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Husband and daughter over-eating and ignoring me


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Old 8th October 2017, 11:35 AM   #1
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Husband and daughter over-eating and ignoring me

My husband and my daughter (14F) have been ignoring me, and spend hours going out to restaurants.

I found out earlier in the week that husband took out a $5,000 loan and spent it all on fast food over the past three months, and he's taken out another loan of $10,000, which he said is only for him and our daughter to spend on food and gaming.

Neither want to be around me and are largely incivil, with my daughter telling me to cram it, and my husband backing her up. No matter what punishment I give her or try to talk to her about it, my husband reverses mty decision on things and gives her food - my daughter was once up at 4am eating two packets of cereal and a pizza!

Now they want to buy a second home in Cincinnati, we live in Toronto, Ontario.

I'm furious and don't know what the hell to do about this!
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Old 8th October 2017, 2:13 PM   #2
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I'm sorry. That sounds really terrible.

I'm not sure what to say except that I think your biggest problem is with your husband. The decisions he is making are putting your family at risk - both financially and related to their physical health. This needs to stop, immediately.

Your husband does not respect you. If your husband was treating you with more respect, the situation would be very different. Your daughter is able to treat you disrespectfully because she sees her father do it and you are allowing this behavior to continue. They both need to have some consequences for their behavior. However, you will not be able to enforce any consequences on your daughter if your husband continues to undermine your attempts to parent your daughter. Thus, the husband is your first problem...

May I ask, why is it that they do not want to be around you? And, why do you stay married to a man who would make such terrible decisions and treat you so poorly?
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Old 8th October 2017, 2:27 PM   #3
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This is a tough one. My first instinct is to say to file for divorce just to protect yourself. The longer you allow your husband to take on further debt the more risky it is for you financially. I'd want to get myself as far as possible from being put into debt by someone else's poor choices.

I'm not sure what to say about the issue with your daughter. You can't just walk away from her, but she isn't going to listen to you at this point. She needs help to realize that it isn't normal to eat that much. She also needs to be made aware that disrespecting you isn't going to be allowed either. You can't stop that from happening if he's going to undermine you every step of the way though.

Maybe filing for divorce is the only way to go. Continue to try and talk to your daughter about how what he's doing isn't ok. She isn't going to listen to you if you stay and allow it to keep happening though.
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Old 8th October 2017, 2:37 PM   #4
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this is bizarre. what does the food have to do w/anything? 5K on fast food and restaurants?? are you strict in the home? not cooking for the family? it's like a rebellion against something and your husband is the one directing it. your daughter is just following his example so i wouldn't worry over her right now. it's your husband you need to talk with, asap.
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Old 17th October 2017, 5:19 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emersondob194 View Post
My husband and my daughter (14F) have been ignoring me, and spend hours going out to restaurants.

I found out earlier in the week that husband took out a $5,000 loan and spent it all on fast food over the past three months, and he's taken out another loan of $10,000, which he said is only for him and our daughter to spend on food and gaming.

Neither want to be around me and are largely incivil, with my daughter telling me to cram it, and my husband backing her up. No matter what punishment I give her or try to talk to her about it, my husband reverses mty decision on things and gives her food - my daughter was once up at 4am eating two packets of cereal and a pizza!

Now they want to buy a second home in Cincinnati, we live in Toronto, Ontario.

I'm furious and don't know what the hell to do about this!
get to the bank and move the money before it's all eaten up.
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