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My dad is marrying and bringing a second wife into our home. Mum and I are...


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Old 26th March 2016, 10:21 AM   #1
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My dad is marrying and bringing a second wife into our home. Mum and I are...

This is really a long story but i'll try to cut it as short as i can. 31 years ago when my mum met my dad, he already had a 9 years old son called John. Before they got married my mum asked him about his relationship with the mother of John and he told her they didn't have a thing anymore and so they got married. John's mother also married another man and this man hated john because he wasn't his and so he said he never wanted to set his eyes on john. Because of that my mum took care of john till he went out of college got a good job and got married. Now my mum has 4 sons (none is less than 20)and 1 daughter (17 yrs) which is I for my dad and john's mother had 3 daughters for her husband. In 2014 john's step-father died and so he now has access to his mother more. Last year december my dad had a meeting with my mum my 4 brothers and I. He told us he wanted to marry john's mother who is in her early 60's right now. He said his reason for doing that was to make john a legitimate child so he won't be criticized in the family. My dad is not rich so I know that is john that is taking care of the bride price and all that. That was the first time we all heard the news including my mother. We asked him what was going to happen after the marriage and he said she was going to to where she lived. Early this year we had an family meeting, this included aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. He twisted his words and said he was going to bring her to the house and we all have accepted. We got an information from a source that the wedding is next week. My mum took care of John all these years and now he is hurting her because he has the money. My dad's siblings except one are all supporting john and my dad. How do we deal with this?
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Old 26th March 2016, 10:30 AM   #2
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...do we take it your mother and father are divorced?
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Old 26th March 2016, 10:38 AM   #3
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Your location says Ghana, so I'm not sure we can really relate to this at least here in America or Europe. Seems a bit complicated.
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Old 26th March 2016, 11:14 AM   #4
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A Google search turns up this:

Quote:
Polygamy is illegal in Ghana, but the restrictions are not heavily enforced. Polygamous marriages are illegal under civil law, though are arguably considered to be legal under customary law and Sharia law.
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Old 26th March 2016, 4:34 PM   #5
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Quote:
Polygamy is illegal in Ghana, but the restrictions are not heavily enforced. Polygamous marriages are illegal under civil law, though are arguably considered to be legal under customary law and Sharia law.
But the problem is (speaking as a Muslim man), this father is claiming to be marrying under protective interests, which is the only clause for requirement for polygamy under Sharia law. However, John will always be illegitimate, as the requirement for being illegitimate is to be born out of wedlock, regardless of whether or not the parents remarry. To counter my Sharia point, marriage can usually only be done in protective interests of the extra wife (according to many). But this Ghanaian father may not even be Muslim, as polygamy is not a religious tradition, but a cultural one
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Old 26th March 2016, 4:59 PM   #6
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There is nothing in the first post that suggests John's mother and father were married, making John legitimate already. It merely states that before the OP's parents married, his father has a son called John.

John is now well over 31 years of age.

I would really question the father's motives here.... His son in long way past being an adult, is now married and has a family of his own.

Something here doesn't make any sense at all....
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Old 28th March 2016, 6:40 AM   #7
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Your dad wants to have 2 women to have sex with. This talk about making John legitimate is just his cover story. I have many friends from Ghana and it leans towards matriarch than patriarch..... unlike many other African countries.

The problem lies where women have no financial independence.. they have to put up with this kind of nonsense.

You should all tell his family that you have not agreed to this and that it is being forced onto you.
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Old 28th March 2016, 7:34 AM   #8
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HM , dont know about this. But whatever the country or believe, it most be something hurtful for your mom and your siblings.

I dont know if we really need to exclude it as its Ghana so we dont know what to say.
Because in every country its different but still people answer the topics without looking for where the person from.

Dont know your culture or believe, if its something "normal" there. But Its weird that your dad just jump here and there, this easy.
Whatever he do his son gonna stay his son. So i dont see why he have to remarry.
Beside it doesn't sound as a right reason to divorce.
According to the bible, God never created marriage for divorce. But if it may happen the reasons that i know so far is cheating or any kind of abuse.

Not for when you feel like that will benefit your pocket better or to please sons and stuff. Marriage should be taken as something serious and respected.
You can only tell him your concern , at the end he is a grown man and will have to pay for the consequences himself.
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