My Aunt Won't Stop Asking Me For Drugs.

[SLee]

My aunt are I pretty close. I'm her only niece and she has only sons, so we've always had a special connection. I love her to death.

 

I got my wisdom teeth extracted today (What a joy, right?) and I was prescribed Vicodin for the pain, which I plan to take as long as I need to and then switch to ibuprofen once the pain becomes more manageable.

 

She came over to me and my mom's (her sister) house today to see how I was doing and to visit since I haven't been back to visit family in a while. My aunt stayed with me so my mom could go do errands and not leave me alone, in case I needed anything.

 

My aunt and I were just talking and she asks how I'm feeling. I told her other than the not being able to eat "real" food and the discomfort it's fine. I mentioned off hand how the Vicodin takes care of the pain but makes me really drowsy and like unable to leave bed, but it's better than being in pain.

 

Then my aunt asks if she can buy one off of me for like $15. I should have known better because she had drug problems 30 years ago and has a habit of not managing her anxiety and downing a bunch of NightQuill or a painkiller to help her sleep and to "Relax".

 

I told her no, because 1. it's illegal, 2. it's immoral, 3. she doesn't NEED them.

 

She then goes on to say that her knee has been bothering her, which is actually true (she's a marathon runner), but I told her that ONE Vicodin isn't going to help her and if she's really having a problem she should get it checked out and see if she needs physical therapy or medication for it.

 

Then she tells me the real reason. My grandfather (her and my mom's dad) is in really poor health and is likely to pass away this week. There's a lot of family politics with out extended family and bad blood and it's stressful on every body on top of the fact that we're grieving. She went on to say how she just "needs a break to decompress" and was getting visibly upset, like nearly crying.

 

She defended that she only will take a Vicodion or Oxycodone once every 5 years or so when she's having a REALLY bad time. Personally I think she doesn't do it more because they're hard to get without a prescription, and you can't get a scrip if you don't have a physical reason. I told her it's not the amount of time that bothers me, it's the thought process of the drug seeking behavior and that she's has addiction issues in the past.

 

I told her it was abusing a narcotic and she said "Yeah, I know." like it was funny. I told her flat out that that's not a healthy line of thinking at all and that I wasn't concerned about her becoming addicted on one pill as much as I was concerned about the logic behind the thought process. I told she could have a glass of one (she's never had an alcohol problem and rarely drinks) or do something else to decompress if it's really bad. But I could tell that she wasn't looking to decompress, she was looking for a very specific high, one that alcohol wasn't going to give her.

 

THEN she got all mopey and upset and walks away to go walk the dog and said "Well, I won't force you to do it. I just really need a break and to decompress...etc. etc. etc."

 

I told my mom about it after she left and my mom is annoyed but told me if I don't finish out the bottle, to give one or the rest to my aunt or she's going to keep bothering me about it. My mom is a doctor so the last thing she wants to deal with yet again is my aunt coming around for prescription drugs. I don't want her to bother me, but I don't want to enable her or be manipulated either. Who says she'll stop at just one pill, like if I give her ONE will she just ask me for another next week?

 

We live really close and the whole family will be seeing a lot of each other with my grandfather's failing health. I don't want to deal with this on top of a funeral for someone I love, but I want to stick by my guns because my gut feeling is telling me that this is dangerous behavior on her part and I shouldn't enable it and don't want to be a part of it.

 

I literally have no experience with this kind of thing other than what I see in Addiction documentaries so I don't know to do.

 

I forgot to mention that when were talking on the phone/Facebook/texts within the first couple weeks before my surgery today, she would ask for one pill of whatever they were giving me at post-op. I thought she was kidding so I laughed it off like "haha no". Then the demands became increasingly serious until today's episode.

 

If anyone wants a shorter version, I'll type one up. Sorry this was so long. I'm just really upset.

Edited July 3, 2015 by SLee
Added a detail.

[eye of the storm]

When you are done taking then, take the remaining pills back to the pharmacy to be disposed of.

 

I agree with you. You did the right thing. Stay calm stay firm. You are doing good

[amaysngrace]

That's pretty low-life of her. You sound like you have a better head on your shoulders than she does.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

[SLee]

Thanks for both of your replies!

 

The smart side of me is telling me to dispose of the pills or give them back to the pharmacy, which is what I would be doing anyway. But we're so close and this is a really rough time for her and all, and I know she's not a bad person and I lover he a lot, even though I hate that she's putting me in this position.

 

Her reaction, getting all sad made me feel really guilty, as if I was doing something wrong. That's where all my confusion is coming in.

