Did you grow up in a "normal" family?

[a4a]

Curious and wondering how many people think they were reared in a normal family?

 

How does your childhood effect your own family now?

 

Do you think you are raising your kids any different than you were raised or plan to do so differently?

[Sassy]

I had a normal family life as to what was family . I was loved and wanted in everyway! As for my father being sick and losing him at the age of 10 that was tramatic thing that happened to me. He had emphysemia and asthma . He took me shopping and bought me barbies on Saturdays. He had his own dental lab and made impressions of teeth. My mom was a stay at home mom while my dad worked but on the weekend we spent family time together. My dad smoked and it killed him . He had to get a trachea because he couldn't breathe. I was always taking care of him when he got sick when mom was working and we all was home from school. Made me be very responsible and grow up and see death at a early age. No i don't have a normal family life. My SO is always on the computer promoting his band . I read, bathe and put my daughter to bed every night. I ride bikes ,jump on the trampoline and am always playing with my child . Now that it has been beautiful .She knows she is loved and wanted ! She is a very happy but stubborn child. Wish that my SO would do more with us in quality time. I had a great childhood growing up except losing my dad was very tragic for a 10 yr old to deal with . Other than that it was great. My mom had 5 kids and we never did without or wanted for nothing.

[alphamale]

Curious and wondering how many people think they were reared in a normal family?

my family was very normal with no major dysfunctions...it was a traditional household. my pa was a doctor and my ma took care of the house/kids...

 

How does your childhood effect your own family now?

I am divorced without kids so I don't have a family of my own. I am a family of one ....me, myself and I

 

Do you think you are raising your kids any different than you were raised or plan to do so differently?

If I had kids I would be strict with them and stress education over anything else, just like my parents did.

[JadeStar]

I grew up knowing and feeling that my family loved me, but my folks had their share of arguements just as lots do I'm sure. Their main fights were about money and how to raise me. They were never on the same page as far as discipline with me. A friend of mine told me how lucky she felt that her and her hubby were on the same page as far as discpliling their kids, becasue she couldn't imagine nor probably be with someone who wasn't on the same page, because she says its so important that both are. My dad had some anger issues and he would lash out. He wasn't ever abusvie to me or my mother, but he was a wall banger. He would bang his head against the wall if things were bad, or he was frustrated. He was one to raise his voice. Sometimes, too it wasn't always what he said, but the way he said it.

 

My mother was the complainer. You named it she complined about it. She was one of these people who worried about what others thought all the time. She had a kind of controling nature in some of her ways. I remember when I was younger thinking if I ever grow up and get married, have kids etc, I hope I'm not like either one of them with some of their ways. To this day I do see some of those tendencies in myself, but I do think I control them better than they did. I usually will stop and catch myself if I start acting like they did, and will try to change my pattern of behavior. Nope its not always that easy either.

 

Just a few years ago after lots of counseling, my dad found out he was bi-polar. I think its possible he was all along, years ago when I was little. I sometimes wonder had he gone to the doc/counseling back then for help maybe they could have known he has what he has now. And maybe he could have gotten some help/treatment for it, so things wouldn't have spun out of control like they did sometimes. I do think kids learn what they hear/see etc but its up to us to learn how to not follow in some of their negative footsteps. My husband and I have had our share of problems but nothing like my parents did.

 

 

 

 

 

Jade

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

I grew up in the traditional "Dysfunctional" family. Father was a drug addict, mother was an alcoholic. They fought, he got kicked out, me and my brother see him walking down the highway with luggage, no car, no money, no nothing. My mother hated him. After seeing that. My brother became the bad one and I was the good one. He dropped out of HS, went to rehab typical "offspring of dysfunction". I was the good one, I graduated with honors, I was a gymnast, cheerleader, Miss popular. Don't get me wrong, I did bad things, But I was smart enough not to get caught.

 

Today, I'm getting married, have a good job, my own place with my wonderful man. My father is dead, My mother lost half her senses from STILL drinking. My briother, No license, job, goals, ambition. He's always depressed.

 

Therfore, Some people break the mold of dysfunction families.

[Art_Critic]

Define Normal ?

[blind_otter]

Curious and wondering how many people think they were reared in a normal family?

