I hate my mother.

[love1336x]

Oh Yes I said it! I am hating my mother. She's an awful creature. I truly wished I was born to another mother who wasn't as selfish and crazy as her. It really drives me insane dealing with her foolishness.

 

I am going to work 3 JOBS, so me and my love plus pets CAN LEAVE and never come back!

 

I think the day I leave this house our relationship should improve. I know other people who had similar mothers like mine and said 100% their relationship was tough at first when they went away, but it improved SO much. They were able to have a civil conversation without wanting to punch their mother in the face. They have also told me, there mother would still be there mother and they would still fight, but didn’t have to come home to that and it made their lives so much happier.

[anika99]

If you are an adult then you and your pets and your love should definitely not be living with your mother. Personally I've never understood parents who allow the bf or gf of their child to move in. My philosophy is that if you're old enough to shack up you're old enough to leave home.

[Tayla]

Well just as some folks aren't fair parents, some children are not great daughters. I'm sure your mom has her flaws...she also has listened to you at times. Spare her the hate... It's one the severes the spirit.

 

I have no qualms with adults residing together in this economy. At the end of any given day.. Having food clothing shelter is a blessing.

[Els]

Honestly, if your mum is allowing you AND your partner to live with her rent-free as an adult (aren't you, like, in your late 20s???), you don't really have much grounds for complaint. Her letting you stay past 18 and especially past college age is doing you a HUGE favour. If she was as selfish as you described, wouldn't she have just kicked you out years ago?

 

That being said, I agree that moving out does wonders for a difficult parent-child R. I had a pretty bad R with my parents in my teens, but after moving out my R with them improved by leaps and bounds.

 

Doesn't your partner work? Why would you need to work THREE jobs just to rent a small room for the two of you? Even one full-time minimum wage job each should suffice if you are willing to live very frugally and have other roommates.

[love1336x]

Let me clear stuff up so everyone can stop assuming,

1.) We rent the basement, that does not include bathroom, or kitchen for over 750 dollars, nor water or light.

 

2.) I am a recently graduated from college. There are plenty of folks who stay with their parents until they are done with college. I want three jobs because so far I’ve only managed to get part time which only means I’ll be working 46 hours a week.

 

3.) She BEGGED my girlfriend to stay with us after she departed the military. We were starting to find our own space, but she lay on an act, which even fool me, and at the time our relationship wasn't so tough.

 

4.) My mother is a recovering alcoholic, which means for years she have put me through a lot, and this is a the final topping of it all. I remembered at one time she I believed if she became sober things would be different, but turns out she's a dry drunk! As my therapist told me!

 

5.) We own three dogs, it's really difficult to see a home that takes on one animal let alone three.

 

I know people are still gonna rip me up and say, "Well you should have left" Seriously people? Can't I want, can't I feel furious and hurt being mistreated so many years. Why does everyone have to take over and be so cruel for? I feel brainwashed for so many years I believed I had to take this abuse from her because “She’s your mother” “she gave birth to you” I’ve stay so many years because of this crazy thinking.

So I have dealt and I do love my mother a lot, but now I can’t stand her. I am done being her door matt. She has never given me anything in life. I’ve always earned my keep.

 

It’s funny how everyone Is judging rather than asking why would a child hate their own mother for and assumed I was being a brat. Thanks for being there for me guys!<3 Anyone assuming crap you're gonna throw at my face before you even know the situation? Then again not really because I can assumed that everyone here is "perfect".

[love1336x]

Well just as some folks aren't fair parents, some children are not great daughters. I'm sure your mom has her flaws...she also has listened to you at times. Spare her the hate... It's one the severes the spirit.

 

I have no qualms with adults residing together in this economy. At the end of any given day.. Having food clothing shelter is a blessing.

 

Haha! I was a good daughter!

I recall back in the days I would indulge her.

I would purchase her flowers just because...

I would take her out to dinner just because..

I never ask for a ride to work when it literally took over an hour to get to work when it was a 15 min drive.

