Annoyed at SIL & BIL

[LaurenP15]

Hi LoveShack Community -

 

I'm new to the site & this is my first time posting. I have been married for about 6 months now (dated 5 years before). We are currently living with his parents and siblings while we look for a place of our own. My issue is with his siblings. He has a older sister (single mom) and younger adult brother. He's the oldest son. I'm very annoyed and about fed up with how much they depend on my husband. He drives his sister to work in the morning, drives his nephew to school. He drives his brother to work. At the end of the day, he drops his brother off at home, picks up his nephew from school and drops him off, then around dinner time, he picks up his sister from work. We always end up eating dinner around 9pm! This has been going on for about 3 years. I had a discussion with him about this before we got married. I told him this was bothering me and that after we got married, I need to come first. I understand his sister is a single mom, but I am NOT OK with them solely depending on him. I was under the impression that his brother was going to try and help out more, but that has not happened yet. There are a lot of other things that bother me, but I won't get into details. He does everything for them and I feel like he's being taken advantage of....Am I being unreasonable?

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

[anika99]

Your husband sounds like an amazing caring and supportive brother. My younger brother used to help me out sometimes when my kids were little and I have nothing but love and respect for him.

 

I don't know if his siblings are taking advantage of your husband. I don't know why picking his sister up from work causes you to have to eat dinner at 9:00 PM. That doesn't make sense. Does it take hours to drive home from where she works. You say he picks her up at around dinner time so it seems to me like you could start dinner when he leaves to go get her and have it ready by the time he gets back at around 6 or 7.

 

Another thing that caught my eye is that you say your husband drives his sister to work, takes his nephew to school and then picks his nephew up from school, I'm guessing because is sister is still at work. My question is why isn't your husband at work? It seems to me that if he were working full time he wouldn't have time to do all this chauffeuring around of his family. Do you work fulltime? Are you paying rent and a share of the utility and food bills while you are living there?

 

Lastly you say this is going on for years but you only married 6 months ago, so you were well aware of the situation long before you wed but you married him anyways. If you thought you were going to be able to impose new rules or change his family just because you married him well that was pretty foolish. I suspect his siblings won't rely on him so much once he no longer lives with them. If you two are responsible married adults then you shouldn't be living with family anyways. Move out and that will likely solve a lot of the problems.

[LaurenP15]

Your husband sounds like an amazing caring and supportive brother. My younger brother used to help me out sometimes when my kids were little and I have nothing but love and respect for him.

 

I don't know if his siblings are taking advantage of your husband. I don't know why picking his sister up from work causes you to have to eat dinner at 9:00 PM. That doesn't make sense. Does it take hours to drive home from where she works. You say he picks her up at around dinner time so it seems to me like you could start dinner when he leaves to go get her and have it ready by the time he gets back at around 6 or 7.

 

Another thing that caught my eye is that you say your husband drives his sister to work, takes his nephew to school and then picks his nephew up from school, I'm guessing because is sister is still at work. My question is why isn't your husband at work? It seems to me that if he were working full time he wouldn't have time to do all this chauffeuring around of his family. Do you work fulltime? Are you paying rent and a share of the utility and food bills while you are living there?

 

Lastly you say this is going on for years but you only married 6 months ago, so you were well aware of the situation long before you wed but you married him anyways. If you thought you were going to be able to impose new rules or change his family just because you married him well that was pretty foolish. I suspect his siblings won't rely on him so much once he no longer lives with them. If you two are responsible married adults then you shouldn't be living with family anyways. Move out and that will likely solve a lot of the problems.

 

 

Thanks for the reply, anika99.

 

His sister calls him after she gets off work so we never know when she will call (she usually calls between 7 and 8pm.) We don't eat before he has to leave to pick her up because I don't want him to have to leave in the middle of dinner. She works about half hour away, and depending on traffic, they usually get home around 8:30/9PM.

 

My husband manages his parents restaurant, therefore his hours are flexible. I do work full-time.

 

Yes, this has been going on for about 4 years, ever since his his sister moved home. I'm not trying change him. I know that he's loving/caring/responsible, but I don't understand why his brother can't contribute and help out a little.

 

This might sound really petty, but another one of my concerns is that, gas isn't cheap here (we live in San Francisco). He's spending about $60 for gas every week.

 

I hope moving will solve some of these issues. I just feel horrible that my husband is exhausted at the end of everyday.

 

Thanks for your response! I guess I just needed to vent.