[hoping2heal]

So, addiction is widely misunderstood for a myriad of reasons. There is a lot of "if you tried harder, you could be sober" going on, and people have the mistaken belief that an addiction is something a person can control. An addict has no control over his or her addiction which is why no other person can "save" an addicted person.

 

Ironically, my uncle who is addicted to script meds, tried to do something similar when I got my wisdom teeth out. It was super awkward and uncomfortable but I just had to tell him no.

 

Chances are your aunt isn't a circumstansial user like you think, considering the way she jumped right to manipulation tactics and responded so upset when she didn't get what she wanted.

 

She is medicating or trying to, unfortunately, most people do not figure that out as we had a belief in this country that addiction is moral failure. You did the right thing not to give into her and your mother may be a doctor, but her advice to give your aunt meds is misguided. She is trying to enable your aunt rather than have to "deal" with her.

 

BTW - Your thoughts about the positives of your aunt ARE valid. Addiction is not just something that effects "bad" people. A person can have a lot of positives, but because of their addiction, they turn to lying, manipulation, guilt tripping etc. Whatever it takes to satiate the addiction. It's normal that you would feel guilty but please DO NOT. You are doing the right thing, not just in the legal sense, but you are doing the right thing by your aunt whom you love. She probably has her sources (your mom even?!) for feeding her addiction, but that doesn't mean you need to be one of them. I had to put a family member in the ground before the age of 30 as a result of addiction.

Edited July 3, 2015 by hoping2heal

[SLee]

Thanks hoping2heal, that was really wonderful advice.

 

Addiction runs in the extended family and a lot of family members who I haven't seen since I was very young are either struggling with it or have passed from it. Never have I ever considered addiction a person's fault or that hey should be judged harshly for being ill. That's part of why it was more difficult than I though to say "no", because I was sympathetic to this. I've just never had to deal with addiction directly before, I only ever really heard about it.

 

Jeez, it would be so messed up if my mom was giving it to her. I know my aunt in the past went to work functions with my mom specifically to meet doctors who could prescribe her stuff, so I don't know. I think my mom believes that my aunt only uses when she's "super stressed" or whatever, but doesn't want to go back to the days where my aunt would have a melt down if she didn't get anything from my mom/

 

I think my mom's at a loss too. If this was just a one time thing without an entire family event being involved, I'd be fine handling it better. I'm just scared of what she's going to do next. I'm a could 25 years or so younger than her and she probably thinks she can uses the youthful respect I do have for her to manipulate me, and I just don't want her to be right.

 

Anyway, thank you for your insight. It's very valuable.

[hoping2heal]

Just stick to your guns and remember that although you love your aunt, she is trying to manipulate you. In my case, all it took was saying NO to my uncle one time, and he never asked me again.

 

you can private message me anytime.

 

Don't give into your mom either if she tries to insist you just give it to aunt. You're doing the right thing and the only thing that can truly help your aunt is getting help so she can deal with her issues. She might need medication to help balance out her anxiety or processing techniques to help her deal with stressors and then of course there is working on the actual addiction.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I am shocked to be frank that your Mom, as a doctor, advocated possibly giving your Aunt the pill. For someone who doesn't have a great deal of experience in Addictions you are absolutely bang on the money when you say it's not the quantity of medication that worries you, it's the thought process of her wanting to take an illicit substance in order to de stress or feel better about something. It's a slippery slope, one pill isn't going to solve her problems or the way she feels and it's just encouraging a maladaptive coping mechanism.

 

Also, as you mention, there's the legal side of things. If your Aunt has a drugs test for any reason, maybe a totally random one or stopped by the police or whatever, I'm fairly sure it'll show up in her bloods or urine as an opiate, and if she isn't prescribed an opiate-containing medication it doesn't look good, there'll be questions asked as to where she got it from and you just don't need to be implicated in that. It's also dangerous to take someone else's prescribed medication that isn't prescribed for you, so it's not a good idea for your Aunt to risk taking a medication that her Doctor hasn't specified is for her, based on her other medications, health conditions and so forth. I'm sure you know that already, and while it's probably a common medication, if it isn't an over the counter she can just go buy from the pharmacy there's usually a reason for that such as it being very strong or having complications with other medications, if she gets sick because or, or alongside taking the Vicodin, you could be liable for passing on your prescription meds to her.

 

It's just a really bad idea, I'm sure she loves you and isn't thinking beyond trying to get a pill but she's manipulating you by a) saying it's for pain then b) admitting it's for psychological reasons then c) starting to cry and so forth. Sounds like she still has some vulnerabilities to substance abuse, she knew that you had the Vicodin and found it hard to stop herself giving it a shot to get it off you. When she looks back she'll understand you refused out of love and care and concern for her. Stick to your guns, it's hard.