Still hurt over Christmas

[ElizabethIII]

I have hosted my sibling over Christmas many times. They get a good time and treat my home like a hotel.

 

It was them this time as they couldnt be bothered to uproot the child for a few days. I had my doubts and didnt want to go. My mom was coming too so I thought ok but mom can be just as bad and she plays us against each other.

 

I arrived at Christmas Eve to the house looking like a bomb had hit it. Trash cans filled with garage and not emptied for a long time. Our guest rooms weren't ready and she didnt bother making the beds or even getting the linen out to make them until 11pm. The linen was in the attic so I wasnt going up there to get it and do it myself.

 

Christmas Eve I usually relax, enjoy the day, go for nice walks to see the winter scenery. I spent it listening to my sister whinging about how she couldn't be bothered with Christmas (hated it in fact) she said this in front of her 4 year old child who understands.

 

There was no food in the house for Christmas. She hadnt finished the baking for it. Hadnt bought a turkey or any vegetables as she expected me or mom to pay for it and cook it when we do it for her every year.

 

i had to pay for a chinese takeaway on Christmas eve as there was no food in the house and she told me to deal with it and drive out to a store that was still open late on Christmas Eve to get the rest of the food.

 

I woke up on Christmas Day to overhear them both talking about me and running me down as i had slept in until 9:30am and I was disgusting and lazy for having done so on Christmas. At this point I got out of bed Christmas day or not I gave her it both barrells and said i arrived to a filthy house, trash cans not even changed, beds not made, no christmas food and made to pay for it but i am lazy?!

 

I drove off and left them for a couple of hours to calm down. My mom ended up doing all the cooking for Christmas after i paid for it and my sister lay in the bath all afternoon. But she has it in her head that I am lazy. She has never worked for nearly 10 years and lived off her husbands money when I have worked and payed off college debt and done my best. But she resents me having a single thing if she doesnt have it.

 

This is the last straw for me and I feel like I dont really want her in my life much anymore. She doesnt add anything to my life and just causes problems.

[Rockdad]

Sounds awful to say but just because family is blood doesn't mean you have to associate with them or play the family game.

[mightycpa]

Not sure why you didn't head to the nearest hotel upon arrival and inspection.

[ElizabethIII]

Not sure why you didn't head to the nearest hotel upon arrival and inspection.

 

Because my sisters 4 yo child was happy to see me.

 

I wanted to give them presents. It isnt all about me. I am mature enough to get that although my sister doesn't.

 

It was for the childs sake i stayed.

[basil67]

Because my sisters 4 yo child was happy to see me.

 

I wanted to give them presents. It isnt all about me. I am mature enough to get that although my sister doesn't.

 

It was for the childs sake i stayed.

 

You can spend time with the child but not stay the night. That's what most of us do with family Christmasses anyway.

 

Anyway, your sis sounds like a right piece of work. Might be time to rethink your family bonds.

[mightycpa]

Because my sisters 4 yo child was happy to see me.

 

I wanted to give them presents. It isnt all about me. I am mature enough to get that although my sister doesn't.

 

It was for the childs sake i stayed.

Excuses, excuses! That's a 4 year old we're talking about.

 

You get there on Day 1, inspect your corner of the pigsty and immediately declare it unsuitable for you, then you go check in at the local Ritz. Then you come back, play with the kid until he takes a nap, then go back to the hotel. Maybe even treat the child to a trip to the pool at the hotel. You come back for dinner, but dinner is not there, so you offer to take the kid to McDonalds for dinner. Kids love McDonalds and I'd bet the kid is real familiar with the menu. Then you take the child home after going bananas in the ball pit, and retreat to the comfort of your squeaky clean hotel room for the night

 

Sleep a little late, have a poached egg, some fresh fruit, maybe a croissant and a Mimosa for breakfast. Then arrive with your fabulous gifts on Christmas morning and make a day of it. Maybe even bring some Dunkin' Donuts or some 7-11 meat pies for the family. Eventually, the child falls asleep, cranky and exhausted from the day's activities and no nap. You find that you're feeling tired too.

 

You go back, order a nice Ahi Tuna and a Pinot Noir and a movie. Then you go to sleep in your flannel pajamas and between the 980 threadcount Egyptian cotton sheets.

 

Rinse, lather, repeat until it's the day you've decided to leave.

 

Don't give me that "it's all about the 4 year old" baloney. You show them that you're uncompromising when it comes to where you lay your head. While your sister can live any way she wants, you decide how you're going to live. It doesn't have to be fancy, but it does have to be clean!

[enddeck]

You can pick your friends but not your relatives.You should never have stayed even one night in your sisters house. It's obvious she just wanted a free ride for Christmas and you and your mother let her get away with it.Next time call over,drop the presents off,maybe bring the boy out for a few hours and then leave.

[ElizabethIII]

The hotel Ritz trip sounds awesome but I cant afford it. I got laid off in September. I didnt have the money for a hotel as I have to be careful with money. If I had had the money I would have driven off and paid for a hotel no matter how much it cost but last minute booking on Christmas day was going to be very very expensive. I will do it this Christmas as bound to be working again!

 

Also to Basil I think who said I should have driven home, I can see you are in Australia when it is Summer at Christmas. Where I am it is a very bleak winter and when it all deteriorated on Christmas Eve, it was dark already and below freezing and icy. I didn't want to drive home alone in that as it was a long way and not necessarily safe on icy roads. I got out as soon as I could though on 26th when it was light.

 

I am going to seriously rethink seeing her very much at all now. I would never be so discourteous to guests in my even when it isnt Christmas, they are fed and watered in clean home.

 

She doesnt think she did anything wrong and with that level of lack of self awareness there is no fixing it.

[mightycpa]

Ok, well, that makes a lot more sense. There's no sense in being hurt by this. She doesn't live like that to make you feel bad, and I'm sure they don't act like that just to make you feel bad.

 

They probably do that to everybody.

[ElizabethIII]

Ok, well, that makes a lot more sense. There's no sense in being hurt by this. She doesn't live like that to make you feel bad, and I'm sure they don't act like that just to make you feel bad.

 

They probably do that to everybody.

 

I am not sure about that. You're probably right but I do think she behaved the way she did as it is only me. She wouldn't do that to friends I don't think or she wouldn't have any.

 

I guess being hurt is that after all the times she has had a good time at my home she cant repay the favor.

 

But she will get very little ever again from me.

[Rockdad]

I can identify with you Elizabeth. I have a younger sister that is a user and chooses to live in a filthy place that reeks of cat box. I stopped going to her place, providing anything especially money when she asked. She moved away but that didn't stop the phone calls with a sad story asking for money.

 

She came back to the area for aa visit, her mutt pissed all over our fathers house then to my house where I found the dog did the same. Left after she managed to scrounge some money from our elderly parents. She may be family but it doesn't mean she is welcome to my home anymore and I will never go to hers.