My brother screwed me over and it's killing my family

[Jon96]

To paint the picture if I may. I am one half of twins. We were at a friends 21st birthday party so we had all had a few to drink but I wouldn’t say any of us were drunk. Half way through the night I hadn’t seen my gf for a while so I went looking and found her with my brother down the sideway of the house. They were kissing, his pants were undone and her skirt was around her waist. We all got into a pretty big fight and our friends had to separate us.

 

My gf was at the time and had since sworn she thought it was me, she has even threatened to press charges against him. I am working though this, if she really was assaulted she deserves my support.

 

For his part my brother swears he was too drunk (I don’t believe he was that drunk) and that she approached him. My gf agrees that is true she approached him but that she thought it was me.

 

What makes me believe her over him is that he changed his t-shirt to an almost identical one to what I was wearing at some stage during the night (I hadn’t seen this). Some of the others there say they thought he was me as well so it wasn’t just my gf who was fooled.

 

Anyway what makes things difficult is that we still live at home and have bedrooms next to each other. My gf wants to press charges and get a restraining order against him. It has thrown my whole family into chaos. I don’t think my parents are handling it well at all and dad wants to throw him out of the house. Mom keeps questioning me about whether I can be sure about what my gf has said. She has even questioned her herself when she came over one day and I wasn’t home yet.

 

My ex has contacted me and said she was propositioned by my brother when we were together but she laughed it off and never bother telling me. Since then she and my gf have become pretty close. It is really awkward as my ex and I didn’t split on good terms.

 

It’s all just a mess. Moving out with my gf would be a start and then we could focus on just us for a while but we don’t have the financial capacity to do that.

 

I have so many questions, why being the obvious one. But more than that how, if it’s even possible, can all these various relationships be healed? I am talking my parents/brother, me/brother, my gf/brother. I have been with my gf for about 9 months and for the first time in my life I feel content, I do believe she might just be the one. But this is an incredible amount of stress to deal with and it has taken its toll at times.

 

I didn’t really ask many questions did I? I’m just lost as to what to do. My support lays firmly and firstly with my gf but apart from that I don’t know what else to do. This all happened about 6 weeks ago and I have barely spoken a word to him since other than to ask him to apologize. He refuses swearing it was her.

 

Pretty messed up, hey?

[lollipopspot]

If you are twins and people can reasonably get you confused, then I'd believe the girlfriend, if you haven't had a reason to distrust her until now. Sounds as though it may have been dark outside too.

 

If your brother has propositioned your girlfriends in the past, as your ex says, that's another strike against him.

 

Did he complete the sex act?

Edited December 29, 2015 by lollipopspot

[Jon96]

If you are twins and people can reasonably get you confused, then I'd believe the girlfriend, if you haven't had a reason to distrust her until now. Sounds as though it may have been dark outside too.

 

If your brother has propositioned your girlfriends in the past, as your ex says, that's another strike against him.

 

Did he complete the sex act?

 

No they didn't. He was playing with her with his fingers (sorry, I'm not sure what we are allowed to say here so I hope you know what I mean) and she was just about to give him oral sex. But they were kissing heavily for 10 minutes or so. Although that is just an estimate as no-one was keeping a track.

 

I do believe my gf. My ex I am not so sure of, she is an attention seeker, a compulsive liar and a whore. I am very wary of her intentions here but my gf has developed a relationship with her and is getting comfort from her.

[lollipopspot]

From my perspective, I don't know if your relationship with him can be healed unless he has some major revelation. The rivalry isn't as big of a problem to me (i.e. hitting on your girlfriends) as that it sounds that he was violating her (it's a violation when it's done as deception), which is criminal behavior.

 

Does he have a history of being a blackout drunk or doing dishonest or sociopathic things? How did other people at the party perceive his state of impairment?

[Jon96]

Does he have a history of being a blackout drunk or doing dishonest or sociopathic things? How did other people at the party perceive his state of impairment?

 

He has a history of cheating on his girlfriends but I never imagined he would try it on with my gf. And if I was to believe my ex then with my last 2 gf's.

 

He was drunk at the party but to me there's a massive difference between drunk and I'm going to hit on this girl and drunk and I'm going to hit on my brothers girl. I can't imagine ever being that drunk that I wouldn't realize that.

