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Mom's husband just died and


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Old 6th October 2017, 5:03 PM   #1
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Mom's husband just died and

I've been living with them, recovering from a breakdown. Now the day before he died I joined a dating site per his recommendation. Now mom is all grieving and not wanting to lose me, I haven't even met anyone yet, post poned meeting until after the funeral. It was a sudden death and I am there for her but still I need my own life. I am 43.
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Old 6th October 2017, 6:48 PM   #2
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I'm sorry for your loss.

What do you mean "just died"? If it's within this month . . .last 30 days . . .simmer down. Give your mom the support she needs. Put yourself on hold. Her life for the next few months through the holidays is gonna suck. There is no way around that. The first set of holidays without a loved one . . .it's just painful.

Be reassuring to your mom & loving. Do keep seeking other outlets for yourself but make sure she knows you love her & that you bringing a new love into your life does not mean you are abandoning her. She's just scared. Her whole world just turned upside down. She needs understanding & love.
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Old 6th October 2017, 6:58 PM   #3
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Maybe you two can take a class together when the time is right for her to get on with her life but for right now allow her to have time to grieve her loss.

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Old 6th October 2017, 7:54 PM   #4
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Be there to support your mother. She needs you right now.

If you are living at home due to a break down.... Are you really ready to date?
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:06 PM   #5
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He died Tuesday, 4 days ago.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:51 PM   #6
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you're completely insensitive. wow. you're worried about some first dates and your mom just lost her husband?? at 43 try to get some priorities straight.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:51 PM   #7
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Then yes, you need to be there for your mom right now. If my mom was married to someone and he unexpectedly died, dating would be the last thing on my mind right now. Being there for my mom would be way more important.

Yes, you do need your own life, but it's only been 4 days. Give your mom the support she needs. Dating can wait.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:59 PM   #8
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How about this.....

Put dating on hold until you can move out of mom's house.

Sounds like she took you in during your time of need - and now this is her tim of need.

You posted a few weeks ago about being in a LDR, what happened to that?
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Old 7th October 2017, 5:28 AM   #9
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He ghosted me. Shut down his email.
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Old 7th October 2017, 7:02 AM   #10
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Kristine

There are a lot of factors working against you here.

1). You are fresh from a breakdown. I don't know what that looked like but if at 43 it caused you to have to move home with mom, that is pretty serious.

2). Your failure to show compassion for your mom, less then a week after she lost her husband, indicates that you might not have enough empathy to be able to sustain a relationship. Perhaps working on your own compassion before trying for companionship would be beneficial

3) You need to take a longer view. Put your needs on hold for the rest of this year. Support your mom through this difficult time & come January you can both take some baby steps toward your new lives.
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Old 7th October 2017, 9:09 AM   #11
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Indeed. Be there for your mom now.
There is plenty of time for you to date when your mom is feeling stronger.
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Old 7th October 2017, 11:00 AM   #12
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If you had said your mom's husband died 4 yrs ago and your mom was still depending on you, I would have said yeah it's time to cut the apron strings and live your own life, but 4 days? It's just been 4 days and your already complaining about your mom needing you? Even more amazing is that you are living with her because you had a breakdown and your mom was there for you when you needed her. How would you have felt if just a few days after your breakdown your mom had said "sheesh, it's been 4 days already, when are you leaving? I need my own life"?

Be compassionate, try to feel some empathy. Your life isn't going to end if you take some time off from dating to help your mom and at the same time help yourself.
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Old 7th October 2017, 11:48 AM   #13
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I'm wondering if you don't have a close relationship with your mother so that's why you care so little about her grief. I can't think of any other explanation.

You shouldn't be dating when you just had a breakdown. Your fragile state will make you a magnet for predators.
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Old 7th October 2017, 4:17 PM   #14
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I was ready I've been stable for months: reason Jerry told me to put myself out there. I am there for my mom. She is very demanding. They were marred just over 1 year. The biggest grief is his kids. She wants me to set up her dating profile.
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