Counselling with mom

[olivetree]

I want to see a counsellor with my mom.

 

She has been seeing a therapist regularly (from what I've heard).

I have seen another therapist a few times.

We have both been going to talk about the fact that I have stopped talking to her.

 

Should we go to someone new to both of us?

Edited January 12, 2017 by olivetree

[Ronni_W]

Should we go to someone new to both of us?

It probably will be best - that way, neither of you will feel that the therapist is biased against one or the other. (When I used my personal therapist for romantic relationship counseling, it didn't work out, for reasons of bias or perceived bias.)

 

On the other hand, the reasons that made you stop talking with your mom in the first place... is your mom the type of person who is willing to admit to HER side of what went wrong? Because, if not, no therapist or amount of therapy will help.

 

Over the years, a similar 'non-relationship' has developed with my mom. Each person has to be willing to take ownership/responsibility for their own 'human' flaws and failings. If one person won't do that, for whatever reason - sense of entitlement, always needing to be 'right' and 'perfect', based on old-style traditions or cultural demands/requirements - then reconciliation based on fairness, equality, genuine understanding and forgiveness is really just not too realistic.

 

All that said. I do hope that you and your Mom will be able to work things out. It can be a wonderful and supportive relationship...and that is my wish for you.

 

Best of luck.

[olivetree]

It probably will be best - that way, neither of you will feel that the therapist is biased against one or the other. (When I used my personal therapist for romantic relationship counseling, it didn't work out, for reasons of bias or perceived bias.)

 

On the other hand, the reasons that made you stop talking with your mom in the first place... is your mom the type of person who is willing to admit to HER side of what went wrong? Because, if not, no therapist or amount of therapy will help.

 

Over the years, a similar 'non-relationship' has developed with my mom. Each person has to be willing to take ownership/responsibility for their own 'human' flaws and failings. If one person won't do that, for whatever reason - sense of entitlement, always needing to be 'right' and 'perfect', based on old-style traditions or cultural demands/requirements - then reconciliation based on fairness, equality, genuine understanding and forgiveness is really just not too realistic.

 

All that said. I do hope that you and your Mom will be able to work things out. It can be a wonderful and supportive relationship...and that is my wish for you.

 

Best of luck.

 

Thank you for your kind words and advice.

 

I figured that the same practice of seeing a new therapist would apply to non-romantic relationships as well.

 

I told my mom that we should probably see someone new together.

She responded that she has only seen this therapist once, and has another appointment coming up.

The therapist apparently wants to see me by myself too, and then both of us together.

I guess that would even the playing field.

But is this normal practice?

[Ronni_W]

The therapist apparently wants to see me by myself too, and then both of us together.

I guess that would even the playing field.

But is this normal practice?

Well, yes and no. It IS normal practice for some therapists (for example, Tony Robbins does teach that approach to his RMT students - I forget what 'RMT' exactly stands for...but it is about personal/relationship coaching).

 

I would offer to go along with it - IF you feel comfortable doing that - but then, if it starts to feel 'off' or like you personally need something different at any point in the future, then be open to asking for and making a change. (That is, do not let any other person - therapist or family member - try to control how your own emotional and healing needs are met.)

 

Again, best of luck...and hugs.