No teen pregnancy!

I would stay up for hours making sure she didn't choke in her sleep with vomit, while the next day I had exams.

I have never asked for anything expensive growing up. I was never a teenager who ever fought back, what she told me was law, and yet still choose to treat me like trash because of her own inferiority complex.

I don't think there is a perfect parent. I want a female parent who wants their kid to be happy and successful in life. Not be jealous because at their age, they were working out with their vagina rather than their brain.

[UpwardForward]

Haha! I was a good daughter!

I recall back in the days I would indulge her.

I would purchase her flowers just because...

I would take her out to dinner just because..

I never ask for a ride to work when it literally took over an hour to get to work when it was a 15 min drive.

No teen pregnancy!

I would stay up for hours making sure she didn't choke in her sleep with vomit, while the next day I had exams.

I have never asked for anything expensive growing up. I was never a teenager who ever fought back, what she told me was law, and yet still choose to treat me like trash because of her own inferiority complex.

I don't think there is a perfect parent. I want a female parent who wants their kid to be happy and successful in life. Not be jealous because at their age, they were working out with their vagina rather than their brain.

 

Great, then with your 'brain', you will figure out how to dig your way out of the basement, and with 3 dogs and a girlfriend.

 

(Even with a college education, it can be difficult to get comparable jobs in these times.)

[love1336x]

Great, then with your 'brain', you will figure out how to dig your way out of the basement, and with 3 dogs and a girlfriend.

 

(Even with a college education, it can be difficult to get comparable jobs in these times.)

 

Lol, and we shall thank you for your support dear.

[UpwardForward]

Lol, and we shall thank you for your support dear.

 

Your mother doesn't seem to be the problem. You just don't get along with her.

 

And the $750 for a room w/o bath & kitchen, could seem steep if it weren't for the dogs and the girl friend.

[anika99]

You have every right to your feelings. Alcoholics don't tend to make very good parents. They are often very immature, self centred and emotionally stunted, which seems to be the case with your mother. They often have children who are very emeshed with them and who are codependent and enabling. This isn't the fault of the children, they don't know better, they are just kids who love their mom. I'm very sorry you were raised in that kind of environment.

 

You have an unhealthy relationship with your mother and you are right to want to leave home. You need to seperate yourself from her and she needs to let you go and learn to take care of herself. Now onto more practical matters, why 3 dogs? As a renter I would never take on 3 dogs because I know that would leave myself and my dogs in a vulnerable situation where we could wind up homeless. Where I live it would be next to impossible to find a landlord willing to rent to a person with 3 dogs, especially if you are on a budget and are looking at cheaper rentals. Years ago my boyfriend at the time had a coworker who always seemed to hang around at work, even when she wasn't working. It was eventually discovered that she was sleeping in her car with her dogs as she couldn't find anyone to rent to her in her price range because of her dogs.

 

I don't want to tell you to get rid of your beloved pets or to split them up and maybe leave 1 or 2 dogs with your mom. I know I wouldn't be able to do that, which is why I wouldn't ever get three dogs to begin with, but depending on where you live you may find it impossible to rent a place if you are not willing to rehome 1 or 2 dogs.

[Els]

Let me clear stuff up so everyone can stop assuming,

1.) We rent the basement, that does not include bathroom, or kitchen for over 750 dollars, nor water or light.

 

2.) I am a recently graduated from college. There are plenty of folks who stay with their parents until they are done with college. I want three jobs because so far I’ve only managed to get part time which only means I’ll be working 46 hours a week.

 

3.) She BEGGED my girlfriend to stay with us after she departed the military. We were starting to find our own space, but she lay on an act, which even fool me, and at the time our relationship wasn't so tough.

 

4.) My mother is a recovering alcoholic, which means for years she have put me through a lot, and this is a the final topping of it all. I remembered at one time she I believed if she became sober things would be different, but turns out she's a dry drunk! As my therapist told me!

