 2-3 weeks that she has stopped since she doesn't need this anymore and she is now a little bit too big.. LOL

 

Sing to the baby, hold him close to your heart.. well packaged in a tight blanket... just try it.. dance with him.. sing... cuddle him.. massage his back.. just try different things..

Link to post
Share on other sites
bentnotbroken

I found that the massages worked best for my little man. He was extremely high strung and very sesative. The tireder I got, the crankier he got, the crankier he got, the tireder I got. Vicious circle. But my doc suggested back rubs, neck rubs and foot rubs. They worked. Now at over 6', 21 years, and the deepest voice, he still likes to have his neck rubbed. Good thing he has a girlfriend for that now.:D

Link to post
Share on other sites
I found that the massages worked best for my little man. He was extremely high strung and very sesative. The tireder I got, the crankier he got, the crankier he got, the tireder I got. Vicious circle. But my doc suggested back rubs, neck rubs and foot rubs. They worked. Now at over 6', 21 years, and the deepest voice, he still likes to have his neck rubbed. Good thing he has a girlfriend for that now.:D

 

This is such a sweet post. I hope you told his gf...I'm sure she'd get a kick out of it. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

My older daughter was like this as an infant. She was hungry much of the time b/c the breast feeding did not take. Then she was constipated with the formula and screamed whenever her bowels moved. We actually ended up mixing prune juice into her formula. Yuck. Talk about stinky diapers...

 

But the reasons with your son could be different.

 

Remember that you need to take care of yourself and your own sanity. If you must put the baby down for ten minutes or hand him off to your husband while you take a hot shower or use the bathroom, or eat, don't feel guilty. Crying in your husband's arms or in a crib, he is safe, and if it is just for a short time it will not hurt him. You cannot continue to be a good mother if you neglect yourself.

 

It could be acid reflux, as mentioned above. It could be that he is hungry all the time because he is consuming so few ounces at a time. Are you sure he is gaining weight and has wet diapers, etc?

 

Yes, he will react to your moods. If you are tense, he will be tense. Also for sleeping, have you tried swaddling him tightly in a blanket when you put him in the crib? Some babies love to be swaddled. You can look up a diagram of how to swaddle properly on the web, I'm sure.

 

We also had some success with the massaging. Getting into a warm bath with him might also calm him.

 

Most of all, remember that this will not last forever. It feels like it, I know, but it will pass and he will change.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I hope someone can offer me advice or at least some words of encouragement.

 

I have a seven week old son. I love him very much, but it has been rough. He is what you might call a "high needs baby." I had a totally normal pregnancy and an easy birth.The first few weeks were pure hell. I really wanted to breast and kept trying but I didn't ahve enough milk and finally supplemented with formula when he was clearly not doing well, not gaining weight, was obviously very exhausted. Then he started refusing to breastfeed entirely, so I pumped milk for a while but stopped b/c I had to put him down every time I did it and he would scream until he turned purple. I still feel kind of guilty that I am not breastfeeding but there is nothing I can do now.

 

So now he is totally on formula which is supposed to keep babies satiated for longer periods since it i sharder to digest, but I am really not seeing this. He still eats every two hours or less,including at night. He only eats 2 ounces at every feeding even though by now he is supposed to be taking in 4-5. When I try giving more he just wont drink it or spits it all back up. He is gaining weight fine now, but he just "snacks" all day, I can't get him to take in more milk less frequently.

 

He hates being put down. the only time I can get him to lie in his crib is at night, and even tehn, with lots of difficulty. During the day I just carry him in a baby sling on me. I know this probably isn't the best way to get him used to not being held, but if I tried to put him in his crib for his naps everytime I would constantly be picking him back up and rocking back to sleep and I think i would go crazy. So he just takes his naps in the sling. I don't mind having him in the sling all day, it's pretty convenient, but it also means I get zero time with just my husband. I feel like I will never have sex again because my son is always attached to me and my husband and I are so tired and we are always mad at each other now because we are so frustrated. I also feel like I am going to go insane from sleep deprivation. I thought I was going to apply for a masters program and start in the fall, but now I don't think thats going to happen because I can't even remember my address sometimes, let alone apply for a masters program.

 

The worst part is that nobody else i know has this problem with their babies. My baby just dfoesn't seem normal. My neighbor has a daughter two months older than my son and she said she has been eating every three hours from birth, started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. I just went to a party where the person throwing it has a baby a week older than my son. She was so suprised my son wasn't sleeping all night yet. Other babies just seem to eat and be content just staring into space. They love being itheir carriers and go to sleep on car rides. Mine screams through every car ride I take him on.

 

i don't think he has any developmental problems, he has hit every milestone way ahead of time, started smiling at 3 weeks. Other people are suprised he is only seven weeks because he is so alert and active and smiles a lot. When we visit people he behaves much better when there is lots of noise, lots of stuff going on. He seems to like all the stimulation. So I don't think it's colic or any physical condition because he is only like this at home when no one is around exept me and my husband. People say "Wow you ahve such great baby, he never seems to cry. But when we are at home, especially if I try to put him down, he screams until he turns purple. Even when I hold him he will be screaming.

 

i love my baby and he is such a cutie, but I am about to go insane. I feel so pathetic because other people have babies and just go on with their lives and go to work and school wile taking care of them at the same time. I am staying at home and I can't seem to do anything anymore. Our apartment is such a mess. My husband helps with the chores, but the baby screams even more when he is with my husband, so my husband has adopted this idea that the baby hates him therefore he can't be left with thim for long periods of time. I barely every get out now by myslelf. I didn 't have good friends where I live now to begin with, just aquaintenances, but now I have no one.

