Alwaysthinkofme Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 (edited) My Family (two members to be exact) have always been very racist towards my relationships with other people of different ethnicity. Ever since a very young age I've been very attracted to Asian men. I don't really have an answer for it other than, that is just my preference! I'm not one to discriminate against dating various people of other backgrounds. My first relationship I was with someone who was black for 3 years, my Grandmother did everything to make that a living hell. There was always some issue that would spur from having connection with him. From turning off my cell phone, making false accusations, lying and even repetitively saying "[the n-word]" to which, I'd explode with anger and disgust. It doesn't stop there and the cycle has repeated itself over the years. In my latest relationship with a Chinese man of over 4 years, my Grandfather would clap his hands and say "Oh donger?!" (referencing movies) to which, we would later have a huge blow out fight in the car over this issue. So many times I spoke to my Family about this, swearing to never bring my future children around. Expressing how badly this has impacted my relationships and has landed me in touchy spots. Well...he cheated on me over 2 years and now my Family thinks that all Asian men are granted the right to a Mistress..yay me.. My ex at the time would compare my Grandmother to a racist killer who locked people in her basement for torture. (this obviously tore me apart when he said it) What angers me to the core, is my Sister who is married to a white man. He never has to deal with this issue, because he is welcomed for his skin being light. I can't help feeling forced to date in a strict category of color because of this problem. How do I get over the guilt of feeling that they ruined my past relationships? What could I possibly say to them to stop this sick behavior? I'm highly attracted to guys that Asian and I don't want to compromise something that I'm comfortable with. However, how can I have a future of my own choice if they remain so racist? It hurts not being able to bring my bf around Family, due to the comments and this impacts me making it seem as though Family doesn't exist in my life. What should I say or do? I've had so many talks with them about this and have begged for my Grandfather to stop with the offensive gestures. To make things worse, I may have to move back. Anyone?? Edited January 12, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 I'm not saying I would totally disown my family, but if I had hateful people like that in my family I probably wouldn't be seeing them often enough that it would affect my relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Don't bring your bfs around your family. Your family will get tired of not seeing you and eventually act appropriate. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 Your family sounds awful but why do you blame them for ruining your 4yr relationship with the Chinese man? Didn't his cheating on you for 2yrs have something to do with ruining the relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carolann Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 My grandmother is not only racist, but also a homophobe. She is almost 80 and she is very difficult for me to be around. I have friends of different races and have gay and transgender friends. She also HATES all Middle Eastern people and is rude to women she sees wearing an hijab. Her behavior has embarrassed me many times. Fortunately, I now live an hour and a half away from her and so contact with her is limited to maybe 2 or 3 times per year for a couple of hours. It's really sad because my aunts, uncles, and cousins on that side of the family are wonderful people. Link to post Share on other sites
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