 

5.) We own three dogs, it's really difficult to see a home that takes on one animal let alone three.

 

I know people are still gonna rip me up and say, "Well you should have left" Seriously people? Can't I want, can't I feel furious and hurt being mistreated so many years. Why does everyone have to take over and be so cruel for? I feel brainwashed for so many years I believed I had to take this abuse from her because “She’s your mother” “she gave birth to you” I’ve stay so many years because of this crazy thinking.

So I have dealt and I do love my mother a lot, but now I can’t stand her. I am done being her door matt. She has never given me anything in life. I’ve always earned my keep.

 

It’s funny how everyone Is judging rather than asking why would a child hate their own mother for and assumed I was being a brat. Thanks for being there for me guys!<3 Anyone assuming crap you're gonna throw at my face before you even know the situation? Then again not really because I can assumed that everyone here is "perfect".

 

To clarify, I have never said that you should continue to be her door mat. In fact, I explicitly stated that I think you should leave and that it's well overdue for you to do so.

 

My disagreement with you is that I cannot understand why you continued to put yourself in a position of needing to rely so much on her goodwill despite this alleged abuse. Well, I understand I suppose, but I cannot condone it and after a certain age (say, early 20s), you are partially responsible for the pickle you find yourself in with her. You moved your partner in. You got THREE dogs (how did you imagine you would ever be able to leave your mother's house while keeping all 3 dogs?!!?).

 

You have every right to be angry and frustrated with your mother, but to an extent you are responsible for the situation you are in now. It's not just all her fault. It would be if you were a minor... but you're not, and you haven't been one for a long time now.

 

Good luck finding a place that accepts a renter with zero references, no full-time job and THREE dogs though. Honestly. Of course you should still try, but I suspect you will have a very difficult decision to make.

[love1336x]

Your mother doesn't seem to be the problem. You just don't get along with her.

 

And the $750 for a room w/o bath & kitchen, could seem steep if it weren't for the dogs and the girl friend.

 

Um, if you knew my mother you wouldn't be saying that.

[love1336x]

You have every right to your feelings. Alcoholics don't tend to make very good parents. They are often very immature, self centred and emotionally stunted, which seems to be the case with your mother. They often have children who are very emeshed with them and who are codependent and enabling. This isn't the fault of the children, they don't know better, they are just kids who love their mom. I'm very sorry you were raised in that kind of environment.

 

You have an unhealthy relationship with your mother and you are right to want to leave home. You need to seperate yourself from her and she needs to let you go and learn to take care of herself. Now onto more practical matters, why 3 dogs? As a renter I would never take on 3 dogs because I know that would leave myself and my dogs in a vulnerable situation where we could wind up homeless. Where I live it would be next to impossible to find a landlord willing to rent to a person with 3 dogs, especially if you are on a budget and are looking at cheaper rentals. Years ago my boyfriend at the time had a coworker who always seemed to hang around at work, even when she wasn't working. It was eventually discovered that she was sleeping in her car with her dogs as she couldn't find anyone to rent to her in her price range because of her dogs.

 

I don't want to tell you to get rid of your beloved pets or to split them up and maybe leave 1 or 2 dogs with your mom. I know I wouldn't be able to do that, which is why I wouldn't ever get three dogs to begin with, but depending on where you live you may find it impossible to rent a place if you are not willing to rehome 1 or 2 dogs.

 

One of my dogs is ten years old.

My girlfriend dog she got before we had a relationship.

My newest puppy is from her dog. She got pregnant! My girlfriend assisted we kept one puppy. Now unfortunately it would seem I will have to leave him with my mother. She grown attached to him anyways. She walks him and spends time with him. Some places with pet deposit have only on two pets though.

Are you therapist? That's what my therapist have told me.... are you part of A.A? Anywho thank you for being understanding.

It's whatever at the end of the day. Blah. Lol.

[love1336x]

To clarify, I have never said that you should continue to be her door mat. In fact, I explicitly stated that I think you should leave and that it's well overdue for you to do so.

