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Cannot support my sisters affair


Family Parents too demanding? Sibling driving you mad? Tell us!

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Old 24th July 2017, 10:21 PM   #61
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Gosh, taking the neutral side, I am very surprised with the 2 opposing opinions. Clearly, everyone is torn with this kind of situation.

oh well, the OP already absolutely chose the option for her, which is not to tell. And at the end of the day, this is her life, this is her choice and as long as she can sleep at night with her choice, then I guess that is all what matters

OP, I am very sorry that you are put into this kind of situation. Hoping for the best for everyone involved.
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Old 25th July 2017, 2:34 AM   #62
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I haven't read everything so sorry if this has already been said


Do not out your sister. Don't betray her in any way like that. Not if you want a relationship with her in the future.

Write her a long letter and tell her what you think k and ask her not to talk to you about this anymore because it hurts you
This is just what I have done so far
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Old 25th July 2017, 2:50 AM   #63
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I do not want to be any part of this - The OM sounds like a dick and my sister cannot see what is infront of her, everything she tells me about him is a red flag - My family will also fall out with me over this if/when it comes out

HELP!!!! I need to work out how I deal with this without falling out with her but still keeping true to myself????

On so many levels based on your narration, your sister is messing her life consciously. Confess it. There's no other way. You tell your sister that you will tell your anyone in the family.

Your sister is an adult and she sure understand the consequences of her wrong doings. Let her learn!
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Old 25th July 2017, 5:03 AM   #64
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The best way of expressing love to our love ones is to stop them from doing wrong.
How do you propose anyone tell a woman who is in her forties at least, if not her fifties to do anything, that she is not in the mood to do anyway.

The OP does not want to start World War Three with her sister, her sister is her best friend so what good would that do her?
All very well to preach fire and brimstone on the net, but this is a real relationship with real people, sisters who have history and who hopefully have a future together.
Yes, she can throw that all away over this affair and justify being "right", but when both are old pensioners and lonely as hell as they can no longer even speak to one another, then is it really worth being "right" here?
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Old 25th July 2017, 5:52 AM   #65
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How do you propose anyone tell a woman who is in her forties at least, if not her fifties to do anything, that she is not in the mood to do anyway.

The OP does not want to start World War Three with her sister, her sister is her best friend so what good would that do her?
All very well to preach fire and brimstone on the net, but this is a real relationship with real people, sisters who have history and who hopefully have a future together.
Yes, she can throw that all away over this affair and justify being "right", but when both are old pensioners and lonely as hell as they can no longer even speak to one another, then is it really worth being "right" here?
THIS is totally bang on!!! x

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 25th July 2017 at 7:00 PM..
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Old 25th July 2017, 6:49 AM   #66
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How do you propose anyone tell a woman who is in her forties at least, if not her fifties to do anything, that she is not in the mood to do anyway.

No, we are suggesting she tell the BH.The BH that is "like a brother" to OP.He is getting completely taken advantage of and gaslighted into believing is all his fault.


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The OP does not want to start World War Three with her sister, her sister is her best friend so what good would that do her?
All very well to preach fire and brimstone on the net, but this is a real relationship with real people, sisters who have history and who hopefully have a future together.
Yes, she can throw that all away over this affair and justify being "right", but when both are old pensioners and lonely as hell as they can no longer even speak to one another, then is it really worth being "right" here?
If her relationship with her sister depends on the enabling of the sister's ****ty choices and behavior... I have bad news.

I would never bite my thong and let my family destroy not only themselves but other people as well.And they would never want or expect me to.
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Old 25th July 2017, 7:04 AM   #67
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The main problem is your sister having an affair with a pos if she wants to be with that guy that's on her you can warn here but can't stop ,I likely believe you warned her but she's in no mood to listen she digging here own pit that's totally on her no one else to blame ,if you really want to do the right thing don't turn as a blind eye here don't you see she's cheating on her husband on top of that using his money to have a place to hang with om .you must try to make her confess to your bil either she comes clean or tell her you going to this will shook her back to reality no one deserved to be betrayed and taken advantage of put yourself in his shoes how would you feel ,either she have to end with om or with her husband.

