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Meeting his kids


Family Parents too demanding? Sibling driving you mad? Tell us!

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Old 7th January 2017, 9:45 PM   #46
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They're damn near adults and they know you and their father are a couple. I don't see why this is so complicated. Simply have your SO invite his children for nice dinner at home or a decent restaurant. Let them know in advance the purpose of the dinner is to meet you. If they are willing, great! If they aren't, then continue on living your lives and extend invitations every so often in hopes they'll change their minds.
Sorry but 16 and 17 are not 'adults', not even close. The kids (teens) have made it clear they do NOT want to meet up with her *yet*, it has to be on their terms and when they feel ready to meet dad's gf. They are still adjusting to dealing with the fallout of their dad's affair and him leaving and moving in with another woman. I doubt many kids of any age would jump at the chance of meeting the person that helped bust up their family . I know that sounds harsh but my guess is that's where the kids minds are at.
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Old 7th January 2017, 9:54 PM   #47
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Sorry but 16 and 17 are not 'adults', not even close. The kids (teens) have made it clear they do NOT want to meet up with her *yet*, it has to be on their terms and when they feel ready to meet dad's gf. They are still adjusting to dealing with the fallout of their dad's affair and him leaving and moving in with another woman. I doubt many kids of any age would jump at the chance of meeting the person that helped bust up their family . I know that sounds harsh but my guess is that's where the kids minds are at.
I never said they were adults. I said "damn NEAR". Which is accurate. One of them will be an adult in less than a year. The other in less than 2 years. At these ages, they should be fairly independent thinkers and well able to decide if they want to meet their fathers GF or have no relationship with her whatsoever.

All OP and her BF can do is extend invitations to spend time together and see if the kids eventually agree to attend. That's it. Beyond that, it's up to the kids.
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Old 7th January 2017, 10:50 PM   #48
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I never said they were adults. I said "damn NEAR". Which is accurate. One of them will be an adult in less than a year. The other in less than 2 years. At these ages, they should be fairly independent thinkers and well able to decide if they want to meet their fathers GF or have no relationship with her whatsoever.

All OP and her BF can do is extend invitations to spend time together and see if the kids eventually agree to attend. That's it. Beyond that, it's up to the kids.
Oh... I'm "damn" glad that you are not my step parent...

But you are correct, you can certainly extend the invitation to have dinner with their father and the woman who broke up their family... But, I'm quite certain that for the time being, the answer will be... "No, I'm not coming to dinner..."

If you want to say that this is the children's problem, then so be it...

Last edited by BaileyB; 7th January 2017 at 10:59 PM..
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Old 8th January 2017, 12:13 AM   #49
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I never said they were adults. I said "damn NEAR". Which is accurate. One of them will be an adult in less than a year. The other in less than 2 years. At these ages, they should be fairly independent thinkers and well able to decide if they want to meet their fathers GF or have no relationship with her whatsoever.

All OP and her BF can do is extend invitations to spend time together and see if the kids eventually agree to attend. That's it. Beyond that, it's up to the kids.
I guess it depends on how mature and responsible they are, how well adjusted etc. Near adulthood or not, I do agree with you it's up to them if and when they want to meet their dad's gf. That cannot be forced upon them.
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Old 6th February 2017, 12:44 PM   #50
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Well I am not going to throw insults at you or be cruel. You know your relationship started out wrong. It is what it is and there is no going back. Does not help matters to trash you or your SO.


I went & read every post you have posted so far and it sounds like you have already met the son and are on pretty good terms with him other then the mom putting a guilt trip on him and stopping him hanging out. So in all reality it is the girl you really need to focus on & I do NOT envy that. Teenage girls that mothers have been hurt can hold a grudge like no other!!!! There is a chance you might never have a good relationship with her if her mother keeps up the anger & hate but let's break it down. I have a few questions I have seen asked but really has not seen your answer yet before I throw out suggestions.


1. Is your SO divorce final yet?


2. If yes how long has it been final?


3. If it is not final is it being a contentious divorce? Are they still fighting over assets, CS, etc.? Reason I ask is because it will be very hard for the daughter to start moving forward if the divorce is still happening & emotions are still flowing.


4. Are you & your SO living together?


I promise I am not asking any of these questions to attack you. The answers truly affect advice I might be able to give and what direction you should go.


I have a step son & I started dating his Dad when he was 3. He has no memory of his mom & dad married and I am lucky to have an amazing relationship with him BUT I constantly thank God my husband did not have a little girl. Us women can be brutal. LOL
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