When to put my daughter on birth control?

[Obama08]

From another thread:

 

A little about my daughter:

 

"She's a devout Christian and a girl scout. She reads constantly and is way ahead in math. She loves art, especially working with her hands. She's a bit sassy and very sarcastic. She loves vegetables but hates spicy food. She's very affectionate, and not the least bit shy."

 

"She's a good kid. She's fun to have around. She's interesting. As a result she has a LOT of friends, and I spend a good amount of playing taxi, but I make sure to give her at least an hour of my undivided attention every day, generally playing Wii or reading stories."

 

"Lets cover the idea of *shudder* my daughters eventual sexuality.

 

After her first period she's going on the pill, and by junior high I'll make damn sure she has condoms on hand. She can have sex with whoever she wants, a boy, a girl, a boy and a girl, doesn't matter to me, but they damn well better respect her. I'm not saying I'll encourage her to have sex, I'm very, very uncomfortable with the idea, but as long as she uses protection she won't get in trouble for it. My hope is that with the right outlook she'll be comfortable enough to take things slow and, again, the respect thing. Very key, and that starts with her respecting herself and her own body, which we're working on now."

 

"I'm hoping she'll be comfortable talking with me about sex, but in all likely hood she'll end up talking to my fiancee (soon to be her step mom) who is a sexual health care professional. By high school she's likely to know more about safe sex than anyone else in her school. I think information is the key. It's the kids for whom sex is a mystery that seem to end up f*cking up and wind up with a baby or some other STD."

 

"She doesn't have a good family history for such things though. Her mom and I were 19, my mom was 20, my grandmother was 16, etc. Hopefully we can break the curse with good old fashioned education. For instance, I really wish I had known that anti-biotics negate the effects of birth control. That's really good information to have."

 

"Aside from the non sexual benefits of birth control (reduced length and heaviness of periods for example) it's a hell of a lot better than an abortion should she CHOOSE to have sex."

 

"Birth control is part of becoming a young woman, just like using tampons or wearing a bra, and the first period seems a good time to at least introduce the idea."

 

"I would be thrilled if my daughter chose to hold off on sex until after her teens, but I'm sure not gonna count on it."

 

"Being on birth control doesn't mean you have to have sex any more than owning a parachute means you have to go skydiving.

 

"It's a habit she's going to have to get into though, taking the pill, unless we go with an alternative which I'm not near as comfortable with, but it will be her choice when the time comes. We'll go over all the options with her. Remember my fiancee does this professionally."

 

____

 

And now the question:

 

To the ladies: When did you first start taking birth control? Do you wish you'd started earlier? Later? Why?

 

To the parents: How (and when) did you handle this particular hurdle?

 

I know it's a personal question. Any input would be much appreciated. Thanks

Edited March 8, 2008 by Obama08

[Touche]

I don't feel comfortable answering the questions you asked but I did want say that I found this to be very sad.

 

And if your daughter is a "devout Christian" as you say, why not teach her Christian morals?

 

My son will be going into junior high next year and I wouldn't dream of giving him condoms. How old is your daughter? You need to talk to her about these things. If she's really as devout a Christian as you say she is, she might be appalled at the idea of sex before marriage.

 

I urge you to consider another alternative here.

 

Oh and birth control is NOT part of becoming a woman as you say. Learning self-control IS however.

[LucreziaBorgia]

If only things went as well as we intended. There is no telling what your daughter will choose for herself, but at the very least you have a plan, as it were.

 

1. To the ladies: When did you first start taking birth control? Do you wish you'd started earlier? Later? Why?

 

2. To the parents: How (and when) did you handle this particular hurdle?

 

1. Fifteen, when I became sexually active. There wouldn't have been any reason to start earlier, and I'm glad I didn't wait until later.

 

2. My daughter is 11. I have always been frank and honest with her about human sexuality and its pitfalls, so there was no 'hurdle' so to speak. I would not consider putting her on birth control without a full medical workup because of the breast cancer gene she may be carrying. She is currently taking the rounds of Gardisil.

[Touche]

If only things went as well as we intended

 

So true. Even on birth control one isn't completely safe from STDs and/or pregnancy.

