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Cannot support my sisters affair


Family Parents too demanding? Sibling driving you mad? Tell us!

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Old 24th July 2017, 3:47 PM   #46
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Lishy, it's so easy for us to say do this or that. She is your sister and you love her and her family. She is going through something that you can't go through with her, else you'll be dragged down as well.

It is very hard to stand back, isn't it? All I would advise is to be a rock. Hell will create chaos but a rock is not moved.

Tell her how you honestly feel and then let her be. You will be there for her and entire family when the dust settles....just don't be the dust.

If you remove yourself, you will see that this is not yours to fight and have faith in the truth. If you are asked for the truth, give it, otherwise stay away.

Everything will settle, take care of yourself.
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Old 24th July 2017, 3:50 PM   #47
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I hate how she shows no remorse to the wife and kid .... she says it is OM who have wronged them not her ... I told her she was 50% responsible

I struggle not to shake her, shout at her and the loss of respect I have for her kills me ... she has become self centred and self indulgent and also has started to be up herself ... like it's an accomplishment that he left his wife for her
Par for the course, we hear it a lot here.
"Nothing to do with me, it is HIS wife and kids, HIS vows broken, HIS marriage wrecked..."

The whole dynamic of the affair does not help either.
A competition is set up. The OW vs the wife
"I am sooooo much "better" than his wife, he tells me this all the time, I deserve to be with him, she deserves nothing...I am the one who really loves him."
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Old 24th July 2017, 4:05 PM   #48
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let us know when his wife tells the story to your brother in law. how can she not.. it is inevidible
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Old 24th July 2017, 4:16 PM   #49
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let us know when his wife tells the story to your brother in law. how can she not.. it is inevidible
It's not going to be easy for her to get my sisters number, praying she doesn't yet my gut tells me different
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Old 24th July 2017, 5:15 PM   #50
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I don't really see what the big deal is. The sister knows what's she doing, and she knows it's wrong, but still continues her behavior. There's really nothing one can do to stop her.

Family is family. My siblings and I have done some pretty messed up things in our relationships. When one of us finds out about it or tells the other, we usually get a, "Man, that f***ed up! Why did you do that?! You're a f***in' idiot!" And then we go get food or something, with the occasional, "You're a dumb a** for that" thrown in intermittently throughout the meal. We call each other out for the stupid behavior, but we're still there for each other.
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Old 24th July 2017, 5:34 PM   #51
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I don't really see what the big deal is. The sister knows what's she doing, and she knows it's wrong, but still continues her behavior. There's really nothing one can do to stop her.
She can definitely be stopped from trying to milk her poor BH out of money and wasting his time with counseling when he is in the right.

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Family is family. My siblings and I have done some pretty messed up things in our relationships. When one of us finds out about it or tells the other, we usually get a, "Man, that f***ed up! Why did you do that?! You're a f***in' idiot!" And then we go get food or something, with the occasional, "You're a dumb a** for that" thrown in intermittently throughout the meal. We call each other out for the stupid behavior, but we're still there for each other.
I love my family as well.And we are there for each-other when we screw up.That's not the same as enabling bad behaviors and letting things escalate and get worse and worse.
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Old 24th July 2017, 5:43 PM   #52
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Comparing the OP to the cheating sister and saying they're alike is the most ridiculous, quite frankly ignorant saying I've ever heard. Anyone with any kind of emotional intelligence of any sword would understand why the OP is struggling with this. Basically saying she's no better than a cheater is just ridiculous.
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Old 24th July 2017, 5:46 PM   #53
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Comparing the OP to the cheating sister and saying they're alike is the most ridiculous, quite frankly ignorant saying I've ever heard. Anyone with any kind of emotional intelligence of any sword would understand why the OP is struggling with this. Basically saying she's no better than a cheater is just ridiculous.
Thank you

I would tip what she said to pieces but it isn't worth my time and I thank you for seeing past that x
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Old 24th July 2017, 5:48 PM   #54
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She can definitely be stopped from trying to milk her poor BH out of money and wasting his time with counseling when he is in the right.



I love my family as well.And we are there for each-other when we screw up.That's not the same as enabling bad behaviors and letting things escalate and get worse and worse.
My loyalty lays with my sister ... I just do not make her right in any sense of what she is doing and it is making me see her in a different light which is beyond hard to process

I love my BIL but telling him is not the right thing for me to do
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Old 24th July 2017, 6:02 PM   #55
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My loyalty lays with my sister ... I just do not make her right in any sense of what she is doing and it is making me see her in a different light which is beyond hard to process

I love my BIL but telling him is not the right thing for me to do
I am loyal to my family, but i'll never stand by and watch them hurt other people if i can prevent it.Especially when they are harming themselves in the process.
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Old 24th July 2017, 6:12 PM   #56
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I am loyal to my family, but i'll never stand by and watch them hurt other people if i can prevent it.Especially when they are harming themselves in the process.
I cannot stop her ... I have told her very clearly I do not respect her for what she is doing, I have spelled it out to her, told her it is hideous, shabbby and disgusting and I cannot support it

I have pulled away in the hope that she realises

Telling my BIL is not a way to stop it
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Old 24th July 2017, 6:27 PM   #57
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I cannot stop her ... I have told her very clearly I do not respect her for what she is doing, I have spelled it out to her, told her it is hideous, shabbby and disgusting and I cannot support it

I have pulled away in the hope that she realises

Telling my BIL is not a way to stop it
It will save your BIL a lot of unnecessary pain and money.The sooner he knows the truth, the sooner he can start his road to recovery and move on from your sister.Who knows, maybe that will even wake your sister up?A heavy dose of reality can kill an affair.

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Old 24th July 2017, 7:54 PM   #58
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I haven't read everything so sorry if this has already been said


Do not out your sister. Don't betray her in any way like that. Not if you want a relationship with her in the future.

Write her a long letter and tell her what you think k and ask her not to talk to you about this anymore because it hurts you
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Old 24th July 2017, 9:06 PM   #59
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Wow .... loads of replies ... thank you

Ok to tell my BIL is not an option, my sister is my sister and we are ride or die as a rule
My issue is that I am really struggling to support her in this, I find it shabby and despicable and in the end the truth will out

I have told my sister today that I do not want to talk about this cheat again and that I do not respect the situation ... I cannot offer her what she wants as she doesn't want to hear my truth

I have been cheated on and it is hideous so my compassion lays with his wife and child to be honest but my loyalty has always been with my sister

I have not net this man and do not want to and it is coming between me and her and now I have told her not to mention him to me again they will just make the divide bigger and I am so upset

This is all ego driven on her behalf and I hate it ��
You handled it well. All you can do is be there for her when it all blows up in her face. In the meantime stay away from her drama. If she loves and respects you, she won't rely on you or involve you in this affair.

Do let her know that she should come clean sooner rather than later, warn her it will blow up and there's going to be a lot of hurt and pissed off family at her in the future.
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Old 24th July 2017, 10:06 PM   #60
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I can imagine that this is really difficult, but I think by not telling BIL you are enabling your sister, OP. Enabling her to steal from her STBXH. Enabling her to keep lying to her family. She made her decisions, now it is time for her to face the consequences.

Also, your sister's children deserve to know what the hell has gotten into their Mom....
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Last edited by Imajerk17; 24th July 2017 at 10:16 PM..
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