VivianGirl Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 We have four great kids. Our second oldest has had a bunch of health issues which have really drained us financially and emotionally. He is a really great kid and has really been through the wringer with all of the hospitializations, doctor visits, and meds that has taken. And only in the last couple of years has things settled down with him -- medically at least -- but I am burnt out. Now there are some issues with two of my other children and the youngest one just tires me out. I feel that I have dropped everything for my family and some days I just feel like running away. My husband complains about the kids and is very negative in general so I spend a lot of my time trying to balance out what he does. I really don't know what I need. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 I really admire you for your generosity and patience. I only have two kids, neither has any significant problems, my husband is usually helpful and positive, and I still want to run away half the time. Cut yourself from slack. You're a hero for what you do every day. Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyInTheDark Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 We have four great kids. Our second oldest has had a bunch of health issues which have really drained us financially and emotionally. He is a really great kid and has really been through the wringer with all of the hospitializations, doctor visits, and meds that has taken. And only in the last couple of years has things settled down with him -- medically at least -- but I am burnt out. Now there are some issues with two of my other children and the youngest one just tires me out. I feel that I have dropped everything for my family and some days I just feel like running away. My husband complains about the kids and is very negative in general so I spend a lot of my time trying to balance out what he does. I really don't know what I need. First I have to say that you are an incredible person for sticking with your family and the way everything has been, you ARE a much better person than myself honestly. *hugs* First of all, its OKAY for you to have feelings, and the ones you are having are totally natural. Show me one person who can keep themselves together (like you have) and NOT have thoughts of desperation and stress, and I will show you someone who is not real. Anyways, What you should do is try and get your husband to act how you first dated. I had a similar situation (my family was in hell) and my ex-gf helped me out a lot (sure we broke up a few months after that), but just go hang out with friends (or family). Remember, it will NEVER stay dark... and try to enjoy the pure moments in your life, (like waking up before anyone else and picking up the toys) or (having your husband kiss you after you cook)... those types of things... would make life more bearable, I am just 18 years old... but I am trying to help... and add my 2 cents.. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 We have four great kids. Our second oldest has had a bunch of health issues which have really drained us financially and emotionally. He is a really great kid and has really been through the wringer with all of the hospitializations, doctor visits, and meds that has taken. And only in the last couple of years has things settled down with him -- medically at least -- but I am burnt out. Now there are some issues with two of my other children and the youngest one just tires me out. I feel that I have dropped everything for my family and some days I just feel like running away. My husband complains about the kids and is very negative in general so I spend a lot of my time trying to balance out what he does. I really don't know what I need. I'm so sorry for all that your going through right now..as a mother of 3 small children I can understand. When one get's sick.. and you have the rest of the gang to care for it can be a big drain.. emotional and physical. Hang in there... it will get better. Hug's! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Wasn't it Nancy Regan who said that - "A woman is like a teabag: You never know how strong she can be until she gets into hot water..." - ? You've been living on adrenalin, it sounds like, with regard to your second-eldest child. You've had to survive, and be strong, and practical, and in charge, and in control and hold everything together, because you know what? That's our role. That's what Mums do. And we're so darned good at it, it's little wonder sometimes that our spouses take a back seat and become all helpless on us... I'm not talking inferior/superior here... I refer to my partner as my son, sometimes.... emotionally, he's finding it hard to get beyond the age of 9.... I think in many cases (and I mean no disrespect to our countless gentlemen participants here on LS...) it's difficult for men to cope in this way, simply because I don't think they're naturally wired for it. Your husband is helpless, hence his attitude and complaining. I'm not trying to diss him, but he's coping by not coping, because the allowances you make for him, and the fact that you "spend a lot of your time trying to balance out what he does" would indicate that he's quite happy to let you. He can rely on you to knit it all together, so in a way, you're 'granting him permission' to "misbehave" because you'll paper over the cracks and iron out the creases. You do it so well, too.... I think you need to approach a professional about this. Either your Doctor or a Counsellor. And you also need to let your husband know, in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, that you are near breaking point. You need a lot more from him than he's giving. Put it this way - if you collapse now - who'll take over? That's right.... Who indeed? So you really, truly must look after yourself. Now. This minute. Don't delay. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 Sounds like you need a break and a spa day (or weekend)! I know things are really difficult in your life and stressful...And you want to run from it all...Just imagine your life without your kids. SUre, maybe for a day you'd feel relieved and less stress, but I really think you'd want them all back once you started missing them. Being a parent sucks sometimes! But, the good should always outweigh the bad and make it all worthwhile. I will say, you and your H need to connect and spend adult time together, let loose and have fun. Life can really SUCK at times too, so don't let the bad crap get you down too much. Your H should lighten up and not be so negative, atleast TRY to be positive and fun to be around. Link to post Share on other sites
