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MIL from hell


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I cannot stand my mother in law!!! It has gotten so bad that I have distanced myself from my husband. I consider leaving him all the time, and our marriage is falling apart.

I wont go over the reasons, but she is a person with a truly bad heart. Shes not a good person and manipulative. On top of that, my husband will always take her side. I feel sick that my husband was raised by her too.

A year agp we had to live together for 2 months and I lost 10lbs in those 2 months. I am already thin, but she drained the life out of me. I cried every day.

Shes such bad energy and I have never felt anything like this with anyone in my life. She tries to control me and used to even stalk me to see what I do during the day! I really believe she has mental issues.

For the last few months I started ignoring her completely (100+ missed calls unanswered). It has helped but I still don't know what to do.

There is absolutely no use talking to my husband about this. I tried a million times. Its utterly useless. He knows I hate her but thinks its my issue.

Is the only way out of this to leave him?

(Not an option to talk to her, to talk to my husband, to go to some sort of counseling.)

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BettyDraper
I cannot stand my mother in law!!! It has gotten so bad that I have distanced myself from my husband. I consider leaving him all the time, and our marriage is falling apart.

I wont go over the reasons, but she is a person with a truly bad heart. Shes not a good person and manipulative. On top of that, my husband will always take her side. I feel sick that my husband was raised by her too.

A year agp we had to live together for 2 months and I lost 10lbs in those 2 months. I am already thin, but she drained the life out of me. I cried every day.

Shes such bad energy and I have never felt anything like this with anyone in my life. She tries to control me and used to even stalk me to see what I do during the day! I really believe she has mental issues.

For the last few months I started ignoring her completely (100+ missed calls unanswered). It has helped but I still don't know what to do.

There is absolutely no use talking to my husband about this. I tried a million times. Its utterly useless. He knows I hate her but thinks its my issue.

Is the only way out of this to leave him?

(Not an option to talk to her, to talk to my husband, to go to some sort of counseling.)

 

Your writing style and concerns are very much like another member on this forum....:confused:

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Chardonnay Renée
Your writing style and concerns are very much like another member on this forum....:confused:

 

It was like rereading my own plight! :eek:

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amaysngrace
It was like rereading my own plight! :eek:

 

To tell you the truth when I read it I thought 'my exH has gotten remarried again!'

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BettyDraper
It was like rereading my own plight! :eek:

 

Not you. Another member. Your writing style is very different.

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Chardonnay Renée
Not you. Another member. Your writing style is very different.

 

LOL yes, writing style - but the concerns are the same. But I think I know what you were implying...

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Chardonnay Renée
I cannot stand my mother in law!!! It has gotten so bad that I have distanced myself from my husband. I consider leaving him all the time, and our marriage is falling apart.

I wont go over the reasons, but she is a person with a truly bad heart. Shes not a good person and manipulative. On top of that, my husband will always take her side. I feel sick that my husband was raised by her too.

A year agp we had to live together for 2 months and I lost 10lbs in those 2 months. I am already thin, but she drained the life out of me. I cried every day.

Shes such bad energy and I have never felt anything like this with anyone in my life. She tries to control me and used to even stalk me to see what I do during the day! I really believe she has mental issues.

For the last few months I started ignoring her completely (100+ missed calls unanswered). It has helped but I still don't know what to do.

There is absolutely no use talking to my husband about this. I tried a million times. Its utterly useless. He knows I hate her but thinks its my issue.

Is the only way out of this to leave him?

(Not an option to talk to her, to talk to my husband, to go to some sort of counseling.)

This is awful! I'm dealing with my MIL and unsupportive husband currently and it's really draining. It seems like MILs from hell are more common than I thought!

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What I am going to say is probably going to be controversial, but I truly believe in what I am about to say, so here goes.

 

Something I have recently had to learn, and it was a hard lesson, is that I have to forgive those inappropriate actions before I can constructively move forward. That doesn't mean saying the person was right and it doesn't mean telling them I forgive them. It means choosing to forgive them in my heart. Then I was able to think clearly and act appropriately.

 

If you choose to forgive your MIL for what she has done in the past and what she is doing now God will empower you to work thru this. The same goes for your husband. Yes he should see what's going on. Yes he should pitch in and help with the situation. If he doesn't, let that be irrelevant. Don't hold it against him because that poisons both you and your marriage; choose to forgive him. Working on strengthening other areas of your relationship should soften his heart to the situation you face with his mother.

 

After you forgive her, set up boundaries to protect yourself from the things she does. For example, if she calls you repeatedly all day long you can ignore her calls and then at the end of the day answer the phone and gracefully and calmly tell her that it is bothersome when she calls repeatedly, it would be helpful if she saved all her questions, anecdotes, and whatever she calls about for one daily call. "And hmmm, MIL, come to think of it, it's probably not necessary that we talk every day. Lets talk once or twice a week. I know you're busy and capable of making your own decisions as am I. Yes I think once or twice a week will give ample opportunity to catch up." And then stick to it. It takes time for people to recognize boundaries but it makes a world of difference.

 

Check out the book "Boundaries" by Townsend and Cloud. I really think it will help in your situation. You can find it here Boundaries Book Series

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  • 1 month later...
  • Author
Your writing style and concerns are very much like another member on this forum....:confused:

 

which member? would be interesting to read his/her posts..

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What I am going to say is probably going to be controversial, but I truly believe in what I am about to say, so here goes.

 

Something I have recently had to learn, and it was a hard lesson, is that I have to forgive those inappropriate actions before I can constructively move forward. That doesn't mean saying the person was right and it doesn't mean telling them I forgive them. It means choosing to forgive them in my heart. Then I was able to think clearly and act appropriately.

 

If you choose to forgive your MIL for what she has done in the past and what she is doing now God will empower you to work thru this. The same goes for your husband. Yes he should see what's going on. Yes he should pitch in and help with the situation. If he doesn't, let that be irrelevant. Don't hold it against him because that poisons both you and your marriage; choose to forgive him. Working on strengthening other areas of your relationship should soften his heart to the situation you face with his mother.

 

After you forgive her, set up boundaries to protect yourself from the things she does. For example, if she calls you repeatedly all day long you can ignore her calls and then at the end of the day answer the phone and gracefully and calmly tell her that it is bothersome when she calls repeatedly, it would be helpful if she saved all her questions, anecdotes, and whatever she calls about for one daily call. "And hmmm, MIL, come to think of it, it's probably not necessary that we talk every day. Lets talk once or twice a week. I know you're busy and capable of making your own decisions as am I. Yes I think once or twice a week will give ample opportunity to catch up." And then stick to it. It takes time for people to recognize boundaries but it makes a world of difference.

 

Check out the book "Boundaries" by Townsend and Cloud. I really think it will help in your situation. You can find it here Boundaries Book Series

 

thanks so much for your reply. It is really good advice. I will try to work on the forgiving..

and thanks for the book recommendation. I will for sure pick up a copy!

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