 

If you speak to either my brother or my gf in isolation then both their stories make perfect sense and could be believable. But if I had to choose one, and let's face it that is what has to happen, the I choose my gf. Unfortunately that choosing is ripping our family apart. Dad has clearly chosen my gf's version and Mom is playing the diplomat but is siding with my brother. The tension in the house is unbearable.

[JS84]

Unless you guys are twins I'm pretty sure your gf is full of it and trying to cover her ass. That excuse sounds completely ridiculous I don't care how drunk she was.

[TaraMaiden2]

Unless you guys are twins I'm pretty sure your gf is full of it and trying to cover her ass. That excuse sounds completely ridiculous I don't care how drunk she was.

 

You obviously didn't read his post, did you? He quite clearly stated they ARE twins, and must be identical, at that.....

 

MY cousin dated an identical twin, (A) and two weeks prior to their wedding (They had been dating 3 years) his brother (B) took her out for the evening, (all completely innocent and part of a surprise her fiance, A, had planned for her) and she was completely fooled.

[JS84]

Ahh I missed that part and stand corrected. My apologies.

[Tayla]

double stories, half solved. Dump the gf.

 

she is clearly unable to tell a left shoe from a right one.

 

Mistaken identity. Doubtfull.

 

Its her lie though so let her tell it.

 

Get a tat , they are a good stamp of differentiating, since this gal can't.

 

do you and your bro kiss exactly the same?

[Jon96]

You obviously didn't read his post, did you? He quite clearly stated they ARE twins, and must be identical, at that.....

 

Yes we are identical twins. We are so identical that our parents struggle to tell us apart believe it or not.

 

do you and your bro kiss exactly the same?

 

Sorry I don't mean to be rude but I had to laugh at this. How on Earth would I know how my brother kisses. I may have a kinky side but not that kinky.

[Space Ritual]

Wow what a tough conundrum....I thought of the movie "Dead Ringers" with Jeremy Irons when I read the initial post for some reason it came to mind. If you haven't seen it, the movie is quite disturbing.

 

A couple of questions for you, OP.

 

Being you are identical twins, have you and your brother recently had any other major issues between each other in a competitive fashion? I imagine historically it would only be natural to be competitive with an identical twin on some level. But any big blowouts recently?

 

How did this ex come into the picture with your GF? Did she insert herself into the situation as a confidant to your GF in the wake of this or had she been hanging around in your social circle? Seems a bit odd where she fits in other that to play an antagonistic role for her own reasons.

 

Has your father had a falling out with your brother for any reason that he is so adamantly supporting your GF's version of events?

 

I actually think Tayla is onto something, as strange as it sounds. I am no expert in twins of course, so this may sound like a really stupid question, so forgive me in advance. and if there are any doctors in the audience please feel free to tell me I am nuts. lol. Were you and your brother drinking the same beverages at the party. Different types of booze give ff different scents, like for instance you can tell if somebody has been drinking Budweiser as opposed to drinking Boones Farm Bum Wine . Would it be so out of the realm of possibility that if you were not drinking the same stuff that she would have been able to tell who she was swapping spit with based on what you were in fact drinking?

 

Speaking of nuts, are your members relatively identical too? I mean you are twins so I am sure you have made jokes about it to each otheir at some point in your lives. Again it may seem crazy but if she was grabbing his at all could she have been able to tell it was not yours?

 

Again if that is a crazy question I apologize. I know you are trying to make sense of this yourself, so anything out of left field could give you some sort of answer or something to think about. That is the sole intention of that last question.

 

I feel like the Lt. Columbo of the Sex Police..."Sr, just one more thing"...lol

 

All things to ponder. You are in an unenviable position for sure. Blood is thicker than water in many cases, not all but many. I know one way or another your decision on who to believe is going to bring further chaos to one part of the family, and you stand to strain relationships beyond repair. so even if any of my questions sounded odd or off the wall please at least give them a passing thought. something like this is too important to your future to dismiss any possibility.

 

Please let us know how it goes. And good luck

Edited December 30, 2015 by Space Ritual

[TaraMaiden2]

Yes we are identical twins. We are so identical that our parents struggle to tell us apart believe it or not.

I do believe it.

My cousin's husband (the A twin), had parents who had the same struggle.

It must be difficult for those who don't know, or have experience of twins, to understand this, but that's the point of the word 'identical'. That's exactly what they are.

