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Family Scapegoat


amaysngrace

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amaysngrace

It's an honor right? I mean you're the one that's the biggest threat, the one with a mind of your own and the most morally sound one, right?

 

According to the experts you're the most mentally healthy one too. The most sensitive and caring as well.

 

No wonder why they all hate you. :p

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SammySammy

Yes, it is.

 

They are jealous and insecure. Know you're the biggest threat and most capable. Most likely to make them feel as if they aren't accomplishing anything. Insignificant. Though that was never our intent. Still, they "hate" us because of their own insecurities.

 

At least that's what I tell myself. ?

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amaysngrace

Yes well some people aren't meant to blend in because they were born to stand out.

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Wow it sounds pretty special.

 

Wish I could be a family scapegoat. :(

 

Maybe I'll get everyone together and start some cr*p!

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LivingWaterPlease

Each family has its own dynamic.

 

There's a book called "The Sociopath Next Door," great book! You might enjoy reading it.

 

The author isn't a believer in God, could be wrong on this but don't think I am.

 

One thing the author asserts is that if there's a sociopath in the group he/she will always pick on the purest person.

 

It also claims that if there is a sociopath in your family (or group, such as work group) you'll never convince the rest of the family you're being targeted by the person. Interesting.

 

Also, if this is so, is it not farfetched to explore the idea that an entire family, except for one or two people could be lack integrity and prefer to be around those similar to them, especially could be why the one person is such an outstanding sociopath and gets by with it in the family. Just some thoughts. Every family is different and these thoughts may be hard to fathom by a person who comes from a loving family in which members are reared with parents who both have integrity.

 

PS Tried to PM you but couldn't get through.

Edited by LivingWaterPlease
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amaysngrace
Wow it sounds pretty special.

 

Wish I could be a family scapegoat. :(

 

Maybe I'll get everyone together and start some cr*p!

 

I think it's a lot more special than being a bully or even just being a person who stays silent because they aren't strong enough to be able to stand on their own.

 

But that's just me.

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amaysngrace
Each family has its own dynamic.

 

There's a book called "The Sociopath Next Door," great book! You might enjoy reading it.

 

The author isn't a believer in God, could be wrong on this but don't think I am.

 

One thing the author asserts is that if there's a sociopath in the group he/she will always pick on the purest person.

 

It also claims that if there is a sociopath in your family (or group, such as work group) you'll never convince the rest of the family you're being targeted by the person. Interesting.

 

Also, if this is so, is it not farfetched to explore the idea that an entire family, except for one or two people could be lack integrity and prefer to be around those similar to them, especially could be why the one person is such an outstanding sociopath and gets by with it in the family. Just some thoughts.

 

I can see a narcissist going after a pure type to possibly extract human reactions to mirror at a later time but I'm not sure what reasons a sociopath would have for targeting the purest one.

 

Or are a sociopath and a narcissist one in the same?

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I think it's a lot more special than being a bully or even just being a person who stays silent because they aren't strong enough to be able to stand on their own.

 

But that's just me.

 

I agree. I was just teasing you. :)

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I sympathize. I was the scapegoat in my family. My sister is still abusive and has never apologized about anything a day in her life because she can never be wrong. My mother used to side with her despite she also treated my mother badly.

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LivingWaterPlease
I can see a narcissist going after a pure type to possibly extract human reactions to mirror at a later time but I'm not sure what reasons a sociopath would have for targeting the purest one.

 

Or are a sociopath and a narcissist one in the same?

 

I couldn't contrast a sociopath and narcissist without looking them both up and reading about them. Possibly a sociopath is a mean-spirited narcissist whereas a narcissist is a self-centered person, not necessarily with mean intentions, idk, maybe something different.

 

But, yes, can imagine a narcissist could go after a pure type to extract stuff to mirror later.

 

The book was quite informative and helpful for me.

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Myself and my uncle are the only sane ones in my family so I am glad to stand out. When you look up dysfunction you will see my family.

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amaysngrace
I sympathize. I was the scapegoat in my family. My sister is still abusive and has never apologized about anything a day in her life because she can never be wrong. My mother used to side with her despite she also treated my mother badly.

 

Thank you and I'm sorry you were made a target. My one sister is very controlling and even tried to poison my 16 year old daughter to my mother because my daughter was closer to my father and was there more for my father than she was. In fact both of my kids were, my oldest was away at school.

