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Mom doesnt want me to au pair in spain? should i not go?


Family Parents too demanding? Sibling driving you mad? Tell us!

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Old 20th December 2016, 5:23 AM   #16
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it sounds like she thinks you should get a proper job that pays better, sooner?

maybe don't take that job and just go over there for a fortnight on vacay?

then come back and start working?

or.

just tell her you know the risks and you understand that her objections are her way of telling you that she can't live without you, she loves you more than her own life and her fear is making her insane.

let her know that you have done a through research job on this couple and set up some safety checkpoints and code words. describe to her how you will poast/speak to her every 8 hours and what to do if you fail to do that.

again, hide your return ticket and your passport and have it on you or somewhere you can get to it quickly.

the only thing i'm can see that would concern me is taking care of kids is boring to the max and that the family might use you for more then babysitting or they might not pay you as you go along, saying they will pay you at the end and never do it. they could renege on your "days out" and never let you see the sun.

or the husband might rape you with or without the wife's knowledge.

you are in their house, where you might be unable to defend yourself or call for help.

realize that, isis, terrorism and sex trafficking aside, some of your mom's concerns are valid.

look before you leap.
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Old 21st December 2016, 2:32 PM   #17
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Your mom sounds like me. Where are you from? Being in the Chicago area with shootings, kidnappings and murders all around us, it wouldnt' be easy. You are grown, but she is terrified of something happening to you. If something happened she would never ever forgive herself, for not fighting harder to keep you safe. Especially since she does not know the area you will be in. She will be upset yes, but if you go, make her feel as comfortable as possible, keep in touch often until things settle in and she gets used to you being there.

Last edited by IfonlyIknew; 21st December 2016 at 2:36 PM..
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Old 21st December 2016, 2:55 PM   #18
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Spain?

Say no more!

Go! NOW! Do it!
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Old 22nd December 2016, 2:13 PM   #19
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Your mom sounds like me. Where are you from? Being in the Chicago area with shootings, kidnappings and murders all around us, it wouldnt' be easy. You are grown, but she is terrified of something happening to you. If something happened she would never ever forgive herself, for not fighting harder to keep you safe. Especially since she does not know the area you will be in. She will be upset yes, but if you go, make her feel as comfortable as possible, keep in touch often until things settle in and she gets used to you being there.
We are from Ohio... Just a month ago there was that attack on Ohio State's Campus which is less than 20 minutes from where we live.. I tried to tell my mom that danger is everywhere... even just down the street from us.
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Old 9th January 2017, 8:20 PM   #20
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Update! Please help!

UPDATE:

I tried to tell my mom again but she would not hear anything I had to say... she said that I should start working immediately after I graduate.. I told her I would only be gone for 6-8 weeks but she wouldn't hear it, she said that this whole thing "doesn't sit well with her spirit" ...I want to go so badly but I don't want to ruin my relationship with my mother... this situation is giving me so much anxiety. What do I do?
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Old 9th January 2017, 8:24 PM   #21
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UPDATE:

I tried to tell my mom again but she would not hear anything I had to say... she said that I should start working immediately after I graduate.. I told her I would only be gone for 6-8 weeks but she wouldn't hear it, she said that this whole thing "doesn't sit well with her spirit" ...I want to go so badly but I don't want to ruin my relationship with my mother... this situation is giving me so much anxiety. What do I do?
Ask her the real reasons as to why she doesn't want you to go. Get her to do a list of 20 reasons why it would be bad. YOU give her a list of 20 reasons as to why it would be a good experience for you.

This is YOUR life, not hers. Mom's sometimes don't want to cut the cord and it seems your mom wants you close to her, she's afraid of losing you. That's the irrational fear of hers but realistically she should be supporting your decisions and be happy about who you are now, thanks to her teaching you the ropes of life.

Listen to your heart. What does your gut tell you?

She's not going to cut you out of her life or be mad at your forever, she'll get over it. It's only 2 months, not 2 years! I say go.
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Old 9th January 2017, 8:26 PM   #22
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You should go.

You will eventually have to get out from under your Mother's control anyway.

Might as well be now, over this issue.

You're an adult.

She doesn't realise that, but you should.

She will kick, scream, cry, and raise every kind of purple hell.

But you should go anyway.


Take care.
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Old 9th January 2017, 11:14 PM   #23
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what training do you have in child care? C p r? Nutrition? Licensed to drive in this foreign place? Your safety? Insurance? Medical shots? Furthering education? Social life?

I tend to think you are seeing it as a free ride... And children are by far deserving of a well versed care giver.
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Old 9th January 2017, 11:24 PM   #24
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what training do you have in child care? C p r? Nutrition? Licensed to drive in this foreign place? Your safety? Insurance? Medical shots? Furthering education? Social life?

I tend to think you are seeing it as a free ride... And children are by far deserving of a well versed care giver.

That's very presumptuous of you to assume that I am looking at this as a "free ride". I am well aware that this is a job and that I am expected to behave/work accordingly... As far as experience... I was a STEM teacher for 2 consecutive summers where I was responsible for children ages 5-12 . I have a 2 year old nephew that I often baby sit and also do babysitting on the weekends or whenever I'm not busy juggling school and a division one athletic scholarship. I would have no need/want to drive in Spain and the families I am interested in know this. Insurance and medical shorts have already been looked into and will be no issue to obtain.
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Old 10th January 2017, 11:34 PM   #25
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so to be clear:skyping is the ultimate decider that this is a legitimate transaction? Spain does not allow its citizens to cover the Insurance for a foreign visitor/worker that is there less then 3 months.....

