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Made a child protective services call on my sister.


Eighty_nine

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Eighty_nine

Wednesday night I called the CPS Hotline to report my sister for child neglect. I have felt an underlying feeling of doom and dread since, and some regret.

 

My cousin works with a woman who lives on the same street as my sister. My cousin got this information from who coworker, who got it from my niece's babysitter who also lives on their street, who passed it on to me. So it traveled through a few channels; still, due to their history, I have no doubt that it's true or at least mostly true.

 

Last week my 6 yr old niece woke up alone at 2:30am. Checked her house for her mother and mother's boyfriend, no one was there. So she walked down the street, alone in the middle of the night, to her babysitters house. When the babysitter didn't answer, she went to a random house. The family took her in and brought her home every 1/2 hour until finally at 4:30am, my sister and her bf were home, drunk in the backyard looking for my niece. Allegedly my sister freaked out, started screaming at my niece for leaving the house.

 

I have considered calling CPS before: because my sister and her boyfriend use drugs on the weekends (my sister often passes my niece off to a babysitter or my mother while doing this) but I majorly suspect it is more often and I also suspect her BF is selling drugs. I don't think in the house, but who knows. He is wealthy and they live in a big beautiful house in a suburban neighborhood. It makes me concerned that CPS may not take things as seriously. I have also considered calling due to domestic violence; we know for sure there are frequent verbal altercations probably in front of my niece. We have some reason to believe they both may get physical with each other. Don't know if this is in front of her.

 

There's a lot my family and I don't know, but worry about. The other thing is my niece told me about a year ago that she woke up and was home alone. She saw that I got very serious, started asking questions and then she said she was just joking; she didn't look fazed and moved on with her game. I had my parents question her about this and she again denied it was true, saying she was kidding. We should've known better, but who wants to believe their sister would be such a negligent parent? It breaks my heart to think of my little sweet niece who I am very close to waking up scared and alone.

 

Despite all this, I question what I did. I am concerned about everyone's well-being. Her BF is likely a drug addict, but is contractually obligated not to use drugs by his employer-- they can fire him if he is found to be using. He makes a ton of money and if he loses this job because I called, I'm frightened of him harassing or threatening me. Luckily I live in another city.

 

Mostly I feel guilty for inflicting more problems on my little niece's life. Now CPS will be questioning her at school and at home. More arguments will ensue between my sister and her BF. She could possibly be removed from her home & while it is not a good situation for her, I will feel awful if she has to go through the trauma of being removed from her mother. Luckily, my parents will take her if this happens. But it will still cause her pain and confusion and for that, I feel bad. I wonder if we could've given her a cell phone instead, to call if she was left alone, and pressure my sister to leave this guy? Impose our own limits and not get child protection and possibly the court system involved?

 

I know that when I heard this latest story it was just too much for me. I decided to call immediately so that I couldn't question my decision. I still feel awful about it & about the whole thing.

 

tl;dr-- made a CPS call on my sister for leaving her child alone at home in the middle of the night. also suspect domestic violence and drug use in the home. Still, feel guilty for calling and worried about the impact this could have on my niece.

Edited by lissvarna
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Wednesday night I called the CPS Hotline to report my sister for child neglect. I have felt an underlying feeling of doom and dread since, and some regret.

 

My cousin works with a woman who lives on the same street as my sister. My cousin got this information from who coworker, who got it from my niece's babysitter who also lives on their street, who passed it on to me. So it traveled through a few channels; still, due to their history, I have no doubt that it's true or at least mostly true.

 

Last week my 6 yr old niece woke up alone at 2:30am. Checked her house for her mother and mother's boyfriend, no one was there. So she walked down the street, alone in the middle of the night, to her babysitters house. When the babysitter didn't answer, she went to a random house. The family took her in and brought her home every 1/2 hour until finally at 4:30am, my sister and her bf were home, drunk in the backyard looking for my niece. Allegedly my sister freaked out, started screaming at my niece for leaving the house.

 

I have considered calling CPS before: because my sister and her boyfriend use drugs on the weekends (my sister often passes my niece off to a babysitter or my mother while doing this) but I majorly suspect it is more often and I also suspect her BF is selling drugs. I don't think in the house, but who knows. He is wealthy and they live in a big beautiful house in a suburban neighborhood. It makes me concerned that CPS may not take things as seriously. I have also considered calling due to domestic violence; we know for sure there are frequent verbal altercations probably in front of my niece. We have some reason to believe they both may get physical with each other. Don't know if this is in front of her.