 

 

Actually, the tattoo idea is a good one. Only, don't tell your brother. Have a tattoo put somewhere hidden (so that even he wouldn't get to normally see it...) and tell your GF that next time, it will be much easier for her to tell you guys apart.

Ridiculous as it may sound, you could have a couple of dots put on your inner lip, or even on the sole of your foot.

 

Seriously.

[lollipopspot]

Actually, the tattoo idea is a good one. Only, don't tell your brother. Have a tattoo put somewhere hidden (so that even he wouldn't get to normally see it...) and tell your GF that next time, it will be much easier for her to tell you guys apart.

 

I don't think this OP will (or should) be having any girlfriends around this brother anytime soon. The brother was potentially engaging or about to engage in a crime

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_by_deception

[AspenBaldwin]

Punch you evil twin of a brother strongly enough so it ll leave a scar, so no one will mistake the two of you again.

[bathtub-row]

Let's take a leap and say your brother is telling the truth. So, from his perspective, his brother's gf comes onto him and a) knowing that the two of you look exactly alike and that he had even changed into clothes that matched yours, he didn't bother to ask her if she thought she was talking to you instead of him, and b) let's say he did point this out to her, he still jumped at the chance to cheat with his brother's gf.

 

I wonder what part of that story he thinks in any way makes him look good, absolves him, or means he has nothing to apologize for. He doesn't sound at all like a very moral person and doesn't even seem to care about you at all. Most people would at least apologize for betraying a family member in such a way. I think he's very self-serving and basically narcissistic.

 

People like this don't change. The lack of remorse on his part says it all. If I were you, I'd forever keep my guard up around him. He cannot be trusted. And, I agree, you should get some small tattoo that your brother knows nothing about because he could continue to pull this stunt.

 

As for as now, avoid him as much as possible until you can move out. I doubt things will ever completely heal between the two of you but you may be able to make peace at some point. It's really sad that it has come to this.

[turnera]

Surely your brother has had a LOT of experience of girls/people coming to him thinking he is you. So that would be the FIRST thing he would think if she approached him.

 

Your brother is a POS. Everyone acknowledges it except your mom, and that's just because she's his mom. Cut yourself off, let your gf press charges (probably won't get anywhere anyway, but it's important for her mental well-being) and support her.

[anika99]

You say you want to believe your gf over your brother but aren't they pretty much telling the same story? I mean how are their stories at odds with each other. He's says she approached him and she say this is true, they got caught fooling around and neither is denying that so it doesn't sound like a case of who to believe because it doesn't sound like they disagree. The questions are a) did your gf really think your brother was you? And b) was your brother really so drunk as to not comprehend how loathsome his actions were?

 

I've been friends with identical twins but not so identical that they were impossible to tell apart. Since it was dark and your gf was likely also drinking I'm guessing it's entirely possible that she thought your brother was you. Is there really nothing obvious to distinguish you from your brother? Do you wear your hair the same length and in the same style? Are your you the same height and do you have the same voice?

 

It's doubtful that your brother was oblivious to what he was doing even if he was very very drunk. Does he have a history of being competitive with you or being jealous of you? Are there any longstanding grudges or resentments between you two?

 

I don't think your relationship with your brother can be healed unless he does some deep soul searching, take responsibility for what he did and then sincerely makes amends to you. I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon and it may never happen.

[Wewon]

You say you want to believe your gf over your brother but aren't they pretty much telling the same story? I mean how are their stories at odds with each other. He's says she approached him and she say this is true, they got caught fooling around and neither is denying that so it doesn't sound like a case of who to believe because it doesn't sound like they disagree. The questions are a) did your gf really think your brother was you? And b) was your brother really so drunk as to not comprehend how loathsome his actions were?

 

 

I was thinking the same thing.

 

The real question is, do you believe the whole "I didn't know what I was doing" aspect of both stories?

[TaraMaiden2]

I was thinking the same thing.

 

The real question is, do you believe the whole "I didn't know what I was doing" aspect of both stories?

 

Under the circumstances - and armed ONLY with the information given on the thread (that is, it being all we have to go on), I'm more inclined to believe the GF.

 

Why?

 

She has a BF.

To my knowledge, the brother has no GF, and no mention has been made of one, AFAIK.....(I could be wrong, I apologise if I am have not reviewed the whole thread).

