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I'm curious to speak to my biological father


Pyramidsong

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Good Afternoon all,

 

I need some advice and help, please bare with me.

 

I am 22 years old, i have a family a Mom & Dad and a sister. My parents have broken up now for 6 years, but the Dad who i call Dad, is not bound to me by blood. He has bought me up as his own since the age 4. I've called him Dad forever and he will ALWAYS be my father to me.

 

I remember being young and my mom saying i used to have another Daddy but he wasn't a very nice man, and wasn't a loving figure in the family household and would alienate both me and mom. I was all too young to remember this, after they broke up Me and Mom lived at my Nan & Grandads until my mom now met the man i call Dad.

 

I have never had contact with the biological dad, no birthday cards, no visits, nothing.

 

I have always taken what my mom has said about him, but i always believe there is two sides to a story and what peace of mind in myself.

 

Would it be disrespectful to the Dad i call Dad, if i were to contact my biological Father?

 

Or would you also want to know?

 

Thanks,

 

PyramidSong

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I think it is only natural to want to learn about your biological father. There is nothing wrong with that.

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I don't know what sex you are, but I read a book about raising boys and it emphasied the need for boys to know who their father's are whether they're good, bad or indifferent. It helps them to understand themselves.

This is certainly true of my son, his father was terribly abusive and nasty. I would have loved to have cut him off, alas the courts wouldn't allow it so my son knows the full extent of his father's personality and chooses as a young man to limit his interactions with him and is acutely aware of reigning in character traits he shares with him- like anger. He's always telling me that he's scared he'll end up like his dad, and works very hard not to!

I'd think the same would apply to females too, but ultimately if you feel the need to meet your father do so, and perhaps explain to your mum and dad that you have a need to know for your own benefit and growth.

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SincereOnlineGuy

There is nothing at all "disrespectful" in what you are contemplating.

 

 

Decide for yourself, independently, whether you want to go and reunite with the person who contributed half of your genetics, and don't let yourself feel that the male role model in your life to date will be anything aside from happy for you that you are investigating...

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dreamingoftigers

My husband met his biological father about 7-8 years ago.

 

The best way to describe it was "meh."

 

He just took zero responsibility for abandoning his son and showed relatively little interest.

 

Zero interest in his only grandchild being born.

 

Trust me, you can explain easily why he wouldn't be any kind of "threat" to your Dad that raised you. He wasn't there for you at all.

 

I know you think there's "two sides" etc. But often, with those adult meetings it just turns out the guy is the "drunk at the end of the bar" or something like that. There's a reason they never showed up.

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You have every right to want to reach out and get to know your bio dad. Just go in with no expectations or hopes....Whatever happens, happens and be okay with the outcome. Do some research first and if you're comfortable, seek counseling to help you have support and prepare.

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