LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Familial > Family

Huge dilemma, brother picked same wedding date as me


Family Parents too demanding? Sibling driving you mad? Tell us!

Like Tree31Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 9th January 2017, 11:26 AM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 264
Huge dilemma, brother picked same wedding date as me

So, I got divorced about 7 years ago. I still have my ring, don't know why but I planned on trying to sell it eventually.


My mom called up the other day asking about it and acting really weird saying she wanted to get it appraised but wouldn't tell me why. Said she would pay me for it. I guess I thought for some reason she wanted it to get the size or something for my current bf, or, I don't know. I don't know what I thought. She was being super secretive about it. So I said maybe. It would be nice to have extra money to put into my savings.


So my dad calls this past weekend and accidently tells me she want to take the diamond out, get a new ring made and GIVE it to my brother so he can propose to his girlfriend! I got super upset. I guess it was the combination of thinking she was being secretive about it because it had something to do with my bf proposing or something and it wasn't, and the fact they just HAND everything over to my brother. He spends money like it is going out of style and owes people money, including my uncle who he owes thousands of dollars, and never saves a dime. And they just want to GIVE it to him. And pay me like $200 for a $2000 ring. And the fact that his soon to be fiancÚ would be wearing the diamond of my failed marriage and very agonizing and hard divorce. It is just weird.


So anyways, I got really upset, told them no and that I would figure out what to do with my ring on my own and that he can figure out what to do about a ring for her on HIS own. Well they are upset with me and say I'm over reacting about the whole thing. It is a big mess now.


Was I wrong? Am I being selfish? I just don't want to look at her ring all the time and think about how that was the diamond from my failed and miserable marriage.
cocorico likes this.
startinganew777 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th January 2017, 11:28 AM   #2
Established Member
 
VeveCakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,667
No you weren't wrong. It was extremely careless and insensitive for them to even consider this. It would be a terribly bad omen for the new bride too. Your bro can buy his own ring.
VeveCakes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th January 2017, 12:15 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 488
Quote:
Originally Posted by startinganew777 View Post
So, I got divorced about 7 years ago. I still have my ring, don't know why but I planned on trying to sell it eventually.


My mom called up the other day asking about it and acting really weird saying she wanted to get it appraised but wouldn't tell me why. Said she would pay me for it. I guess I thought for some reason she wanted it to get the size or something for my current bf, or, I don't know. I don't know what I thought. She was being super secretive about it. So I said maybe. It would be nice to have extra money to put into my savings.


So my dad calls this past weekend and accidently tells me she want to take the diamond out, get a new ring made and GIVE it to my brother so he can propose to his girlfriend! I got super upset. I guess it was the combination of thinking she was being secretive about it because it had something to do with my bf proposing or something and it wasn't, and the fact they just HAND everything over to my brother. He spends money like it is going out of style and owes people money, including my uncle who he owes thousands of dollars, and never saves a dime. And they just want to GIVE it to him. And pay me like $200 for a $2000 ring. And the fact that his soon to be fiancÚ would be wearing the diamond of my failed marriage and very agonizing and hard divorce. It is just weird.


So anyways, I got really upset, told them no and that I would figure out what to do with my ring on my own and that he can figure out what to do about a ring for her on HIS own. Well they are upset with me and say I'm over reacting about the whole thing. It is a big mess now.


Was I wrong? Am I being selfish? I just don't want to look at her ring all the time and think about how that was the diamond from my failed and miserable marriage.
Here is the logic side of it. Your mother thinks the ring will appraise low and they can save $$$$ by the resetting of the stone. The reality is the ring will appraise at retail value and maybe even higher than it originally cost because that is what it would cost to replace it with a new ring should you insure it. No one would ever purchase the ring for any $$$ near the apprasal. Maybe 1/3-1/2 the value. So if you mom wants to buy the ring at near the appraised value, you would be getting one heck of a deal.

As far a you looking at the stone later, I would laugh because the bride Is marrying your loser brother and getting a used stone as proof.
Simple Logic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2017, 4:32 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 309
I can totally sympathize with you OP.

I have siblings who get everything handed to them too.

Have you ever told your parents how their unequal treatment/favouritism makes you feel?

As a side note, I don't understand how your bf could feel comfortable having your parents not only buy his engagement ring but get the diamonds from you.
A real man buys his own damn ring.
olivetree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2017, 5:10 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,876
I can see why you are upset. The worst part of the story was your mother being secretive with you. It's like she was trying to put one over on you, like she thought she was cleverly tricking you out of your ring. That's offensive. Even if I didn't give a damn about the ring that kind of behavior from my mother would be insulting to me.

If your mother and brother were adults then instead of your mother playing some silly secrecy game with you, she would have simply told your brother that you still have your wedding ring and that you might be willing to sell it to him. Then he would have come to you and told you why he wanted your ring and then offered to buy it from you, with his own money preferably. I'm guessing that if it had gone down like that you would have been much more receptive to the idea. That's how adults behave but obviously your brother is not an adult because adults don't need their mom and dad to buy their fiance an engagement ring.

Tell your mom that you will get the ring appraised yourself and then offer to sell it to her if she's willing to pay the appraisal price or something close to it. I agree with the poster who said you will never get the full value for that ring so if you can get your parents to pay you a decent price, then go for it. Then you can smile to yourself that they paid you more than anyone else ever would.

I'm guessing they don't plan on being honest with the fiance in letting her know that she is getting a used stone from a ring that belonged to a marriage that ended in divorce.
anika99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th January 2017, 12:28 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 264
Quote:
Originally Posted by olivetree View Post
I can totally sympathize with you OP.

