Explaining lesbians to an 8yr old girl?

[Obama08]

So, as some of you know from this thread, it looks like a lesbian friend of mine will be moving in with my me, my fiancee and my 8 year old daughter.

 

This lesbian friend has a new girlfriend, and while I'm comfortable (enthusiastic even) with the idea of having her around, they are dating and I'm sure there will be kissing and hand holding and such. I'm not going to ask them to keep it under wraps.

 

So the question is, do I wait for my daughter to bring it up? Do I mention it preemptively? How do I put it?

 

Right now I'm leaning toward a "some girls like other girls, and some boys like other boys" little talk. Keep it simple. Don't go into details unless she asks. Wondering how the other parents out there have had this talk. What worked? What didn't?

 

Any gay parents out there? How did you explain it?

 

Thanks Hope to hear from you.

[melodymatters]

Being in theatre I have always had lots of gay friends. I pretty much explained to my daughter what you were thinking.

 

I think it started when she asked what gay meant, and i told her some guys like other guys instead of girls, and that was pretty much the end of it !

 

Always start with a small amount of basic, matter of fact, facts. And then be open to answering any more questions that arise.

 

Kids are so cool, they usually just go " Oh", and go back to playing with their toys or whatever.

[HokeyReligions]

Only you know your daughter's intellectual level - some kids are more saavy then others. How would you explain it to her if your friend was straight and had a boy friend over?

 

Your daughter may be comfortable with romantic expressions seeing you and your fiance, but I would guess that she doesn't see or understand everything that goes on between you.

 

I wouldn't ask your friends to abstain from all affection, but I would remind them that you have an impressionable child around. I would tell a hetero couple the same thing.

 

I don't know what your religious practices may be, but if your daughter has been raised in any type of church teaching, be prepared for questions relating to that and how your faith addresses homosexuality. I wouldn't go into detail either. The " some girls like girls..." sounds about right if she brings it up. At 8 she might be more saavy than you think!

 

Have you had the Birds/Bees talk with her yet? If not, you might get ready for that!

[Star Gazer]

I'd definitely talk to her about it before it becomes a question in your mind. My mom never told me that my Godfather was (er, is) gay. He lived with a man (actually, bought and fixed up two homes together), they shared a bedroom, traveled together, etc. I never saw intimate affection though, and it never occurred to me to care or question his relationship. My best friend at 14 had to tell me what he was gay. After she met him, she said, "It's soooo cool that your Godfather is gay!"

 

I was like:

 

And then:

 

And then:

 

And then towards my mother for not telling me. I felt silly, like there was a big secret or joke that she didn't trust me with.

 

I think Hokey and Melody have given you great advice.

[Storyrider]

SG, the same exact thing happened with me concerning my aunt and her long-time companion. She is in her 70s now and they have been together since the 1970s.

 

All through my childhood they lived together and slept in the same bed but they weren't affectionate in public, and I didn't figure it out until I was 15. I had the exact same shocked reaction followed by a light bulb going on over my head. Duh.

 

By then I knew all about being gay, and my best friend's mom was even a lesbian, but it was just so close to home that I couldn't see it.

[Star Gazer]

SG, the same exact thing happened with me concerning my aunt and her long-time companion. She is in her 70s now and they have been together since the 1970s.

 

All through my childhood they lived together and slept in the same bed but they weren't affectionate in public, and I didn't figure it out until I was 15. I had the exact same shocked reaction followed by a light bulb going on over my head. Duh.

 

By then I knew all about being gay, and my best friend's mom was even a lesbian, but it was just so close to home that I couldn't see it.

 

Seriously huge light bulb moment. This came after he was rubbing (more like caressing) his NEW "roommate's" back at the dinner table while saying, "Oh Steven is such a fantastic cook" and then looking at him with goo-goo eyes. I still had no clue.

[whichwayisup]

Most kids, especially at age 8 (my niece is very close to that age) and she thinks seeing ANY type of kissing is gross. Honestly, I would ask your 18 year old gal not to over do it when it comes to public displays of affection around your daughter. I mean, that advice from me would be the same reguardless of her being a lesbian or not.

 

All you have to do is explain to her that it's okay for people to fall inlove, and if it's two women or two men, that's normal and acceptable. You don't need to go into details.....

[Obama08]

Haven't had the birds and the bees talk yet... I mean, I've laid the ground work and all, she knows what a period is for instance. We covered masturbation because it came up... the difference between boy parts and girl parts... but the actual mechanics of sex, what goes where, no. Haven't covered that yet.

[Nemo]

I just can't understand heterosexuality. I mean, it seems so unnatural! You put what??... where??

[Obama08]

I just can't understand heterosexuality. I mean, it seems so unnatural! You put what??... where??

 

Tell me about it. It's such a reminder how we're still just animals when you boil it down. Sure is fun though.

