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How do you tell your family that you’re going to be a father again?


Tiger night

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Tiger night

When my ex wife and I were separated, I met a very nice young girl. We were friends and everything was cool. After my wife and I divorced I started to text her and we started meeting up for sex and to just hang out on occasion.

 

I have three children all older than her so we decided to keep it quiet. I know all her friends and we just hang out and have fun. I know she would text other guys and go out with them, but I kept it cool because I wanted my ex.

 

A few weeks ago, she told me she's pregnant and it’s mine... she doesn’t want our baby. I am conflicted. I wante her now, not my ex. I want to be everything she needs in a man. I want my baby.

 

I’m nervous about what my kids will think. What my family will think. I don’t know if I can be a daddy again.

 

What can I do? How can I get her to give me a chance to be something real?

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Not a lot in most jurisdictions. But these things come to mind:

 

1. "I love you and I want to make this family with you. Will you marry me right now?"

 

2. "Please don't abort our baby. I you don't want to be with me and raise him/her, then please go ahead and have the child and I'll accept full custody."

 

That's really about it. Dude, unless you are willing to sign up for it fully, you have really no standing to be a part of this conversation.

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Oh, and unless you are wanting to make more babies (like that's a dream of yours), you should go ahead and get snipped. Christ dude, it is like 15 minutes in/out with a weekend of sitting around watching TV with a bag of frozen peas on your junk. Be responsible.

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Tiger night
Not a lot in most jurisdictions. But these things come to mind:

 

1. "I love you and I want to make this family with you. Will you marry me right now?"

 

2. "Please don't abort our baby. I you don't want to be with me and raise him/her, then please go ahead and have the child and I'll accept full custody."

 

That's really about it. Dude, unless you are willing to sign up for it fully, you have really no standing to be a part of this conversation.

 

The thing is, she’s 24, and I don’t know if she’s ready to do that yet. I didn’t think she’d get pregnant because she gets depo

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Just how young is this girl? And what impact would having a baby now have on her life and plans?

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Tiger night
Just how young is this girl? And what impact would having a baby now have on her life and plans?

 

She’s 24, I’ll be 56.

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She’s 24, I’ll be 56.

 

Okay, so you'll be what... 78 when the baby graduates from college? Not many years away from being worm food.... Just saying.

 

Ya, not really seeing it as you two making it as a married couple. Not sure she sees a future with you. Or a future she wants. Might be best to just let things go.

 

Also - get snipped tomorrow man. There is no reason a 56 year old dude should be knocking up women.

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She’s 24, I’ll be 56.

 

With all due respect, why would a 24yo give up her life plans for parenting with someone more than twice her age who was just a fling? Perhaps if you were 27 and you'd been together for years it may be different, but this isn't the case. I mean, you even refer to her as a 'young girl' rather than a 'woman', so the two of you clearly aren't on an even keel.

 

My question again: How would continuing with the pregnancy affect her life plans?

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CollegeKid101
When my ex wife and I were separated, I met a very nice young girl. We were friends and everything was cool. After my wife and I divorced I started to text her and we started meeting up for sex and to just hang out on occasion.

 

I have three children all older than her so we decided to keep it quiet. I know all her friends and we just hang out and have fun. I know she would text other guys and go out with them, but I kept it cool because I wanted my ex.

 

A few weeks ago, she told me she's pregnant and it’s mine... she doesn’t want our baby. I am conflicted. I wante her now, not my ex. I want to be everything she needs in a man. I want my baby.

 

I’m nervous about what my kids will think. What my family will think. I don’t know if I can be a daddy again.

 

What can I do? How can I get her to give me a chance to be something real?

 

This is all you need to read again. She doesn't view you as someone she wants as the father of her children. I am sure the age gap is far too much for her.

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ExpatInItaly

You two need to sit down and speak honestly about your feelings.

 

She doesn't appear to want what you want if she's told you she doesn't want to keep the baby, and if that's the case, you're not going to be able to talk her into this.

 

It sounds like she didn't want this to be more than a FWB arrangement to begin with. How big is the age gap between you two?

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She enjoyed the benefits & doesn't want anything more serious. If you really want the baby all you can do is tell her that you will accept full custody if she carries to term & that you will pay for everything. Depending on how much you want this, you may want to offer a financial incentive but do not think that you are getting the happy little family. That is not her plan.

 

If you do this, after the baby is born ask her if she wants to terminate her parental rights.

