Inlaws no longer involved

[Pastypop]

As most of you know, I've had many issues with the inlaws over the past twenty five years. It all finally came to end at Christmas this year while I was out of town. When I came back, I found out that the cousins (some of whom are adults) were bullying my kids and telling them that I was a horrible person among other things. One of my kids finally let them have it. The grandfather was present when all this was going but did nothing to stop it. My kid got punished for it. In retaliation, my SILs blocked me from Facebook and my mil gave me the silent treatment.

 

When husband asked them why, they said it was because I told my kids they were bad people. Well, they have been doing that to me for years. My nieces and nephews have nothing to do with me. I also found out that one SIL was drunk and high while she drove my kids around. The mil forced them to ride with her when they protested. I called the cops when I got back but don't think anything was done about it.

 

After I found out the full story of the events that occurred that year, I emailed the SILs and Bils and let them have it. Told the one to stop lying and making up drama all the time. I also asked why were adult children allowed to harass my minor ones. I got No response to my email. I also went out on Facebook and made a comment about the drunk aunt driving my kids around because they were forced too by the mil. Her son sent me a terrible email accusing me of brainwashing my husband and kids and so on. I replied to his email with the facts and he called my work number and called me names. I turned this over to our security department and reported it to the police. My husband has stopped communicating with them all together.

 

So my question is, how do we raise happy children without grandparents and family members in their lives? I feel

Bad for the kids but, just got really tired of their abuse, exclusion, silent treatment and bullying. I wanted to give them a taste of their own medicine for a change. Just feel bad for kids. My husband does want to go visit my family because he is afraid of running into his.

Edited May 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language ~T

[Tayla]

 

So my question is, how do we raise happy children without grandparents and family members in their lives? I feel

Bad for the kids but, just got really tired of their abuse, exclusion, silent treatment and bullying. I wanted to give them a taste of their own medicine for a change. Just feel bad for kids. My husband does want to go visit my family because he is afraid of running into his.

 

I support your concept. Protecting your children's wellbeing.

 

If the relatives are indeed harming and parlaying poor judgment skills , then minimizing the interaction is suggested.

 

I do think as parent the " serving them a dose of their own medicine" was a clue for how you manage family problems. So I'm unsure that such behavior is a recipe for showing how adults resolve matters.

 

Kids will be as happy as the environment they are introduced or residing in. Have you openly discussed and listened to your children's side on this shunning the offending kin? Wonder what they think ?

[Emilia]

You raise your kids by involving your friends instead. I had horrible grandparents, I didn't miss them one bit. See your friends more often and socialise with other families more often. Who says you have to keep in touch with your blood relations?

[dreamingoftigers]

You raise your kids by involving your friends instead. I had horrible grandparents, I didn't miss them one bit. See your friends more often and socialise with other families more often. Who says you have to keep in touch with your blood relations?

 

I only had one side of the family growing up.

 

I met members of the other side in adulthood...... And frankly, Thank God.

 

They are all just as dysfunctional as my father. And there were NINE of them with kids all over the place.

 

So many kids I have no actual idea how many cousins I have. And that is totally fine. I haven't met a functional one of them yet. Not good odds.

 

My mother's side is weird too. But nothing compared and I'm glad to have these extendeds.

 

One of my Uncles on my Dad's side wanted my help to put the family back together. The only thing I could think was a Free Alcohol Festival where the siblings would get immunity from ever having to pay child support. He really didn't like that suggestion. But honestly, it's the only way you could get those people in a room together. Plus, they would have to be sprayed down in some kind of foam so when they got in their Drunken fights, they wouldn't hurt each other too badly. Otherwise, some of us younger ones could just get popcorn and watch a live family version of The Hunger Games.

 

Seriously though, your kids don't need that crap and if your husband is willing to cut them out then don't worry in the least. Your kids can seek the idiots out when they are older. I did. Nothing really coalesced. In fact, my cousins are such nitwits that I think I only have ONE on my Facebook anymore. The racist, violent, crazy crap they would post up on my wall etc. Jeepers. No thanks. So embarrassing. One of them wrote about struggling and so I wrote that I "hoped he got through it okay" and he went on this bizarre rant about how I "must be controlling to want to take away his struggle because that's where personal growth comes from and how did I know it wasn't a song lyric. Blah blah blah I'm such a successful person and I wouldn't need help from some lame-ass stay at home wife blah blah blah. Women blah blah blah."

 

Enh. I'm not a stay at home wife. And he's not very bright. Plus his brother (my other cousin) comes off completely like a cat-torturing serial killer. I swear. It's about the creepiest thing.

 

On the bright side, I think my father's genes are recessive.

 

I don't agree with a lot of how my father conducts himself, but he has made a few really stellar decisions. Cutting his whole family off before I was born was one of them. I think that was a VERY healthy choice.

[dreamingoftigers]

You raise your kids by involving your friends instead. I had horrible grandparents, I didn't miss them one bit. See your friends more often and socialise with other families more often. Who says you have to keep in touch with your blood relations?

 

It's actually quite amazing how kids don't feel any real thing for absent grandparents.

 

I know that my grandmother's death when my father was 17 really affected him, buy I feel really nothing for her, having never met her.

 

I have a grandfather in Florida who's a total narcissist who I have met a handful of times, but he really doesn't mean much to me other than I can see how much that affected my Mom. I don't think I would cry if he died. I didn't cry over my great-aunt, and I actually liked her and visited her every time I went back East.

 

It's really the quality of relationships and exposure the kids miss. Not the 'title' assigned by biology.

 

In fact, my husband has no tie to his biological father. He has a much deeper one to his step-father (technically step-grandfather). We all changed our last name to his a few years ago.

 

Don't expect the kids to be too broken up about a relationship they don't really have.

 

I have a cousin on my Mom's side that they always tried to mash me together with because we were close in age. I never liked him (he was a little jerk). I feel no loss or whatever about not going to his wedding. We weren't friends. We weren't close. He always tried to kick me and take my stuff and he's lucky I didn't kill him. In adulthood, he's still a whiny jerk (among other weird stuff).

[BettyDraper]

I support your concept. Protecting your children's wellbeing.

 

If the relatives are indeed harming and parlaying poor judgment skills , then minimizing the interaction is suggested.

 

I do think as parent the " serving them a dose of their own medicine" was a clue for how you manage family problems. So I'm unsure that such behavior is a recipe for showing how adults resolve matters.

 

Kids will be as happy as the environment they are introduced or residing in. Have you openly discussed and listened to your children's side on this shunning the offending kin? Wonder what they think ?

 

This. I watched my mother viciously argue with my father's family as a child and it changed my perception of her even though my mother was justified in some cases.

 

It isn't mature to handle disagreements with anger and vindictiveness when children are involved. Taking a family problem to social media is also counterproductive.

 

With all that being said, you have every right to be upset about this situation. Your children could have been killed and that's terrible! I wouldn't have called the security department and the police over a family member calling me names. I wonder if that reaction was to get back at your in-laws. I can see why you called the police for an impaired driver who had your children riding in the same vehicle.

Edited May 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[preraph]

Just like kids are better off with two divorced parents than two married ones fighting, they will be better off without this bunch. Kids are very resilient and will simply make new friends. They don't need a herd of old heifers and their offspring.