 

My daughter's mom is bi, and so is her boyfriend, so it's probably time I covered it. Possible my ex beat me to the punch actually, though unlikely. She really hasn't seen her mom in a couple years now

Edited February 19, 2008 by Obama08

[burning 4 revenge]

This is why the west is dying

[Obama08]

This is why the west is dying

 

Hey man- it's a handy answer to population control

 

She used to get the fire and brimstone speeches fairly often from her pentecostal grandparents, but since she came to live with us (agnostics) her fear of damnation (for both us and herself) has all but disappeared. I don't think I need to worry about the theological aspects.

 

 

Hmmmm... you know her room is gonna be right across the hall from theirs... I wonder how thick the walls are...

Edited February 19, 2008 by Obama08

[Nemo]

Possible my ex beat me to the punch actually, though unlikely.

That reminds me - anal fisting is a pleasure beyond compare.

[Obama08]

That reminds me - anal fisting is a pleasure beyond compare.

 

Providing you have an economy sized tube of analease and a strap of raw hide to bite down on, sure, I can see that.

[HokeyReligions]

Hey man- it's a handy answer to population control

 

She used to get the fire and brimstone speeches fairly often from her pentecostal grandparents, but since she came to live with us (agnostics) her fear of damnation (for both us and herself) has all but disappeared. I don't think I need to worry about the theological aspects.

 

 

Hmmmm... you know her room is gonna be right across the hall from theirs... I wonder how thick the walls are...

 

I'm glad my mom, who was a devout Baptist, was open minded. All she ever said about is was that she did not believe it was right (same with premarital sex) but that it wasn't our business anyway and love is love. No one thing make a person wholly 'bad' and its up to God anyway, not us to judge.

 

Your daughter might not think twice about it!

 

Some of the other stories are funny. Reminds me of high school. For the last 3 years I was part of a clique - 3 girls and 3 guys. We weren't really dating, but we had sort of paired off. I was with 'Larry' and we had a lot of fun. There was some light flirtation and romance among the others and I just figured Larry was a real gentleman. After graduation he went on a singing tour with the choir he belonged to and when he came back he was 'out'. That was my Duh moment - no wonder he never made a pass! LOL!

[Obama08]

My Dad, who is religious, but not Christian, has always portrayed homosexuality as a mental disorder, which I don't agree on the grounds that I've never, in my entire life, met a 100% sane person. It's just another way of calling people "normal" or "abnormal."

 

See, he couldn't just leave it at an explanation, he had to make a statement about it (when I was a teen a lot of people thought I was gay.)

 

That's what I want to avoid. I wanna take the Kinsey approach, and just present the unbiased numbers.

Edited February 19, 2008 by Obama08

[LucreziaBorgia]

I have quite a few close lesbian and gay friends (my best gay friend was my 'maid' of honor in my wedding! ).

 

I just included being gay as one of the options when we did the birds and the bees talk early on - not a matter of right or wrong, just an objective matter of "this is how people are". By the time she was eight, she knew what being gay meant, and it didn't phase her as being different because we didn't present it that way. It was something along the lines of "men and women can fall in love and have sex, and so can women and women, and so can men and men". No graphic details (not until she was older and began to ask but even then it was still a very age appropriate explanation). The key, I guess is to present it as just another type of relationship that adults have (we always stress the 'adult' part when it comes to sex - that is our choice as parents).

[Obama08]

That's a good idea. Go ahead with the birds and the bees talk and just incorporate it. I wonder if I should cover anything else...

 

I'm no good at these talks. I'm tempted to just wait until it comes up, but... nah. I Gotta bite the bullet and get it over with.

[Gold Pile]

I was an independant kid. If my parents subjected me to this at the age of 8, I'd pack my bags and hit the road.

 

Actually I'd hope that an eight year old wasn't subject to ANY overly graphic displays...straight or not.

 

While I'm a live and let live type of person, I do think people should be concerned about what children are exposed to in their formative years.

 

Timed right, you can help decide what will move them in the future.

I had a cuz that found a stash of foot orientated porn at age 11. 10 years later at the local strip club he was always at the dancers feet. Later his wife divorced him and made mention of his foot thing.

 

I've nothing against foot lovrs or gays, I just think people should be more aware that you can help determine these things with properly timed exposure.

[blind_otter]

Haven't had the birds and the bees talk yet... I mean, I've laid the ground work and all, she knows what a period is for instance. We covered masturbation because it came up... the difference between boy parts and girl parts... but the actual mechanics of sex, what goes where, no. Haven't covered that yet.

 

Oh good Lord. My SO recently had the talk with his son (age 10 1/2) and the results were pretty amusing. After the explanation pf the mechanics of sex, during with son was silent, son paused for a moment and then said, "Wow. That sounds like an all-out ugly collision." Now we throw that phrase around a lot.

 

SO's son knew about homosexuality (in theory) when he was 6/7. He mentioned something about not wanting other kids in his class to think he's "kid-gay."