 

There's a lot my family and I don't know, but worry about. The other thing is my niece told me about a year ago that she woke up and was home alone. She saw that I got very serious, started asking questions and then she said she was just joking; she didn't look fazed and moved on with her game. I had my parents question her about this and she again denied it was true, saying she was kidding. We should've known better, but who wants to believe their sister would be such a negligent parent? It breaks my heart to think of my little sweet niece who I am very close to waking up scared and alone.

 

Despite all this, I question what I did. I am concerned about everyone's well-being. Her BF is likely a drug addict, but is contractually obligated not to use drugs by his employer-- they can fire him if he is found to be using. He makes a ton of money and if he loses this job because I called, I'm frightened of him harassing or threatening me. Luckily I live in another city.

 

Mostly I feel guilty for inflicting more problems on my little niece's life. Now CPS will be questioning her at school and at home. More arguments will ensue between my sister and her BF. She could possibly be removed from her home & while it is not a good situation for her, I will feel awful if she has to go through the trauma of being removed from her mother. Luckily, my parents will take her if this happens. But it will still cause her pain and confusion and for that, I feel bad. I wonder if we could've given her a cell phone instead, to call if she was left alone, and pressure my sister to leave this guy? Impose our own limits and not get child protection and possibly the court system involved?

 

I know that when I heard this latest story it was just too much for me. I decided to call immediately so that I couldn't question my decision. I still feel awful about it & about the whole thing.

 

tl;dr-- made a CPS call on my sister for leaving her child alone at home in the middle of the night. also suspect domestic violence and drug use in the home. Still, feel guilty for calling and worried about the impact this could have on my niece.

 

It is admirable and right for you to try to protect your niece but I fear you are correct in that there is little CPS will do regarding the incident unless they can find other people to corroborate the story. In my opinion the family who took your niece in that night dropped the ball by not calling the police that very night. If some kid came turned up all alone on my doorstep in the middle of the night, the very first thing I would do is call the police. For the sake of the child and for the sake of protecting myself from being accused of accosting a child. If that family had called the police then there would have been documented proof that the incident happened and the police themselves would have notified CPS.

 

You did the right thing but not much may come of it. Just keep an eye on things.

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The thing is, lissvarna, that social services don't automatically swoop children away from their homes as a result of problems such as the ones you've described. Breaking up families, jeopardising parental employment etc is not what Child Protective Services is supposed to be about.

 

The fear that that's exactly what it is about - a fear sometimes borne out by high profile stories where poor, over-reactive decisions were made - is understandable. But bear in mind that people working in these jobs have a duty to put the child's needs first, and part of that means that they have to think with great care about what really is best for that child. Removing them from the care of their parents might not be the best thing - even if there are some elements of risk.

 

When a social worker is carrying out a risk assessment they're going to look at protective factors (what aspects of family life are working well for the child - eg comfortable, nice home, financial security which workers will not want to jeopardise) as well as the risk factors (eg being left alone at night at times, parents using drugs).

 

I think the best way to address your fears about having made this report is to contact the social work department again and discuss those fears directly with the relevant department. Effective child protection is largely dependent on people in the community (neighbours, family members) feeling able to raise genuine concerns with social services...and, ideally, being able to do so without family relationships breaking down irretrievably as a result. So I think it would be fair to expect one of the social workers involved here to spend a little time hearing and discussing the concerns you're raising.

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Eighty_nine
The thing is, lissvarna, that social services don't automatically swoop children away from their homes as a result of problems such as the ones you've described. Breaking up families, jeopardising parental employment etc is not what Child Protective Services is supposed to be about.

 

The fear that that's exactly what it is about - a fear sometimes borne out by high profile stories where poor, over-reactive decisions were made - is understandable. But bear in mind that people working in these jobs have a duty to put the child's needs first, and part of that means that they have to think with great care about what really is best for that child. Removing them from the care of their parents might not be the best thing - even if there are some elements of risk.

 

When a social worker is carrying out a risk assessment they're going to look at protective factors (what aspects of family life are working well for the child - eg comfortable, nice home, financial security which workers will not want to jeopardise) as well as the risk factors (eg being left alone at night at times, parents using drugs).

 

I think the best way to address your fears about having made this report is to contact the social work department again and discuss those fears directly with the relevant department. Effective child protection is largely dependent on people in the community (neighbours, family members) feeling able to raise genuine concerns with social services...and, ideally, being able to do so without family relationships breaking down irretrievably as a result. So I think it would be fair to expect one of the social workers involved here to spend a little time hearing and discussing the concerns you're raising.

