Sammyjo403 Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Ok so long story short .....my husband had an EA with a long lost niece. My problem is as a result of that but is not about that. It has been 3 yrs since I found out and it ended. I am presently with my husband. I wouldn't say that I have forgiven him 100%.....possibly 75. But he is still trying Anyway my problem is my niece...when she came to me she had just turned 22. She came from a VERY abusive life with her father a new stepmother. Sadly she grew up in a terrible situation. When I found out I invited her in. My sister, her mother has addiction issues I felt that it might help her to meet the other side of her family regardless of her mother. So when the EA came out....she said horrible things to me saying that I was the reason for it all. ( they both somehow blamed me). Anyway all communication with her ended. About 3 months ago she unblocked me and started putting up posts on her brothers account knowing that I would see them Ok. Lol. So here is the just of things. On one hand A part of me does still care and kinda worry about her....I'm tempted to reach out.........then all the sneaky two faced bull**** comes to my mind and I think F that Sometimes I think about what a messed up little girl she must have been/or maybe still is to seek approve from an old fool like my husband....how desperate can you be.....how little confidence and feeling you must have foe yourself Had she just said I'm sorry and showed that it mattered to her if she lost me/my family maybe things would be different I can't seem to find a clear path here. If I can somewhat forgive him...why not her??? Do I take the chance and open heart again or is she just deep down a snake???? Please help....ANY AND ALL INPUT APPRECIATED. THX Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I would lead by example. Talk to her, be honest with her, tell her that you'd like to have more of a relationship, as she IS family, but until she comes to a place in her life where she can admit the wrongs she's done to people and apologize (for HER sake), you can only have a superficial relationship with her. And that's fine with you, you'd like more, but it will have to come with some work on her part. And then leave it at that. It may be that some day she'll learn what you meant, and give that apology. Or not. But you've done the right thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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