[a-sweetart]

To the ladies: When did you first start taking birth control? Do you wish you'd started earlier? Later? Why?

 

I know it's a personal question. Any input would be much appreciated. Thanks

 

 

I first started BC at 16 when I became sexually active. No. I do not wish I had started it earlier. For some people going on the pill has initial side effects, in my case it made me VERY nauseous for the first few cycles, and I hated it. If I had been any younger and did not have a real need for the pill I would never have put myself through that.

 

If you have a relationship with your daughter where she is comfortable coming to you and having open discussions about sex then you do not need to do this as soon as she starts her period. She will come to you. Or when she gets her first boyfriend then you should discuss it with her. It is her body, and her sexuality, she should have a say in the matter.

 

If you do not want your child to be sexually active at an early age then you should be careful about what she will be exposed to. It WILL affect her.

[Obama08]

Hmmm. Maybe just condoms for the first few years. Didn't think about side effects.

 

I'm not Christian, and never have been. While my daughter is free to practice any religion she chooses (and I'm happy to drive her to church) I expect she'll grow out of religion eventually as I did when I entered high school.

 

I just really don't want her getting pregnant people. I was a father far sooner than I wanted to be and I don't want that for her, and I don't ever want her to have to go through an abortion. Boys just can't be trusted to use condoms.

 

 

>sigh<

 

Even if I can keep great communication open between us as she gets older... It just seems so much betterto have her on the pill and not even have to worry about it. She's eight and already the boys in her class are developing crushes...

 

Ever hear the saying "When you have a boy you only have to worry about one dick. When you have a girl you have to worry about every dick on the block."

 

Maybe I'll luck out and she'll be a lesbian

 

My son will be going into junior high next year and I wouldn't dream of giving him condoms.

 

I would strongly reconsider that. Statistically, Christian or not, he's got a good chance of being sexually active by that age. Having a condom on hand can't hurt a bit. Hell, he may have one already, and he needs to know things like "don't keep it in your wallet." That's really important stuff to know.

Edited March 8, 2008 by Obama08

[Art_Critic]

I would think that any Doctor worth their salt would not put your daughter on BC unless she needed to be regulated on her periods or she was sexually active.

 

Worry about how you teach your daughter about sex and trust your parenting skills... No need to put the cart before the horse...

[quankanne]

be very careful about getting her started on BCPs at an early age, because that's something that could backfire on her later. In fact, the only females who really *need* to be on the pill in their teens are the ones who have serious problems with their cycle so it can be under control.

 

this isn't meant to diss those women who chose to start them early, but just a post filled with unease at how we really don't know how hormones can affect someone.

 

personal history: I went on them in college, at age 21 or 22, because my cycles were very irregular and I had problems with ovarian cysts. I've been on the pill off and on throughout my adulthood, but about 4-5 years ago my gynecologist took me off them and I've been fortunate that my cycle corrected itself during the previous years. Had it not be for the female problems, I probably never would have gotten on the Pill.

 

obama, if you're really concerned that much about your daughter, maybe it's time to approach her psychologically about sex and let her know that while it may physically feel good, there are a whole slew of emotions and feelings are involved, and boys necessarily don't see sexual intercourse the same way girls do. That you respect her decisions and will help in any way you can, but all the same, you hope she seriously things about waiting until she's older and in a stable relationship, because sex between two people is a serious, beautiful thing that shouldn't be treated like game or toy.

[Obama08]

I wish I could just hand the whole issue off to my fiancee, but that would be totally unfair.

 

So I wait until she has her first boyfriend... see, the whole deal here was from the other thread. This quote:

 

There's no reason for her to get on the pill shortly after she gets her period. Many girls these days get it as early as 12! That's too early for a girl to be on the pill, she doesn't need that crap in her system.

 

I just don't know... I need to talk about it with my fiancee. I don't know when she stared on birth control, but she was sexually active by 13.

[ShoeGirl]

To the ladies: When did you first start taking birth control? Do you wish you'd started earlier? Later? Why?

 

To the parents: How (and when) did you handle this particular hurdle?

