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Over controlling mother/father? *VERY LONG


Silaskalazar

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Silaskalazar

I don't quite know how to word this but I'm going to try:

I am 17 years old, I was adopted by my now parents and I have been living with them since I was three.

My parents have 2 other kids that are older than me by a few years One is my actual birth sister and one is my parent's birth child

My parents have always seemed to like their child better, letting her go out more and do less chores than me and my sister

They've both moved out though because of my mother's controlling personality and I am now taking the brunt(?) of their controlling

I feel like the way my parents are treating me is really messing me up.

My mother barely let's me go out and if she does I have to stay near my house, or plan ahead by almost a week, and even then what I am allowed to do is very limited, I'm not allowed to go certain places such as near by parks, school grounds, or into town (which is about a fifteen minute walk) I am not allowed a cellphone or internet (my parents don't know I have internet) I am not allowed to go out after school I have to come home immediately to do my chores and I am not allowed to catch a bus or ride with a friend, and if I'm more than 5 minutes late they get angry.

My saturdays and sundays I'm usually to busy doing chores to go out, and on the days I am able to go out I have to be back by 4:30pm

I have a bedtime of 9 on weekdays and 10 on weekends

My mom is constantly complaing about me and my dad and she makes us do all the work while she drinks

They constantly make me feel bad about myself especially my mother, they call me useless and stupid and she likes to ridicule and belittle me but then a day or two later they're both acting really nice to me and telling me how I'm the smart one of my sisters by not leaving them and it's really confusing because I don't know if it's right or wrong.

There was this one point where I told them about how I was cutting and suicidal and they got angry and they're saying "Well if we don't take her to the doctors she'll just tell people and it'll be all our fault, and she'll say poor me poor me" (which makes me feel pathetic)

My mom told him that it wasn't her fault I was "mentally disabled" And she proceeded on how suicide is stupid and people who commit suicide are idiots

 

Then later when my dad took me to the doctor I asked if I could have privacy so he left and I talked to the doctor but I was to nervous to say too much

and before my next appointment with a councillor he told me how he almost started crying when I sent him out because he felt like I didn't need him anymore so I let him come to the councillor meeting and then he did all the talking and nothing was figured out for me and I feel lost and disgusting

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Sounds to me that your Mom is out of control, not in control.

 

Welcome to LS, please feel free to peruse some past commentaries on this subject as it seems to be common thru out the teen years for some....

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Luckily, you're almost 18 and can move out on your own soon. I'd suggest preparing yourself financially and emotionally to get your own place asap. Try to get a scholarship for an out-of-state college or something.

 

And keep going to counseling. It wasn't right that your dad had a little pity party about you going in alone. Seemed pretty manipulative to me. There's no reason that he needs to be in there with you for every appointment. Maybe you can ask him to only attend every other appointment so you can get some one-on-one time with your counselor. And you should tell your counselor about how you feel smothered by your parents and how your dad cried about you going in alone. If you can't seem to keep your father away from your appointments, you should try seeing your school's counselor on your own.

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Your Mum sounds incredibly controlling to me and emotionally abusive.

 

 

Have a look in the abuse section on this site.

There is a thread at the top of the list of threads with links and help - but there's also info for young teens and 'children' too.

 

 

I'll link it actually..

 

One of the places may be able to help you.

Page down to Sugarlove's post.

If this isn't relevant for your country then look up similar sites in your country.

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/abuse/51194-immediate-help-victims-domestic-abuse

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My mom is constantly complaing about me and my dad and she makes us do all the work while she drinks

They constantly make me feel bad about myself especially my mother, they call me useless and stupid and she likes to ridicule and belittle me but then a day or two later they're both acting really nice to me and telling me how I'm the smart one of my sisters by not leaving them and it's really confusing because I don't know if it's right or wrong.

There was this one point where I told them about how I was cutting and suicidal and they got angry and they're saying "Well if we don't take her to the doctors she'll just tell people and it'll be all our fault, and she'll say poor me poor me" (which makes me feel pathetic)

My mom told him that it wasn't her fault I was "mentally disabled" And she proceeded on how suicide is stupid and people who commit suicide are idiots

 

Then later when my dad took me to the doctor I asked if I could have privacy so he left and I talked to the doctor but I was to nervous to say too much

and before my next appointment with a councillor he told me how he almost started crying when I sent him out because he felt like I didn't need him anymore so I let him come to the councillor meeting and then he did all the talking and nothing was figured out for me and I feel lost and disgusting

 

Mothers should not belittle their children. To some extent her drinking is making every thing worse.

 

Please do open up to your counselors. Also try talking to your dad. He lives in the house too & must know about the drinking. Do not let him take over your next session but it was probably good for him

 

Can you visit your siblings & get support from them? It's touch living with an alcoholic. There are support groups like Al-Anon for people who love alcoholics. I think there is a subset for teens.

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Silaskalazar

@CC12 Well the thing is, is that I'm not going to counselling anymore, I only went that one time and due to the fact I didn't speak up the doctor and councillor determined I was fine. I don't live in America and 19 is the legal age. Thank you for your advice though

 

@GemmaUK Thank you I will check out the link.

 

@dOnnivain I don't do the couselling anymore, and my dad does know about the drinking and my sisters have issues of their own.

 

In all honesty, I feel really uncomfortable talking about this stuff at times and sometimes I just need to get it off my chest and get advice. I'm sorry I'm not actually a big fan of opening up.

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