Your work visa for Spain.? what has your consulate said on this matter? One piece of advice, tell him you don't need Medical "shorts", But you would like to get the list of Medicinal shots for traveling abroad...Hopefully they have that available so you can have your doctor update and administer.

How many foreign languages do you proficiently convey?
Gosh so many logistics to this ..
I can see why your mom is concerned....
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Old 10th January 2017, 11:50 PM   #26
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so to be clear:skyping is the ultimate decider that this is a legitimate transaction? Spain does not allow its citizens to cover the Insurance for a foreign visitor/worker that is there less then 3 months.....

Your work visa for Spain.? what has your consulate said on this matter? One piece of advice, tell him you don't need Medical "shorts", But you would like to get the list of Medicinal shots for traveling abroad...Hopefully they have that available so you can have your doctor update and administer.

How many foreign languages do you proficiently convey?
Gosh so many logistics to this ..
I can see why your mom is concerned....

Skype is not the only decider... I am doing this through an IAPA certified agency, this means that this agency is 100% not a scam and is legitimate. The agency can be found on the IAPA's website list of certified agencies https://www.iapa.org . In order to be apart of the agency, the family has to go through a screening process that includes references, passport, medical certificate, criminal records,etc. Getting medicinal shots will not be an issue, as said before. I took spanish for 5 years and am more than proficient in the language. No need for a work visa because I will be there less than 3 months. Already looked into insurance and my carrier provides an extensional form of international insurance that is fairly cheap and covers all that I would need covered.
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Old 10th January 2017, 11:51 PM   #27
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I did a ton of international travel as a college and grad student. That included working overseas during summers. I picked up so many skills from my experiences that have been invaluable in my professional career!

Go! You're at a stage in your life where you are still unencumbered by a husband, kids, etc. It's a great opportunity to explore a little and learn more both about another culture, and more importantly, yourself. I never was an au pair, but I have about a dozen friends who were. They made close, lifelong friends and became fluent in another language. I'm not sure how your program is set up, but many of my friends were also able to take some university courses, and there were strict guidelines around the max number of hours they worked for the family and pay. Obviously some clicked more with their host family than others, but all were glad for the experience.

You've certainly done your research. I suspect you'll have a great time!
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Old 12th January 2017, 9:46 AM   #28
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Concerned people are going to concern tallgirl, nothing you can do about.

We're talking about Spain here, right? Most of the US has worse diseases that a traveler can pick up, the wild life is more dangerous in the US too. Spain is a member state of the European Union, labor laws are enforced. Slavery for foreign workers? Give me a break, we're not talking about a Philipino in Saudi Arabia, or a Mexican in the US, for that matter.

In pretty much any European City the public transport is easily available and cheap. The trains might not run as punctual as in Switzerland, but you'll be fine. Also biking is safe and popular everywhere in Europe. You really do not need a license. Some countries have managed to get a decent, accessible transportation system up without having to burn through millions of gallons of fuel on a daily basis.

WRT insurance, my recent ex was a non-EU national and worked in the EU, her regular travel insurance confirmed they'd cover all medical expenses, as long as her job was short term engagements, non-industrial, which it was. I can't see how any insurance company worth its money would make a fuss about an au-pairing job. Just call them to confirm.

In light of the condescension displayed here, you might want to consider how an au-pairing trip may prevent you from becoming a narrow minded stay-at-home american who's afraid of a trip to western europe

How to handle your mother? Well, I had a similar conflict with my parents, it was about going for a language stay in North America. They didn't like it at all, and when I was over there I met Mexicans and spontaneously decided to visit there as well. My parents liked that idea even less, I did it anyway, made wonderful friends for life and learned so much about yet another country.

Travel, learn, make friends, become a world citizen, and don't let the concerners and worriers tie you down.
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Old 12th January 2017, 4:10 PM   #29
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she has seen the movie "Taken" and is convinced that i'll end up in sex trafficking and she is also terrified about ISIS. She also thinks that I should start working right away after I graduate in May.
I live in Europe. Your mom is going way OTT with being cautious. Spain is perfectly safe, I have been there a few times. You also dont need a car especially if you are going to be a big city such as Madrid or Barcelona. You are better on public transport.

In my country in Europe, teenagers shooting up their high schools has never happened but it happens with alarming frequency in the USA.

You are probably safer from violence in Europe than in the US. You also speak the language.

Bottom line you will be 23 when you go, what she cannot do is stop you. You do not need her consent. It is only 2 months, she will get over it. This is the only life you will ever have are you going to let your mom tell you how to live it?

Last edited by ElizabethIII; 12th January 2017 at 4:36 PM..
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Old 12th January 2017, 4:47 PM   #30
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what training do you have in child care? C p r? Nutrition? Licensed to drive in this foreign place? Your safety? Insurance? Medical shots? Furthering education? Social life?

I tend to think you are seeing it as a free ride... And children are by far deserving of a well versed care giver.
Regarding the driving point: the USA is the only country in the world whose citizens are banned from driving in the UK long term unless they pass the UK driving test. The reason being the standard of driving is the USA is so poor and far below UK standards. In the USA it is all automatic cars, easy driving tests. The UK driving test is the hardest in the world to pass.

Again the standard of driving in Europe is far superior and she will be safer and she doesnt even need to drive in Europe as the trains and buses are very good.

It can be tempting to think that home is the safest place on earth but it really isnt. She will be fine is Spain.

Last edited by ElizabethIII; 12th January 2017 at 4:55 PM..
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