 

I know it's a personal question. Any input would be much appreciated. Thanks

I went on BC when I was 15 and wasn't sexually active for years after that. I was put on it after trying literally every other medication available for acne. I don't think being on BC that early was a good idea, I started having odd reactions to it after about 5 years and had to switch to another brand that was a year ago and now I am stuck taking Yaz (which is $50 a month) or switching to a non-pill BC to be sure that it is effective as BC.

 

I would recommend talking to your daughter about being safe and tell her that if she decides to become sexually active that you will help her get on BC if she asks you to. I would think that if you are going to her with an open mind you will have no problem having her come to you when she needs it.

[Touche]

Hmmm. Maybe just condoms for the first few years. Didn't think about side effects.

 

I'm not Christian, and never have been. While my daughter is free to practice any religion she chooses (and I'm happy to drive her to church) I expect she'll grow out of religion eventually as I did when I entered high school.

 

I just really don't want her getting pregnant people. I was a father far sooner than I wanted to be and I don't want that for her, and I don't ever want her to have to go through an abortion. Boys just can't be trusted to use condoms.

 

 

>sigh<

 

Even if I can keep great communication open between us as she gets older... It just seems so much betterto have her on the pill and not even have to worry about it. She's eight and already the boys in her class are developing crushes...

 

Ever hear the saying "When you have a boy you only have to worry about one dick. When you have a girl you have to worry about every dick on the block."

 

Maybe I'll luck out and she'll be a lesbian

 

 

 

I would strongly reconsider that. Statistically, Christian or not, he's got a good chance of being sexually active by that age. Having a condom on hand can't hurt a bit. Hell, he may have one already, and he needs to know things like "don't keep it in your wallet." That's really important stuff to know.

 

My son and I are not Christians. No, I won't reconsider. I can't say it better than AC did. We will monitor his whereabouts and activities (within reason) and instill in him our values. It's that simple. Obviously that's not enough with some kids. I can only trust that it will be for our son.

 

It was enough for me when I was young.

[Trialbyfire]

When did you first start taking birth control?

I've never taken oral birth control. I used other methods when I became sexually active at 18, with my first love. They were other forms of birth control, not anything as risky as pulling out or the rhythm method.

 

Do you wish you'd started earlier?

No. I've always believed in only sleeping with people I have very strong feelings for.

 

Later?

Nope. It would have been foolish to have started later.

 

Why?

N/A

[Art_Critic]

I don't understand the absolute worry about pregnancy of an 8 year old..

 

Obama.. She is 8 and according to you not sexually active, why worry about pregnancy ?

 

If I didn't drive a car I wouldn't buy car insurance and I also wouldn't worry about getting tickets..

[Obama08]

Just something I'll have to deal with eventually. I suppose there isn't much sense worrying about it until I have to.

[Trialbyfire]

Don't traumatize your child with your own fears by starting her on bc at 8 years old. You've probably got another 3 - 5 years before she even gets her period. Let her remain a child for a little while longer. Okay?

[reddog63]

From another thread:

 

A little about my daughter:

 

"She's a devout Christian and a girl scout. She reads constantly and is way ahead in math. She loves art, especially working with her hands. She's a bit sassy and very sarcastic. She loves vegetables but hates spicy food. She's very affectionate, and not the least bit shy."

 

"She's a good kid. She's fun to have around. She's interesting. As a result she has a LOT of friends, and I spend a good amount of playing taxi, but I make sure to give her at least an hour of my undivided attention every day, generally playing Wii or reading stories."

 

"Lets cover the idea of *shudder* my daughters eventual sexuality.

 

After her first period she's going on the pill, and by junior high I'll make damn sure she has condoms on hand. She can have sex with whoever she wants, a boy, a girl, a boy and a girl, doesn't matter to me, but they damn well better respect her. I'm not saying I'll encourage her to have sex, I'm very, very uncomfortable with the idea, but as long as she uses protection she won't get in trouble for it. My hope is that with the right outlook she'll be comfortable enough to take things slow and, again, the respect thing. Very key, and that starts with her respecting herself and her own body, which we're working on now."