 

Actually, I am a social worker, and while I don't work for CPS I'm in the child welfare world. It generally takes a lot to remove a child - but there is quite a lot going on here, especially if he is dealing drugs inside the home like I suspect. I think it's unlikely she'd be removed, but they could rehire my sister to leave this guys house. You'd think a mother would do anything for her child but sadly I have my doubts that she'd leave this relationship, even if it was the only way to remain with her child. The boyfriend is no father figure to her, no role model, and pretty much treats her like an annoyance, so my niece wouldn't lose out on anything by being separated from him (he's not the bio father). It would still be tough for her though. I would like to talk to the case worker assigned and was told they would call me, but nothing yet.

 

To the person who said I could be being set up, it's highly unlikely. There's a long history of problems and concerns my family and I have had related to the safety of my niece and she's hinted to us that they've left her alone before.

 

It's totally likely that they may not notice the red flags in their assessment. After all, a white family living in a big beautiful house in an upscale neighborhood is going to be viewed differently. I hope they indicate the report and put services in for my sister, and require her to be involved in mental health/drug counseling and have someone at the home every week for awhile. My neice exhibits self-shaming behavior (mimicking her mother I think) and she really could use counseling too. Even if they do nothing else but monitor them for awhile, maybe it could be a wake up call for my sister.

 

Another thing I worry about is their drunk driving. They drive home totally smashed all the time. Sometimes on his motorcycle. Sometimes with my niece in the car. It's terrifying how often it happens and I'm always on edge waiting for a call that there was an accident. Ugh.

Edited by lissvarna
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My H was reported to CPS (by my evil stepmother), and they visited my DD at her school, and then called us to tell us they were throwing out the case but they needed to see us in person first. I told her I knew who had reported my H (she'd done it before); she all but verified it, and then told us if she were us, she'd send a lawyer after my stepmother.

 

She could tell what was really going on. She could tell my DD had no fears in the world and was happy as a clam.

 

So trust the department to know the difference and do the right thing. I'm glad you called them. Nothing's more important than a child's well being.

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As bad (guilty) as you feel now about calling CPS, just imagine to yourself if something had happened to your niece and you could have done something and didn't. It was difficult, I am sure, but children just can't protect themselves and someone needs to help them. If your niece is covering up that, what else could she be covering up? Children who are abused learn how to deflect the attention & questions they may get about their life.

 

You did what you should. It is too bad the family who took her in didn't call (not criticizing, just saying).

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Its good that you are concern about your niece.

And i understand your fear and worry after calling them.

 

You say all of you know what is going on with your sister.

But most of it you heard form different people?

Have you and your parents ever sit and have a serious no joke conversation with her and what the consequences would be if she dont stop before jump to the police?

 

I think if somethings can be solve between family's, you should try that way first.

Like take your niece form her if she dont step up.

 

Now that the cops involve, they will be a case, i think best is to find a lawyer and to make sure that your niece will be staying meanwhile with you or your parents and maybe also for good.

Instead of at some strangers house. Some times kids get pull out of their homes and end up in worse situations at foster parents and so on.

 

The situation your sister is creating for her kid is wrong!

And she needs a hard and serious talk from you and your parents PERSONALLY.

About also her parenting skills and the effect and danger of her choices and behavior. and also what is wrong with her that she on the drugs.

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Not everyone learn from a serious conversation.

 

Maybe this call to the cops is what your sister need to wake up. sad enough.

SOme people never learn, others learn the hard way.

 

Either way its about your niece safety and happiness first, so make sure what ever happen she stays with you guys(her family), The ones that can take care of her the right way!!Fight for that! ANd stay involve.

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Eighty_nine

^ we called child protective services, not the cops. Child protective services (CPS) could decide there are issues and put in monitoring services and possibly pull her into court to complete a court menu (requiring her to attend counseling or do other specific things)... Or they could decide the allegations were unfounded and do nothing.

 

We have all talked to her in the past. Sometimes she really seems committed to leaving the relationship and other times gets defensive and denies there's a problem.

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  • 5 weeks later...

It is your obligation to call if you have concerns about a child's safety in the care of their parents. It is true, it takes A LOT to remove a child from the home. But, it is good that CPS is aware of the situation in the home because they will build a file, perhaps monitor the situation, or put some supports in place for the family. I have even seen situations where children go into care and parents are required to do several things to get them back... Seek drug and alcohol treatment, take parenting classes.

 

What you did was difficult but very admirable. It's not an easy call to make and there may be fall out with your sister if she learns you made the call. But, you have the child's best interest at heart and I hope you sleep well at night knowing that you did what you needed to do for this child.

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