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I am feeling angry with my cousin


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Old 23rd October 2017, 5:54 AM   #1
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I am feeling angry with my cousin

I am angry with one of my cousins who I have been close to since childhood. She lives a couple hours away from me and we see each other a few times a year. I recently started dating someone which is a big deal for me because I have never been in an serious relationship before. I changed my status on Facebook and posted a couple pictures of us. Everyone congratulated me and said how happy they were for me. Even some people who I haven't seen or talked to in years said something.

I feel she is purposely ignoring me. All she does is post pictures of her kid and how much she loves him. She has even liked all her friends statuses. She has not even once asked me about my new relationship or anything. I kind of feel she is self absorbed. I would understand if she had some problem in her life or were distracted with something, but it doesn't seem like she is if she is on Facebook all the time. Even her sister(my other cousin) asked me who the new guy is. And before when my cousin found out I am moving out and getting my own place, she texted me and wanted to know all the details. I don't understand the change in her behavior.

I know everyone will say to text her or something, but I feel like I always put more effort in our relationship than she does. She rarely even comes to visit me and I am the one who always goes to see her. Her family invited me over for Thanksgiving but I don't think I will go especially after this. For me this is a big deal because what if someone you were close to announced a big life event and your own family doesn't congratulate you or even acknowledge it? I feel it is very rude. I am considering cutting her off.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 9:22 AM   #2
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Hi skaterchick,

First of all ... congratulations on your new relationship - I hope you will be very happy!

I wouldn't let this issue take over your thoughts - don't let it wind you up so much it starts eating away at you - it isn't really worth getting that stressed about.

So what if she hasn't commented ... just chill and continue being happy!

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Old 23rd October 2017, 4:27 PM   #3
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I think you are WAY overreacting. Not everyone is going to be thrilled about your relationship, and they don't have to be. As long as you are happy in your relationship, that's what should matter. People with kids are often VERY focused on their own kids and that's okay. If she manages to connect with others on FB, I'd say that she's not being self absorbed at all.

And sorry, but dating someone is not a huge life event that everyone needs to acknowledge and certainly not worth refusing to go to relatives home for Thanksgiving.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 4:54 PM   #4
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So you have the time to take a look at everyone who has liked your Facebook photo's and figure out who didn't like any of them.

I'm wondering why you aren't very close to your cousin with a child... maybe she can't relate to you at all.
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Old 26th October 2017, 1:54 AM   #5
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Instead of cutting her off, have an honest face to face conversation with her and how she has hurt your feelings. Tell her how it makes you feel that she is showing no interest in your life. This woman is your cousin and you two are close! Maybe there's a reason (jealously) and she's unhappy in her life overall. Never know, so don't just assume she's ignoring you..there may be more going on than you know now.
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Old 26th October 2017, 3:09 AM   #6
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I didn't know that congratulating people on being in a relationship was a thing. Now if you'd gotten engaged, married our announced a pregnancy, then THAT would be something truly worthy of congratulations.

I'd say that you're over reacting. Especially so if you avoid Thanksgiving with them.
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Old 26th October 2017, 7:59 AM   #7
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I believe you're over-reacting. This is all over Facebook for goodness sake. So she didn't comment or like it, people don't need to. Yes, family and friends should congratulate you on big life events but I wouldn't put this in that category. Obviously it's a big deal to you, and I'm happy you're happy, but there are bigger things that happen to people. I would also assume that anything big would be announced to people themselves - a phone call, a text, a message or in person. Anything big enough and people who are close enough to you should not find out through Facebook.

You barely mention that this is an ongoing problem - this is all about Facebook and your relationship. She has a kid, that's probably why she doesn't travel as much to you. If you skip Thanksgiving over this, you're only shooting yourself in the foot. That or you're trying to find another excuse not to go.
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Old 26th October 2017, 9:22 AM   #8
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Maybe it's a generational thing, but I simply can't recall ever being fawned over or congratulated for simply getting a boyfriend. You say this cousin took notice when you moved out and got your own place. She texted you and wanted to know all about it. That's because leaving home and striking out on your own is a big milestone. It's actually exciting and interesting to other people. Much like getting married, having a baby, graduating from high school or college. Your dating life is not really exciting to anyone but you.

I enjoy Facebook for the most part but then a thread like this comes along and reminds me of just how narcissistic people on Facebook can be. Someone posts an update then they keep checking their update just to see who has commented or liked their update. Instead of being pleased by the likes and comments they have received they take notice of who hasn't acknowledged their update. Then they start to obsess over who hasn't taken notice, to the point that they are checking to see when people were last online, what other updates they have liked, what they have recently posted themselves.

To take this even further who have decided that this cousin whom you see only a few times a year, couldn't possibly have any problem or distraction going on in her own life that should take precedence over your Facebook update. And you hilariously call her self absorbed while you are preparing to cut her out of your life and offend that entire side of your family by bailing on thanksgiving, all because one person didn't gush over your Facebook update.
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Old 26th October 2017, 9:38 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skaterchick View Post

I know everyone will say to text her or something, but I feel like I always put more effort in our relationship than she does. She rarely even comes to visit me and I am the one who always goes to see her. Her family invited me over for Thanksgiving but I don't think I will go especially after this. For me this is a big deal because what if someone you were close to announced a big life event and your own family doesn't congratulate you or even acknowledge it? I feel it is very rude. I am considering cutting her off.
It doesn't sound like you and that cousin are very close at all if she rarely visits you and you have to make all the effort. She probably just hasn't thought enough about you and your relationship and isn't ignoring you to be mean. You are just not on her priority list. I would just ignore it and be happy with the people who are happy for you and your relationship. You certainly shouldn't punish your aunt and uncle by not showing up with your new beau for Thanksgiving.
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Old 26th October 2017, 4:49 PM   #10
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The silly thing about all of this is that with FB, you can't know if she saw your post.
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