 

No way, dude. Multicultural, two parents with PTSD, abusive mother, alcoholic father (until he couldn't physically drink anymore) -- though he was a more quiet depressed alcoholic. Never loud or abusive. That was mom's job. And both my parents were unwanted children from previous marriages or affairs. And neither of them grew up with both parents. MY Dad was in foster care with relatives after the age of 11 or 12, and my Mom was the daughter of the third wife.

 

How does your childhood effect your own family now?

 

I don't have one. Probably because of this.

 

Do you think you are raising your kids any different than you were raised or plan to do so differently?

 

I plan to raise them quite differently. There were som egood points - like making me take ballet, piano, voice lessons, summer programs, boarding school -- they really excelled at giving me building blocks to create my own sense of self. But the foundation they laid was crap.

[bab]

So, what exactly is normal these days?

 

My parents fought hard and loud all the time until they divorced when I was in teh 4th grade. My dad was an alcoholic, but in all honesty it wasn't a big deal because he only drank at night after dinner and he was a quiet drunk. He never really parented, just took me to out to eat on the weekends he had us and complained constantly about child support. FYI--if you are paying child support, don't let your kids know it bothers them. My mom was emotionally abusive. In one sentence telling me how proud she was of me and in the next screaming at the top of her lungs about what a stupid ***** idiot I was. So, when I hit those teenage years.....EXPLOSION. But we've all made our amends, (although my parents don't talk at all), and we've got "normal" relationships.

 

I don't have any kids yet, but I still see how my parents family affects my relationship with my STBH. It takes me by suprise when he is geniunely interested in me and I occassionally I find myself holding back because...why would he be interested. I plan to do some of the things that my parents did. Like, get my kids involved with a ton of different activities, and stress education. And play board games. That was a shining point of my childhood, the board games. But I plan to treat my kids with respect and keep the yelling to a minimum. And never ever ever call them stupid ****** idiots.

[alphamale]

My mom was emotionally abusive.

Show me a mother who's not...

[Sassy]

Show me a mother who's not...

 

Alpha you can't speak for all!! My mom wasn't emotionally or physically abuse at all. So i have shown it cause i am one that was never done this way. I understand that there are alot out there that do it ,but sorry im not that way to my child nor was my mom!! My mom was and still a great mom and so am i . Sorry for all the ones that was treated so bad by their mom's . HUGS to all that was treated that way. No child should have to be treated that way. Children are precious and should be cherished not critisized.

[JadeStar]

Define emotionally abusive. Because yes I do think theres some that are, some that are not, and some that are teetering on borderline.

 

 

 

 

Jade

[alphamale]

Define emotionally abusive. Because yes I do think theres some that are, some that are not, and some that are teetering on borderline.

um...there is something about haveing children that drives many women insane.

[basscatcher]

Define Normal ?

 

Oh' Gawd A_C You took the words right out of my mouth...

 

 

YEAH WHAT A_C SAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lmao:

[a4a]

Define emotionally abusive. Because yes I do think theres some that are, some that are not, and some that are teetering on borderline.

 

 

 

 

Jade

 

Well if you tell your kid they are a loser, will not amount to anything.

 

One favorite one I over heard recently from one was "your just like your father"...... geeze......that does wonders for a kid, alienates them against the other parent and destroys their self esteem. Neato things parents say to kids and ruin their life because of it.

 

It amazes me that being a parent is a right. You can so screw up so many generations by being a rotten parent.

 

ok done ranting........ back to humorville.

[blind_otter]

I remember my exH's dad when we were visitng once, telling his son "You could have been a star, but you're just a quitter" and I lit into him and ended up making a sarcastic comment about his perm.

 

I don't think it achieved much, but he got rid of his perm for about 3 months.

[bab]

Show me a mother who's not...

 

There is a huge difference between a mother who makes you feel guilty for not calling as much as you should, or puts pressure on you to do things "her way" and a mother who tells her kids,

"You can't do anything right!" or anytime there is a loud noise,

"What the hell did you break now??" and constant yelling. These type of things are not "normal" and should never be. Not all mothers do these things.

[hotgurl]

There is a huge difference between a mother who makes you feel guilty for not calling as much as you should, or puts pressure on you to do things "her way" and a mother who tells her kids,

"You can't do anything right!" or anytime there is a loud noise,

"What the hell did you break now??" and constant yelling. These type of things are not "normal" and should never be. Not all mothers do these things.