 

"I'm hoping she'll be comfortable talking with me about sex, but in all likely hood she'll end up talking to my fiancee (soon to be her step mom) who is a sexual health care professional. By high school she's likely to know more about safe sex than anyone else in her school. I think information is the key. It's the kids for whom sex is a mystery that seem to end up f*cking up and wind up with a baby or some other STD."

 

"She doesn't have a good family history for such things though. Her mom and I were 19, my mom was 20, my grandmother was 16, etc. Hopefully we can break the curse with good old fashioned education. For instance, I really wish I had known that anti-biotics negate the effects of birth control. That's really good information to have."

 

"Aside from the non sexual benefits of birth control (reduced length and heaviness of periods for example) it's a hell of a lot better than an abortion should she CHOOSE to have sex."

 

"Birth control is part of becoming a young woman, just like using tampons or wearing a bra, and the first period seems a good time to at least introduce the idea."

 

"I would be thrilled if my daughter chose to hold off on sex until after her teens, but I'm sure not gonna count on it."

 

"Being on birth control doesn't mean you have to have sex any more than owning a parachute means you have to go skydiving.

 

"It's a habit she's going to have to get into though, taking the pill, unless we go with an alternative which I'm not near as comfortable with, but it will be her choice when the time comes. We'll go over all the options with her. Remember my fiancee does this professionally."

 

____

 

And now the question:

 

To the ladies: When did you first start taking birth control? Do you wish you'd started earlier? Later? Why?

 

To the parents: How (and when) did you handle this particular hurdle?

 

I know it's a personal question. Any input would be much appreciated. Thanks

 

I have two daughters, age 12 and 9. I would never dream of doing what you are doing. Something about it seems kind of disturbing to me as a parent.

 

So she is how old......11?.......and she will go on the pill??

 

As I see it, my job is to teach my kids about morals, consequences, choices, etc..............there is just something very wrong to me to start giving them birth control at such a young age. What message would it give? I am safe to have sex? My dad is ok with me having sex since I have the pill?

 

To me, it seems this is more about you then her. Your fear is over the top.

 

Plus, besides teaching me kids, I supervise them, I check up on them, I know where they are.

 

I am probably in the minority but it just seems so wrong to me.

[delnoire]

More and more these days I am discovering how apparently laid-back I am as a parent, in comparison to most. I think obama's gameplan is pretty solid. Mines is similar. The thing is kids aren't the same today as they were, even ten years ago. I had my first daughter at 19, Im 30 now, so being relatively young, I can attest to that! My daughters are 11 and 7 and the 7 year old, somehow or other, already knows what oral sex is. I don't know how or where she learned it (we dont have satellite or cable or anything) but she knows and seems to have a general understanding of why grown-ups do such things. When I was seven I wouldn't have even been able to comprehend oral sex. I don't even want to know what the 11 year old knows by now lol. But instead of freaking out about it and getting all paranoid, I just accept it. They're growing up in a world today much more explicit than when I was a kid and in a way I don't think its a terrible thing (Not that I think its a good thing either!) My hope is that learning things like that, even if it is at an age which borders on inappropriate, will help her, and her sister develop a healthier attitude about sex and consequently, be more successful as an adult in choosing partners and maintaining serious relationships with males and females that RESPECTS her. Obama has it right. Its about RESPECT. I was reading this one story a while ago about a couple who decided to have a polyamorous relationship and invited another female to join as a serious partner. She moved in with them and everything and my first thought was 'What if I was the wife's father? How did he feel about it? I mean, if you have a daughter you're protective and you want whoever she is with to treat her like a queen, and then you discover that the guy she is with decided to throw another girl into the mix and your daughter actually accept that? Does she have low-self esteem? Does she suffer from an iferiority complex? Why would she let a guy do that to her? Doesn't she know that she is enough for ANY man? But as I read the story further, I realized that even though there were two women in the relationship, the man respected them both, he wasn't thinking of them as his harem or anything. All three involved respected and were given respect in return, by the other partners of the relationship. So I decided that no matter what kind of relationship, or encounters of a sexual nature, my daughters will decide on in the future, as long as they do this with people who RESPECT them, then I don't think I've failed them as a parent.