 

Has anyone had a baby like mine who needs constant attention, can't be put down? Any suggestions? please don't tell me to get a babysitter because both mine and my husbands' families are far away and I don't have the money for a babysitter. Also, I am afraid that if I did leave him with someone they would just leave him to cry or harm him out of frustration because he is so hard to take care of. I am just wondering if anyone has been in this situation. Does it get better and if so, when? Is my son going to be a hyperactive kid who screams all the time becuase he is like this as a baby? Will he not like his father forever. Any encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

 

What you described here reminds me of my first child when he was about the same age. I took him to the Doctor and after a good check up I was told he had "Colic"..If you google Colic there is lots of info out there. My son did grow out of it. Just a thought. Good Luck.

 

AP:)

Link to post
Share on other sites
bentnotbroken
This is such a sweet post. I hope you told his gf...I'm sure she'd get a kick out of it. :)

 

 

 

I've told her more than that. It's in the parents handbook of how to embarass them with a smile on your face.:laugh: My favorite is the time he ate poop and said this hamburger is nasty. He hates that one.:laugh:

Link to post
Share on other sites
nittygritty

It does sound like colic and digestive problems and since your baby is so young, you should have the pediatrician do a check-up, just to make sure that it is colic and digestive problems.

 

My daughter went through a brief fussy phase when she was a couple of months old. Switching to a low-iron baby formula (or no iron, if they still make it) really helped. High iron baby formulas are sometimes too harsh for infants to digest easily. Make sure the correct measurements of water are added to concentrated formulas that you mix yourself.

 

Mylicon newborn drops helps babies with painful gas symptoms.

 

The fussy phase symptoms usually are completely over with after a month or two, so hang in there and know that its common in infants and as their digestive systems mature they seem to quickly grow out of the fussy stage. Take Care. :)

Edited by nittygritty
Link to post
Share on other sites
melodicmaybe

My daughter had periods like this, off an on, but she grew out of it. I had trouble breastfeeding her as well. It happens sometimes, so try not to feel guilty about it. The first few weeks are the most important for that anyway in terms of antibodies and things like that. :)

 

Something you might want to try is running the vacuum. Swaddle him like like someone else suggested, lay him in his crib, and then run the vacuum. There's something about white noise that seems to soothe babies sometimes. With my two, it was the vacuum or a trip in the car. They'd be out pretty quick. (I just noticed you said the car didn't work, but the vacuum might be worth a try.)

 

You also might want to consider investing in a baby swing. They make the kind that recline back for little ones like yours. Not that he should be in there for a long time or anything, but it sounds like even 10-15 minutes right now would be a help to you.

 

And ignore all the people around you saying things like 'oh mine was sleeping through the night since birth practically.' Every baby is different, and yours will get there when it's right for him. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
confused62181

I slept everynight sitting up with my son lying on my chest for 2 1/2 months because he couldn't be put down. What made him finally stop. He just wanted to feel hugged at all times, you know those boppy things that look like a U and are used for breast feeding. I put him to sleep in that and it stopped. You're son may just want to be held, it could be that simple. I definitely agree with everyone else that you should go to the doctors asap, but chances are there is nothing wrong he's just fussy. Try it. It may help. I would suggest a basinet also if you're going to use the Boppy. I had one that vibrated and played music. It should make your son feel secure which will help him sleep at night. I also suggest since you hold him all the time a sound machine with a heartbeat on it. Place it under the crib or basinet while he is sleeping or right before you put him to sleep. It may ease the crying. Hopefully this is helpful.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If it's colic (and it sounds like it) you will just have to wait it out.

My son slept almost constantly for the first 6 weeks, then woke up,, looked around and started screaming until he was about 3 1/2 months old. NOT an easy time. Nothing would soothe him, and he slept in his car seat because he would spit up constantly and mess up his bed a few times a night.

After 4 months, he became an adorable happy little chap, but he still woke up at least twice a night for breastfeeding until he was about a year old.

My daughter, who is 2 1/2 years older, was totally different. Slept for 6 or 7 hours at a stretch at 3 months. Not nearly so fussy, internalized things more (at 13, she still does).

See the doctor, but try not to worry too much. All babies are different and he will calm down eventually. And for god's sake, don't blame yourself and get as much help as possible. I had friends who would come over, even for just a half hour when things were really intense, and they would hold him while he cried so I could go for a walk around the block and clear my head.

And now, he is still an intense (really happy when he is, really angry when he is), but open, loving, bright, gorgeous and extremely funny 11 year old boy. Wouldn't change a thing about him. Hang in there, it won't last forever :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I really hope you can get some support, like another adult to help you watch him while you rest/unwind/deflate!

 

I've seen many a kids brought in where I work from stressed parents or parents simply too worn out to make clear decisions!

 

What I'm trying to say is be careful about your stamina!

 

Oh, and take him to a doctor! There is some good advice on here, but see a professional!

 

Cheers!

Link to post
Share on other sites
I really hope you can get some support, like another adult to help you watch him while you rest/unwind/deflate!

 

I've seen many a kids brought in where I work from stressed parents or parents simply too worn out to make clear decisions!

 

What I'm trying to say is be careful about your stamina!

 

Oh, and take him to a doctor! There is some good advice on here, but see a professional!

 

Cheers!

 

Good advice JM...

 

OP.. here are a couple of links I found useful that I dug up in the middle of the night during one of his screaming times..

 

The Doctor explained to me the difference between Collic and Reflux..

Your best bet is with the pediatrician.. even with all the research I did there was no way I could figure it all out...

 

The Colicky Baby

http://home.vicnet.net.au/~disa/Colicky%20Baby.html

 

The Reflux Baby

http://home.vicnet.net.au/~disa/GOR%20Baby.html

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...