 

my mom is just like this. Always yelling and insulting and drinking. The kicker is she doesn't remeber any of it or minmizes what she does.

[tanbark813]

My family was normal for the most part. It was your typical white, suburban family of 4 with kids who played soccer, played in band, etc... Over the past few years I have started to think I do have issues from my family that effect my current relationships.

 

#1 - My parents were never very affectionate with each other or with us kids. They gave us presents and the occasional "I love you" but physical affection just wasn't there. I remember my second gf--I was with her for about 2 years--commented that I wasn't affectionate. I didn't even think anything of it but started to be more affectionate with her. I think I got addicted or something because now I crave physical affection from a gf.

 

#2 - This kind of goes along with #1. While my parents were always very financially supportive, they didn't often attend extra-curricular activities that me or my brother were in. I remember my parents missed my senior solo performance in band at the end of high school. When I got home they were each just drinking in front of the TV. I think this might be part of why I put such emphasis on support from a gf.

 

#3 - My parents would pretty much scream at me and my brother whenever we got into trouble. Our family was very confrontational and you couldn't make yourself heard during arguments unless you raised your voice and try to intimidate the other person. I know I have anger issues from that that filter over into my relationships. It's especially been brought to light with these past 2 gf's and is something I'm currently working on (and getting better I might add ).

[basscatcher]

I think Normal is what is common in your time period.

 

The time period we are in is a time of high divorce, domestic abuse is more open and known about, chldren are speaking out about neglect and abuse from parents, drug abuse and premarital and adultriated sex is common, tolerated and promoted in society and alcoholism has always been around also but its more known and acknowlegded.

 

With all this as the norm... My family is in the Norm-totally..

[blind_otter]

I think Normal is what is common in your time period.

 

The time period we are in is a time of high divorce, domestic abuse is more open and known about, chldren are speaking out about neglect and abuse from parents, drug abuse and premarital and adultriated sex is common, tolerated and promoted in society and alcoholism has always been around also but its more known and acknowlegded.

 

With all this as the norm... My family is in the Norm-totally..

 

I disagree. Domestic abuse, and drug abuse are not and never will be "normal".

 

People engage in these activities because they are f***ed in the head, not because everyone else is doing it so it's ok.

[basscatcher]

I disagree. Domestic abuse, and drug abuse are not and never will be "normal".

 

What is considered normal?

Normal is what is common.

What is common today?

All the things I described and more.

 

This doesn't mean it is healthy or right.

[alphamale]

People engage in these activities because they are f***ed in the head, not because everyone else is doing it so it's ok.

Among teenagers, peer pressure plays a large part in drug/alcohol use and abuse...

[blind_otter]

What is considered normal?

Normal is what is common.

What is common today?

All the things I described and more.

 

This doesn't mean it is healthy or right.

 

That is your own definition of normal. In terms of the question, which I assumed was asked in terms of psychological norms rather than statistical norms, the second definition below is used.

 

nor·mal (nôrml)

adj.

 

1. Conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern, level, or type; typical.

2. Functioning or occurring in a natural way; lacking observable abnormalities or deficiencies.

[2sunny]

I'm not sure what normal is but, I do know that my mom had nine kids in twelve years. My Dad died after they were married 40 years.

 

We were very poor growing up, but that never stopped us from being happy kids. We worked hard to earn money if we wanted to buy something.

 

All are college graduates, most with a Masters, one with his Phd.

 

My parents were extremely strict, but loving as well.

 

I am a strict parent - but very reasonable (fair) and extremely loving as well. I will not yell at my kids, I ask them to look me in the eye when we speak so I know they understand what is delivered to them.

 

I encourage them to have their friends here at the house as much as they want. We usually have 3 or 4 spend the nights on weekends. Once in a while on a school night, but that is more unusual.

 

I tell them once and they do what is asked out of respect. They tell me once and I do what they request as well. They are good boys, though and rarely give me anything to reprimand them for - even as teenagers.

[blind_otter]

Among teenagers, peer pressure plays a large part in drug/alcohol use and abuse...

 

And they are susceptible to peer pressure because.....

 

(BY the way, I posted the definition because I dislike quibbling over the definition of words. The english language is not made of silly putty, people. Respect it.)