People get to hung up on religious factors, or imposing their own sexual insecurities on their children, or even other people's children (i'm not completely innocent of this either!) And I think the negativity caused by this is what really causes the child to make bad decisions and have a bad or naive attitude about sex. Sorry for rambling on. There I've said my peace.

[Art_Critic]

My daughters are 11 and 7 and the 7 year old,

 

But are any of your children on BC ?.. If not then why not ?

 

You may think preventative maintenance is a good thing.. We all do.. that is why I think teaching and parenting is where the prevention lies not in chemicals of a child..

I seriously doubt a Med Dr would prescribe BC for a child..If a person has a 10 year old who is having sex then I think the parent is seriously failing in their duties..

[Ssheena]

Gotta say, I think it's pretty wack to decide for your daughter that as soon as she has her first period, she is going on the pill.

 

Perhaps you should spend your time working on your relationship with her so that she is comfortable talking to you about things instead of planning out her life and sexuality for her.

 

Sorry, I'm really feeling a tad sorry for the girl if you continue on the way you are going.

[Obama08]

Talked about it with my fiancee. She was 13 when she started on birth control. I think that's when we'll start my daughter, depending on when her first period is and when she enters Jr. High.

 

Many of you seem to think I'm planning to encourage my daughter to have sex once she's old enough. This is not the case. Having car insurance doesn't mean you have to enter a demolition derby.

[annieo]

I went on the pill when I was 17. I had been sexually active for a couple of years, but at 17 I was in my first real relationship. My mother is the one who made the appointment and drove me there. She was tense-faced and silent the whole time, but she felt the same way as you (and I, in regards to my own daughter) - she didn't want me getting knocked up before I finished school/got married.

My mother, while not religious, is a bit of a prude (Catholic upbringing) so I consider it very practical and generous of her to do this for me.

I'm glad I didn't go on the pill earlier, for health reasons and because it meant that I used a condom with the few random guys I slept with before first serious boyfriend. After the pill, however, I stopped the condoms (because of being in a monogamous relationship). This was in the days before AIDS, so people worried less about std's. Most were treatable, or so we thought at the time.

[whichwayisup]

Then other kids find out she's on the Pill at age 13 - Are you and is SHE prepared to deal with the fallout of that? KIDS are MEAN and she'll be labelled.

 

It's like you don't trust her! Put her on the Pill so that way if she chooses to have sex, atleast she won't get knocked up.

 

Emotionally most girls are not ready to have sex at such a young age. I would hope you and your future wife would explain to her NOT to give herself away to just any boy, and wait as long as possible and when she's in a relationship.

 

Again, not judging you, it just seems your lifestyle and the fact you and your spouse are very sexual people, you're putting it on your daughter at too early age.

[Obama08]

Commitment before sex is a choice- The one you made apparently. That doesn't make you right and me wrong, that makes us different, and it will be my daughters choice when the time comes. I'm not going to tell her she needs to be married before she has sex. That's bullsh*t, and completely unrealistic.

 

I want her to have sex only when she feels ready to, and with someone who respects her, and I don't want her getting pregnant. Beyond that it's her life.

Edited March 9, 2008 by Obama08

[Arch]

Commitment before sex is a choice- The one you made. That doesn't make you right and me wrong, and it will be my daughters choice when the time comes. I'm not going to tell her she needs to be married before she has sex. That's bullsh*t, and completely unrealistic.

 

Who said married? I said committed, I think it serves better to date someone for 10+ months before sex as it shows a commitment to the relationship, that doesn't mean you cant express what you want emotionally and sexually in the future, you just wait to act on it until you feel you are both right for each other.

[Touche]

Putting your daughter on the pill at 13? How truly sad. Wow. Sad on so many levels. I guess that's the new "easy" way of being a parent.

 

Don't parents teach morals, values and self-control and self-discipline to their kids anymore? Is monitoring a 13 year old's whereabouts, friends and activities too much of an inconvenience for today's parents. Guess parents are too busy working to buy that SUV to take the time. Easier to just give them pills to not get pregnant, pills to calm down and concentrate, etc. etc.

 

Very sad.