 

If it is so - who the hell does he think he was making out with, at a FRIEND'S 21st party??

 

My other question is, how did the OP's brother manage to change his t-shirt to a 'virtually identical one' the OP was wearing, if he wasn't at home? Does he keep a handy supply in the car, just for this occasion?

Edited January 1, 2016 by TaraMaiden2

[lollipopspot]

I've been friends with identical twins but not so identical that they were impossible to tell apart. Since it was dark and your gf was likely also drinking I'm guessing it's entirely possible that she thought your brother was you.

 

Since they're identical and the parents have trouble telling them apart, it seems quite plausible.

[lolablue17]

There is no contradiction between their stories. She thought it was you and your brother excuse is that he was drunk, and of course to his opinion, drunk people are allowed to do anything they want.

 

Sorry for you to have such a shameless disgusting brother, that's all I can say. He is real a POS! In addition to his actions, he also doesn't stop for a second to think maybe he is hurting you. For him, you're nothing.

 

He refuses to appologize, because he doesn't care about your feelings. He refuses to pay even a tiny price, that could give you a great relief. He refuses to pay one cent that can benefit you with a million $. That's the kind of brother you have.

[Jon96]

Being you are identical twins, have you and your brother recently had any other major issues between each other in a competitive fashion? I imagine historically it would only be natural to be competitive with an identical twin on some level. But any big blowouts recently?

 

We are competitive with everything. I recently beat him to a plumb job where I am going to be relocated O/S with my GF for a year starting in April next year. He wasn't happy because he has the better academic record. I just must have aced the interview. He swears they got us mixed up, lol.

 

But when it comes to GF's it's never been anything other than a joke between us. We've joked about swapping without them knowing but it was never serious. Well at least from my part.

 

How did this ex come into the picture with your GF? Did she insert herself into the situation as a confidant to your GF in the wake of this or had she been hanging around in your social circle? Seems a bit odd where she fits in other that to play an antagonistic role for her own reasons.

 

We split on bad terms but we were still facebook friends. She must have found out from someone and messaged me to ask. I should have ignored it but I stupidly answered. The next thing I know they are friends because they have something in common I guess? They were passing acquaintances before but now they BFF's it seems. I have voiced my displeasure but am reluctant to put my foot down just yet. I don't trust my ex one bit.

 

Has your father had a falling out with your brother for any reason that he is so adamantly supporting your GF's version of events?

 

Mom cheated on him many years ago. It took them years before there was any trust. Even now he still gets anxious if she goes out for 2 hours but is not back after 3 for example. Cheating is the one unforgivable thing in his book despite hypocritically forgiving mom.

 

Were you and your brother drinking the same beverages at the party.

 

I believe so. We bought the same drinks but I have no idea if was drinking anything else.

 

Speaking of nuts, are your members relatively identical too? I mean you are twins so I am sure you have made jokes about it to each otheir at some point in your lives. Again it may seem crazy but if she was grabbing his at all could she have been able to tell it was not yours?

 

I haven't seen it since I was maybe 10 and I certainly don't want to see it.

[Jon96]

Cut yourself off, let your gf press charges (probably won't get anywhere anyway, but it's important for her mental well-being) and support her.

 

I have told her I support her fully in pressing charges. She is a rather passive personality and she doesn't want to rock the boast so to speak. I have told her I support her whatever she decides.

[Jon96]

Is there really nothing obvious to distinguish you from your brother? Do you wear your hair the same length and in the same style? Are your you the same height and do you have the same voice?

 

Funnily enough our hair was totally different until a week before. We have a friend who is battling cancer and her birthday was a week earlier. Pretty much all of us shaved our heads out of support that week.

 

My GF looks hot with a shaved head BTW.

[Jon96]

who the hell does he think he was making out with, at a FRIEND'S 21st party??

 

I don't want to defend him but there is a little bit of a reason here. He has been single for a couple of months and he had been saying in the lead up that he was going to pick up that night.

 

My other question is, how did the OP's brother manage to change his t-shirt to a 'virtually identical one' the OP was wearing, if he wasn't at home? Does he keep a handy supply in the car, just for this occasion?

 

I guess we are both nerdy in that respect. I also carry a change of clothes in my car for emergencies. He says he spilled his drink on his shirt. No-one else, and I asked quite a few people, saw this.