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My daughters partner is having an affair....


Cloudcuckoo

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Cloudcuckoo

And I honestly feel sick to the pit of my stomach and completely bowled over.

 

I was out with my husband for dinner last night and saw the two of them very intimately cosied up in the same restaurant.

 

We haven't spoken to our daughter yet.

 

Frankly, I am not entirely sure how to handle it!

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Poppyolive

That's great breaking and infuriating. Did he see you? Do you have goid relationship with your daughter? Maybe talking to him and get him to tell her what he has been doing? It's going to be tough, no doubt. But, I'm glad you have found him out.

 

Wishing you the best.

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Cloudcuckoo
That's great breaking and infuriating. Did he see you? Do you have goid relationship with your daughter? Maybe talking to him and get him to tell her what he has been doing? It's going to be tough, no doubt. But, I'm glad you have found him out.

 

Wishing you the best.

 

Thankyou Poppyolive.

 

Yes, I made it my business to be seen.

 

I have a wonderful relationship with all four of our children.

 

They've been together for 9 years and only got married in 2013. I had the distinct feeling at the time that the marriage would change their relationship.

 

I don't dislike the boy, but that's what he is in my humble opinion, he hasn't been given the opportunity to be a responsible man.

 

Mummy and Daddy still buy his cars, pay his phone bill, buy him what he wants etc.., while my daughter limps along relatively unsupported financially, taking care of my two scrumptious grandchildren.

 

While she gets her clothes from eBay (because all her efforts go into the children), he maintains a costly smoking habit.

 

It's so hard to be a parent to grown children sometimes, I don't want to interfere, even though I see what goes on, and want so much to help.

 

He hasn't spoken to me since a difference in opinion. Not through lack of attempts to bring back some familial harmony. Have all but begged him on many occasions to attend important family events, but he just doesn't want to be involved in our family, and my husband and I have been forced to accept that unfortunately.

 

He went a very odd colour when he saw us, and it was us who left prematurely. I think he was frozen with fear.

 

We were definately not mistaken that my daughters partner was kissing a woman he was obviously intimate with!

 

i think I need to consider how to approach this.

 

He'll no doubt try to beat us to it and feed her a load of horse manure.....

 

This is so awful!

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My heart goes out to you - I feel sick on your behalf.

 

I don't have an answer for you - but the fact that he was caught out may fix the problem without your involvement

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kgcolonel

Terrible situation you are in....assuming the grandchildren are both his and our daughters...I would suggest you send him a message via email that he has x hours to tell your daughter or you will tell her what you and your husband saw.

 

If he doesn't tell, go to your daughter together with your husband, show her the message and tell her that as much as you hate to tell her this, it is best that she know if even just for her health's sake (std's). Ask her how you can support her.

 

Obviously this will not endure him to your family but you need to inform her as she is at risk of stds if nothing else. She may already know however.

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aliveagain

Just be honest but do so the sooner the better. He is most likely deleting copies of emails, texts and may have already told your daughter a made up version of what actually happened in anticipation of your exposing him. Please write down everything that took place that night, where they sat, what they did in full public view and what she looks like, your daughter may already know her. You don't want to forget any details.The longer it takes you to tell her the more she will wonder why. I suggest you buy her a VAR(voice activated recorder, one that doesn't beep when it turns on). Help her install it with heavy Velcro under the front seat of his car, see what happens. The more time you take in exposing him the more time he has to minimize his actions.

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Safe to assume your H saw him as well? What was his take?

 

I would reach out to him, give him the opportunity to come clean to her before you do.

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renaissancewoman

So sorry Cuckoo,

My first reaction would be to tell my daughter right away. I'm not sure if that's the right way to go about it, but I definitely would not have trust in the WH to fess up on his own. And it sounds like it wouldn't be a confession that comes from deep remorse but rather from fear of you beating him to the punch.

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whichwayisup

Do tell your daughter as soon as possible. Not because he is going to make up some bullcrap story and beat you to it, but because she needs to know what kind of man she's married to. Love her and support whatever decision she makes.

 

I don't know how you didn't go over there and let him have it! Embarrass him in front of his OW and everybody in the restaurant.

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Mrs. John Adams

I am so very sorry this has happened.

 

I have often wondered what I would do if I ever found out one of my kids spouses was cheating....

 

I know I would tell my kids...but how do you do that? How do you watch their face as you break their heart?

 

My heart is breaking for you....and for your beautiful daughter.

 

I think I would talk to my son in law....he knows you know....but I think I would tell him that he has until tomorrow to tell his wife....before you tell her.

 

I think I would question her first to see if perhaps she has some gut feelings that something is not right. She may already know but has not told you yet....and if she does not know I think you have to tell her.....

 

I will be praying for all of you....I pray you find the right words...I pray you have strength to get through this....