 

So rather than deal with her own feelings of guilt and inadequacy she took her bad feelings out on me and my kids. When I called her out on it suddenly I am the "mean" one.

 

During that time while we giving care to my father, my mother couldn't speak highly enough of my daughter and of me. That all changed after my sister must've gotten tired of hearing it so started bending my mothers ear in the opposite direction. She even had the nerve to call us both manipulative.

 

Sick.

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LivingWaterPlease
Thank you and I'm sorry you were made a target. My one sister is very controlling and even tried to poison my 16 year old daughter to my mother because my daughter was closer to my father and was there more for my father than she was. In fact both of my kids were, my oldest was away at school.

 

So rather than deal with her own feelings of guilt and inadequacy she took her bad feelings out on me and my kids. When I called her out on it suddenly I am the "mean" one.

 

During that time while we giving care to my father, my mother couldn't speak highly enough of my daughter and of me. That all changed after my sister must've gotten tired of hearing it so started bending my mothers ear in the opposite direction. She even had the nerve to call us both manipulative.

 

Sick.

 

:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

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You wanna try having a family of 12.

l lived interstate for 14 yrs and l've lived over 3 hours away for 10 yrs and l hardly see most of them.

Yet somehow if chilli so much as breaths , the whole damn family know about it.

And hey, l'm the middle child to so l should be even less noticed right.

 

Huh , maybe l'm just a bigger legend than l thought.

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Funny , last couple of mths l've actually been chuckling to myself thinking ok.

Givem what they want , just call me Doctor evil from here on. Cool.

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I sympathize. I was the scapegoat in my family. My sister is still abusive and has never apologized about anything a day in her life because she can never be wrong. My mother used to side with her despite she also treated my mother badly.

 

I guess that is because she is the one that your mother feels she needs to get on side. The one that needs help.

You are already on side and do not need any help, so there is no need to make any effort with you.

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So rather than deal with her own feelings of guilt and inadequacy she took her bad feelings out on me and my kids. When I called her out on it suddenly I am the "mean" one.

 

 

 

Sick.

 

It is sick.

 

I really don't like it when my child or grandkids have to learn tough lessons from family members. It just isn't right. Family should be a soft place to land, not an adversary.

 

Don't allow anyone to take away from what you and your daughter did for your father. The blessings the two of you bestowed will come back tenfold.

 

Just want to say your one liners and wit send me into fits of giggles, so thank you! Don't ever change who you are to please another.

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Yeah , all that can be so weird.

They should be the soft place to and , the place of trust , support , comfort , coming home too.

 

Yet my family is huge and yet although they aren't assh@les as such , they're probably actually pretty good compared to most family.

But they're still the last place on this planet l can or should land and it bitten me every damn time l have. It seemed good at the time an l'd be sorta grateful l had them , but sure as eggs, down the track , chomp. It's come back to bite.

So that's been very very rare and l've gone through any of my stuff alone or with my w when l was married.

 

My dad and mum were both incredibly good though , it's amazing that didn't go through to the kids but sadly we've lost both now.

 

Seems insane to have a family the size of ours yet no one l would turn to or tell too much too.

And because of that , l'm just not into my brothers or sisters much , to me their all huggy huggy but that's just total bs because you can't turn to any of them if you needed too.

 

Funny , l've often thought expecting to be able to with family is just pie in the sky. It is with mine.

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Thank you and I'm sorry you were made a target. My one sister is very controlling and even tried to poison my 16 year old daughter to my mother because my daughter was closer to my father and was there more for my father than she was. In fact both of my kids were, my oldest was away at school.

 

So rather than deal with her own feelings of guilt and inadequacy she took her bad feelings out on me and my kids. When I called her out on it suddenly I am the "mean" one.

 

 

And there ya go , you see,

So this is why l'm thinking ok, to hell with this bs, l'm evil, ok , cool. l like it.

So now l can't wiat for one of them to pull one of their usual pieces of garbage bc l'm just gonna go with it and laugh in their face, yeah yeah, l know, just call me doctor evil .

 

l'm actually quite good with being the evil one in the family now.

 

Ps , and nope , they don't like ay facts thrown back at them or resistance.

Major dummy spit.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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amaysngrace
I guess that is because she is the one that your mother feels she needs to get on side. The one that needs help.

