Lee hye ri Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 (edited) My sister in law .. Is a doctor ... She is living above us in the house ... Brother is an engineer ... So they dont have any time ... Since their marriage ... My mom and me spared no effort to help her ... In every thing ... Never asked her to visit us but she did.. Anyway she fought with my brother .. And told my mom (his mom ) that your son is an obstacle in her road and that this shouldnt continue ... Mom told her that she wont be the judge and to pick someone else ... Any way .. The problem got solved .. The doctor told my sister in law that one of her kids has ricketts.. When she told us we were shocked ... And my mom told her that she should have been more careful ... Then the other day .. My mom sent her food .. Like she always does ... And was surprised by a call by my sister in law telling her if that meal is a compensation for what she told by my mother ... My mom didnt even know that she was angry lol ... Anyway it was a habit of my SIL to post about anything that angers her on fb... So she started to post about my mom .. And it wasnt the first time ... So i fot offended ... And called her to explain it ... It was the first time for me to clash with her ... And to my surprise .. She told me to mind my own business and not interfere .. And that she is older that me .. So have no right to speak ... I told her iam sad to see these posts but she didnt care ... After a week .. I wrote a post about poeple who criticize others online instead of facing them .. Then she blocked me on fb .. She blocked me even though i didnt when she wrote like that about my mother ... Did i do anything wrong ? Edited March 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
Cherryz Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 Your story is weird. Which makes me think you are not totally honest in what really is going on. Dont ask us what you already know. Whatever she did, you know you were wrong in posting things about her. And that you were talking about her in that text. I think if you are not the peacemaker and not have that quality, you sure need to mind your own business. Both of you and your mom sound like people that like to be in other peoples business just to stare the pot or just to be nosy. Its nice to have family that care. But being a mom herself, your mom should know when and how to give her advice to a other mom. Your in-law was wrong for posting about your mom on fb. But what about letting your mom take care of it herself? You are not helping or doing any good in this. Its not about gossiping and reacting messy. But about to live peacefully. Beside your brother also is a grown man with a brain. He most know himself when to step out of this if he find it necessary. Dont put yourself in peoples marriage. Only thing you can do is say how you feel when you see something really wrong is going on to your brother. But also not every little thing. And only out of care. NOT to be nosy or messy. And let him take care of his issues with his wife himself. Mind your own man and life! Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 Lots of ego. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee hye ri Posted March 10, 2016 Author Share Posted March 10, 2016 Okay ... I will take your advice .. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 Your brother and SIL , both are wrong , in their own way. You are not wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee hye ri Posted March 10, 2016 Author Share Posted March 10, 2016 (edited) I was honest in every thing i said ... I didnt interfere with her life .. I only asked her to respect my mom .. And my mom and me are not the the poeple you described us ... But i will take your advice .. And mind my own business ... Including me helping her like a crazy ... When iam also a medical student with a life ... She always told me that my relationship with her is strong .. But with my first comment of me ... She blocked me ... That was quite big for me to handle ... So that was my reason to post here ... Of coarse i didnt tell all the incidents bec. It would take ages ... But in my text ... Every word was honest .. Thank you all for replying Edited March 10, 2016 by Lee hye ri Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 Your mom was clearly blaming your SIL when she said she should have been more careful in regards to one of her children developing rickets. It's understandable that your sister in law took offense to that. Then your mom compounded the problem when your SIL mentioned it and your mom played dumb and pretended not to know why your SIL was hurt. Your SIL was immature to start posting about it on face book. Her response to you was harsh but true in that this is a disagreement between your SIL and your mom and you should not get involved. Then you also posted your whine on facebook which was also immature. So it seems to me that everybody shares some responsibility for this situation, starting with your mother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee hye ri Posted March 10, 2016 Author Share Posted March 10, 2016 Mom was blaming her ... Because the kid wasnt drinking milk properly in the last 3 months .. Which is a critical time for an enfant .. Its understandable bec. SIL got pregnant and milk stopped and the kid didnt respond well to artificial milk ... But when mom told her that .. She also blamed my mom saying that she also knew about it when she never told us to give him calcium when she go to job .. She blamed us when she is his mother and the one responsible for her child health .... Second thing .. I told my SIL. that i would reply to her posts or post on my wall .... And she told me okay .. Then when i did .. She blocked me ... My mom didnt play dumb .. I wad in that situation and i too didnt imagine that she would be angry ... Any mother in law give advices to her daughter in law when she make a mistake ... But not every daughter in law react like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee hye ri Posted March 10, 2016 Author Share Posted March 10, 2016 My SIL. didnt post about that .. She posted that no one appreciated her and that we left her in the middle of the road ... And that we knew that she was a doctor ... So we must help her fulfill all her dreams .. As if we have no lives ... She is in the center .... Anyway,she is pregnant and have 2 kids ... She leave them with us or her mom .. Her sister got diagnosed with cancer ... So she go with her for treatment ... She leave her kids and she is pregnant ... All of that is understandable and unavoidable ... But the funny thing in all of that mess .. She goes to learn driving ... Where is the time left for your kids ... NOTE:we ever didnt comment on all of that ... We only commented when the kid suffered only .... We want to say to her give yourself and your kids a break ... But afraid to say so or she would divorce my brother .... If she didnt like one single comment ... How can we live like that ? ...i get offended by her but hold it inside ... She more than once yelled at my brother in front of me and my mom ... But we reamained silent ... She is not the only. Having a hard time ...my mom is 55 and a teacher .. She hurry from school to carry the kids ... Her younger sisters come often to wash her dishes and clothes ... Her huspand stay in his work clothes for more than 6hours to drive her home from her shift ... Her mom is sick .. But she insists on going to work ... Iam a medical student ... All of us didnt comment on anything ... But we in the end ... Are not good ...and not appreciating her ... Give yourself and your kids a break please ... Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted March 11, 2016 Share Posted March 11, 2016 Mom was blaming her ... Because the kid wasnt drinking milk properly in the last 3 months .. Which is a critical time for an enfant .. Its understandable bec. SIL got pregnant and milk stopped and the kid didnt respond well to artificial milk ... But when mom told her that .. She also blamed my mom saying that she also knew about it when she never told us to give him calcium when she go to job .. She blamed us when she is his mother and the one responsible for her child health .... Second thing .. I told my SIL. that i would reply to her posts or post on my wall .... And she told me okay .. Then when i did .. She blocked me ... My mom didnt play dumb .. I wad in that situation and i too didnt imagine that she would be angry ... Any mother in law give advices to her daughter in law when she make a mistake ... But not every daughter in law react like that. Saying "you should have been more careful" is not giving advice. That is a reprimand that is designed to make the listener feel guilty and ashamed. Advice would be giving suggestions on how to treat the problem. Saying "you should have been more careful" doesn't undo the problem, nor is it helpful. What your mom said to her was not advice, it was a put down. I didn't have a license when my children were little and it made things very difficult sometimes. Having to take my babies everywhere on the bus or wait on somebody else for a ride was unpleasant. Your SIL having a drivers license will be beneficial both for her and her kids. You seem to feel that your SIL takes advantage of you and especially your mother but it is up to your mother to enforce her boundaries. If your mom feels taken advantage and doesn't wish to be her grandchildren's caregiver then is on her to say so. I hate people who won't speak up and say what they really want and then pretend to be a victim and taken advantage because they won't speak up like a freaking adult. Lastly where does your brother figure into all this. Why do you blame your SIL for everything. Why isn't your brother contributing to the child care? Why isn't he also to blame for the child's medical condition? He should be held every bit responsible as you are holding your SIL. In any case this all comes down to ego as another poster already said. Nobody wants to consider the other person's view point, everyone just wants to be right, so I doubt this will be fixed. Viewing this objectively as an outsider, I don't see any victims or villains in this story, I just see a bunch of people who don't know how to communicate with each other in a mature fashion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee hye ri Posted March 11, 2016 Author Share Posted March 11, 2016 Really looks like it wont be solved here ... But we do talk to myb brother but not infront of her unlike what she do ... Her children are 3 and 1.3 yrs old ... She should in her free time stay with them ... In her case driving is not an emergency at all .... She goes to job by taxi and her bigger kid goes to nursery by another taxi and the little one we take care of him at home ... So what is the hurry here. . i didnt say we are victims .. Nor did i feel like that. .. I only felt me being a fool bec. I thought i was sth to her and she would care about my feeling ... So i started making a journey to the past to see if iam wrong toward her or else .. But dont remember anything except what i told you ... Me taking care of the kids isnt a duty .. Its my love toward them .. Iam not doing that for anyone but the kids ... But its saddening to see the other person like that... Even if my mom or my brother did sth ... In any problem before i talked to her and my best to solve it .. But when i did call this time .. She told me i have no place to speak .. She already talked to my mom ... When i asked her to remove the posts and talk the problem by any other means ... Well .. Iam not old enough to say that the posts annoy me .. Thats it .. My mom knows she put posts on fb ... But that has been my SIL habit to hide and speak ... She sit every time normally in front of you ..then you discover that she is angry from sth .. I wouldnt be angry of ... I think .. That was her habit ... So my mom didnt play dumb .. Its bec. She never face us .. Instead she goes to her mother or stay in her apartment and let the posts begin .. So my mom decided she woul ignore her ... I only replied to her bec. Its on fb and its my mom .. The end ... Thank you for taking your time and replying to me ... Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted March 11, 2016 Share Posted March 11, 2016 She is getting herself and her child to their daily activities by taxi and you don't think she needs a license? OMG, even if was rich I wouldn't take taxis everywhere. That is absurd. She needs a license. Again, why does she have to spend all of her free time with the kids when she has a husband? Why can't he fill in the gaps? I 100% agree with you that it is wrong for her to post her complaints on FB. That is immature and dramatic behavior. I unfriended a family member years ago for the same behavior as I have no patience for that. However it sounds like you retaliated by also posting on facebook. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lee hye ri Posted March 12, 2016 Author Share Posted March 12, 2016 Thank u for replying .... I dont and wont interfere with her matters ... Wont whine on fb ... If she needed help .. I wont be late ... But i dont think i would think of her the same ... Most of my talk with my friends was about her and about my respect for her tiring work ... But that wouldnt be the case anymore .. Thank you all Link to post Share on other sites
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