 

I am so so sorry.......

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Cloudcuckoo
Do tell your daughter as soon as possible. Not because he is going to make up some bullcrap story and beat you to it, but because she needs to know what kind of man she's married to. Love her and support whatever decision she makes.

 

I don't know how you didn't go over there and let him have it! Embarrass him in front of his OW and everybody in the restaurant.

 

 

Believe me wwu it was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do, to keep from giving him an ear bashing in front of his little concubine, but he hasn't spoken to us for over a year so I made my presence known by passing his table several times so that there was no way he could fail to know he'd been seen.

 

My husband revealed earlier that he has a photograph on his phone which he took while I was waltzing past his table and it very obviously shows his 'rabbit caught in the headlights' look of pure fear.

 

i sent him a message letting him know we'd seen him and one to our daughter asking her to come to the house (my daughters all live close in the same city), but we've yet to hear from either of them.

 

My husband is to return to work first thing tomorrow (he works a week on/off rotation at sea) and has insisted, rightly, that we must tell her tonight whether we get word from either of them or not.

 

I agree, but our little bunnies are in the house and the last thing I want to do is to blow it all up and have them upset. Our daughter struggles with cyclic depression and ocd as it is, and he is quite a volatile character. She's worked so hard at her marriage, I think secretly knowing that he just isn't capable of being a responsible husband and father.

 

If any of you've been here before please offer a suggestion.

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Cloudcuckoo

For those who have asked about my husband's reactions to this dreadful discovery, his first instinct was to confront our son-in-law (who hasn't spoken to either of us since last February), but I insisted that his obvious discomfort in the restaurant was enough, and WE left with our dignity intact.

 

He is terribly upset as he has revisited his own previous dishonour, that his daughter has fallen foul to such vile behaviour. He is visibly shaken and has repeatedly expressed his deep remorse, and his commitment to ensuring that we give our daughter and grandchildren everything in our power to support and protect them.

 

I have to say, that horrid feeling at the bottom of my gut that had returned feels like dday all over again but once removed, if that's possible. My husband is obviously concerned, offering comfort and attending to my emotional state.

 

We've certainly come together in a very 'cemented' approach to dealing with the situation.

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Lady Hamilton

Is it possible they may have separated privately without telling you first?

 

If not, the level of excessive stupid on his part is overwhelming. For so many reasons.

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whichwayisup

Maybe go to her house, call her again until you get her and ask you to meet her when he's not home. Plus you say she suffers from some mental illness she's going to need support and compassion from her mama.

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Cloudcuckoo
Why hasn't he spoken to you in over a year?

 

It's a lot more involved, but basically he ruined his daughters second birthday, and I called him on it. my granddaughter is such a delightful little girl it made me so sad for her.

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Cloudcuckoo

Our daughter has been to the house this morning and I've told her what we saw. He apparently, hasn't said a word.

 

She's gone back to her home and has promised to call me later.

 

What a horrid situation...

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whichwayisup
Our daughter has been to the house this morning and I've told her what we saw. He apparently, hasn't said a word.

 

She's gone back to her home and has promised to call me later.

 

What a horrid situation...

 

I feel for her and your family. It is an awful situation to have to deal with.

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aliveagain
Our daughter has been to the house this morning and I've told her what we saw. He apparently, hasn't said a word.

 

She's gone back to her home and has promised to call me later.

 

What a horrid situation...

 

It will be interesting to hear his concocted storey, he had a few days to come up with a good one. Time for your daughter to go through all the credit card purchases looking for any restaurant receipts, hotel payments, purchases made at ladies clothing stores, jewellery purchases, cab payments. She needs to look at their cell phone usages for numbers that are called often specially at drive times, to and from work. Follow the money, he's paying for his affair with cash or credit card that he is hiding from your daughter. He's a dirty one.

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Cloudcuckoo

Thankyou for your kindness Mrs JA and WhichWay...

 

I'm sick with worry frankly!

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Mrs. John Adams

I know you are... This is a horrible thing to happen. I wish I knew how to help.

I am afraid this one will just need time and the waiting must be excruciating

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Honourably honest

Cloudcuckoo, what is the drama here? Your own flesh and blood is being disrespected. She's at risk from STIs, some of which can prove fatal. Grab this nettle, tell her and support. You are not the victim, but a source of horrible facts that must be passed on. Sit on this, whilst she's humiliated and you run the risk of losing her respect for you.

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elaine567
Cloudcuckoo, what is the drama here? Your own flesh and blood is being disrespected. She's at risk from STIs, some of which can prove fatal. Grab this nettle, tell her and support. You are not the victim, but a source of horrible facts that must be passed on. Sit on this, whilst she's humiliated and you run the risk of losing her respect for you.

 

Read update - #18

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