You are already on side and do not need any help, so there is no need to make any effort with you.

 

I think it's more about keeping peace in order to not be even more victimized. There's a pecking order in many dysfunctional families and I'd venture to guess this one is at the top of that chain, even above the parent.

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amaysngrace
Don't ever change who you are to please another.

 

Thank you.

xo

 

Yeah , all that can be so weird.

They should be the soft place to and , the place of trust , support , comfort , coming home too.

 

Yet my family is huge and yet although they aren't assh@les as such , they're probably actually pretty good compared to most family.

But they're still the last place on this planet l can or should land and it bitten me every damn time l have. It seemed good at the time an l'd be sorta grateful l had them , but sure as eggs, down the track , chomp. It's come back to bite.

So that's been very very rare and l've gone through any of my stuff alone or with my w when l was married.

 

My dad and mum were both incredibly good though , it's amazing that didn't go through to the kids but sadly we've lost both now.

 

I'm sorry about the loss of your parents. It's amazing to realize they've held it all together for such a long time, eh? That's what a parent's love can do.

 

Losing both parents is probably a big factor in the breakdown of the family relations. That seems to be playing a huge role in my own family. It's almost as if their deaths and the loss of them is an entity in its own right with a life all its own. So much energy there in the memory of them.

 

****

 

I received a phone call from sister number two last night. It meant a lot to me that she reached out because I was sure I'd never hear from either of them again, which I was willing to learn how to be okay with.

 

She knows me so well that she knew exactly how to play me. She even told me she was reading from a script of things she wanted to say. lol

 

But I know her well too and I know there's a reason for keeping me around. I know it's to serve some agenda of hers, some purpose to keep me as friend rather than foe. She gave that away too, twice now, on what her reasons might be when she ignored her script and spoke like a person.

 

I've decided to keep her at arms length except for when I give her that loving family hug.

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Thanks amay and l'm glad you see through the sister , funny when we can see them but they don't even know it.

 

But yeah so yours have changed too.

You know , l've thought someone down there, as in 3hrs away down the city , is trying to become matriarch now or some crapola , and l'm pretty sure someone else is trying for assistant .

Really , it's funny tbh though , isn' it. l mean who would want the job anyway , yknow. No thanks.

Good luck .

Edited by Chilli
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Thank you and I'm sorry you were made a target. My one sister is very controlling and even tried to poison my 16 year old daughter to my mother because my daughter was closer to my father and was there more for my father than she was. In fact both of my kids were, my oldest was away at school.

 

So rather than deal with her own feelings of guilt and inadequacy she took her bad feelings out on me and my kids. When I called her out on it suddenly I am the "mean" one.

 

During that time while we giving care to my father, my mother couldn't speak highly enough of my daughter and of me. That all changed after my sister must've gotten tired of hearing it so started bending my mothers ear in the opposite direction. She even had the nerve to call us both manipulative.

 

Sick.

 

I'm sorry that goes on in your family. My mother would side with my sister in such a way as to actually in her mind decide to blame me for things my sister did. Like the maddest I ever got about her was my sister had a horse when she went and got married and I ended up being the one to feed it. Then she got mad when my dad sold it (it was too big for me) even though she never paid her any attention. Then I got my own horse later and i always was who took care of her and told my dad to sell her when I went off to college, so she wouldn't be bored and lonely. Then years later, over a holiday meal, my mother tells the other relatives that I moved off and neglected the horse and how she always took care of it anyway -- and that was my sister's story except I always did the taking care of them all. She wanted to side with my sister so bad she would make any of the bad things twisted around to where it was me that did them. And it was my sister who was always neglectful and treated the whole family bad, but that's who she wanted to align with. Still desperately trying to get her approval to her dying day. My sister doesn't care about anyone except herself.

 

I recently tried to just get some distance from her because no one I've ever had in my life is as mean spirited as her but she weasels her way back in without any apology or anything. I get very tired of it. You have to walk on pins and needles with her. You can't even tell her "please shut the door so the dogs don't get out" without her blowing up about it -- and she still won't get the door shut. I can't even rely on her to feed the dogs if I went out of town because she is so oblivious she can't even pull a door shut behind her. Grrrr.

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amaysngrace

I so know the feeling preraph. I can't understand why some people need to make others look bad in order to make themselves look better. Can't they just step up and actually DO better?

 

I don't get it

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