jonarmis Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 I am sorry to hear about that VivianGirl. I am sure it's quite a handful for you to handle. But don't worry too much. It's just a matter of time and patience. Your husband will soon realize that he should change the way he look at things and be as family together in solving issues like that of your kids medical problems. Be patient and understanding enough. You should help your husband, enlighten him. Have a heart-to-heart talk with him. That way he will know what exactly you have been going through and what help you need from him. I hope this helps! Link to post Share on other sites
Author VivianGirl Posted March 5, 2008 Author Share Posted March 5, 2008 I appreciate all of the support. It has been really hard and I have told my husband that I need help and support but he is not consistent in helping me. He does work long weird hours and frankly, he isn't the most patient person in the world. I usually wait until he has been up an hour before I try and talk to him. I am seeing a therapist and it does help. But there are days when I just have had enough and don't feel like trying anymore. And the old saying that God only gives you what you can handle? I think he has overestimated my abilities sometimes. And I will try and figure out a spa thing. I do need to get away and the problem is that when I do everything just stops. My husband doesn't seem to view a clean house the same way I do and I am not that picky either. But thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
ProudMommy Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Raising a family is hard as it is and when you have medical problems or health issues on top of it, it can seem overwhelming at times I am sure. You are entitled to feel stressed at times and you shouldn't feel bad for feeling that way. Have you considered seeing a family therapist? Maybe that would help you and your family learn to cope with the stresses in your life. Good luck and I hope things start to look up soon for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 And the old saying that God only gives you what you can handle? I think he has overestimated my abilities sometimes. Do you mind if I sometimes use that quote? What other support systems can you call upon? Are there one or two friends or family members with whom you can leave the kids? (Or who can come to the house?) If an entire day away feels like "too much", start off with a movie or short workshop or lecture. Perhaps a one-night-a-week class to learn oil painting or yoga; or joining a book club? Try not to worry about everything in the house stopping -- accept that it won't necessarily be as orderly as you'd prefer...but you will put it all "right" again, as your time and energy permits. Are there any community services available? Some hold volunteer spa days, etc. (Perhaps your family doctor has such a resource list.) Another source for no-charge or low-charge treatments is at the schools that teach massage therapy, reflexology, Reiki, etc. -- their graduating students need to do "intern case studies" and usually don't charge full price. Making your 'rest & relaxation' time dependent on Hubby's schedule and/or mood, may not be in anyone's ultimate best interest. As long as you've ensured the kids will be taken care of, schedule your much-needed and well-deserved breaks to fit with your own needs and desires. Sending Love, Light, Protection and Guidance. Link to post Share on other sites
cicada Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 your husband doesnt sound like any help , i am sure he does some but not too much i asume , and i am not surprised because my husband isnt really any help either . Some men just cant handle anything. You are a very strong person and i just want to say to keep your chin up , at least your kids are good kids , that makes a world of difference. i have only 2 kids but my older teen causes me soooo much grief it is ridicuos. just focus on all the positives in your life even though sometimes i know it is hard to . Link to post Share on other sites
Author VivianGirl Posted March 18, 2008 Author Share Posted March 18, 2008 All of the community support that we qualify for I have chased down. My parents are in town and they can help a little. I just don't like being in this position all the time. My H hasn't been a great deal of help. He has his own problems which sometimes make bigger ones for us. He is a little better but part of it is that I need to take one of my kids in for an all day medical thing and it is just tiring right now. It is not an urgent thing, but will hopefully give us a better idea of what he needs to not have so many problems. I am working on doing more stuff for me. My counselor tells me to get physical and work off some of this. And I wish my H could be more understanding and helpful. I don't know. I don't feel like running into the street screaming today but hey, tomorrow isn't here yet! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts