Lishy Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 So after long and drawn out test's - It has been confirmed! Even though I know that he was born with it and nothing has really changed I would love to hear from other parents who have children with ADHD and know what to expect, my son is now 11 years old. My son has a mild form that cannot be treated with meds - He does not have anger issues, his problems lay with his immaturity, impulsivness and memory Any help would be greatly appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Gold Pile Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Sorry you have to deal with this. Good Mother's always have to work so dang hard. It seems that (on this side of the pond) loads of kids have it, I hear it all the time. So you're not alone at all. That infobit and my sympathy aren't much, just all I got for ya. I'm sure you'll get some useful replies here. Take care kiddo. GP Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted February 20, 2008 Author Share Posted February 20, 2008 Thanks for your kind words GP xx Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Hi Lishy, First of all, don't worry too much. Worrying never solves a thing as we all know. I am not a doctor or psychologist but I am a teacher with many years of experience. Plus I have a nephew who is autistic so I do have some empirical knowlege but no scientific background. As far as my experience goes, I know, that children who display signs of a disorder have certain common characteristics but they also have other more personal manifestations of the disorder. Perhaps it would help if you could list some of the manifestations you see in your son. That might help elucidate things and perhaps together we can brainstorm and seek for ways that you can start to deal with each problem one by one. Needless to say, above all, patience. Marlena Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 I'm sure there's some type of therapy that specializes in ADHD that he can do once or twice a week. Also, talk to your family Dr about seeing a nutritionist, diet does affect this as well. Google search naturalpathic doc's in your area, maybe that can help too. Life isn't going to be easy for him, or for you, but I'm sure with alot of love, patience and support from you, he'll be okay.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted February 20, 2008 Author Share Posted February 20, 2008 I have had some wonderful advice and great PM's - Thank you all for caring! Ok Marlena the things I could use some help to help my son with are: His inability to keep friends. He is fine for a few hours and then he gets really annoying and childish and the other kid loses patience and sees him as an annoyance. I see this all the time and it breaks my heart! His school work suffers as he cannot organise himself, he can not plan things and he never remembers what he is supposed to do for his homework even when the whole class was built around telling the kids what to do! He has been referred for Psycho therapy but there is a waiting list of a year! I could really do with some advice on how to deal with him without pulling my hair out! Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Lishy, I'll try my best to share whatever experience I have with grade-school children who have similar problems. Mind you, I am not an expert. I can only speak out of experience. You will have to do the research and get professional advice on how to help your little boy. I understand fully well how your child may be "marginalized" by his peers. Sadly, children are capable of an unsurpassed cruelty simply because,well, they are children and know no better. I fully sympathize with the way you feel for it too would break my heart to see my child being tossed away by his peers. But you need to put emotions aside and see what you can do on a practical level. Perhaps, you can invite one of his classmates to your house, the one most sympathetic to your son and together with your child try to cultivate a friendship under your supervision and guidance. This might help the two of them bond. Just knowing he has a friend might make him feel better. Peer acceptance is very important at this stage. Even if it is only from one peer. Gradually progress to more friends. Perhaps you could enlist the help of one of the mothers that you may be close to. As for his homework, ask his teacher to write down his homework in a special notebook so that you know what has been assigned. It is imperative that you talk to the teacher and ask for her/his co-operation. They will help you to the best of their ability. I am sure he is hyper-active so you will have to find ways to improve his concentration. Perhaps puzzles,assembling cars, number painting pictures - music often helps. Find out what it is that captures his attention most. Promise a reward if something is done - No doubt, Lishy, you will have have to spend exhaustive quality timw with him. Be patient and do not let this overwhelm you. Tiny steps in the rigth direction. These are but a few suggestions that might or might not help. Above all, massive patience and lots of love. Wish I could help more. Marlena Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 has his doctor suggested any support groups that you can gain knowledge from? Even looking into an online community would be a huge help, because you'll know that you're not facing this alone. another thought is to look into Parents Anonymous, which is fantastic in helping parents find the tools they need most when raising families. you're facing a big challenge, Lishy, but it's not insurmountable ... and know that we're in your corner! q Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 has his doctor suggested any support groups that you can gain knowledge from? Definitely look into this. Very important to both you and your son. Link to post Share on other sites
Adamagnet Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 You may want to try magnesium. The majority of the US population is deficient in this mineral according to US standards and there have been studies that show a positive correlation to the decrease in hyperactivity with the introduction of Mg supplementation. Here is the study I was referencing: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9857546 Link to post Share on other sites
DanielMadr Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/adhd.html My cousin may have similar problem. I dont know if he is hyperactive or ADHD but I know he is quite anti-social - real pain in the a**. He cant play with other kids - he starts to bully them, terorize them, making fun of them, humiliate them, intentionaly confuse them, scare them or other psycho warfare. Seems to me he delibaretely makes everyone hate him so he cant be disappointed in the end. I believe it is his nature (spawn of hell) and his mother have similar traits - she is the smartest and everyone else is dumb (her IQ is like room temperature, mind you). And she is a bit emotionally unavailable - she gives love only when she feels she needs one. He doesnt hear word of comfort, approval, love or appreciation. And he wont get much now - when he behaves like devil. He will reach puberty any moment. I hope he will change for better but I have scary thoughts it will get even worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 Daniel .... My son is nothing like how you describe yoiur cousin, but he has a few friends at school who are just like you described. All of them come from homes where they are not supported and have parents who ignore them. It seems to me he just needs lots of love. My son is loving and kind and would not be mean to others, he has never called a kid a bad name or hit another child. He just acts kinda childish and it stops kids his age playing with him, he finds it har to make firm friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Also, talk to your family Dr about seeing a nutritionist, diet does affect this as well. Google search naturalpathic doc's in your area, maybe that can help too. A friend of mine has a son with ADHD. She has reduced his sugar intake to almost nil, beyond natural sugars in food. She's also careful what fruits she gives him, like grapes, which are high in fructose. No candy, pop or baked goods, unless it's bread loaded with multigrains, etc. It's not a cure but it helps to reduce some of his hyperactivity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 My son eats really healthily TBF, he would choose a raw carrot over chocolate and fruit over sweets - He even eats raw broccolli! When he goes to the sweet shop with £2 he will come back with a pen and a malt loaf! I agree that too much sugar makes any kid hyper, but my son gets even more hyper and when he is like that he blurts out inappropriate things that make him look a tad silly! Link to post Share on other sites
DanielMadr Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 (edited) Daniel .... My son is nothing like how you describe yoiur cousin, but he has a few friends at school who are just like you described. All of them come from homes where they are not supported and have parents who ignore them. It seems to me he just needs lots of love. My son is loving and kind and would not be mean to others, he has never called a kid a bad name or hit another child. He just acts kinda childish and it stops kids his age playing with him, he finds it har to make firm friends. I didnt mean to compare this spawn of hell to your son at all or his mother to you. The childish thing caught my eye in your post. He is not overtly aggressive with other children, he is sort of childish - very annoying, ego centric and not empatic. But I believe your son is just childish in a good "naive" way? Arent you over-protective? What about his father....do they get along well? Strong mother-son bond can be quite contraproductive sometimes. Watch SouthPark - Dog Whisperer episode, it is nail on the head. I watched a few episodes of Nannys. And they did real good job too. Instant miracles in a few days. Goals, discipline, approval, attention and love when deserved and firm stance against undesirable behaviour. Edited March 11, 2008 by DanielMadr Link to post Share on other sites
DanielMadr Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 My son is loving and kind and would not be mean to others, he has never called a kid a bad name or hit another child. Like you would know about that:p Are rivers made of chocolate where he goes to school? He is 11. He either has a couple of fights under his belt which you dont know of or he might be seriously frustrated that he cant slap the one (you know, the kid you have to fight). Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 I have always felt (never been tested) that I *may* have add/adhd, but I have also always felt that it was an ADVANTAGE. My mind moves at light speed, I can do three different things at once, I need to keep busy, engaged, involved. I always get frustrated that the rest of the world can't keep up. Keep him challenged. Make sure his teachers know that if he doesn't stay "plugged in" he'll get bored and float away. A book my mom gave me that was really helpful is "Driven to Distraction." Check it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 While myself and my sibs have never been diagnosed with ADHD, I sometimes wonder if we all have it, due to how active we were as children. In order to combat the rat pack, my parents put us into activities galore. Sports was a big one. Reliant on personality type, they either put us into team sports or got us involved in individual sports. One of my brothers wasn't a team player, so tennis and skiing worked well for him. Exhaust them until they drop. In your son's situation Lishy, maybe team sports might help him make friends, since it would help to create mutual interests and goals. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 Like you would know about that:p Are rivers made of chocolate where he goes to school? He is 11. He either has a couple of fights under his belt which you dont know of or he might be seriously frustrated that he cant slap the one (you know, the kid you have to fight). Daniel, I respectfully request that you keep your sacasm for other threads Thanks! I know he would not call a kid a bad name, not because I think he is perfect, but because I know my son! When kids have called him names and I tell him to call em names back, he wont! Link to post Share on other sites
DanielMadr Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Daniel, I respectfully request that you keep your sacasm for other threads Thanks! I know he would not call a kid a bad name, not because I think he is perfect, but because I know my son! When kids have called him names and I tell him to call em names back, he wont! Im not sure that was a sarcasm, just a reminder he is not a toddler. Take it easy. Would you think of him any bad when he would have called them bad name back? Is he afraid that you wont like him if he slips? To be sincere I dont think it is even healthy for a 11 year old kid to be such a saint. It puts too much strains on his soul. He needs to vent the frustration - and there is plenty of frustration in a childs life. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 http://www.abc.net.au/ra/innovations/stories/s1695160.htm I didn't have time to read through the other threads, so I hope I'm not repeating anything here. One of the most important things is to not label your child as lazy or stupid. I certainly don't get the impression that you do this anyways. I had add growing up, and was constantly labled by teachers and my father. I'ts important to nurture your child's sense of self-esteem because having add can take that away. I read this study about fish oil awhile ago. It might be worth a shot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 Im not sure that was a sarcasm, just a reminder he is not a toddler. Take it easy. Would you think of him any bad when he would have called them bad name back? Is he afraid that you wont like him if he slips? To be sincere I dont think it is even healthy for a 11 year old kid to be such a saint. It puts too much strains on his soul. He needs to vent the frustration - and there is plenty of frustration in a childs life. Of course I wouldnt feel bad if he called a kid a name, no kid is perfect Daniel, and my son is no where near perfect. I am just saying that name calling is not in his nature - Other things are but not name calling! I dont put any pressure on him Daniel and this thread is about how to deal with his ADHD and what to expect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 http://www.abc.net.au/ra/innovations/stories/s1695160.htm I didn't have time to read through the other threads, so I hope I'm not repeating anything here. One of the most important things is to not label your child as lazy or stupid. I certainly don't get the impression that you do this anyways. I had add growing up, and was constantly labled by teachers and my father. I'ts important to nurture your child's sense of self-esteem because having add can take that away. I read this study about fish oil awhile ago. It might be worth a shot. Thank you Angie - My son is already on fish oils (IQ) and I did used to say to him not to act so silly, but I dont now as I know there is a reason behind it and I am always telling him how proud I am of him and how he is the best in the west! Thank you for your imput hon Link to post Share on other sites
jc2624 Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 My SO's 9yo son is ADHD. He's a good kid. He's not medicated, which I think is for the best, but he does have the impulse to push his mother's and my buttons and to ruin family activities if he can. I think that some of my SO's dietary practices help out her son quite a bit. First, as someone said, she feeds him virtually refined no sugar. Some carbohydrates are okay, but the lower on the glycemic index the better. She never give him soda, and rarely ice cream or cookies, etc. Second, my SO's son becomes absolutely feral within minutes when he ingests nitrates. Sodium nitrate is a common preservative in food. I'm most familiar with it in processed or aged meats, like pepperoni, sausage, and deli meat, but you can get nitrate free food at all Whole Foods kind of stores. Finally, he avoids eating any kind of dyes, like the nasty looking stuff in Slushees, Sno-cones, and some processed foods. I haven't seen this personally with my SO's son yet, but I've read that behavior changes such as participating in team sports (as someone said) can also help. Most interestingly to me, I saw a piece on TV (60 Minutes, I believe) that indicated that meditation can significantly help ADHD kids, and the kids actually enjoy it once they learn how to do it and calm their minds. I would think that Tai Chi, Yoga or something like that would also help. By the way, even though everything I've mentioned seems "alternative", I'm a scientist, and believe in medication when everyting else fails to make the needed beahvior modifications for learning and happiness of your child. However, I've seen with my own eyes the effect of diet on behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lishy Posted March 18, 2008 Author Share Posted March 18, 2008 Thank you JC I have to say that lately he has been fantastic! Like a new boy! We are getting on great and it makes me cherish every moment I spend with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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