 

My disagreement with you is that I cannot understand why you continued to put yourself in a position of needing to rely so much on her goodwill despite this alleged abuse. Well, I understand I suppose, but I cannot condone it and after a certain age (say, early 20s), you are partially responsible for the pickle you find yourself in with her. You moved your partner in. You got THREE dogs (how did you imagine you would ever be able to leave your mother's house while keeping all 3 dogs?!!?).

 

You have every right to be angry and frustrated with your mother, but to an extent you are responsible for the situation you are in now. It's not just all her fault. It would be if you were a minor... but you're not, and you haven't been one for a long time now.

 

Good luck finding a place that accepts a renter with zero references, no full-time job and THREE dogs though. Honestly. Of course you should still try, but I suspect you will have a very difficult decision to make.

 

 

Lol, the day I get my apartment you want me to send you pictures?

You act like I'm on welfare with three kids and my poor mother dealing with the crap. XD you know I paid taxes too. I wish I could get some food stamps.

You never had a parent with a drinking problem. I don't expect you to ever understand. I'm not saying all is her fault. I'm saying I hate her for all she done to me. I hate myself as well for always giving her chances after chances and ended up disappointed. Yes. I am where I am for being foolish to believe she really could change. Yes. I chose to finish college before wanting to leave. I've tried working full time and going to college it really didn't work out. I'm selfish as well wanting my dreams to come true while living with that nightmare.

Edited August 15, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude~T

[love1336x]

Also I stay because after my step father left she needed help with the mortgage. A lot of my student loans went to her.

I wasnt going to leave my mother homeless and drunk regardless how she treated me. However, now I could careless if she decided to drink, become homeless. It would be purely whatever to me.

I am not a victim, but I am also not the bad one in this. I didn't decide to escape from my problems to drink. I'm a hard working woman.

Save

Edited August 15, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
troll callout ~T

[Lorenza]

I agree with others, that you have done pretty much everything to make your situation more difficult than it could be atm. Practically, you're stuck with the mother you hate so much because at some point you didn't really think through what it will mean to stay and live at her house. Now there's only owning up to this situation and trying your best to find a way to move out, anger won't help here, just rational thinking and planning. You said you've found some jobs so that's a step. Maybe distantiating yourself from your toxic parent will help you mend the relationship to a degree, if it's even possible at this point.

[BettyDraper]

Lol, the day I get my apartment you want me to send you pictures?

You act like I'm on welfare with three kids and my poor mother dealing with the crap. XD you know I paid taxes too. I wish I could get some food stamps.

You never had a parent with a drinking problem. I don't expect you to ever understand. I'm not saying all is her fault. I'm saying I hate her for all she done to me. I hate myself as well for always giving her chances after chances and ended up disappointed. Yes. I am where I am for being foolish to believe she really could change. Yes. I chose to finish college before wanting to leave. I've tried working full time and going to college it really didn't work out. I'm selfish as well wanting my dreams to come true while living with that nightmare.

 

I understand why you're angry. You are speaking from a place of deep pain due to everything you have been through with your mother. We live in world where mothers are sanctified no matter what they do. That's why others don't understand when you share why you dislike your mother.

 

I am also a very good daughter who grew up being physically and emotionally abused by my mother. I did well despite my challenges but that didn't stop my mother from tearing me down as much as she could. She was not at my wedding and I only talk to my mother a few times a year. She's just too toxic and needlessly hateful. My mother would like to be besties now but I am not comfortable with that.

 

I don't think you're selfish but you may want to manage your expectations so that you're not sorely disappointed in the future. It is true that having three dogs, no full time job and no references will be serious barriers while apartment hunting. Landlords want tenants with steady income, ideally no pets and good references. If I had a rental property, I would not accept a tenant without income because I would be in the business of making money. I also would not want dogs on my property since they can cause expensive damage. No references is also a problem. Elswyth was speaking from experience when she made those comments; her words were intended to help you understand what difficulties may lie ahead. Being receptive to solicited advice will help as well.

