sportygirl89 Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 (edited) He despises our family as a whole. I have a half sibling who is very on country side (not same brother who said this). He spent four days with his gf family and just a few hours with us. Both our parents aren't in the best of health. My dad is very dictatorship like so growing up with him was hard. He will come off like everyone's family man to the public. I was almost in tears of my brother saying that and told my dad what my brother said. This brother has always had a selfish side to him. I know our family isn't perfect by any means. I wouldn't go as far as saying I despise my entire family. I feel like those are things you shouldn't say out loud. I probably won't look up to my brother like I used to. Not this brother at least. The moments I'm glad I'm single. Edited December 27, 2015 by sportygirl89 Link to post Share on other sites
ZHguy Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 How old is he? If he's an adolescent/kid... then it could be him wanting some change in the family, because maybe he's making a statement. If he was an adult, then I'd say it's actually something to reflect on..... like, if you don't do something about it, then what would your and your family's relationship be like with him in the future... would it exist? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl89 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 How old is he? If he's an adolescent/kid... then it could be him wanting some change in the family, because maybe he's making a statement. If he was an adult, then I'd say it's actually something to reflect on..... like, if you don't do something about it, then what would your and your family's relationship be like with him in the future... would it exist? He's an adult. He is the middle child. Parents have been focusing on me a lot to get me through the program the last year or so. I know our communication is off. I told him he needed to schedule more get togethers if he wanted the bit of awkwardness to change. It doesn't matter which gf he has but he spends more time with their family then his own. Things won't change if he doesn't make an effort. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) He despises our family as a whole. I have a half sibling who is very on country side (not same brother who said this). He spent four days with his gf family and just a few hours with us. Both our parents aren't in the best of health. My dad is very dictatorship like so growing up with him was hard. He will come off like everyone's family man to the public. I was almost in tears of my brother saying that and told my dad what my brother said. This brother has always had a selfish side to him. I know our family isn't perfect by any means. I wouldn't go as far as saying I despise my entire family. I feel like those are things you shouldn't say out loud. I probably won't look up to my brother like I used to. Not this brother at least. The moments I'm glad I'm single.Sounds like your brother broke away from the Family Brainwashing...and YOU didn't. You ratted on your brother like a dutiful 'good girl' so as to get your daddy's approval. Just as you've been trained to do your whole life. Exactly as the dictatorship families operate. Edited December 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) Your brother tells you in confidence how he feels, and the first thing you do is go running to daddy? That's because your daddy is a totalitarian, and when that happens, kids turn out one of two ways: kissing up to the man who withholds love unless you do as he says and agree with him - because you NEED his love and know he won't love you unless you turn out exactly as he wants you to be...or separating yourself from the man who witholds love. You are the former, your brother is the latter. Do some reading about it. You'll start to recognize what I'm talking about. Or go to a therapist; he/she'll tell you the same thing. Edited December 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 sportygirl, Silly as some advice has come off, and ruthless as some advice came off, may I say. you followed a natural path. Who really wants a family member who is secretly carrying distain for the unit. He will eventually come to terms. I had a brother who did the same. No real big news flash as he was going to shun the family and show us! So for 20 years he did just that. As we all came together ( we grew up ), he didn't come off as the superior brother, matter of fact we all just welcomed him ... we understood his prodigal son ambition. Its sad to see a kin turn their back... yet in due time... we all age and grow wiser... let him follow his own path.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I would rather know honestly that my brother hates our family than labor under some false pretense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl89 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 I would rather know honestly that my brother hates our family than labor under some false pretense. He says he likes us each separately, just not under our family dynamics. Like if it's my half brother and then my brother and I he's fine. Or if it's my parent's and I and him. He can't deal with the whole family together. Just doesn't really make me want to come visit him you know? I mean we unfortunately were dealt with what we have. We can either live with it and make the best of it or reject it and miss out on good things in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl89 Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) Your brother tells you in confidence how he feels, and the first thing you do is go running to daddy? That's because your daddy is a totalitarian, and when that happens, kids turn out one of two ways: kissing up to the man who withholds love unless you do as he says and agree with him - because you NEED his love and know he won't love you unless you turn out exactly as he wants you to be...or separating yourself from the man who witholds love. You are the former, your brother is the latter. Do some reading about it. You'll start to recognize what I'm talking about. Or go to a therapist; he/she'll tell you the same thing. I don't tell you how to run your family. Please do not tell me how to do mine. Edited December 28, 2015 by sportygirl89 Link to post Share on other sites
Cherryz Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 How old are you? And what does you being single has to do with this? And i think instead of go tell your dad why ddnt you ask him questions to know why he said that? He probably hurt by some things and maybe feel like no one cares. So i dont think he ment it that he hates the family point blank. Maybe later you can talk with him about it and see why he said that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) I was almost in tears of my brother saying that and told my dad what my brother said... I feel like those are things you shouldn't say out loud. And yet you did say them out loud, to your father. I don't think it was quite right for you to tell your father that - that's your brother's message to tell if he wants to, not yours. In fact, if your father was hurt by it, that's your doing, not your brother's. I'd look at what your underlying motivation was for that. Do you want to be the "good" one, and your brother to be the "bad" one? Edited December 28, 2015 by lollipopspot 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I don't tell you how to run your family. Please do not tell me how to do mine. You're not being 'told' to do anything. You sought feedback on the matter, and you have received opinion, and your brother is correct. There is a dysfunction with the collective. Why exactly would you reveal a conversation to your father, if you first admit he is 'very dictatorship'? What possible motive could you have had, if not to cause a storm? What effect were you hoping to achieve, exactly, and why? You stated yourself such things should not be expressed.... so why did you then transmit them further? I totally 'get' your brother's opinion. I can equate. Single members of my family, apart, are fine. Lumping them all together under one roof is just asking for trouble. And your brother - and I - are not alone in this opinion. I would hazard a guess that many families, for whatever reasons, are like this. We can either live with it and make the best of it or reject it and miss out on good things in life. Or you could look at it this way: He's dealing with it as he sees fit, and missing out the bad bits in life. It's his choice, his opinion and his right. And you just kicked the hornet's nest. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 We can either live with it and make the best of it or reject it and miss out on good things in life. Or we can reject it and be better off without it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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