Last edited by Krtk; 25th July 2017 at 7:06 AM..
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Old 25th July 2017, 7:16 AM   #68
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No, we are suggesting she tell the BH.The BH that is "like a brother" to OP.He is getting completely taken advantage of and gaslighted into believing is all his fault..
My post if you read the thread was directed specifically at fearful and her/his assertion that the OP should STOP her sister from doing wrong.
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Old 25th July 2017, 7:23 AM   #69
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My post if you read the thread was directed specifically at fearful and her/his assertion that the OP should STOP her sister from doing wrong.
Telling the BH will stop the sister from doing him wrong.Might even lead her to end the affair once BH puts his foot down.
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Old 25th July 2017, 8:11 AM   #70
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Telling the BH will stop the sister from doing him wrong.Might even lead her to end the affair once BH puts his foot down.
If a person likes to take relationships on a roller coaster ride, is all about drama and the world according to you is what it's about...that will work.

It isn't OP's marriage. If the dude is going willingly to therapy, he knows he's not in Kansas...ok? Seriously. Typing is not the equivalent of action.
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Old 25th July 2017, 8:22 AM   #71
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If a person likes to take relationships on a roller coaster ride, is all about drama and the world according to you is what it's about...that will work.
The drama is unfolding right now and literally at BH's expense.We are not talking about a past affair here, that has no chance of ever being discovered.

This is is about ending the drama, the sooner the better.

Quote:
It isn't OP's marriage. If the dude is going willingly to therapy, he knows he's not in Kansas...ok? Seriously. Typing is not the equivalent of action.
OP said that BH was right all along, but the sister is trying to convince him it's all in his head and that's why he is in therapy.
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Old 25th July 2017, 8:24 AM   #72
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Telling the BH will stop the sister from doing him wrong.Might even lead her to end the affair once BH puts his foot down.
Yes, but as he was so abusive when he supposedly didn't know about the affair, then where might that lead? Does the OP want a beaten up or even dead sister on her conscience?

They are grown adults and they are divorcing, shortly the problem will be solved one way or another, so no need for the OP to get further involved.

Many affairs die a natural death once the third party is out of the equation, this may be one of them.
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Old 25th July 2017, 8:28 AM   #73
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I am surprised at many here...

But, OP, I understand that you will not out your sister. Let me tell you what the future holds for her.

This guy that she is having an affair with is "So in love that he left his wife and kid for her", OK. But what you really have is a guy that likes screwing your sister and she likes him as well. They are both foolish enough to think that this is real love, the odds say that it is not.

I mean it could be and we have some examples here on LS of this happening. I don't really know if any of them were as devious as your sister who has no honor at all.

But the reality is that, her H will find out and it will be too late if it is not already. Her and OM will try to set up their love nest and then they will find out that when you are not having an affair, it is not all roses and butterflies.

They will try to keep it going so they won't be embarrassed about their affair which by that time everyone will know about anyway.

And they will both be kind of broke because he is paying alimony and child support and probably gave her the house.

So this new love that she has will most likely end in tragedy and she will be left lost and lonely and at some point she will realize what she lost with her husband but he will have moved on and found someone else.

Mean while, a good man is going to therapy for no reason and his life is being torn apart through none of his own doing.

For my money, you would actually be doing your sister a favor by outing her and let her feel some of the reality of what she is doing and maybe it is not too late for her to turn her life around. And maybe it won't make any difference.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 25th July 2017 at 7:25 PM..
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Old 25th July 2017, 8:38 AM   #74
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Yes, but as he was so abusive when he supposedly didn't know about the affair, then where might that lead? Does the OP want a beaten up or even dead sister on her conscience?
According to OP, he was only emotionally abusive because he suspected (correctly) that his wife was cheating:

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Originally Posted by Lishy View Post
blaming him for being abusive, he was abusive to her because he smelled a rat and knew she was playing away
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Originally Posted by Lishy View Post
my sisters husband believes that she heft as he was verbally abusive accusing her of cheating and making threats

He is a great guy but I am scared of what he would do if he found out for sure she was cheating even though he has never been physically abusive

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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
They are grown adults and they are divorcing, shortly the problem will be solved one way or another, so no need for the OP to get further involved.

Many affairs die a natural death once the third party is out of the equation, this may be one of them.
The wife/sister is using her BH to finance her lifestyle and affair, all the while blaming him for everything he's right about.You don't see how that can backfire horribly once he puts 2 and 2 together?

Last edited by ztmymmy; 25th July 2017 at 8:41 AM..
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Old 25th July 2017, 8:48 AM   #75
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Mean while, a good man is going to therapy for no reason and his life is being torn apart through none of his own doing.
And how...how do you know this? Maybe everything is going down exactly as it is supposed to. How on green earth can you say this statement above is true?

Honor? Imo OP will check hers at the door if she turns this into the Lishy show. Which she seems to have no interest in doing.

Anyway, good luck Lishy.
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