[Els]

Lol, the day I get my apartment you want me to send you pictures?

You act like I'm on welfare with three kids and my poor mother dealing with the crap. XD you know I paid taxes too. I wish I could get some food stamps.

You never had a parent with a drinking problem. I don't expect you to ever understand. I'm not saying all is her fault. I'm saying I hate her for all she done to me. I hate myself as well for always giving her chances after chances and ended up disappointed. Yes. I am where I am for being foolish to believe she really could change. Yes. I chose to finish college before wanting to leave. I've tried working full time and going to college it really didn't work out. I'm selfish as well wanting my dreams to come true while living with that nightmare.

 

You do realize that PMs can be reported as well, right? I mean, sending someone a PM with 'I don't want them to delete it' containing the full version of your moderated post is usually not a good idea.

 

But I'm not going to, because contrary to your belief, I am trying to help you. A big reason for why I moved out of my parents' home earlier than most women do in my culture is because I just couldn't deal living with them any longer.

 

My point was that you are likely going to have to make a tough decision. The zero references part can't be helped, but if you ever want to move out I suspect you will either need to get a full time job or rehome 2 of your dogs. I understand why you don't want to, but I suspect you might not have a choice. It's either that or continue to stay with your mum. The only couple I know with more than 1 dog who managed to get a rental, earned a lot of money so they could afford to pay a HUGE pet security deposit (and I mean to the tune of several thousands in addition to the standard bond).

[anika99]

One of my dogs is ten years old.

My girlfriend dog she got before we had a relationship.

My newest puppy is from her dog. She got pregnant! My girlfriend assisted we kept one puppy. Now unfortunately it would seem I will have to leave him with my mother. She grown attached to him anyways. She walks him and spends time with him. Some places with pet deposit have only on two pets though.

Are you therapist? That's what my therapist have told me.... are you part of A.A? Anywho thank you for being understanding.

It's whatever at the end of the day. Blah. Lol.

 

 

LOL..no I'm definitely not a therapist. I just have experience with having an alcoholic loved one and I used to attend Al-Anon meetings many years ago. I'm glad you finished college, that was a smart move. Children of alcoholics grow up with many problems and many either become overachievers or underachievers. I'm also glad you are seeing a therapist not because I think there is anything seriously wrong with you but because your mom probably caused you a lot of pain and it's good to work that out in therapy.

 

 

It sounds like your mom would be a good choice for the puppy so that's helpful, but it's still going to be tough even with just 2 dogs. If you can get some personal references and proof of employment and income that may be enough to secure your own place. Just explain to your potential landlord that you were in college and renting from your mom. Lots of people stay at home until they are through college, that's normal, not some mortal sin..LOL. Don't let the posters here get you too upset, it's only an online forum. Keep working on yourself and on moving forward. Once you get some space from your mom you will probably not hate her so much.

[Clep]

I remember the extensive abuse I suffered as a child in an alcoholic home. Our father went to jail for what he did to us children so yes, it was extensive. I never hated my parents though. I have no relationship with my mother and I still love her from afar. She did the best she could with the knowledge she had at the time. She still does. My alcoholic father died and I was the only person in my family to obtain therapy and personal development. I had years of trauma to move past obviously, but hatred has no part in that process for me. Hatred hurts me, not anyone else.

 

I couldn't imagine having someone allow myself, spouse and pets to move into their home to help ME out then say I hate them. Even if I was paying, they still would have provided me a home which they don't have to.

 

I have every reason to hate both of my parents, but I don't. I focused on changing the specific set of negative skills I obtained living with an alcoholic parent. Every person that has experienced alcoholism has gained these survival skills to deal with the alcoholic, but those skills do not serve us in the world, just with the alcoholic so they need to be addressed. I can see the thinking that reveals these challenges in your responses. It is perfectly normal, but not something that can go unaddressed if you want to live a happy life.