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Tiger night
With all due respect, why would a 24yo give up her life plans for parenting with someone more than twice her age who was just a fling? Perhaps if you were 27 and you'd been together for years it may be different, but this isn't the case. I mean, you even refer to her as a 'young girl' rather than a 'woman', so the two of you clearly aren't on an even keel.

 

My question again: How would continuing with the pregnancy affect her life plans?

 

I don’t really know. I know she was thinking about moving to the mid west, but hasn’t found a job yet so she might go back to school.

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I don’t really know. I know she was thinking about moving to the mid west, but hasn’t found a job yet so she might go back to school.

 

Then a cash incentive to carry to term so she has tuition money may be appealing to her.

 

She does not want an LTR. You can't use the baby to tie her to you forever . If you want the baby, tell her that & incentivize it. Otherwise, let her make whatever decision she thinks is best.

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Tiger night
She enjoyed the benefits & doesn't want anything more serious. If you really want the baby all you can do is tell her that you will accept full custody if she carries to term & that you will pay for everything. Depending on how much you want this, you may want to offer a financial incentive but do not think that you are getting the happy little family. That is not her plan.

 

If you do this, after the baby is born ask her if she wants to terminate her parental rights.

 

When we started this, all I wanted was to get over my wife. Now, I think I’m in love. I know I could give them a good life. I could accept it, even if all she wants is money though.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
When we started this, all I wanted was to get over my wife. Now, I think I’m in love. I know I could give them a good life. I could accept it, even if all she wants is money though.

 

I'm curious what a 24 year old and a 56 year old have in common.

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I know she would text other guys and go out with them, but I kept it cool because I wanted my ex.

 

Are you absolutely sure that it's your baby?

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Eternal Sunshine

I only do FWB with men I could never fall for. Maybe this girl is the same. Funnily enough, men can sense that genuine detachment and end up wanting more.

 

Put it this way: once you are in a FWB zone, there is no way out. There are few women that do FWB while secretly in love but with those girls/women, you would have sensed the clinginess a mile off. The fact that you are posting this tells me that she is in the first category.

 

As for having a baby at 56 :lmao::lmao::lmao:. Please invest that emotional energy into children that you already have.

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The thing is, and not to be negative...

 

At 56, if something was to happen and you were to get sick or have a heart attack and pass away in the next 5/10/15 years... she will be raising this child on her own. That's a big ask of someone, particularly a young woman who has her whole life ahead of her. I'm sure she would prefer to marry and start a family with someone closer to her age, such that they will raise their family together for the next 30-40 years.

 

There may be feelings there, but you are at very different and perhaps, very incompatible stages of life. It's not as easy as professing your love, offering a ring, and having this baby together... sadly, this is more complicated than that.

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At 24 she is in a completely different stage of her life than you are. She has every right to not want a baby right now. Honestly she is likely just using you to alleviate some daddy issues..it’s doubtful she truly sees you as a potential future husband. Enjoy this for what it is, don’t try to force the poor kid into saddling herself with a child she doesn’t want.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
At 24 she is in a completely different stage of her life than you are. She has every right to not want a baby right now. Honestly she is likely just using you to alleviate some daddy issues..it’s doubtful she truly sees you as a potential future husband. Enjoy this for what it is, don’t try to force the poor kid into saddling herself with a child she doesn’t want.

 

Exactly. My otherwise healthy father died of a heart attack at age 64. If he'd pulled this "stunt" at your age, he'd have left a 7-8 year old fatherless and a young woman as a widow.

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Tiger night
Are you sure it is your child? Have you verified the pregnancy? Has she asked you for money?

 

She says I’m the only man she’s slept with for a while. She didn’t ask for anything, just told me she’s pregnant. She seemed shocked.

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I only do FWB with men I could never fall for. Maybe this girl is the same. Funnily enough, men can sense that genuine detachment and end up wanting more.

 

Put it this way: once you are in a FWB zone, there is no way out. There are few women that do FWB while secretly in love but with those girls/women, you would have sensed the clinginess a mile off. The fact that you are posting this tells me that she is in the first category.

 

As for having a baby at 56 :lmao::lmao::lmao:. Please invest that emotional energy into children that you already have.

 

Right. She's probably lying about being pregnant for the dramatic effect.

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She says I’m the only man she’s slept with for a while. She didn’t ask for anything, just told me she’s pregnant. She seemed shocked.

 

 

Of course she is shocked. She found herself pregnant by her FWB when she doesn't want to be. She's probably scared too. Her whole world just turned upside down. No matter what she does her life will never the same.

 

 

You need to sit down with her & talk about what you want & what she wants. When will that happen?

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