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Guess H doesn't plan on telling me that his daughter is coming to visit!


Mapper71

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Big frickin' surprise! I checked our phone records online yesterday and saw 5 texts each between H and SD (18) within a 15 minute time span. I knew that with that many texts between them that they were planning a visit. Arrgh! Yup. H gets home and is home for about 30 minutes before he takes a shower. I was waiting for him to drop the bomb on me that SD was coming to visit this weekend with less than 24 hours notice as is what happened 2 weeks ago but then they cancelled. Not a word. When he got in the shower I check his phone. SD says that she just signed up for next semester's classes and H asks if she was done for this semester. She said she had finals next week and then would be done for two weeks. She then says that then they, meaning her and her boyfriend, could plan their visit or would he rather come down and visit them. He says that he'd like her to come up and visit. Hmmm, not a word to me that this was being planned! SD asks if he would prefer the 18-22 or the 24-28 and he says the 24-28 because he has concert plans on the 19th.

 

So not only is SD coming up, but bringing her bf who I have never met AND staying for 5 days but I would have no clue if I hadn't checked his phone!!! BF will have to sleep on our couch which means he will be making himself at home in our living room for 5 days! Still, H doesn't seem to feel like he needs to tell me this! So they will be here from Thursday to Monday and I'm sure H will still work his Tuesday-Saturday schedule without a day off leaving me alone with them all day Saturday.

 

But the way things go with them, plans could change the day before and bf won't be coming up or they are just coming up for a day not 5 days (as that was just a span of days they could come, but won't be here all those days) or they got a better offer from someone else. And plus, the BF just started a job at a warehouse 2 months ago so doesn't he have to work?

 

I am so tired of being the 3rd party who gets the news of what's going on after they make their plans with each other and I'm supposed to be good with that. I mean, how do I say that H can't have his daughter visit? I'd be a cold-hearted bitch right??

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TaraMaiden2

Why don't YOU go away for the weekend? Just don't tell him where you're going or any plans.

I mean, really, who's in charge of YOU?

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TaraMaiden2

Wait - are you talking about this March? That's Easter weekend, right....?

 

In Italy we have a saying:

 

"Natale con i tuoi,

Pasqua con chi vuoi."

 

"Christmas with your relatives,

Easter with whomever you want."

 

So, go visit some friends. But make plans now.

And keep them to yourself.

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Pfft, he doesn't even know it's Easter weekend and could probably care less, but once he finds out I'm sure he'll want to make this HUGE meal for them.

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Rejected Rosebud

Well that's rather inconsiderate of him. I wouldn't doubt, though, that your fury about his daughter is hard for him to take so he might as well minimize it.

 

Why are you checking the phone records and his personal texting?

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There's no reason to give up your living room to the boyfriend. She lives away from home, so I'm sure they've spent many nights together. If she only has a single bed, give him a mattress on her floor.

 

Don't make problems bigger than they need to be.

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There's no reason to give up your living room to the boyfriend. She lives away from home, so I'm sure they've spent many nights together. If she only has a single bed, give him a mattress on her floor.

 

Don't make problems bigger than they need to be.

 

No, she doesn't live away from home. She lives with her mother and her mother's boyfriend AND she apparently has not told her that she is back with this guy because mother doesn't approve.

 

But you are saying that we should let them bunk together in the same bed? Yeah, I don't think so! My mom had a fit when I moved out to be with my then fiance at the age of 36 and she wondered where I was going to sleep!

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No, she doesn't live away from home. She lives with her mother and her mother's boyfriend AND she apparently has not told her that she is back with this guy because mother doesn't approve.

 

But you are saying that we should let them bunk together in the same bed? Yeah, I don't think so! My mom had a fit when I moved out to be with my then fiance at the age of 36 and she wondered where I was going to sleep!

 

It's your call of course. But don't complain if it's your own rules causing you to move out of the living room in the first place.

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scorpiogirl

I wouldn't be there.

Usually in a marriage, I wouldn't encourage just going somewhere for a day or two without considering your spouse but clearly he's not considering you.

 

He didn't tell you, so there's nothing for you to plan.

 

If you don't go away, you can still do your own thing, especially if he's working. No preparing meals. No moving furniture around. No guests sleeping on your couch.

 

He invites them without even mentioning it, so he takes sole responsibility for them.

You've allowed him to do this before it seems, or he wouldn't do it this way again. So this time you can either put your foot down or be back here complaining about what a crappy time you had.

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dreamingoftigers

Well Mapper,

 

You can always rely on him, that's for sure......

 

He will always let you down.

 

Hopefully he doesn't go abuse whacko on her like he did last time.

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Tahirthegreat

Since he seems to be fine with making plans without your input, then you should feel free to do the same.

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BettyDraper

This is clearly a symptom of a bigger problem in your marriage.

Lack of respect and consideration for you as his wife is unacceptable.

 

Make some plans by yourself. When you get home, have a serious talk with your husband about your feelings. He shouldn't be inviting anyone to the home that you share without checking to see how you feel about visitors. It's just common courtesy. Expecting you to cook for unwanted guests is awful as well. It's like you're an afterthought.

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