 

I think you need to stop making your mother the focus and work on yourself. Yes your therapist tells you she is a dry drunk and she very well may be, but what have your learned about yourself from your therapist? Have you learned about co-dependency, or other issues that stem from alcoholism? Stop expecting your mother to mother you when you are an adult. As a "dry drunk" she does not have the skills yet to be successful in that role.

 

If you have a therapist you are seeing and you are pleased with the progress you are making, why post here? In my experience, therapists were useless. I spent ten years paying different therapists to keep me in my past. We went over my past experiences but didn't go through action steps to change the problems in me and I finally gave up. Alanon for me was much the same and actually hindered my personal progress. In both experience I was taught to focus on the alcoholic in the end. I bought a book on co-dependency and got to work. That book made me think of another and another. My personal development library is extensive now. I have to stay on my toes because even years later it is easy to slip into old thinking and habits. It just happened to me for about a week until I woke up and remembered all I know and have learned. It took a day to feel back to me and get back on track again after my realization. That realization came because of the feedback of this site. That feedback allowed me to see where I was going wrong and I got a new book that is outstanding and has brought much clarity. The difference is that I didn't come on here asking for aid and then cutting down responses, saying people just can't understand and the rejecting their aid because they are not a therapist which I would have known before I even posted. Maybe instead of rejecting aid, you can take in some knowledge and grow as a person.

 

1. Get rid of the dogs holding you back from finding suitable housing and move. I know, harsh to say as I am an animal lover but if it was my pets or my sanity, the choice is actually clear even though it is emotionally difficult. I am not the only person in the world that can give my pets a wonderful life and neither are you or your girlfriend.

 

2. Grab a book on co-dependency and start reading.

 

3. Learn how to set healthy boundaries.

 

4. Find a therapist that won't make your mother the focus of the sessions and will focus on you and your responses to situations.

[DramaInPajamas]

Honestly, if your mum is allowing you AND your partner to live with her rent-free as an adult (aren't you, like, in your late 20s???), you don't really have much grounds for complaint. Her letting you stay past 18 and especially past college age is doing you a HUGE favour. If she was as selfish as you described, wouldn't she have just kicked you out years ago?

 

That being said, I agree that moving out does wonders for a difficult parent-child R. I had a pretty bad R with my parents in my teens, but after moving out my R with them improved by leaps and bounds.

 

Doesn't your partner work? Why would you need to work THREE jobs just to rent a small room for the two of you? Even one full-time minimum wage job each should suffice if you are willing to live very frugally and have other roommates.

 

Well see I stayed with my mom way beyond college years. Why?

 

I couldnt get out.

 

She charged me rent when I came home and started working. Ok fine, now issue with that. I am an adult.

 

But she charged me commercial rent rates. I had a small room in her home. She is in control of the lounge, the tv, the kitchen, my laundry, etc.

 

She went crazy about power useage, she insists on doing the laundry in case I use washer programs that take too long. She only used short cool washes which is no good at all for bed sheets and towels. They need a good wash. She made comments about me using a shower too often. Ummm at least one shower a day is a necessity.

 

No friends or bf allowed to the house at all. No staying over, not even coming over. Nothing.

 

For the pleasure I paid her the US dollar equivalent of $750 a month. Think about that: $750 a month for a small room. No freedom to use anything or invite anyone over.

 

paying that much money for so long meant on my starting salary, I couldnt get private rent of my own. They want a deposit of a full months rent and the first months rent in advance. I couldnt come up with 2 months rent in advance to rent my own place as my mom was taking over half my salary at the time and I had college loans to pay back too.

 

People living with their mothers are not neccessarily freeloaders. The amount of money my mom charged me prevented me from leaving and she lived off me with all the money she took. But she would have people believe I was living off her and when she found out I told people what she charged she went crazy again. She wanted the image of being a nice mommy while she screws money out of me and didint let me use anything.