I have siblings who get everything handed to them too.

Have you ever told your parents how their unequal treatment/favouritism makes you feel?

As a side note, I don't understand how your bf could feel comfortable having your parents not only buy his engagement ring but get the diamonds from you.
A real man buys his own damn ring.


This has nothing to do with my boyfriend. My parents wanted the ring for my brother to give to his girlfriend. Not for my bf to give to me. Of course he wouldn't go for that!
startinganew777 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th January 2017, 5:25 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 309
Quote:
Originally Posted by startinganew777 View Post
This has nothing to do with my boyfriend. My parents wanted the ring for my brother to give to his girlfriend. Not for my bf to give to me. Of course he wouldn't go for that!

Woops. That was a typo. I totally meant brother, not bf.
olivetree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th January 2017, 1:15 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 57,080
Quote:
Originally Posted by startinganew777 View Post
This has nothing to do with my boyfriend. My parents wanted the ring for my brother to give to his girlfriend. Not for my bf to give to me. Of course he wouldn't go for that!
I highly doubt his gf would appreciate knowing she'd be wearing YOUR ring. WTF. Very dumb idea by your parents.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th January 2017, 11:39 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 264
She would absolutely flip. This girl is a princess. My brother works 3 jobs now so she can stay at home. She is in so much debt because she has to have the best of the best. Designer clothes, brand new expensive furniture and she had my brother buy her a new car recently. I don't know how because they have no money. So yeah, I'm sure she wants some big diamond on her hand because she is all show and mine isn't even close. That and it is used. She would flip her lid. Don't know what my parents were thinking.
startinganew777 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th January 2017, 6:36 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Miss Clavel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 754
oh.hell.no.
__________________
take aim. reload.
Miss Clavel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd January 2017, 8:03 AM   #11
Established Member
 
Madame_Noire's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 275
OP, I can see why you are upset. Your brother needs to man up, stand on his own two feet and pay off his debts. Good luck to his future wife on the counts that he seems so irresponsible with money and the fact that his parents are meddling in her potential proposal and lets face it, the marriage and raising of any possible children in said marriage.

No disrespect to you, but why would your parents want to hand pass on a ring from a failed marriage? Were they supportive to you during the divorce?

I am gobsmacked.
Madame_Noire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd January 2017, 9:30 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 904
If you can get a decent price, sell it to them and then tell your B's fiance that you hope she enjoys the ring as much as you did.

Snerk.
anna121 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd January 2017, 3:22 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 15,324
No, you weren't wrong. That's your ring, not theirs. Sounds like they enable your brother quite a bit and I know that's annoying. You were totally right to tell them no on that. Now go put it in a lockbox or sell it before they steal it.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
preraph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd January 2017, 4:47 PM   #14
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 29
I do not think you are being selfish. I find it almost strange they would want to use a diamond of the ring from your ex husband. I think your brother should have to buy an engagement ring on his own. He should get something new and personal for his girlfriend.
kmpisces is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th February 2017, 5:21 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 264
Huge dilema, brother picked same wedding date as me

So my boyfriend and I have been in talks of getting engaged soon. WE both turn 38 in Dec. and want kids so we need to start trying soon. He has some big plan to propose to me but we are pretty much engaged. Our plan was to get married Sept. 29th because we have to do it outside because we have to pay for it on our own. It is our favorite time of year, the weather is perfect then, Oct. starts getting pretty cold. Then we wanted to start trying for kids right away.


We haven't really told anybody except for my two close friends. Well last week my brother get engaged. Happy for him! Yay! Then I ask when it is. Sept. Oh crap, I think. Mine is too. Then we realize his is early sept. mine is the last weekend in Sept.


Now my brother and I don't get along. We never have. He is the most selfish person I have ever met. I have tried to be there for him, lent him money, blah blah and he treats me like crap. Well when I told him about my plans to get married, of course he gets upset, tells me this is his first wedding and that I shouldn't make it all about me. Ummmm.... I didn't, I just told you my date and why is it that because it is my second wedding, it doesn't matter?! What a cold thing to say.


Anyways, they plan for an out of town wedding on Sept. 9th. They were already doing a family vacation that week and just decided to do it there on the beach. Ok, fine. We were getting it all planned out.


So today he texts us all and says everything is too expensive the beginning of Sept so they need to move it to the last week of Sept. Awesome. So now my family is mad and expects me to move the date. Why? Whose to say he won't change the date again? And he knew the date I picked and didn't even care enough to talk to me about it. Now everyone is mad at me!!!


I don't know what to do. Moving ours more out, we risk it being cold. And he will be on his honeymoon anyways he said. If we do it before, they will be pissed because basically he proposed first. So either way, I'm screwed whatever I choose to do. And he STILL doesn't have a firm date AND I have to schedule 2 weeks around him because of his honeymoon and the fact that his wedding is out of town! It is 12 hours away driving time so it isn't anywhere close to us.


This just makes our whole wedding planning not fun. I'm super upset and I think because I have been married before, they are treating it like it isn't a big deal or something. I just don't know what to do
startinganew777 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Huge dilemma NordicStripes Second Chances 5 25th January 2012 10:10 AM
A huge dilemma caborn Second Chances 9 29th December 2010 11:44 PM
Brother dilemma tripledigit Family 2 28th August 2008 10:13 AM
Huge Dilemma Guest Dating 0 23rd April 2006 6:17 PM
Brother-in-law copying off of younger brother's wedding visitor General Relationship Discussion 10 9th July 2004 4:37 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:25 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.