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My mother died yesterday


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Old 14th January 2018, 2:33 AM   #31
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My condolences. I know how much it hurts. I lost my dad and sister last year, my mom in 2011. It's not easy... big hugs.
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Old 15th January 2018, 7:04 AM   #32
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you are a very lucky woman. there was peace between you.

it was the same for my mother and i. damn, it's been 10 years, she passed during the holiday season

i still don't know the exact date she died and im glad. i can't take that pain on a set date every year.

the hours after her death i lay on the floor of my new place(no funiture had arrived) and thought my heart was going to stop. i didn't think i could endure the waves of pain. one after the other, rising, falling over and over. the rhythm almost like my first labor. slow, building, griping, falling a bit, bit more, starting to build again.

after that you feel the "snip". one less string/connection holding you to the earth and the realization, your place in line has moved up by one.




i think about her everyday. she really wasn't even a good mother when i was little. hell, i mother her other children, for years.

but she was mine.
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Old 18th January 2018, 10:35 AM   #33
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Thank you everyone for your caring and thought. They have helped.
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Old 18th January 2018, 10:58 AM   #34
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I am so sorry, my heart goes to you Sole, my sincere sympathy.
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Old 18th January 2018, 11:10 AM   #35
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Thank you everyone for your caring and thought. They have helped.
how are you holding up SM?
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Old 18th January 2018, 12:23 PM   #36
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I'm so sorry for your loss SM

I hope you'll take good care of yourself, it's a very difficult transition

Hugs and prayers XO
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Old 4th February 2018, 12:56 AM   #37
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Thanks everyone for all the comforting thoughts and kind wishes. I am relying on them more than you can know.

As to how Iím doing, ups and downs. Sleeping through the night, mostly. Realizing as I wake up that this loss is real and forever on this earth. Hoping so much that the moment of death was quick and easy. Feeling guilty I couldnít have saved her somehow and that I did not realize the danger she was in - with her lung disease and this winterís brutal flu season.

I feel I have a thousand tears to cry out painfully and Iím doing that on a daily basis. Of course my intellect can create soothing rationalizations or fantasies that help ease some particularly grinding thought and it works for a while. Then the pain comes back, again.

Some people know the right things to say and some do not. Iím at 3 weeks out, it rarely sounds right to be urged to look at the bright side. Others who mourn with me may have that right but friends do not. Not at the moment. It feels like theyíre urging me away from the grief that is uncomfortable for them.

Thank you again, caring LSers. Thank you for the gift of your sympathy. Itís my meat and drink right now.
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Old 4th February 2018, 9:57 AM   #38
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I'm so sorry.

It's still so early. You will feel sad for a very, very long time... And that's ok. Though you must put one foot in front of the other and do what you must do to get through the day, you need not pressure yourself to look at the bright side or move on...

No, most people don't know what to say... Although, they generally mean well. It's hard to know what to say, particularly if you haven't experienced loss...

It's been six years for me, and I still have "sad days." But, I also remember my mother with a smile most days. I see her in the things that I say, and the things that I do. I think of her every day and I talk to her often.

Sending you hugs.
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Old 4th February 2018, 10:02 AM   #39
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My heart goes out to you.
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Old 4th February 2018, 1:41 PM   #40
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SoleMate,

Just a hello and you are in my thoughts message. (((Hugs)))

Hope your day goes well.
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Old 7th February 2018, 1:36 AM   #41
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Hard evening tonight. The cremation of her body is scheduled for tomorrow. We all decided this together but it feels so painful to think that even what is left of her on Earth will be reduced to just a small container of bone fragments. She was a larger than life type of person. Never quiet. Never reserved. Full of life. I just donít understand how it can all be over. This hurts so bad.

Iím revising my own estate plan and am also going to put together some last instructions. Although I am extremely healthy and plan to live 30-40 more years, still Iíd like to know that my 2 daughters can have a plan to go by and perhaps have a slightly easier time with minimal decisions. As I found, we all became quite brainless and wandering vacantly. Unable to focus.
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Old 8th February 2018, 10:17 AM   #42
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Solemate, I hope you found the strength to get through the day yesterday. Best wishes.
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Old 8th February 2018, 10:24 AM   #43
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Iím revising my own estate plan and am also going to put together some last instructions. Although I am extremely healthy and plan to live 30-40 more years, still Iíd like to know that my 2 daughters can have a plan to go by and perhaps have a slightly easier time with minimal decisions. As I found, we all became quite brainless and wandering vacantly. Unable to focus.

It's a good idea. I've told my family that I want to be cremated as well, and my ashes scattered in the Chisos Basin in West Texas. I might get blown around a bit, but I'd like to think of myself being part of the mountains and canyons there. Is there a place that your mom similarly loved?
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Old 8th February 2018, 11:34 AM   #44
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GT, my mom was the exact opposite of an outdoorsy person. At no time did I ever hear her allude to the beauty of a natural place. For unknown reasons, such things had no effect on her. (Perhaps growing up on a farm made her appreciate the city and its built environment more than most.) We all agreed with no discussion that if we were to scatter her remains, it would have to be at a shopping center, restaurant or casino, or better yet, one of the shopping centers that incorporates a casino! Also, scattering remains is illegal (although it's clear the law is widely ignored). I want a place to remember her. Our family has moved around a bit, and the departed extended family is in 4 cemeteries in 3 states. We've selected one of them as the best choice and will be burying her remains there. Thank you for asking.
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Old 8th February 2018, 11:39 AM   #45
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Thanks Bailey. It started out hard - REALLY hard - with me going over and over painful thoughts and regrets. I wasn't driving my best on the way in to work as I was distracted mentally and my eyes were fogged with tears. Yet mid-morning, much to my surprise, I got very busy at work with some plans for an important and exciting meeting and I completely forgot for much of the day what was happening. Such is the way of my human brain. Thank goodness.

EDIT - I could be mistaken about legality of scattering remains. My apologies to GT as no criticism is intended. Texas mountains would be a great place, I am sure.

Last edited by SoleMate; 8th February 2018 at 11:42 AM..
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