Edited August 17, 2016 by DramaInPajamas

[Els]

Well see I stayed with my mom way beyond college years. Why?

 

I couldnt get out.

 

She charged me rent when I came home and started working. Ok fine, now issue with that. I am an adult.

 

But she charged me commercial rent rates. I had a small room in her home. She is in control of the lounge, the tv, the kitchen, my laundry, etc.

 

She went crazy about power useage, she insists on doing the laundry in case I use washer programs that take too long. She only used short cool washes which is no good at all for bed sheets and towels. They need a good wash. She made comments about me using a shower too often. Ummm at least one shower a day is a necessity.

 

No friends or bf allowed to the house at all. No staying over, not even coming over. Nothing.

 

For the pleasure I paid her the US dollar equivalent of $750 a month. Think about that: $750 a month for a small room. No freedom to use anything or invite anyone over.

 

paying that much money for so long meant on my starting salary, I couldnt get private rent of my own. They want a deposit of a full months rent and the first months rent in advance. I couldnt come up with 2 months rent in advance to rent my own place as my mom was taking over half my salary at the time and I had college loans to pay back too.

 

People living with their mothers are not neccessarily freeloaders. The amount of money my mom charged me prevented me from leaving and she lived off me with all the money she took. But she would have people believe I was living off her and when she found out I told people what she charged she went crazy again. She wanted the image of being a nice mommy while she screws money out of me and didint let me use anything.

 

I don't think this is applicable to the OP. Do you think she would be able to find an apartment for 2 adults & 3 dogs for the amount she pays her mother? Don't know what the rental prices are where she or you live, but where I live, $750/month would net a single person a room in a house with several roommates, and certainly no dogs allowed. That's why she needs to get a full-time job ASAP to increase her income, if she wants to move out.

 

Very interesting how both of you paid your mothers the exact same amount ($750/month) though...

[DramaInPajamas]

I don't think this is applicable to the OP. Do you think she would be able to find an apartment for 2 adults & 3 dogs for the amount she pays her mother? Don't know what the rental prices are where she or you live, but where I live, $750/month would net a single person a room in a house with several roommates, and certainly no dogs allowed. That's why she needs to get a full-time job ASAP to increase her income, if she wants to move out.

 

Very interesting how both of you paid your mothers the exact same amount ($750/month) though...

 

It isnt exactly $750 a month. I actually rounded it down from a higher amount as I had to convert it from a different currency. I am not in the USA.

 

It was actually higher but $750 was the closest mid figure, it was closer to $780. I didnt even notice that the OP paid that too.

 

You are also looking at TODAYS rent rates. I paid my mom this sum of money many years ago when around $750 would get you alot more that a small room in a multi occupied house. Rent has increased massively over the last few years and at the time my mom was taking that much, I probably could have shared a nice big aparment with only one other person as the rent was cheaper back then. But still she took that much. She took so much money of me, I couldnt save for a private rent deposit or a downpayment on a home of my own. Well I hope she is happy.

 

Well, with the OP something has to give. Get a full time job or rehome her dogs.

[UpwardForward]

I would never think of charging my kids $750. to live with me.

 

When they were at home (and as adults), I charged them about $130. each to help with the utilities. Including their own rooms, shared bath, kitchen, home-cooked meals.

 

Down side: No girl friends / No animals. (laugh)

[JanenotPlain]

Clep thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm going through something similar with my dad now. But mostly I relate completely and feel the same exact way about al-anon and therapy.

 

I'm so, so, SO tired of how the focus of both is on the alcoholic. I've been to dozens of therapists and I am so sick of talking about my dad or mom. And living in the past. THEIR past, not even MY past sometimes. How can a person move forward when a therapist is constantly drudging up the past. And once we understand our past, where we come from and how it's shaped up, what is the point of reliving it over and over again?

 

I'd be interested specifically to know which books you thought were most helpful. I also get more from reading books than talking to al-anon or a therapist. Thanks again for sharing your story.